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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

You are a Woman...

Many wished "Happy Woman’s Day"…I said Thank you…But then…Why…What is so great in wishing a Woman’s Day…the same people who wished me, are they really doing the required to a woman…Am I doing justice to my womanhood…Am I good enough to actually celebrate Woman’s Day…Anyways, no Feminist thoughts to share…just got irritated suddenly with an issue that is been making its round in my family…for quite some time now…Yes, a Woman from my own family is being Harassed and we as family members can do nothing more than get irritated and pass comments during long distance phone calls…

The only twins in my father’s family…She and her brother were total opposites in everything…starting from looks to intelligence…He was fair…and she was dark…He was handsome, when she was just OK…He was very intelligent and studious..while she was just somehow passing every classes from school to college… But then, for any criticisms that came her way, she fought with her tongue…Nobody could ever come out safely, if they dared to make fun of her…She would whip them with words…that was she…Lets call her K…

So, K grew up into a woman…and once she reached her graduation, her parents started looking for a groom for her…she was not good in her studies and they never expected her to finish her graduation and find some job…Naturally, the next thought would be Marriage…In our part of the world…Marriage meant Settling a Girl… (I always hated that…) … Proposals kept coming and going due 101 reasons like horoscope, education, looks, career and so on…Then through one of our aunt came A’s proposal… "A" was not so educated, but was an NRI…had a job and was GREAT enough to build his own 2 storied house near to his ancestral house...He was OK looking…

As such, the family status, was not matching… Our family was a well known family, who were considered among the High Class or atleast above Middle Class… and theirs was infact considered a below middle class family… The “class” never mattered to any of us as we all wanted a Loving Husband and a caring family for our K… Marriage was fixed…Engagement over…As K explained to me her would be’s character, I got that awful Negative vibe…I warned her, to be careful as this sort of character might not be easy to handle…Soon, she realized that…She told her mom to break the engagement as he was not what he seemed…her mom, like any other narrow minded orthodox person, got worried…and exclaimed… “NOOO, how can we do that…Its all ur imagination..he will be alright after marriage…He is just being over protective…” etc etc…

Now about A…After my first meeting with 'A'; months before their marriage, I clearly understood, his heart was filled with EGO and INFERIORITY COMPLEX… I could read between his lines, his uneasiness in knowing that we had close relatives who were quite rich…He was unhappy for the fact that, K had never gone through any financial problems…He had 101 rules that K should follow…and a 1001 – DON’T Dos… For some reason, he took me as a friend…I was worried, knowing him more…I tried making him see the love and affection the whole family had for K and inturn for him too…Still, something bit somehwhere…I knew it…This was not going to be smooth ride for K…But, it was too late for me or K to do anything about it…

Marriage Day…Minutes after he tied the knot, came the first blow…He was irritated and angry because of the flow of relative who stood to click a picture with the Bride and the groom…In front of those 100’s of guests, he threw off his garland and walked off to sit with his friends…K stood there, shocked…She told me the situation…I coaxed A to come back and behave befitting the situation…He agreed…But seeing his behavior, no more relatives approached anywhere near him for any more Photo Session…Everybody felt sad…and a bit upset and also worried for K…

Within days of marriage, more issues came up…'A' never left any reason to start a big fight with K’s parents and brother…He started abusing her family…If K’s mother was not smiling, he would start a fight saying K’s mother didn’t smile purposefully to insult him…If K’s brother was not standing when he was around, that too was to insult him…Such silly were the reasons for the fights… K started getting sandwiched between her husband and her family…The old talkative K changed…she was not less than any prey inside a Lion’s Den…She was scared of her husband and her husband’s family… To avoid issues, she started telling her family to adjust..for her sake…and so did they…afterall, they wanted her happiness…

To top things up, A’s family were worse…they too never left a chance to instigate their son against K and her family…Still, her parents and brother took every insult they showered on them just for the sake of K’s happiness…To be frank, during these days, they never told another member in our family about these problems…they kept everything to themselves…They thought, things would be better with time…

Now, 'A' was a double faced Man…he would behave the most sweetest and politest Man at one side and then show the complete opposite face the very next moment…So he was very well, behaving loving and caring to K too…inspite of all the filthy problems he was creating…Finally, K left with 'A' to his work place…Chatting and telephone calls were the only means of communication…We knew just what K let us know… Within an year, she became pregnant…He took care of her very well during the first few months of pregnancy…and then started issues, as she was travelling to India for her delivery…

Things unknown to us till then started opening up…We were shocked…’A’ had taken all Gold Jewellery of K just days after their marriage and had pledged them for money…After an year, he sold them off…Now, his next demand was to get hold of K’s parent’s house…Everybody knew, if they gave the house, then 'A' would sell it off immediately…They were not ready to take that risk… They stood by their words that the house will come to K with the condition that it was not sold off…Arguments and Fights depressed the happiness of their house…The last trimester of K turned to a nightmare with the constant fights and abuses…She had the most complicated delivery…

Her husband and her family was making her life hell with different silly reasons… Finally, our family, told her… “K, if you want, we can end this relation…and we will all be there with your decision…” … But shocking all of us… K said… “What do you all want me to do…Leave him and come and stay with my Parents and be a burden to them and my brother later… This marriage was not my decision…I begged to break this..That time, no one listened to me…Now, I will suffer everything… This is my fate… And you all should see me suffering as this was forced on me by you all… Till I can, I will live…and when no more can I suffer, I will end my life…” With this, she left her parent’s home and went with her husband…

