My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Friday, September 30, 2016

The Beautiful Flight…


Thud!!! The world that was pacing for their life had hit her from behind... And Whooosh! She was swept off her feet...to the space above…the view that crossed past her eyes were vivid…she could feel she was in air…but rolling over all along…Soft and smooth like a creamy cloud in a light breeze…She could feel the thrust on her as she moved to higher altitudes…

Her legs up in the air and hands to the side…she was a bird who had lost control of its flight…and she had no rush to get back in control…as for now, she wanted her fate to drive her through…whatever the path be, whatever the future be, All she wished was to just stay still, till the opposite actions stopped pushing forward…

One second, she could see the sandy beach and the next second the black glittering sky…and another second the fast moving vehicles on the road beside…The view kept flickering…Voices were going dull in her ears and all she heard now was the soothing sound of soft wind…She knew, she has not stopped since the thud…and she wasn’t worried either…All she wanted was to move on…where to, to the eternity…
 
Ok, now… visions are still…horizontally above the ground…so much high above… As she blinked her eyes, she saw she was facing the stars … They seemed to wink at her and she winked back…Is this eternity? She thought, as her eyes were devouring the beauty above…She liked it this way, with no chains of gravity, she was just floating above the ground in that dark night with just stars to witness her flight…She didn’t wanted to blink anymore, for fear of losing this moment, bcoz the moment was worth any pain in the world…

Her hands were spread away from her body and her legs lying weightless in the air…She was slowly making her descent…She could now feel the pull from low behold …but what she enjoyed more was the push of the hands of the wind… The flight down was not so soft as she went up, but she was trying to adjust herself to make it seamless. Slow and soft…smooth and cool…she was moving down…She had no idea what was below her. All she knew was that she was going down and her flight is almost at the last phase…

Suddenly, she felt a cold splash touching the back of her body. It was sweeping her through ice cold feel and she could feel the wetness of water getting into her body…Aaha, that was the sea…she has just now touched the water, the cold surface of water… She didn’t wanted to move…nor did she want to miss these moments… With a small gulp, the coldness swallowed her. The view above was getting dizzy and clumsy… Now it was just a dark sky, with water all around.

She was not ready to budge. She wanted to scream out, “Awesomeeee!!!”… She was all set now…Her journey is over. She was finally elated with excitement. She is almost there, at the bottom of the unknown eternity. Neither pain nor sorrows, Neither thoughts to disturb nor memories to get nostalgic, Neither friends to pull u off nor enemies to push you down…It was just her now. This was the destiny that she was searching all the while and finally she has discovered it. Or was it the other way round. Did she find it or they found her? Who cares? As long as her flight had taken her to this eternal moment, she was fine…

This was it. This was what she was waiting for. A long difficult journey has now reached its destination and this flight was the best she ever had…the best she cud have ever asked for…She thanked the almighty…for this flight…

The Beautiful Flight…

Sunday, September 25, 2016

I love you...a lot...

16 days… how time flies… life has moved on for all around me… My effort too is to move on…Physically, yes… I am busy with work, home etc. Hugs with love do console me, but… Words with sympathy do pacify me, but… Time with empathy do control me, but… At the end, the reality just pierce through… Never can I see him, never can I touch him, never can I hug him… He has gone, forever… and I would never be able to see his number on my incoming call list…
How I long to sleep on his lap once again…
How I long to have his hand on my hair…
How I long to be pampered by his hug…
How I long my incoming call had his name…
I know, you are with your loved ones who you were missing…Leaving all of us to miss you till we meet again…
Today my family has started their journey with his ashes, to bid him a final adieu… The last remains of his physical body… Everybody said, “Don’t come, as tears will only hurt his soul.” How can I control my tears. I was trying, but not able to. I wonder, how easy it was always for me to advice others. When they lose their loved ones, I used to preach, “They are in a better place. Be happy for the same.” This time, I had to listen to the same advices and realised they did nothing much to console the real pain.
“Your crying would hurt his soul. He will not be able to leave peacefully. Imagine, if he had to live in pain due the disease that was already in final stage. Imagine, the man who was always independent, had to depend on someone for even having a morsel of food. Imagine this, Imagine that….” I didn’t wanted to imagine anything; bcoz at the end, he left me. That was the ultimate truth. The reason for me to look forward to go back to my native place was no longer there. There was no one who was waiting to see me there. Why would I want to go there any more…
 “Dear Appuppa, Wherever you are, I know, you are in a happy place with your parents and wife...Please remember, I am missing you terribly and wants to believe that your hand will always be on my head… showering me with all that love, care and support. Nothing can replace you in my life and your memories would be my strength…I love you and will always love you…Thank you for blessing me with your existence in my life…And I know for sure, you loved me the most…and will miss our crazy selfies :) ;) ”
A great lesson I learnt during this course… We feel, loving one another is enough as long as we are around to meet, talk, laugh and share… But NO, it is not enough…Ofcourse , it does makes a great difference to yourself more than the other when you openly accept and say aloud those gold words of Thank you and Love you. I can’t recall if I have ever told my dad or mom that I love them…I loved them and it was to be understood…. Now when my appups is gone, I am yearning to meet him just once and tell him… I started even wondering if I have ever thanked him or said openly that I loved him so much…
So, today, to all my loved ones…who I love so deeply and share a very special place in my heart…I want to say this with a tight hug…
“Thank you so much for being part of my life… I love you... a lot….”

Saturday, September 10, 2016

It is OK!!!


Dear All,
Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes. But… maybe, god felt it was not enough. Or maybe god felt he wanted my appups more than me. Afterall, he was such a great company to be with… He is gone. Gone to the world of unknown mysteries. He has left me and his whole family an hour back. I didn’t know, what I should be doing. Then thought should thank all for your prayers and wishes. Hence, here I am, sitting in front of this computer. I am not even sure, if I would be strong enough to publish this.  
But for the moment, this is the note to myself to make me believe that somewhere far away…In a hospital bed, this moment, my appups is lying still. Sleeping peacefully knowing no pain…And not knowing the pain he has left behind…
I request all of you to now pray for me to give me the strength to bid him farewell. As I know, my tears wouldn’t be something that he would like to see as he leave…Wherever he is, I want him to be happy and smiling and close to me…I am so much hoping that what he said last be always true...
"Everything will be alright, even if it is not, it is OK!!!"