My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Monday, October 31, 2016

The Enigma...


Moving through the pages of this life that I breathe…
Yearning was my mind for something I know not.

Leaving behind the world of uncertainty and reality…
Over the clouds and skies, wandered my mind...
Voices seemed too far as vision grew blurred…
Enigmatic in each and every single step ahead.

In the hope to find my mind’s long-lost wish…
Set out was my mind for my life to hold my hand.

Magic was all around, but nothing much big...
Yards and miles was what I had left behind.

Longing for the unknown, I walked forward…
Insignificant was everything that passed by…
For all I need was my life… the joy of live and let live…
Enchanted would I be, with my life, to love and be loved…

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Marathon or No Marathon…

Every now and then, I get into this –SOUP– situation with my boss. He would put me in a position where I would wonder ‘now what’. He is not a bad boss; infact he has been very supportive and understanding when I really needed both… He would calmly listen to me and my woes and give advices like a big brother. At times, push me to do the extremes to get over some hard realities.
 
But then, if all was perfect, then wouldn’t it have been against nature’s law. Especially in my case, how can it be all good. So is my boss for me too... As you read below, you might feel that I have been dumb to give it back to him on his same style… Statutory warning: I KNOW IT, BUT WHAT TO DO…
 
Story 1 - Past Tense:
During the interview process; he had mentioned vaguely how he does not like people running out of office just bcoz it was past working hours. Me being the workaholic, never had done that and had always left work only after I had finished all my work. I hated keeping work pending or for the next day. So when he asked, “Are you one of them? You might have to stay late.”, I confidently replied, “No, I too wouldn’t like leaving work pending. Even if some days late, atleast I can leave the other days on time…”
 
Present Tense:
Every single day I stay back at work for atleast 1-2 hours more than the stipulated working hours. Not always because, I have pending work to be finished. But just because, he doesnot appreciate leaving on time and gives me a feeling that I am leaving early even if I leave on time or 30 minutes past working hours… “Boss, Can I leave?”, He would look into the clock or watch and comment, “EARLY?”… “No Boss, not early, its already almost one hour past the check out time”… “Yeah Yeah Yeah…!!!”… That would be a ridicule… I leave the work with a ‘grrrr’…
 
Extreme Tense:
One jovial discussion on ‘staying late’ turned ugly when he “Jokingly” passed a comment on people throwing tantrums at work… Unfortunately, it ticked me off. He had to pay for his joke with me openly proposing to “keep an attendance time sheet for myself” to show the hours I put in at work without any sort of breaks… He knows well that I am “RIGHT” and he consoled me saying that his comment was only a JOKE. “Dear Boss, jokes are fine, but until it doesn’t hurt the other’s feelings. In your case, I myself wonder, what is joke and what is not.”
 
Story 2 - Past Tense:
He doesn’t appreciate asking him any questions which concerns a problem. He would say, “Don’t come to me with a problem. I need a solution.” Grrr, when the solution is him, how can I solve it… But bosses are boss.
 
Present Tense:
Every now and then, I will enter his room. Knowing for sure that he is going to blast my ears off with his usual dialogue. Still, I try my luck every time. What if, today, he is in a different mood and agree to give a solution.
 
Extreme Tense:
Getting into sandwich situations from either side, I finally erupted… “Boss, you ask me for solution. But when I find a solution you say, why didn’t I ask you. You need a Yes or No answer, but you forget that within my limitations; I might have a ‘Yes, but only if…’ answers too…” He got my point. Things have changed a bit, but still I need to be careful for those ‘wrong days’ before approaching him with a “SOLUTION”. ;)
 
Story 3 - Past Tense:
I was constantly teased for not participating in one of the company sponsored marathon last year where he was an active participant. He kept making fun of me and pulling my leg every now and then saying, “Is this how you show your integrity to the company.” Etc etc etc…
 
Present Tense:
I decided to participate in this year’s marathon and the registration form is all set to go out. Meanwhile, I volunteered to be part of the company team for a sport related race and we won a prize too. The team members are expected to get a Certificate of Appreciation for the effort and success. Happy days…
 
Extreme Tense:
His usual joke, “You did not do it for company. You volunteered for it.”. “But boss, we were representing the company and company sponsored for us. So we did it for company”. “Nooo, Company did not ask you to go. Yes or No. It was your personal wish to go for it. So it is not for company.”…
 
I lost it… but not too fast… “How can it be so, Boss. Last year, you literally tortured me for not participating in the marathon because company was sponsoring; pulling my leg that I did not give back to the company for its efforts. When that was an individual event and choice and now, when I represented the company for a Team event…You are saying the other way round. How can it be two different morals for the same story.”
 
BINGO!!! I won, Score 1-0…I knew, I had struck the chord right on spot. He was dumbstruck. But above that I knew, it was no longer safe for me to stand in front of him…So I continued…
 
“OKKKK, now I know, it is not safe for me here, so I am running away…hehe!!” He smiled and replied, “Better for you…”
 
Immediate tense:
I deleted the registration form for the marathon.
 
Current Tense:
Ok, Ok, Ok…I know, I know… I am keeping my guards up, until he forget this score… hehe!!! I now wonder, should I register for the marathon or not!!! The big question...
 
Marathon or No Marathon…

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Blessed am I...

