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Saturday, August 27, 2016

Be Strong and happy…

His phone calls are always filled with love and care. Something, that I rarely get to experience. Not that I don’t have anybody to love me. But yes, there was not much who expressed their love to me and made me feel loved and wanted. This was an inferiority complex I grew up with… NOBODY loves me… I never could understand the love behind the inexpressive love that might have enveloping me as I was growing up… I was and is still an immature woman…
 
Grandpa’s love was a late realisation. I started seeing and feeling it as I grew up above my teenage. But the bond that was built between us in the past years have been immense. I couldn’t imagine anything negative happening to him… The past couple of months was traumatic for me with his sudden illness. Hearing his tired voice was not something I was ready to accept.  But since, the last procedure that was done to diagnose his illness; an unknown strength was helping me…
 
Of all the children or grandchildren or for that matter anybody; last week, he asked for me… He was at the hospital for the routine doctor checkup when I called and mom mentioned that grandpa was enquiring when would I be visiting him.
 
“Appuppa, how are you???”
“Molu, when are you coming? Are you not coming? Will you not get leave? You have too much work, uh! Its ok.”, he said all this without a break.
“Appuppa, you want to see me?”
“Ofcourse, I want.”
“If you wish so, next moment I will fly down. But promise me, you would be all well by then…”
“Molu, I too wish to…but I am too tired…”
“Don’t worry, appuppa. All will be fine. I will come soon. Love you…”
 
Next day, I was near his bed watching him sleeping. Tears rolled down as I saw him almost half the size of what I had seen just 2 months back. He looked so tired with so much weight loss. A very energetic and fun-loving man he was and here now, I could see NO emotions on his face…
 
I spent every possible time with him, by him… Lying down in his lap and as always he would massage my hair… Occassionally, pulling my ear, made me feel his love. In the whole week; I saw a natural smile just couple of times only. He always seemed to be lost and blank. When I asked him to smile, he did; all other times, he just kept on thinking. He would hug me, kiss me; but still seemed to be lost in thoughts.
 
A day before I flew back; as I was lying down beside him in his single cot bed, I spoke to him of my fear…
 
“Appupa, you are my strength. Don’t break it. You are the reason for me coming to India. Please get well soon.”
“Don’t worry molu. I am fine. You be strong and always be happy. I just need to regain my leg’s strength. Then I will be fine.”

He hugged me hard and kissed me. He was helpless too; but I was more helpless. By then, he had successfully faced one session of Chemo. There was positive changes in him and that was my courage. As always, he was a good sport when I asked him to pose for all sort of crazy selfies that I clicked with him.
 
Today, I flew back home. As I was leaving, I hugged him hard and reminded him of his promise to me, “To always eat one extra morsel of food for me, whenever he feels his stomach is full”. He in turn reminded me, “Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. You be strong and always happy”…
 
Now, I am waiting for him to be all well soon. He was to visit us for my niece's b'day next month. But, now I have to wait until December for his trip. He has promised me that too. That he will postpone his trip to my place to December, by when he would be absolutely hale and healthy. I believe him. He will be fine. He will keep his promise for me…and until I see him next, I should keep mine too…
 
Be Strong and happy…

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