And the search begin…

So, a trip to my home town again. This time to finalise a decision that was made after much thoughts.

Deep inside, I kept wondering, should I or should I not. The weak heart of mine kept feeling to give up and just adjust to the life I was living for years. Afterall, it was risk free. I just had to get tortured within and suffer alone in silence. Or… don’t give up… earn your happiness through the tough road. Lots of hardships to face, lots of risk… but atleast the relief that at the end of the day, I was not sharing my bed with a stranger…

I thought of him. With me gone for ever, he would be alone. Felt bad… felt sad. Am I wrong to do that? But then, was he even feeling this pain? Was he ever comfortable with my presence around? If yes, he would have in these years tried to see me as I am. Wouldn’t he have changed his selfish nature, the least bit, to bring in harmony in the relation. For a matter, I realised that for past 12+ years, this sympathy for him was what made me stay in a relation that was DEAD and was never alive.

But, everytime I made a compromise feeling sympathetic towards, he did something to make me regret it. He had this innate talent to make me realise that I was wrong in trying to forgive and forget and above all to compromise. He believed, come what may… I will be silent and will cope till the end… for it is a MARRIAGE and DIVORCE was not an acceptable process in our culture or particularly in our family. He was wrong.

His own ways made me strong enough to think above the sympathy. Sympathy is not what we need in a marriage. Love, respect, dependency, trust, care and empathy. Unfortunately, our marriage lacked every factor and it was all a façade for both of us. If it was for his pride that he stood in it, my son and parent’s happiness made me cope. But as they say, everything has a limit. When I finally broke the threshold of my limits, I erupted. With no emotions to supress me down, I broke down in front of my family.

As expected, with zero support, I went ahead with my decision. If anything that kept putting me in dilemma, it was the sympathy I had for that man which he somehow managed to slap my face immediately to wake me up to his real self, the selfish self-centered self.

It was painful. Extremely painful. Still, I bear the pain for I know that this relation was nothing less than a punishment for both of us. A seven hours wait at the court, made me watch scenes that I would never want to again witness. Some fought for their freedom while the other stayed adamant not to. People cried on their life and some smiled. It was a miserable seven hours indeed. Those moments, I prayed, may no other two wrong people be tied together to end up in this place. May all marriages be made in heaven and see only heaven.

The seven hours of waiting was long, but finally when we were summoned to the court, everything ended in less than 7 minutes. Nothing much to argue or bargain – Just two questions. All financial transactions are settled  - YES. Do you want to re-think – NO. The bell rang.

Wondering what to do, I was slowly nudged to exit. With pounding hearts I walked out, I was no longer married. Not able to stay within its nest, tears trickled. Trying to stop it only made it worse. I could see him as always walking off emotionless, as always with a smile. I knew nothing. I was finally free. I no longer had to act a happy married life. I can be myself.

Yes, I can. I need to be. More than quarter of my life, I have lived putting up an act of being happy. Now that I have let everybody know that I was never happy, it is time to work on it. I need to bring in the happiness that I had purposefully ignored all my life.

It’s a new beginning, a new phase, a new life that I am stepping in to… In pursuit of my peace, my content, my happiness…

And the search begin…

No one else will...

So, the long ordeal of going through an unhappy marriage and then facing the family and society with the truth that I AM NOT going to tolerate any bit more is now slowly fizzing down. Lots of debates and arguments and above all, bargaining… I confirmed again within me that I was doing nothing wrong… Here, life was slipping off, and there, someone was trying to tally their profits and loss… What was bigger than the loss of own life… 13 years of your prime life was lost… But, No… that was not important… More important for some was the money, property, assets etc…

I smiled… for it was nothing surprising. I had lived through this selfishness for years… For those who saw it as normal, not seeing what it was doing to me, I was wrong… Still, come far this distance, I decided to face it as the last stage… It hurt deep within, seeing how low a man can go just for material benefits jeopardising own life. Thankfully, all the bargaining was for everything except my son. He was not of profitable interest. I knew, if there was anything that I would have fought for in my battle for my life, it would have been my son.

Thus, I agreed to all the monetary losses during the bargain as I held my son with me. Well-wishers advised not to do that, but I just wanted to put a full-stop to the drama.

Though the decision to get married was not mine, I had entered this life with hope and honesty. I had tried with all heart to abide by the rules and regulations of a marriage and had always strived to be the perfect wife. A wife like my mother. With time, I started giving up. I started getting tired of trying alone. I started refuting for not seeing an effort in return. Soon, I stopped trying, to be the perfect wife. I stopped doing everything that was expected from a good wife.