This happened almost 6 months back… Even today, she is going through hell every single day, with his family showering her with abuses about her family…with the taunts and restrictions her husband giving her every time he calls her from abroad…When ever her parents visit her to see her and her son, her In-laws create some issue and insult them…When her son was sick and K’s parents visited the hospital to see their grandson, they ordered them to get out…It seems, 'A' did not want her to keep any relation with her family…

Now, next month is K’s twin brother’s marriage…. “A” gave ultimatum that K can attend the wedding all alone and she wouldn’t be even allowed to take her son… K doesn’t want to do that…Her days are passing by in tears…She is suffering the pain of not able to be a part of all the wedding preparations of her only brother…that too her twin brother…Her parents and brother too are sad and not a day pass by without tears remembering their daughter…and the mess she is in… The last time, they were allowed to see her, she cried inconsolably in front of them…and lamented…Mom, Dad…I am scared..I am scared of everybody….I am sad…This is my fate…I am not sure, how long I will live like this…Maybe I will just turn mad…”…

I told you all, a real story happening in my own family…After reading this, many of you might have 101 things to say…Many might blame us for not doing something to save her…But trust me, every single member of my family, today, is looking for some possible way to save her… We thought of different ways…A Police Case, Complaining to NGOs for Women Empowerment etc …. But then, how can we do anything, when SHE is not ready to accept it…When she is adamant on her decision to suffer, as if she is punishing her own parents….How can anybody help her when she herself is taking all the pain as her FATE…

Today is Woman’s Day…K’s mother, a woman, even now might be cursing her helplessness and crying thinking of her daughter and her safety….K is also a woman…a Woman who might be sitting in some corner of her In-law’s house and shedding tears for yet another silly reason...

Are they enjoying this day meant to be a day for every Woman… Can we wish them a Happy Woman’s Day….

“Dear Sister, we love you…Yes, we agree, we made a mistake…but then, today we repent and we want to change it…We want to bring back the smile in you…Its not too late yet…Please, think well…Make the right decision…We are with you...Don’t punish us by punishing yourself…Be Strong and face the World…You have suffered as much as you could…Now it is time to stand up for your right…for your future…for your happiness…Wipe your tears and don’t forget…

You are a Woman…”

5 comments:

Makk said...

CANT YOU DO ANYTHING AT ALL??

IF CANT THEN LET ME BE A PERSON. SHE DOESNT NEED ANYONE BUT HER SELF CONFIDENCE.

BEING A HUMAN AND A PSYCH I KNOW THAT MUCH.

SAVE HER. PLEASE YOU CAN DO THAT.

AND TOP OF THAT SAVE HER CHILD.

YOU NEED TO DO MORE THEN THIS POST.

KParthasarathi said...

It is a sad story and made my eyes moist.Unless she is ready to end this unhappy marriage, nothing can be done.If he is insulting only her parents and her people but otherwise tolerable to her,she should bemoan her lot but not break the marriage.If he is cruel to her, she should consider moving away from him.But people tend to become immune and thick skinned to verbal taunts and the thrill in teasing is lost.Things can get better.But she shd be cautious with her money and jewekry.
Personally i feel some masked men should visit him and thrash him blue with a warning to behave or else.......

Bikramjit said...

Sad ot hear this .. I dont know what to say .. If she was in UK i would say go for the separation.. I have no idea how indian law works

but she will have to be strong herself to sort this mess out not many can help ..

Bikram's

Jzt4me said...

@ Makk

Sitting here, All I can do is make her understand and believe that we all will be there with her...But then, maybe her inferiority complex that she is not educated or beautiful and so on...makes her feel, that she might end up as a burden to her family...Wish she realised how different her life could be if she took one right decision today...

@ Dost

This idea of thrashing him down is going on at my home for sometime now...But then, issue is..even if somebody else do that...IF that guy complain to police saying he doubt his fatherinlaw...then my uncle would be in trouble...Else, I myself have slapped his head off...

Trust me, Dost..if I could explain the whole stories...u would say out..CHEAAPP?..

He, acts good at times to her and other times Cheap...But then, one line that made me hate him was...when he said..."He is accepting her just bcoz she is his son's mother...Otherwise, he is ashamed of even making his son call her Mother..."...Bloody...it should have been the other way round...and Imagine...all this is after selling off all her Jewellery...and just bcoz he couldnt get hold of her Property and House...

@ Bikram

Even being in India, the whole family forced her to go for a seperation...IF she can't, then...As i said..she always say... "U all gave me this relation..NOW I WILL suffer...ITs ur mistake.."...She is blaming her parents for all her troubles...

Wish she had the same courage in standing against that Rascal and his family...Not sure, maybe she is worried of losing her less than 1 year old son...Maybe that is why, she is ready to suffer everything...
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Anyways...I am going to India in April for her brother's marriage...98% she will not be attending the marriage even...In that case, I should be with him as his sister...My dad is planning to do something through some Political influence then...Hoping, by then, she decides to fight...It would be added advantage to the petition...uhmm...

Tomz said...

Thanks fr ur visit and comments

Truly heart breaking one. It is said that, in India marriages are taken place between families, not between individuals..

so it will be better if one choose a partner from a family belonging to the same class..

Love to visit here again..

I appreciate ur visits to my blog also..