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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Will I ever change...???

Last Part...
Now, we were in constant touch…but would some people never learn…getting into the wrong relations at the wrong time…especially when somebody warns you not to, still if u r all set to fall into the wrong things…NOW, if she fell into wrong things was not my problem, I could take it so…But then, I wouldn’t be happy so …I HAD to take one extra tension into my head, right??? So, did I? and where did that take me to…Turned me into somebody who doesn’t want to let her friend off and is trying to dominate her life..greattttttt!!!

It so happened, a guy suddenly came out of no where in her life…She was keeping me updated…I was happy that somebody was there around her to love her…But apart from that, from what ever she told me about him…I was not convinced that he was good enough for her…I knew from his mannerisms that he was no lesser than a Psycho…Experience told me atleast that much…I warned her…I told her how this relation could turn to…and how ugly things can be..and how difficult it would be for her later…Her only Counter Attack was.. “Doesn’t I deserve some love in my life…”…I tried making her understand, “Love can be treacherous at times and this time it would turn dangerous for you…”

She stopped telling me things…rather HE made her stop…When I asked her to tell him to meet/talk to me…he said NO…Strangely, he stayed a stranger…Soon, I came to know, she started a Live-in relation with him… I was worried, as she was with someone who I know nothing much apart from what she had told me…Now, soon after this..he started restricting her from talking to me or my family… She had to do that secretly…How strange…I stopped interfering…If that gave her happiness, let her be…

But…my premonitions were never wrong…soon she came back…badly scared and depressed…Her life was HELL…rather he was making it HELL…by being too interfering, possessive and above all Suspicious…She was not even allowed to wear a Lipstick…She was not allowed to talk to anybody…Fight was a common thing in her household…when she spoke to me about the truth of her LOVE life..i wasnt surprised...everything that I warned her about was happening in her real life...She openly told me... "when u told me tht u could get scared of ur own love, I used to think...why she is saying so...if we love someone, how can we hate that love...but now I realise how that could happen..." ...I felt pity on her...as I know what she would be going through...

Finally, I interfered into her life again...I spoke to that guy...he was as expected so good at drama...keeping a good face mask, he acted innocent...tried turning me against her...I knew some things that he said was true...as I was sure, knwoing her, she might have used them to gain more love from him...I couldn't blame her now...That wasn't me...I stood by her...tried compromised, which I very well knew, wouldn't stay long...as expected soon, she had to fled from that house even without his knowledge...there was big show downs with that too...I had to support her...physically, mentally and financially too...as he had really disrupted her financial side too...

Ok, nowwwwwwwww...why have I been telling her story...bcoz, again after all the above, she has hurt me slightly...maybe not knowingly...but still..I am tooo sensitive about relations...so I got hurt...and that is how I started writing about her days before as Part 1...Now it is my turn...you would call me SILLY, STUPID...

Its so happened, I had invited her for my son's b'day party...knowing her situations, I even arranged for her transportation...and it so happened, she mentioned to another friend, a common friend, that She might not be attending the function, But then not to tell that to me...The common friend immediately informed her, that she would be letting me know, as the party needs planning and calculation...and she is not going, do let me know...So the day before the party, I called her up and asked her, if she is not coming or what...I told her, that if she is stuck at work or something, its fine, but pls do let me know,..Her reply did startle me a bit... "oh, actually, somebody has invited me for Diwali...I have to go there and then I will see, if I can come..."... I was a bit irritated, true... I told her, "Ok, fine, if u r not coming...do let me know...I have to cancel that transportation..."...she said ok...

As expected, I knew her well...she didnt come, neither she called...Neither she had the manners to call me up later some day and apologies or atleast have a general friendly talk...to make up for her absence...That did make me feel bad...but what hurt me more was... Days later, one day, she is calling my husband...and... "Hai, where is she...she should be angry with me...right??? I am at the airport now...I am travelling as my father is not feeling well...Please let her know also...bye.."

Now, this hurt me...her family was so close to me also... if her family is suffering, I expect her to atleast let me know that...what ever excuses she might give, I don't feel, that was right that she calling my husband just before boarding her flight and telling him to inform me... If it was me in her position, I would never do that...Being all alone, in this country with no relatives or family...I would have informed that one person, who was responsible for me in this place...and yes, I was responsible for her here, atleast I was answerable to her family...It was me, who they used to call, whenever they felt worried for her...SHE COULD HAVE TOLD ME....

Once she was back, She called up my husband and informed him that her father is OK...it's been days after that also...till date, she has never called me...even for a friendly talk or to let me know of her father...It seems she told my husband that she knows that I might be still angry with her...and my husband did ask her if what she did was right...She laughed to that...uhmm...

I don't know...but somehow, suddenly I see that girl in the College room...sitting with her new found friend...giving glances at me and laughing...and I hate that...But at the same time, I can't hate her or anybody in that case...Once, I have had a soft corner for anybody, how much ever they hurt me, I can't hate them...I might be wrong...and I have learnt my lesson, but I could never put that into practice in my own life...I do preach on that to everybody...but in my own life, I still get hurt by people who I love and give my life for...and still I am around them when ever they need me...I could never change myself in that one aspect of my nature...my behaviour...my life...

Should I change...?Will I ever change...???

4 comments:

KParthasarathi said...

It is a sad ending to the serial.That girl, I feel,avoided you initially out of guilt in not attending the party despite all the help from your side and then continued to ignore you for the same reason.There is little point in worrying about it and allow your mind to be ruffled.But it is good to be compassionate and trusting notwithstanding this disappointment.One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Stranger said...

She is jealous of you...make sure that she doesn't snatch your happiness. Sorry to be so straight but I have seen people doing that....

Rohini Prasanth said...

J, I have known people of this kind and they are like parasites feeding off our joy and guilty conscience. I apologise if you think your friend is not like this, but I tell you, such people do exist in life.
Unlike partha sir, I do not believe her avoidance is all entirely due to guilt. I think she is waiting for the right opportunity to re-enter your life and exploit your good naturedness like before.. And to make use of your pity on her.
Kindness and compassion is not what you should let go of - let go of being used by somebody who doesn't deserve you. Get rid of the additional tension in your life. you have done your due. you have helped her. but time and again she has chosen to discredit your friendship and overlook your feelings. you are not to blame. so wait and see how it will play it out. if you still feel friendly towards her, if you can, meet with her and tell her to live her life and let you live yours.
that is what I would do and have done.

It is commendable all that you have done for her as a good friend. We are all lucky to be your friends.

Jzt 4 me... said...

Thanks to all of u with your views..

I do partially agree with each of u...but then somehow, I really cant make up my mind to understand will I really give her the same value again or learn my lesson this time...Maybe, I would be again the same old me...getting worried in her problems...even if I dont wanna be so...uhmm..

As of the latest on her...2-3 days back, she send me a "Miss u on Xmas" card...With no Special message...just the card from her...I saw that and didnt care to acknowledge...yesterday my hubby told me tht, she had called him and told tht she had send me a card and I HAD seen it but didnt respond...uhmmm...

I told my husband, to tell her "Next time to learn to first respect other's feelings and respond to their emotions properly and then She will reciprocate it..."