Once, my father reprimanded me in front of my husband… “What you are doing is not something a good wife do.” I calmly replied, “But, I am not a wife.” My mother asked, “Why did you say that?” Without any double thoughts, I replied,

“Without a husband, how can I be a wife. I have never felt or made to feel that I have a HUSBAND. Then how would I be a wife.”

Silence was the response as I saw my husband slowly retreating the scene to resume his favourite comedy show in TV.

Anyways, I am back in my nest with my son after initiating a mutual petition for separation at the family court. With all heart, I pray to god that let not anybody be ever destined to go to that place for such a cause. It was a painful place. Seeing relations break, people fight, swear at each other; was all new to me. The decision to go there was mine, still my eyes overflowed. Trying to hide them was futile as my heart pound hard against me. I let it free and cried hard as I signed the agreement. I looked over as he placed his signature. The only time he opened his mouth was to reconfirm that he is bearing NO financial obligations of mine. I smiled, my decision was not wrong.

By now I knew, every time I let my weakness to win over happiness, I would face the blunt truth. My sympathy for others was always my happiness’ enemy. My empathy for others was always manipulated as I end up hurt. Even today, I get weak and wonder if I should just give up this battle for sake of other’s happiness. But, now I learnt to wait for few more minutes to see what is to follow. For after every dramatic plead, I would see the real self. The real self that was the reason for this outburst today.  For now I believe in the quote...

“Take care of yourself, No one else will…”

Yes, I am starting over...

I realise that I tend to write when I am not at the best of my moods. Though I always want to jot down the thoughts that run through me, I keep pushing it off. Laziness has taken a toll on my innate nature to keep myself busy. Though I want to be honest, I fear of something unknown and tend to hide. I wish to pour out everything. In turn, I think and think and think and then end up getting negative over things that mean nothing in real. 

I have been going through some real tough time. Today, I want to be honest and tell here that I am finally facing the truth. The truth of m life. The truth  about my marriage. Instead of trying to make everything dark by keeping my eyes closed, I decided to face it. Few months back, I faced my husband and my family with the truth of our relation. Yes, the bitter news was not taken well.

“My marriage is a Sham”

Every single person who heard it could not believe it. Why would they believe as they had never seen me and my husband fighting or having any sort of negative issues. Sad. I could not make anybody understand why our 12+ years old marriage was nothing but an adjustment. Why we acted like the ideal couple in front of the world living a life of two strangers in a bed.

The world could only point out the things that they witnessed and that was my unruly nature towards him. My disrespect to a man who was bearing everything in silence. My audacity to not try to be one of those extremely compliant wife who kept her husband’s respect as a priority. I was repeatedly reprimanded for being so, for not trying to be the so called WIFE that this society accepted.

I am not complaining. But, why? Why didn’t any of them see the truth behind this nature? Why didn’t they remember that the girl who grew up under their control, under their nose was not like this? Why didn’t they think that a girl who would give her own life her loved ones wouldn’t behave so without a reason? Years and years just passed by and none felt to actually understand the reason behind my gradual change from a loving girl to an unruly wife.

No complaints. The major accusation that I faced was, “WHY DIDN’T I TELL THE TRUTH EARLIER?” True, I should have. But would I have had a better reaction, back then? Would I have been listened to, back then? Would I have been given the consideration to the pain I have been going through? No, they wouldn’t have. Or atleast, as a family they could never give me that assurance that they would have. Growing up in insecurity was not easy.

Just because I loved all of them, I kept taking all the pain myself. The person who knew all the truth of our marriage, my husband, as always decided to stay silent. He was still with his eyes closed. He shuddered that his name could be tarnished if I said the truth of our relation. So, he had to ensure, he kept his innocent face ON until he had no other choice.

But my aim was not to tarnish him, but to get peace for myself. All I wanted was to slowly wash away the negativities in me. I was known to be a very positive female for everybody who spoke to me even for a minute. But deep inside, I was filled with insecurities, negativities, pain and tears. “Why did I wait for this many years,” they asked for their eyes were blind to those years I tried to make this marriage work. When all my tries fell into unemotional insensitive ears, I gave up trying.

