My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Thursday, March 30, 2017

Slap him...

It’s not always easy to pretend all is well and life is going good. For a 8 year old girl, it was torturous to behave normal when she wasn’t. Still, she grew up with hundred times more maturity than any other girl of her age would have had. She felt that the burden of the whole world was her responsibility and she was to bear them without slightest whine. And she succeeded.
 
But the scar, that this made on her was immense and un-repairable damage was already done. She grew up into one of those “Give it all to me, I can take it” mode. People went on pouring and she went on taking it. She grew up into a woman and she still couldn’t stop herself from being so nor cud she control others from dumping on her. Life went on so.
 
Ask her, who her enemies are. She had none. Ask her, who her friends were. She wondered if there was atleast one. Every person she considered friend, at some point, showed proofs that they were never meant to be her friend. She did not want to trust people as her friends. Thus, opening up her problems to anyone was something close to impossible.
 
A recent open talk with her, revealed so many intricate emotions that she lived with. She is now a grown-up woman. I wanted to know, afterall, what could change her. Why was she never happy with anything that she had? What was it that she wanted that could make her feel happy. Not forgetting the bucket list, I started pondering deep into the human being she was or is. Remembering my bucket-list mission, I asked her…
 
If you were to die next minute. If nothing mattered anymore. What would you have wanted to do during the last minute.
 
She knew her answer… “The last minute, I would want to lie on his lap…tell him how much I loved him and say sorry for all the pain I gave him from the day we met…For all the mistakes I have done to him, knowingly or unknowingly…Kiss him goodbye and leave the world.”
 
Indeed, I too knew it…But this wasn’t something that had to wait for the last minute. She could do it any time. Just that, she had to pull her sleeves up and set her sail…Wonder, when she would do it…
 
I was not ready to leave it there. Pressing deeper into her thoughts, “Tell me girl, what would you want to do…”
 
As her body trembled…With a pause, her inner mind spoke. “I want to slap him”
 
‘Who him’ was never a question. I knew. It was true. For all that he had done or not done to her. She wanted to slap him. To let him know atleast 1% of the pain she had gone through. She knew, the slap might not hurt him physically, but it would ofcourse hurt his ego….
 
She clarified further, “I want to slap him in the public. I will cut open the mask he wears and always wore… atleast for him to see ‘how filthy and disgusting he was as a human being’ and to break the fa├žade he lived his life with.”
 
The bucket-list had got its first input….
 
Slap him…

Monday, March 13, 2017

Forever...

With eyes forlorn, she wandered...
In search of it, that she lost.
All agog about the glorious present…
Little did they knew that she was lost…

With aching heart, she yearned
In search of it, her life's cost.
All in praise for the life she was in…
Little did they knew that she was lost…

With bare foot, she walked...
In search of it, so she could boast.
All in the chase for the days that passed…
Little did they knew that she was lost…

For them, she let go of all she had…
Life, love and the hope to live.
For them, she stopped chasing dreams…
Alas, little did they knew, for her, she was lost…

Yet, there she stood…stuck to ground…
With chains they bound her with…
Heartfelt wish to break them off…
To let them know, they've lost her, forever... 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

I am Me...

Woke up to a dozen forward messages on my WhatsApp wishing happy women’s day… More wishes on calls and thousands on Facebook… My morning actually went off in deleting and responding to most of these messages. Though, personally, I never liked wishing a Women’s day to anybody, I returned the courtesy people showed to me by wishing me. The rebel in me, as always, was boiling up. Sometimes, these silly things would blow my patience out and I start talking about the topic thru my eyes.

Women’s day … Wonder why this day was coined so and what was the real motive. As Wikipedia says, it was to commemorate the movement for women’s rights. Movements happened and is still happening, but what change has it made on a Woman, an average woman. Yes, it made changes, I wouldn’t deny it. But nothing had changed still, to a big amount of people around the world, especially the Asian sector. Women still gets beaten up, denied basic rights, abused and harassed and above everything is demeaned and treated as if she is NOT entitled to any Self-Respect.

Wishing and celebrating a day without any meaning; is this what a woman want? As I was going through the different colourful Women’s day images, remembered vaguely something that I had seen last year. In that, a man is dragging a woman by her hair with a caption, “Okay, Women’s day is over, You can go back to your kitchen.” Isn’t this the mentality of the majority we see. I agree, today’s women have progressed a lot above this. But, an average Asian woman like me, who grew up in an orthodox family has seen only the other side more.

Grew up listening to HOW a woman should behave, adjust, sacrifice…how she should be a good daughter, sister, student, wife, mother etc…But how many of us remember that to start with…SHE IS A WOMAN…a human being who would have her own wishes, dreams, aspirations…How many of you make sure that the women in your life is happy and content with what you are doing / not doing for them? How many of you feel that the women in your home should live and die happily and not unhappy and frustrated?

I am often misunderstood as a feminist just bcoz I don’t follow the norms that a woman is expected to follow. To love, respect, serve and sacrifice – COME WHAT MAY… I am not a feminist. I am not a man-hater. Neither I proclaim to be treated equally or be given more considerations. It’s just that I decided to tweak the norm in my way. “I love and respect men who loves and respects me…Men who believe in Give and Take…That’s all.” I am neither god nor an angel to forgive and forget and just go on giving just because I AM A WOMAN…And I realise this raises hundreds of brows around me and instigates advices / suggestions and lectures on Womanhood…

But today, instead of following a formality to wish fellow women…I would like to remind you that unless you are happy, you can never keep people around you happy…A safety warning in the aircraft says, first assist yourself and then assist your neighbour…Then, why in real life, it’s expected that the woman takes care of everybody else before herself.

“Be Happy, Do things that will keep you happy… Love yourself and spread Love… Enjoy your life and let others enjoy too…and treat yourself as an individual human being who has an equal chance to live this life happily, after all, there is only one life and live it to the fullest…Say to yourself, you are a woman with the right to be who you are… and not what others want u to be…”

As for me, remember, I love you, if you love me…and I hate you if you hate me…and trust me, I am absolutely fine if you hate me as it wouldn’t make it any difficult or contribute to my existence…I know, I know, I am very cheeky. But what to do…

I am Me…