My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

Could be yours too...you never know!!!


Follow me in this Journey of Revelation and encourage me with your valuable opinions and comments...

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Can I, ever?

One fine day, he came up saying his ATM card got stuck in the machine and he urgently needed cash as his house power bill was not paid. He gave excuses for all suggestions to use credit card / cheque or direct bank teller. Bottom line, he was desperate for money.

Though, deeply in problems myself…I never could close eyes to anybody in distress, especially for money. I had gone through worse situations in life and always had some angel to lend me a hand…For this reason, I always felt, these were the moments where I could repay my gratitude to god for his invisible presence in my life… Shelling out the amount he needed would cringe me this month. Still…

I offered money, he declined. Next day, he mentioned that the power was disconnected at his residence and how difficult it was in this summer. He went on and on about sweating hard and how his health was taking a toll due the same. I felt bad, again. Forced him to take the money and he could return it as soon as he gets his ATM card back. Half minded, he agreed. I transferred the amount to him to collect from an exchange. He thanked me profusely.

Couple of days later, he called up deeply stressed out. His ATM has not reached yet, but he urgently need cash as his mother is sick back home. This time, he asked me if he can borrow some more money. I could only give him a part of the amount he needed. Shockingly, he asked me if I could spare any ornament that he could mortgage as it was emergency. “Afterall, it was the matter of own mother, anybody would want to do their best and that might have made him shed his ego and ask me,” I assumed. I couldn’t do it. Hence, I explained the situation to another friend and he too chipped in. Thus the problem got solved.

Within a week, my friend created a ruckus and got his money back. I felt bad for the boy, his mother is sick and he is forced to run around for money, especially when he has money unused in his account. “Everything will be alright, once ur ATM card gets delivered,” I consoled.

Within days, I realised… He had nothing more than his boasting dialogues. On the verge of legal cases, all he had was a negative bank account and credit cards. Shocking it was, but then… Similar people had already crossed my life, who had to boast just to survive. I was sympathetic for him.  

With all sympathy, things weren’t great for me either. As luck could have it, I needed the money urgently, if not all, atleast a part of it. I kept calling him and he disappeared. No calls, no chats…just disappeared into thin air. This went on for couple of months and I had almost lost hope in getting the money back… When one day, I called him from a colleague’s phone…

Voila, he answered the call.  Realising, I was clearly cheated, I couldn’t be calm any longer. I wanted an answer to WHY DID HE LIE TO ME… Suddenly, he said… “Please, I didn’t cheat you. I was not here. Do you know, my mother died and I am just back today after the rituals back home.”

Dumbstruck, I felt guilty to the core and so ashamed of myself. This man was in deep sorrow and I was so rude to him, I thought. I now could say nothing more. Apologising to him, I consoled him and expressed my condolences…

Days passed, it didn’t take much time for me to realise, “There was NO other bigger fool in the world than me…” His mother was all safe and sound and that #@$^&@%#$ had resorted to lies again; just to shut me off. He apologised to me for all the lies he had told me. Deeply regretting that he lied about his own mother, he explained how he fell into all this financial crisis and how he has not a single soul to help him anymore.

Its now more than 6 years since that day… He has still not returned the money.

I know, I would never get that money back. If I add up the amount I had spent on the telephone calls I made during this period…it would clear the amount he owe me. I would have forgotten about the money and would have just assumed that I gave it off as charity. But, I still call him and asks for it. For, HOW CAN I FORGIVE A MAN WHO LIED HIS OWN MOTHER’S DEATH… So, ritually, I call him every two months and listens to his statement that “HE HAS NO MONEY. HE HAS SO MANY LEGAL CASES AGAINST HIM…HE WILL GIVE ME MONEY WHEN HE HAVE IT”etc etc etc. I too remind him, “HOW CHEAP A PERSON HE WAS TO CHEAT ME AND TO EVEN STOOP TO SUCH LOW LEVEL AS TO DUPE HIS MOTHER’S DEATH”…

For, I can never forgive him…for the guilt I had gone through or the emotional stress he had put me in… He made me lose my trust in humanity, again… I could never ever trust another person’s tears…


Can I, ever?

Sunday, April 30, 2017

And on and on...

Are you indebted to anybody in your life?