Months after the revelation, I walked out of my own house, my marriage, my own family with my son’s hand in my hand. The 10 year old innocent him announced to all, that wherever his mother go, he is going with her. Few friends stood to hold me up, I built a small nest and its almost 6 months now. The attacks are still ongoing. All that is left is to get physically attacked. Emotionally, I have been battered from all sides by own blood.

Yes, its made me strong. I started seeing a hope to live, a hope to smile, a hope to have a future. I should now let the world too know what only my family know. The truth about a failure, the failure of a marriage, my marriage. Yes, I am raising my hands from trying to revive something that is not alive anymore. But,  I am not giving up on my life. I am starting my new journey to fight for my tomorrow that I would like to fill with only love and peace. Starting again, all over again...

“Yes, I am starting over...”

God, be with me...

He is one of the most innocent kid I have ever seen. The most carefree and lucky go living child. The world could be shaking on one side and he might not even notice to care. But, if he missed his i-pad time, he would feel so depressed. But then, from this small one, I have heard many a times some real strong statements that made me think again and again. “Was he really saying that?” “Did he just say that?”… But before, I could even ponder on these questions, he would be back to his old self of being funny cheeky monkey.

Our mornings start with some really senseless conversations (yes, it was always senseless for atleast one of us) … While I was busy in the kitchen preparing breakfast, he would be sitting and having some silly questions or we would share anything that we remembered at that point.  Today, it was no special day. Just like any other day, we started off a normal early morning discussions. As he argued on the breakfast choices he had, I knew I had to shift his focus. Else he would go on crib on the Dosa he had to eat. I asked him a question that I had heard on the radio a day before. I told him that I wanted to see the perspective of a child in that context.

“Why do we say falling in love and why not rising in love?” and as always, he had an immediate answer.

“Amma, u see…. Love is a trap, and can anybody rise in a trap? People fall into traps… So its right to say Falling in Love…”

Dumbstruck, I spoke, “Hey, how can you say love is a trap. Love is a divine feeling baby. People feel happy and content in love. Yes, there could be pain. But if you are in love with the right person, then there is nothing more sweeter…”

“But amma, I don’t want to love or marry. Why take risk?”

“No, baby, its not so. As you grow up, you will understand how beautiful it is and you will be able to feel the goodness in it.”

“Yeah yeah, you got married to dad. And what happened? You fell in a trap. Where is dad loving you or where is you loving him? You both are not happy. Then why do you have to be in a trap. I don’t want to be in such a trap. Never”

Shocked, I wanted to cry… I realised the damage that an unhappy marriage had done on my son’s thought process. Years of my marriage was endured without LOVE for the sake of my child. I wanted him to live in a family. I wanted him not to see a broken marriage. But, I realised, how much ever we adults try hiding the truth, kids are observant about the reality. They see and notice what is real and what is fake. As a husband and wife, his parents never had any fights or arguments. Neither he saw the outpour of romance or love between them. He knew, things were not the way it was supposed to be….

I had to regain myself to not let him know my thought process. "Baby, not all relations are so. There is nothing wrong with amma's marriage. Its just that we are not like others. But that doesn't mean, all marriages are like ours. As you grow up, you will understand, what I meant. You will find that special person in your life, will fall in love and marry her and live happily ever after. Till then, never have such negative thoughts about anything."

I always wanted my son to grow up into a gentleman, a human being with love, care and passion to others. I wanted him to never hide his feelings and wanted to express his emotions. Maybe, there was a fear within me that the genes he might have inherited from his father could make him otherwise… People close to me always said, ‘He is still small. Don’t judge him.’ But, I kept worrying. With this conversation, my worry was taking a shape of reality.

I had to take my step. I wanted him to know that life and love is not a trap. Rather, it SHOULD NOT be a trap. People should have choices and should fight for their own happiness. If not till today, henceforth, his mother will fight for it. So should he or any other individual that could come into his life in the future. Only then, will he be able to respect other’s feelings and emotions.  I had to teach him this one big truth about life.

Finally, I made up my mind. I knew the step I gonna make now will break me apart. Will break many people around me. I might lose everything that I held close until today. But I had to do it. For myself and for my son. I would not want another female years later having the same complaints I had until today about life. I will do my bit now. Rest, let time decide. Let god decide what was in the destiny. But without doing my bit, I am no longer leaving my life to fate.

God, be with me…

She was wrong...