I hated studying…rather going to school…waking up early, getting ready etc…It was torture… Forget the torture at school; even at home studying never left me at peace…The regular RingTone I heard home was… “SIT AND STUDY…SIT AND STUDY”... Felt mom had nothing else to say other than repeating this one phrase… “SIT AND STUDY”…

Inspite of hatred for studies, I somehow could be among the “good” student list. Though, my parents had loads of plans on my future, fate didn’t support them. It had other plans and destiny took me off their wishes… Was it for good or bad. I don’t know. Maybe I would never have been a good doctor (as they wished) or a good pilot (as I wished). That’s the best way to not regret on what didn’t happen. 

With years, I started feeling the excitement of studying and getting good marks and a bit proud on the “awe” it created in others around me when they see my exam results. Anyways, by then, life had taken unfavourable turn and I had to take a stand on whether to go ahead studying or not… I still remember that evening… in the hall room of my home, sitting on the floor with some very close family members… The BIG question on what next. A gold medal in graduation was a great achievement, hence expectations were high for people around me… On what I WOULD or rather I SHOULD do next… Suggestions kept pouring…But, I took a call…

“NO, I am not going for higher studies. I am going to find a job and that is what is most appropriate at this point for everybody’s good.”

It was not a sacrificial thought, but a heartfelt wish to support my dad during his tough days. My aunt who always understood why and how I behave, got the meaning. She announced, the discussion to be put to an end. And it did…for ever…Life showed still more faces and phases. Challenges and hardships kept crossing paths as I struggled from one career to another. But then, as maturity started growing in, the disappointment of not studying further too grew in. I don’t regret my decision, but yes, I earnestly wish quite often, if I could or could have studied further…Today, even after years of leaving my college, I still keep wishing if I could get on with my higher studies.

Recently, someone asked me. “Why don’t I go for further studies”. He perfectly knew, why didn’t I. But, the problem was that he was not ready to accept my reason. From the very next day, he started torturing me on this subject…He’s getting smarter by the day in torturing me to re-start my studies and me the smartest in finding excuses to not do it… (OK, my excuses are genuine…but…) ...Lol, I feel like a child again with my mom on my head screaming, "STUDY, STUDY, STUDY...."

So… My Dear Friend, I know, you care for me and my future. You would really like to see me stepping high ladders in my career. I do appreciate your efforts and offers to just put me into a regime…But… what to do…I feel that this is not the right time, for me to take up a new responsibility. I agree that you are right when you say ‘Everything will work out if I start…’ But, firstly…

Let me sit…to watch the sun set glow…
Let me rest…to breath some calm air flow…
Let me walk…to feel the world behind me…
Let me find some ME time just to be me…

Then, dear friend, can I get myself set…
For new and fresh heights to climb…
To conquer challenges that come past me…
To cherish and grow up to the dreams I wish…

Then, dear friend, I will come to you…
To heed an ear to your big big plans…
To respect your spirit to see me grow…
Blessed am I, for the path you show...

Friday, September 30, 2016

The Beautiful Flight…


Thud!!! The world that was pacing for their life had hit her from behind... And Whooosh! She was swept off her feet...to the space above…the view that crossed past her eyes were vivid…she could feel she was in air…but rolling over all along…Soft and smooth like a creamy cloud in a light breeze…She could feel the thrust on her as she moved to higher altitudes…

Her legs up in the air and hands to the side…she was a bird who had lost control of its flight…and she had no rush to get back in control…as for now, she wanted her fate to drive her through…whatever the path be, whatever the future be, All she wished was to just stay still, till the opposite actions stopped pushing forward…

One second, she could see the sandy beach and the next second the black glittering sky…and another second the fast moving vehicles on the road beside…The view kept flickering…Voices were going dull in her ears and all she heard now was the soothing sound of soft wind…She knew, she has not stopped since the thud…and she wasn’t worried either…All she wanted was to move on…where to, to the eternity…
 
Ok, now… visions are still…horizontally above the ground…so much high above… As she blinked her eyes, she saw she was facing the stars … They seemed to wink at her and she winked back…Is this eternity? She thought, as her eyes were devouring the beauty above…She liked it this way, with no chains of gravity, she was just floating above the ground in that dark night with just stars to witness her flight…She didn’t wanted to blink anymore, for fear of losing this moment, bcoz the moment was worth any pain in the world…

Her hands were spread away from her body and her legs lying weightless in the air…She was slowly making her descent…She could now feel the pull from low behold …but what she enjoyed more was the push of the hands of the wind… The flight down was not so soft as she went up, but she was trying to adjust herself to make it seamless. Slow and soft…smooth and cool…she was moving down…She had no idea what was below her. All she knew was that she was going down and her flight is almost at the last phase…

Suddenly, she felt a cold splash touching the back of her body. It was sweeping her through ice cold feel and she could feel the wetness of water getting into her body…Aaha, that was the sea…she has just now touched the water, the cold surface of water… She didn’t wanted to move…nor did she want to miss these moments… With a small gulp, the coldness swallowed her. The view above was getting dizzy and clumsy… Now it was just a dark sky, with water all around.

She was not ready to budge. She wanted to scream out, “Awesomeeee!!!”… She was all set now…Her journey is over. She was finally elated with excitement. She is almost there, at the bottom of the unknown eternity. Neither pain nor sorrows, Neither thoughts to disturb nor memories to get nostalgic, Neither friends to pull u off nor enemies to push you down…It was just her now. This was the destiny that she was searching all the while and finally she has discovered it. Or was it the other way round. Did she find it or they found her? Who cares? As long as her flight had taken her to this eternal moment, she was fine…

This was it. This was what she was waiting for. A long difficult journey has now reached its destination and this flight was the best she ever had…the best she cud have ever asked for…She thanked the almighty…for this flight…

The Beautiful Flight…