When someone asked this question, I didn’t have to think much… I knew the answer. For this life had by far shown be lots of realities and taken me through a roller coaster of experiences.  It was not easy to traverse; but was neither impossible. Me being alive is a sure enough proof to confirm what I said. So, I grew up with the experience that each year brought along with it to present me…Willingly or Unwillingly, I accepted almost everything and I am sure, I have done my best to do justice to anything that was bestowed on me.

Would it have been possible if some faces were absent in the book of my life? No, I doubt. I might not have survived more than 2-3 pages if not for the existence of these genuineness that held my hand during those dark days; the friendliness that pulled a prank during the fun days; the sympathy that gave me a shoulder to rest during those tiresome days…Yes, I am… I am indebted to someone; rather not one, but many…

For I believe, God loves me and he didn’t want me to face life alone…So he sent some of his creations to me, for me to realise the worth of this life…to help me get thru each day… This realisation makes me indebted to many…many people, many incidents, many objects that has been part of my life till date… Parents, grandparents etc can never be added into such a list as we shouldn’t be indebted to them but be obligated and responsible…

Here, as I sit today crossing many milestones of my living, I wanted to rewind my life and jot them down…As I was indebted to…
  1. The stranger who pulled me to safety when my life could have been traumatised…
  2. The voice that came out of my throat that saved me from the pranks of cruelty…
  3. The boy who loved the little girl who was just learning what was ‘love’…
  4. The road-side Romeo who helped me out of a disgraceful reputation…
  5. The heart that took over the responsibility to guide me thru the strange reality of the new land…
  6. The love that showed me the meaning of “true love”…
  7. The openness to lend a supporting hand when I stood all alone…
  8. The care that stood by when I almost gave up…
  9. The job that made me stand up on my feet…
  10. The marriage that taught me the value of my lost love…
  11. The selfishness that made me realise that expectations are reasons to get hurt…
  12. The tiny hand that wiped my tears and assured, “I am here for you…”
  13. The long waiting that made me want to live again and gave me hope…
  14. The time that was already past for me to know that there is more to come…
  15. The life, a gift of the almighty through my parents…to live and let live…

And on and on….

Thursday, April 20, 2017

But, for what...

Work has always been adventurous…She loved it for all its extremities. Working non-stop for even 24 hours never made her tired. Disrespectful colleagues or Unreasonable bosses, nothing mattered when she was working and at her desk…She loved it, as her job was never the same. Every single day, she faced a different face. Team-work, collaboration etc were only words to be learnt on books and at work it was one-on-one…And she excelled in it…

Ok, today, it’s a new face to handle. Her investigative mind was alert. She collected as much information before she went out into the field….She had already made up her mind, to be strong and steady in front of this new face she would be seeing soon. Reports on the person was not encouraging. Someone to be careful about, strict and unreasonable…She put on the BEWARE of him board and cautioned herself. She did not wanted to make any silly mistakes and bring in problems to her career…That’s all she wanted…

As she sat behind her desk, she watched this new face walking towards them…Being first time, her boss confirmed his identity… “Ohhhh, so is HE the ‘terror’ people were talking about?” He is so young…Her investigation on him was incomplete, she realized. She had foolishly assumed him to be an old, experienced man. But this one here, “Tall, Dark and handsome! Young, but still so much a terror, is he?”, thoughts kept flashing within her.

For all that she had heard of him, she did not want to get into any sort of trouble with him. She went on with her own business, working hard as always…but with extra care to not make mistakes. She had made up her mind to ignore…ignore his presence, his existence… It wasn’t easy…Strange was that, the more he stood there and observed the staffs, the more mismatch she felt…different from what she had heard of him. Friendly and smiling to all her team members, he was cracking jokes when the work was done…

As time passed, she noticed, he was clearly ignoring her too. As he laughed aloud with her co-workers, conversing in a language she was alien to, she thought, “Gosh, what a show off.” She was pissed off…

But, for what!!!

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Thank you...

You were pulling pranks, as I wondered
Was it a joke or were you serious!
I smiled with you and laughed on jokes…
Those that I knew for sure were to laugh…

You asked me for “Yes” or “No” answers…
I nodded my head with a “Yes” always…
Though my heart still meant to say,
No, not all answers can be “Yes” or “No”…

Not all days are bright and beautiful…
Little did others knew that it was same for me too…
But even during the dark and ugly days of reality…
I saw that you were there to hold me right…

With an open mind, you listened to me…
With an intelligent perspective, you guided me…
With a caring heart, you advised me…
For you knew, what was good for me…

Thanks to you for being there...