12 years…long 12 years…indeed, years does fly, but did moments? No. For her, No moments flew. Infact she was 'so ungracious maybe' to claim that she have had literally no moments to cherish…in this ‘so called’ bond she had been trying to fulfill in the past 12 years. People might feel she is a rebel. But now, she wanted to be true to the world about some true facts about her life. She was not sure, if she will get penalised further for being true. As for now, yes, she was getting penalised. All that remained was to put her in a Jail, which she felt would have been a much better way to punish …

She lived 12 years of her life in a relationship filled with everything other than LOVE. Unfortunately, that relation was named MARRIAGE by this society. She recently got this comment that “Don’t try to self-victimize”… She was not nor she wanted to, but that was the truth. She didn’t know, if what she wanted to announce meant anything to anybody around her. For, she grew up seeing a society which taught the girls to adjust with what they have rather than demand anything stupid and 'Heart meant stupid'. Practicality was the more real thing.

As each day pass by, the endurance level was going down and the limits to agree and accept the society norms were almost reaching to the stage of nil. She had started fearing the worst and one of the worst being taking a decision to end her own life. She had choices, didn’t she? Really, did she have choices??? Ok, maybe the options that one can suggest from outside would be couple. “If you are not happy, then why endure, GET OUT”. Or maybe, “ADJUST, a little bit of adjustment is required in every relation.”

Her husband was not a bad person. If bad meant Alcoholist, Womaniser, Cruel type as you see in movies… 

Its just that he believed,

“LOVE IS only something that Cinemas and TV Soaps promote. Real life is not so.”

“When wife is doing everything, then why move my ass.”

“This is my comfort zone and I am NOT moving out of it.”

“Doesn’t matter, what my wife go through, as long as I am not disturbed by any frenzy.”

And above all, “It doesn’t matter what happens within house, but in public I SHOULD have a wife, child and a very nice-sweet image”….

Was that harsh? But this is what she has realised or seen during the 12 years… Repeatedly, she tried making her ‘good’ husband understand what the actual problem in their relation was. WHY there was NO love or respect reflecting between them? It never made much of a difference, as she was very good at adjusting and acting in front of the public that “ALL WAS WELL”… and he had grown up learning to take things for granted… She could be taken for granted very well and so it went on.

After a stage of life…FATHER_MOTHER replaced the HUSBAND_WIFE that had long disappeared. She believed maybe that would take them together for the rest of the life, rather drag her through. But now… She started feeling… MAYBE, she was wrong… Maybe??? NO!!! Its not maybe… SHE WAS...

SHE WAS WRONG…

Marriage...??? Naaah!!!

Marriage was not my priority, EVER…infact, I was against the idea of getting married, when I actually got married…Unlike other girls from my family, I wasn’t roaming around with the billboard saying “Looking for a Groom”… The dark situations that me and my family had to cross was the reason behind that…I wanted to financially settle before getting into any bondage of marriage…Even when I realized, I was loving somebody, I stopped myself…trying to think PRACTICALLY…I knew, it wasn’t something that my closed ones would be happy about…Moreover, marriages were expensive and I didn’t want any extra expense because of me for my family…

But for some strange reason…That February…my mother suddenly had this enlightening thought, that I was getting really old…and its time, they should think about my marriage…Not much questions were asked to me..as they knew, my answer would be NO to a marriage…(the financial burden a marriage could cause + my secret love for my LOVE was the reason behind…)…. Mom was not bothered, if I like it or not..she was having this dream of seeing her daughter going to Sasural…Thus, during that short trip to home country, my mother advertised in the local Newspapers “Seeking good alliance from NRI boys for an NRI girl”…

The response shocked me…the telephone never stayed on its cradle those days…continuously…I saw my mom writing down details of the caller and asking many of them to send their Horoscopes to check for proper Horoscope match…I just ignored the whole stuff…as I was hoping that nothing work out…infact I prayed for the same…Neither could I hurt my mom by showing out my displeasure, nor could I do anything to calm my heart…When I saw, that some of the horoscopes were matching too, I knew, trouble was not far away…I immediately booked my flight back claiming I had to get back to work immediately….

