My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

Could be yours too...you never know!!!


Follow me in this Journey of Revelation and encourage me with your valuable opinions and comments...

Saturday, March 19, 2011

My TTDBIS List...

Now a days, I am being too much of a follower of fellow bloggers…uhm, somehow, I end up connecting myself with the posts these blog friends of mine post after much thoughts…Thanks to their creative thinking, that it saves me from thinking hard for a topic… Trust me, whenever I read through many blogs, I feel, “Gosh, I have so much to say about this one thing about my life too”…But then, I feel guilty… I used to feel, that is not right, taking up somebody else’s topics….But then, now I feel…Why not…I am not copying their post…I am just talking on the Subject matter…like a Critic…who criticize or express their views on anything and everything that is not of their concern, lol!!!….So friends, if you get irritated seeing ur Subject in my blogs, apologies in advance…

Last time, Tomz helped me…and this time…Thanks to Bikram…I hope, all you guys continue working on those thinking caps and help me get a topic for my blog…So, this time Bikram suddenly thought of WHAT HIS BUCKET LIST WOULD BE if he had no more time to live…if his days were counted…and as I read them, I started wondering myself…What would be mine…How long could it be…and if it was really the case in reality for me…IF I was to die soon and I was adamant to fulfill my last wishes…how many of my wishes would really be fulfilled or COULD be fulfilled…

It wasn’t just few weeks back, that I had this sudden feeling that maybe indeed I am dying… It all started when the doctor asked me to do a test to rule out the chances of a Cancer for my sickness…Gosh, trust me, I was blank…worse was my family…and Google just worsened the situation…as I googled for symptoms, it matched most of the issues I had…I suddenly thought…Am I a Cancer patient…I was a Cancerian by birth, but couldn’t imagine myself as a Cancer patient..lol!!! But then, honestly, I also was surprised to see how calm I was…When my family was busy bribing all Gods for the test results to be normal…I was wondering, WHAT IF I WAS TO DIE SOON???

One day, when I was driving home with my hubby…I asked him… “What IF…” He was irritated with my question which was being shot at him every now and then…He said…SHUT UP…I said… “No, I am asking seriously…just in case…”…He replied that he didn’t know…I joked, ha..then u can marry someone whom ur mother prefer….Joke for me…NOT FOR HIM…His face just ignored me…and my dirty joke…So I continued thinking…and wondered…what were my TTDBIS – Things to do before I sleep…

TTDBIS 1

Make a list of people who should be informed of my death…I have some dear ones who are not known to my hubby or maybe not in touch now…So I thought, I should keep that list ready, so that it was easy for my husband to inform them…as I knew, such a news would make a difference to my dear ones’ life…

TTDBIS 2

Make a detailed report of those secret savings I have on my son’s name…I wouldn’t want my son to not receive them, just because nobody knew about such a thing…Eventhough, I didn’t reveal to my hubby what and where and how much…(lol, as for now, it’s a secret…else what fun in the surprise later)…I told him, “U should take care of it…”..Have to also decide on what to be done with my Gold Jewellery...(ofcourse, I am not planning to give it off to my husband's second wife, hehe!!!) Even had to clearly note down what to be done with my precious treasure...like my collection of greeting cards, gifts, chocolate wrappers, books, old diaries...

TTDBIS 3

Take a promise from hubby dear, that my son would be allowed to grow up with my mom…As both he and I know; nobody else could take care of my son as my mother could / would…

TTDBIS 4

By hook or by crook, do something to own a house (how much ever small it is…) and later present it to my mom…A house of our own is my mom’s dream…Afterall, we lost ours during hard times…and I could do nothing till date...

TTDBIS 5

Pack my bags and travel all ALONE atleast for 2 days …rather…explore any place where NO ONE KNOW ME…and enjoy my indepenence...

TTDBIS 6

Buy gifts for all my loved ones…Gifts that would remind them of me even when I am not there…

TTDBIS 7

Speak out my heart openly to all my loved ones…all the bad things and the good things…

TTDBIS 8

Reveal to my family and friends that I HAVE A BLOG where I write crap….lol!!! (trust me, its among the wish list…I don’t think I can tell them before that…)…OH yes, forgot…I would also reveal in my blog WHO AM I and post some pictures of myself…

TTDBIS 9

I would write lots of letters for my son…Everything that I wanted to share with him as he grow up…My fears, my dreams, my losses, my gains, my strengths…if not anything…I would surely write everything about my Lost Love…something his father know, but might never share with him… The love that his mother has fakely reshaped into “friendship” and lived through… I want my son to know about that Man I loved and lost…I want my son to be friends with that Man and be with him too as he be with his own father…(ok, now this might sound crazy and stupid…but it’s the truth…)

