My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Follow me in this Journey of Revelation and encourage me with your valuable opinions and comments...

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Will I ever grow up?

Was watching an Ad of a baby soap and an odd thought came into my mind. “Why babies grow”. Infact, when I had my baby, I had once told my mom that I wish my baby never grew up and always stayed a baby (Oops, she didnt enjoy the idea). But, will a child have the same opinion about growing up? Naaa, atleast I never did.

Adulthood is something that every kid dream of…I doubt if there would be any child who wouldn’t wish if they could be one among the ‘grown-up’ category. As a child I always used to feel, how easy it was to be an adult and thought it was great torture to be a child. I remember having constant arguments with my mother on almost everything I was not happy about.

Still remember, the day my mom gave me a ray of hope of freedom. It was one of those dreaded middle school days. An argument every morning with mom was a common scene on school days. Every day, before going to school, I was made to stand on the second row of the corridor steps; with mom standing behind me on the first row. Purpose was to plait my hair into two sides. As expected, I hated it. My school never allowed fashion; still I wished; if and only if mom would plait my hair in loose ties or different fashion etc.

But, my mom was always the same. Everyday morning, she would pull my hair together so tightly that till evening, not a single hair would come out of the plaits. And the way she pulled on my hair, was as if she had some sort of enemity against me. If I show my anger, she would pull it much harder. Haaa…

On one such day, I blurted out. “How I wish I could do whatever I want”. And there my mother goes with a statement that I treasured in my heart for years… “You can do whatever you want after you turn 18”… Thus, turning 18 was something that I started praying for. Little did I know the truth then…

Years passed by and I grew too. Today, I am an adult and a mother of child. I can see myself in him, whenever he say, “Mom, you never let me do what I want. Its always what you like.” I always think, how the cycle of life revolves and we end up seeing ourselves from a different perspective. Years back, I complained to my mom and today I am listening to my child’s complaint as a mother. If I try analyzing ‘who is better – me or my mom’…hehe!!!

OKKKK, now this was not what I was thinking or wanted to discuss. I was actually thinking about Adulthood and was it as beautiful as a child think it is. Many things that happen in life, makes me think….Why the hell I grew up…and that lead me to my past when I used to wish to be a BIGGGG GIRL…And now that I am a BIGGGG Girl…(cough cough, Woman)…I am wishing I could go back to my childhood…

All you kids who think its all green at this end; please remember, “Its not easy to be an adult. Infact its not even cool to be one of us. Enjoy your moments now. Make as many memorable sweet moments of childhood because you gonna have only those memories to keep you going years later when you might be arguing with your own child”

Ironically, I am an adult today, grown up, a mother and a wife…But, am I sad or happy that I am no longer a child. Sarcastically, I still fight with my mom…and it irritates me so much whenever she scolds me or say…“Don’t think you have grown-up enough that you can do whatever you want”. What am I? A Child or a grown up or somewhere in the middle...Godddddd!!!!!

Will I ever grow up?

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Bring it onnnn...

If I am asked to define “My Life”… I have a very apt picture to explain it…

“Life is a Battlefield and myself a warrior fighting; not to conquer but survive”

But the recent blow has left me with some serious wounds… I need medicines and God’s blessings to come out of it without much permanent disabilities. Never saw it coming, but, now I have accepted the reality…Adjusted to this life, a new life that I am experiencing now… not that bad, unless I think of all the difficulties that is at the end of this period…

These days had to come, for me to realize what it is that I needed… it was “Rest”. True, its been years now that I have been fighting many battles to survive. I had learnt in my life that only the bravest could survive and Darwin’s theory proved right for me, “Survival of the Fittest”. I fought thru many phases of my life and I was tired. But never knew it, till now when I actually got some time to rest…

But then, too much rest leads to laziness and then the mind starts getting empty…Empty enough for more thoughts to come in and it wouldn’t take much time to be a Devil’s workshop…I am seeing those days too, when my thoughts go sooo wild and horrid that I end up getting into a depressive mode. Unfortunately, as always, I cant show it out, bcoz a change in mode means a change in many connective links… The moment I let such a negative thought win over me, no theories can help me anymore and this was something that life had taught me.

Now the irony of it all... I know that myself getting adjusted or acquainted to these days is not a good sign. I can already see why…Yes, I am getting sooooooo used to it, that I am loving it and is now dreading going back to the battle field which I had temporarily left due bruises. I cant avoid the going back…If not today, tomorrow I should go back bcoz the battle is not yet over… Maybe it has to go for more time for which an end date is not yet confirmed. I know, as of now I am tired and needs rest so that I can revive myself and go back with double the strength.

Ok, let me put all those thoughts off. For time being, I prefer staying calm and regain my lost energy and confidence. Just hope and pray that whenever I go back, I go back in the best of my spirits and power and the next come back be after I have won the most important battle. I hope for a peaceful life after that final battle.

Somebody told me that he is the master of his life and live it the way he wants and never plan anything and just face it as it comes. Good for him, atleast no disappointments due disrupted plans or broken expectations. I too wish I could take life unprepared. I doubt if I can ever do that, but still I will try to control myself from making any more advance calculations, lol!!! Atleast for time being “No more plannings or no more road maps”…

So, my dear life… this is all I have got to tell you…

Bring it onnnnnnn!!!