But, what should happen, should happen and would happen on the right time…I had to face it…Thus, the very next week of my return flight…the first GENTLEMAN came home…THE OFFICIAL Bride & Groom Meeting…Lets name him XX…I wasn’t asked by anyone for any opinion…I was just told Mr. XX is coming on Friday to see you…From tit bits of my mom’s conversation, I understood this guy is a General Manager at some company and is also pursuing his MBA from Australian University…I even got to see his picture…Gosh, the first statement that came to my mouth was…he looked like a WHITE COCKROACH….I immediately told mom…”NO, THIS GUY IS NOT FOR ME…"

He was handsome…very very fair…(hey, I am wheatish in complexion…and If I marry him, we would never be a good match to watch…He was not so tall in appearance…when I was real tall…he was more to the plumper side while I was the extreme Thin side…On the whole, I knew we were NOT A MATCH)…. To be frank, apart from the looks, I knew, be it him or anybody else…I might not be able to accept it with full heart…bcoz….

Anyways…finally…on Friday, Mr. XX came home, with his sister and family…(He had seen my picture and liked me too much…So if nothing else went wrong, this proposal could be fixed…) I sat in my room, till I was asked to go out and meet them…It was weird for me…As I was doing something completely against my wish…But, I couldn’t show my displeasure, bcoz that would hurt my family…I could hurt myself, but not them… I was asked to take him to my bedroom and have some talk….The only time, I might get to talk openly, before the elders decide what to be done…I made him sit on a Chair and I sat on the bed…facing each other…we started…rather he started…

Mr. XX – I am XX, working at XXX…U r working at ___ right???

Me – Yes…as a ____...

(Mr. XX continued with some Blah blah on himself and stuff…and finally shot the question I was waiting for…)

Mr.XX - Do you have anything to ask me or tell me…

Me - Yes…Let me be open…I really doesn’t wanna get married…But I am doing it for my parents…as they wanna see me married…But, there r some things u should know…My father had so many financial issues in the past and I decided to support him…So if I get married, I DON’T WANT my husband to stop me from doing the same…So, if I get married to you…I would expect, u should know this…

(and so I continued…clearly letting him know that I AM NOT READY FOR A MARRIAGE….)

He was taken aback, I knew from his face…(He was disappointed and depressed from what I knew, when his parents spoke to my family later)…He gave me a lecture on family and stuff…and tried putting some light into my head…into my disregard for marriage…He asked me to be Positive and hope everything will be alright with time…and so on….

Anyways…he left…and when I openly told my parents what I spoke to him, they knew, this marriage is not going to happen…What followed was a downpour...from all sides of my family...I wasnt physically abused...but that was all that was remaining...other than that, none of relatives lost a minute in scolding me for my Loose Talk...I felt sad, when I realised none really wanted to understand me or...My mom knew me, but she knew, she wouldnt be able to help...

What ever...still I knew it...I won…I won the first battle...I was victorious in chasing out the prospective groom...My family still jokingly say...not even a grass would grow on the road through where that Boy ran....I had scared him that horribly...lol!!!What ever...I was happy...I won....

BUT…

A DiL-MiL Story – DiL Version

The moments are nearing…Soon, Miss will become Mrs…a total blankness was all that she had in her mind…She had pasted a Closeup Smile on her face for the past 48hours and waiting for this one moment….The beautician was doing the last touch-up of makeup on her face…a look into the mirror and she thought, “Uhm, I am looking beautiful…”…Just then somebody came in…Hey, Grandpa…and he is bringing in someone with him… A Lady just barged in and hugged her… Took a while for her to realize it was none other than her would-be Mother-in Law…here on, MiL…

Ok, now the MiL and the DiL meeting for the first time. In this century of technologies bride and groom’s family met through an advertisement on the newspaper...The NRI groom met the NRI bride as per instructed by his family back home …an OK by the groom..Marriage fixed…and thus the first day the MiL meeting the DiL became the D-Day itself…Anyways, there was not much reason for the MiL not to approve of the DiL…as DiL was beautiful and adorned in gold from head to toe…The marriage was a royal feast to watch with the auditorium and the two extra halls packed with guests watching the whole function in CCTVs…uhmmm…afterall…A Grand Marriage…

Soon the bride became a wife and placed the first foot into her new house…The house bustled with relatives…She was taken to a room and asked to change her clothes…Ha, that was a relief…In 20 minutes she changed to some comfortable clothes and less number of ornaments and came out to meet the groom’s relatives…Aha…What happened…why such a silence in the house…Uh, Is this a dream…or reality that all the relatives had left…All that remained was the MiL and the BiL watching TV…Hubby having some coffee…