TTDBIS 10 - Last but not the least….rather the most “difficult to happen” wish…

“Live a day” with the one I loved…better is Love…Bcoz I know, years may pass…my love for him or his love for me…shall never die…Be, life had different plans for both of us and we had to take different paths in our life…I want to spend atleast one day with him…Enjoy things that I always wished for…A Music filled home…Cook for each other…Long drive…Sunset in the Desert…I know, I might not have time to Travel around as he has always wished…But atleast just get into the aircraft and say Goodbye…

I am not sure, how many of you would approve of my TTDBIS list…I know, some of them, especially the last one sound weird and crazy and maybe an Anti-Traditional wish…But then, what to do…its my wish…I have hundreds of wishes that is in my heart today…Like travel and see beautiful places, own some expensive stuffs, enjoy some adventurous sports etc etc etc….but none of them are that important for me, as important as the above list…bcoz these are all worldly physical wishes…but when I am counting my days in this world…I prefer those wishes to top my list that are from my heart and in thought of my loved ones…

So, are you thinking now…are you wondering too…about that list…your own TTDBIS…

Things to do before I sleep…

NB: Ok guys, anyways...I am not going to die soon...as my results were Normal...But, if I am to die soon, for sure, I dont want this to be known by anyone else other than me...I hate seeing pain and tears in my loved ones eyes...At times, I wonder...maybe my 10th wish could also help me in one thing...maybe that would help my family to hate me and that would make my departure more easier and comfortable...for me...As for my Love, I could always give him only pain...may this be the last one...

8 comments:

Makk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bikramjit said...

WOWOW your list is much better then mine , I have been selfish and though of myself mostly but you have thought of others tooo..

You are a lovely person and i am so glad i know you .. and thank you for telling me too what one shud do and how to do ..

Take care and I hope god is listening and you get to do all you have thought of GOD BLESS

I have to read this again and i will come back again to add another comment :)

Bikram's

Tomz said...

I liked ur 8th wish very much..and as u expected I cant agree with u in the case of tenth.. :D

but anyway u r not going to die soon..so we can read more such thoughtful posts..

btw when u r going to reveal ur identity..?

Rohini Prasanth said...

Firstly, I think it is not your fault to be inspired by someone's subject line for a post. And there is no reason for them to be irritated as long as you let your readers know what inspired your thought - atleast that is my opinion. :)
It is funny you should write this. Just this weekend I watched Bucket
List - for the umpteenth time, I should add, I love that movie - and I was indeed thinking of my own.
The second wife part of your thoughts are really unfair towards your husband. poor thing. I pity him.
regarding your list, it is quite thoughtful and you have been most selfless except your lost love part. have you written before about him or is this the first mention on your blog? In my stalking of your blog I haven't come across him, so far. would love to read more if its written already.
I am indeed curious to know whom you will give your precious treasure to. its tough right, you have to chose someone to whom it means as much as it does to you.
item 7 on your list, reminds me of a scene from some movie/serial where this lady learns she is going to die and decides to do the same - esp the bad, slicing opinions on her friends. they leave from there broken hearted to know the truth about what she thought of them. And then, she learns she has a long time to live before she dies, friendless. the cost of truth, right.
9 is so sweet.
wishing you many moons before you sleep..

Jzt4me said...

Gosh, I am overwhelmed with all your views...Thanks a lot...Was getting sentimental as I was proceeding with my TTDBIS Lists...but now its fine..lol!!

@ Bikram

Thanks a lott...That was so sweet of u...

@Tomz

Lol, 10th one is a bit odd, right...but...its a wish that would never come true otherwise...

@ Ro

U got me wrong with my 10th wish...I am not planning to be a Second wife...for sure...by spending a day with him..didnt mean I am gonna live with him as his wife...Our love is or was not so, ever...It is just about spending time (which I could never do) and fulfill all those fantasies we had...We were more like kids rather than adults always...having crazy, childish fantasies...lol!!!

I always tell my hubby, if ever, I reach a point where I am alone, still I would never go back to my LOVE as a wife...or a girl friend either...As with my marriage, I NO longer is the person who HE loved...In both of our lives, each other's presence will be always felt...just for the sacred love we share...

About my hubby...Yes, u r right...even if I have mentioned him at many places, I have never written about him...When I read ur comment, I thought of writing too...BUT...I feel, its not yet time for that...for unexplainable strange reasons...lol!!!Let not my hubby hear this...

KParthasarathi said...

Somehow I could not relish the subject.With four score years soon to be behind me ,I haven't made any TDBIS nor I intend to and why you a young thing should think of them now.Beware the TDBIS keeps changing every moment and many of yours may not be relevant a few years later.Anyway it is an amusing exercise and not so funny to your near and dear.

Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas... said...

Nalla wish list….hope you will be able to fulfill them…

Makk said...

I am not sure, how many of you would approve of my TTDBIS list

what do woman think they should even ask this any one.

I mean wishes are wishes and any one doesn't need to be getting approval for heaven sake.

Chill Buddy.

btw what happened to that lady relative of yours? did you do some thing?