This is not what she expected on her first day of marriage…this is not what she had seen at her family…she thought it would be fun as it was in her family when her cousins were married…Anyways, nothing happened…She just walked into the TV room and stood there…She replied a NO for hubby’s concern if she needed anything…Then, as if to the TV, the MiL said looking at his newly wed son, “What do you want to eat…Have to buy something from Hotel…” Another shock passed through the DiL…She asked, “Mom, nothing to eat here…???”…MiL replied, “Ha, we didn’t cook anything today na…there is some left over rice and curry of yesterday in the fridge…”

DiL was more than happy with rice…She happily stopped her hubby from going out in the night in search of a Restaurant in that remote village area…She got into the kitchen to maybe warm up the food from the fridge…Not so happy for leaving the TV, MiL too joined…Soon the rice and curry was served and ate by all four of them…MiL hurriedly ran back to find her position in front of the TV…She really couldn’t miss the reality programme showing in the TV… DiL spend another 2 hours trying to clear up the mess in the Kitchen and clean up the kitchen to a proper hygienic one…She thought, “Maybe the marriage rush is the reason for such a horrible kitchen…Afterall, only MiL to clean the stuff, right…How can she do everything alone…” As a dutiful DiL, she happily cleaned up the place…Between her hubby jokingly teased her with an old saying… “A new bride would sweep the roof”…

That was the first experience at her marital house…

Six months later…DiL & Son just came for a short vacation…DiL wanted to give a surprise to her MiL…So didn’t inform her about their surprise vacation plan…Dreaming about a happy, exciting, surprised meeting scene, DiL ran into the house…Hubby was still in the car trying to park it…

First expression of Mil – “Haaa…Youuuu two…I thought somebody else…WHY did you come without informing…I don’t have anything to eat for you both…You have to go and buy something to eat…”

First reaction of DiL (ofcourse a bit of depressed at MiL’s reaction) – “Uh, No, actually, We got a 4 days leave by chance and I thought we will give you a surprise…Don’t worry Mom, we will buy food from outside…”

The bags were being carried into the house and hubby entered house and went straight into his room…DiL just started removing her sandals, then…MiL came in…

Second set of conversation after the initial expression – “OK, anyways now u have come..its ok…but let me tell you something…LIKE LAST TIME DON’T BLOCK MY TOILET PIPE AND THEN JUST LEAVE…IT COSTED ME 2000Rs TO REPAIR THE BLOCK LAST TIME…”

This time, it was a SHOCK on DiL’s face…she was not really looking forward for such a set of love and affection from her MiL when she wanted to give her a sweet surprise…instead, her MiL was giving her a SHOCK of her life…Can any mother say so to their kids who came lovingly to her after months just to see her…DiL couldn’t imagine…Still DiL replied, “But Mom, I didn’t put anything that could block the pipe…” Hubby replied, “Mom, we didn’t put anything into your toilet…It’s been years you have built that toilet, naturally it might have got blocked after all these years…Don’t blame us for that…” Conversation that evening ended there…The mode went back to Watching TV again…

Back as an NRI…far away from her MiL; she lived her days…still she realized so many truths of her marital family…She realized the big difference between the family she dreamt of ( the family she has seen till then) and the family she had in real… Even if physically MiL was far away, MiL always succeeded in giving that “Negative Touch / Effect” in DiL’s life to make the situation unpleasant…With time, DiL was learning that her MiL was not what she wanted and expected…Still, she didn’t know WHAT WAS WRONG nor she understood WHY HER MiL WAS SO…DiL never showed any indifference and behaved as if nothing was wrong…

Another eight months after the 4 days leave…its been more than one year of her marriage…this time it is a 20days leave…the next morning of their arrival at the MiL’s house…the four members of the family sat together for breakfast…Hubby had his breakfast and went off to the verandah of the house to read the Daily…DiL wanted to give company to her MiL and BiL and chat with them…Between the conversation, MiL announced….

“I NEVER WANTED THIS MARRIAGE TO HAPPEN…MANY PEOPLE SAID MY SON WOULD HAVE GOT BETTER MATCH…THERE WAS ANOTHER PROPOSAL WHO WERE READY TO GIVE HIM 2 APARTMENTS AND 1 CAR…BUT WHAT TO DO…HE WANTED TO MARRY ONLY YOU…FOR DAYS, HE CALLED ME AND BEGGED TO LET HIM MARRY YOU…FINALLY I HAD TO SAY – DO WHATEVER YOU WANT”

Aha…sooo…Mystery unraveled…DiL joined 1 & 1 to 2 & 2…She understood the meaning of the indifference she saw…She couldn’t believe what she heard…After all that love and respect she had for her MiL…in return...???

And that was the beginning of every DiL’s story…It became the Home Page of the never ending epic named...

“100000000000001 Tales of the DiL and MiL – DiL Version”

NB: The above are pages from the Real Life Happenings of a Daughter-in Law…Any MiLs could have a totally different version to say…Still this is the DiL Version…I won't say all MiLs are not sweet and like above, but atleast some are...

A Blind Eye to Injustice...

DOWRY...quoting from Wikipedia…“A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage”…even though dowry is a criminal offense, the practice of giving and taking dowry still prevails in my home country…the dowry came in forms of gold, vehicles, money, property etc according to the demands of the groom or his family…uhmm…I myself have seen people bargaining as if they were buying a cow from the market… “Our son will marry your daughter if you give 100sovereign gold, one car and 2 lakhs in cash…” Haaaaaaaaa!!! What a dirty practice… there have been very regular cases of abuses of the bride at her husband’s house if the dowry was not properly given…Ok , now that’s a very serious issue on which I wouldn’t want to have a discussion now…but the story I am going to say here is very short and simple…

This might seem funny for us…but what might have gone through the people who had to face this situation is something we can never even imagine…This is not one of my personal experience…but a real life incident happened in a village area, where my father grew up…I heard this story when once my grandmom was quoting this incident to some one while they were having a discussion on Dowry…

This happened in the backdrop of a village on top of a mountain…around the 70’s…. I was not even born then, so naturally I couldn’t witness this incident myself…There was a poor farmer in my grandmom’s village who had three daughters…after exhaustive extensive search, finally they found a suitable groom for the elder daughter…(suitable here should mean a groom whose demand was the most feasible than a whole lot…) THE DEAL WAS FIXED…(that’s what I would like to explain it as…)…the marriage was fixed once it was promised that the father will give a fixed amount as cash and gold and a part of his land property….anyways…after much prayers of the girl’s parents, the marriage was solemnized…the bride and groom left for the boy’s house…

Now back home, there is a post-marriage custom where the bride’s family would visit the Bride’s New House (that is the groom’s house)…this ritual is usually done on the same day or the next day…and it is expected that the bride’s family should take with them some gifts tooooooo (after all the expenses for the marriage this just added to the financial liabilities)…What ever…. The girl’s family was happy that atleast one of their daughter got married…and they set out for their daughter’s new house…they reached the place and was just about to step into the house…and….

Ahaaa…there…on the walls of the house…right near the front door…hung some gold ornaments…they recognized the ornaments...they were the very ornaments their daughter wore for the marriage the earlier day…the father of the bride started sweating…he knew, his worst nightmare was about to start…he was going to get insulted sooner than he expected….

Now what happened was…the father couldn’t arrange enough gold as he had promised the groom’s family… to avoid the marriage getting called off, the father bought some artificial ornaments…which looked like gold but was not gold in real…he calculation was to exchange them with real gold as soon as he could arrange enough money to buy them…But, unfortunately… the groom’s family was cunning enough…the very night of the girl’s marriage, she was asked to remove the ornaments and give it to her mother-in-law…and then they checked with a goldsmith if the ornaments equated to the amount the girl’s father promised…and naturally, they found out the truth…

For the girl, that night was worse than words could explain and surely did her family too went through lot of insult and harsh words… and above all, they refused to accept the girl anymore…they ordered the girl’s family to take their daughter back with them…

What happened after this to the girl or his family is still unknown to me… but I remember, those days, when I heard this story from my granny, I was laughing…laughing on the thought of seeing the ornaments hanging on the wall…I was more attracted to the embarrassment the family might have gone thru…as if it was some sort of a prank...I couldn't understand the pain or sorrow, they could have gone through…

Today, I am grown up…I realise what the girl might have suffered…especially in those days when GIRLS had no say to make any decisions on their own…what choice could she have had... all she would have done was cry in silence... could she ever go against everybody and fight back for the shame she was made to go through...I don't know...I wish and hope that if I could save atleast one girl from the evil pangs of this system called Dowry, then I would consider myself worthy enough to live in this world…and I really hope every man and woman stand up and raise their voice against this criminal offense and work towards eradicating this practice once and for all….

Always remember, by giving or taking Dowry, we are turning into criminals...we are just being another offender of rules and regulations...another law violater...we are giving nothing other than...

"A Blind Eye to this Injustice..."