Wrapped in a White Cloth...

The whole place just blew up into a ball of fire...From this side of the creek, all I could do was to see them with my eyes wide open and missing every other beat of my heart...I just couldn't imagine that I was really witnessing a violent blast in my own neighborhood...I knew, any survivors was a hopeless thought...just could pray that there was nobody inside that warehouse...it was already 6 O' Clock in the evening and was naturally past office working hours...God, please, please please...let not any family be grieved by this mishap...

On my next instinct, and my years of training on first aid, brought in an urge to reach the accident site ASAP. I just hoped, IF I could be of any help...maybe the authorities would like some helping hands like mine...I rushed... How did I reach there, I don't know...but in a minute, I was there...I could see the charred remainings of a "warehouse"...practically nothing remained...the police, the water tanks, para medics, public etc was all around...I could see many people pushing against some police to find their way into this scene...I could see lots of new reporters...WHAT SHOULD I DO..WHAT WILL I DO...I just stood there...awe struck with the scene happening in front of me...

Suddenly one policeman approached me...He asked me, "Maa'm, could you please come with me. We might need some help from ladies."...I wondered, what sort of help...still as if in a trance, I walked behind him...My legs were shivering as I approached the entrance of the "once warehouse"...as I walked, I looked ahead..into the boundary of the burnt down remainings... I was shocked...I couldn't belive my eyes...among all those ashes was a cloth liner...still staying on air with its ends tied to the nails on the walls of the building...How come this didn't burn off...before I could finish my thoughts, something else just struck my heart...I saw hundreds of white clothes cleanly hanging on the clothe liners...not even one had caught fire...and with an ache in my heart, I realised those white clothes were those of babies...The white dresses that we make a baby wear at the hospitals on birth...I WAS SHATTERED... What I thought was a warehouse, was not one...It was a Baby Care Clinic...

Nothing crossed my senses...I just couldnt move...my heart started pumping blood into my brain in such a pressure, that I felt, I might collapse...with fear, my eyes looked all around the area....for what...I can't even say...But then I saw...many volunteers coming out of the place with something wrapped in their hands...It didn't take much time for me to realise, they were dead bodies...the burnt bodies of babies...not one or two...but hundreds...I wanted to run off from there...but I couldn't move...my legs were stuck to the ground...I cried... I screamed...I called out for help...I wanted to be out of that place...then and there...but none came to help...I just saw every single person walking past me with a baby wrapped in white clothe...all of them had tears in their eyes...but none spoke to me..none offered me a help...I couldn't bare to see the horrible scene in front of me anymore...My whole body was shaking...I closed my eyes and started pleading for help..I yelled and yelled...at the top of my voice...

Suddenly I felt somebody pulling me...I opened my eyes...I heard my mom's voice..."Wake up...you are already for the class"...I felt blank...What was that...Is this a dream...or what I saw earlier was a dream...with much relief, I confirmed it was a nightmare...just a nightmare...

JUST a NIGHTMARE...???? No...it wasn't JUST a nightmare for me...Because the pain in my heart persisted even after I woke from my sleep...my heart pumped hard for days...the feeling of the "something bad" ate my days...I couldn't think sense for days..the baby wrapped in white clothe came in front of my eyes for days bringing out tears in my eyes and making my heart beat faster than before...I had lost my peace of mind...I was suffering...just because of a nightmare... I wondered...HOW LONG WILL I GO FORWARD WITH THIS PAIN...I had no answer then...

But the pain had to stop one day...and it did...it was heart breaking, but still it cleared all the conufions in my mind...It answered all the worries given by that nightmare...The thought is still a pain...But still...I realised, Maybe the nightmare was an instinct...a sign...a sign preparing me for the future...

You must be wondering now..."what was that future...what did that nightmare prepare me for..." It prepared me to face a tragedy...to bear a pain..."The Pain of Death"...

Days after this dream...one day...I witnessed...

"My uncle carrying his newborn baby, who died on the second day of birth, to the grave...and the beautiful boy was all wrapped in a white cloth...."

My First Love Letter...

My first love letter...Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk, I hate to even think of that,of all the people in the world, I got my first love letter from a stranger...The letter was ofcourse in ENGLISH...God, help meeeeeeeeee....the letter was the best proof that this boy knew not much of english and grammars and spellings...I doesn't remember the complete letter..but still, let me jot down what ever I remember of the letter...

Deer sweethart,

I want to tell you I love you. I wait 3 year tell you. I afraid. First I see you at the shop. I love you then. I come behind to your house that day. You not see me. I want know about you. So I made friend your neibor. He told all thing of you. 3 years I am behind you. You not know. I loved you like god.

when I see you, I sure God made you for me. 100% sure.your eyes beautiful. your smil beautiful. your face beautiful. no use make-up. I like nature beauty. I like you. Promise. I want marry you. .....

etc etc...and thus went on the whole letter... at times, I feel, reading that letter was the most difficult thing, I have ever done...if you guys didnt understand wht he meant..let me tell you..he meant, he first saw me at a shop before 3 years and from then he is loving me...he was always following me and I never noticed him...he even befriended my neighbour to know more about me and thats how he know everything about me...When he see me, he feels god had made me for him... and he likfe my smile,eyes, face...and also requesting me never to use make-up as he like natural beauty. and he want to marry me...

Goddd, help me...the letter made me crazy....if you had read the rest of the letter you would have really felt like trashing the author up...lol!!! What happened to that guy and his love...will write another day...

You might be wondering what I did with the letter...Nothing...I just tore off the letter and threw it into the air...uhmmm... But till date, I regret tearing the letter off...ATLEAST I COULD HAVE KEPT IT AS A MEMORIAL...and maybe could have shown it to my kids in the future to teach them how bad can grammatical errors be...lol!!!

Jogging...???? Noooooo, Never....!!!!

Are you a fitness freak??? Do you exercise or jog on a daily basis?...uhmm…I never been for regular jogging…just a month back, when I was sitting at home doing nothing (during my redundancy days)..suddenly I had this thought of staying fit…Enthusiastically I started jogging daily evening for 1 and ½ hrs… I felt healthy…and I decided, I would continue it always….heheh!!! Even my firm will power couldn’t take me forward too many days...Work, Eat, Sleep routine resumed its duty as soon as I was back at office…

Anyways, now to the real story…I was talking about jogging…this is something that happened a few years back…the years when I never needed any jogging to stay slim and fit…during those days, all of a sudden, my brother had this awakening thought of staying fit by jogging…maybe our neighbors, his friends motivated him to start jogging… not to put down weight (he had nothing to loose than some bones…lol)…What ever! one fine day he started jogging daily morning…of course accompanied by his friends…(Inside story: We used to make fun of him saying, he’s just going to the junction and sit there on the road side, sleep for 1 hr and then come back home…hehe!!! So bad right..???) Daily morning, he used to wake up at 0500am, put on his shoes and leave for the hard tenure of jogging (he used to sleep with tracksuits on, so that saves his time in the morning…waking up early was horror for all of us always...heheh!!!)

So one such day…due some reason, I was not getting proper sleep through out the night…I was having regular parades to the kitchen and scanned the refrigerator every half an hour to grab something or other to feed my mouth…lol, when I couldn’t sleep, I preferred spending my time by eating…anything like tomatoes, carrots, biscuits, chips etc…(a small incident during one such trips to the kitchen was…One night, by some 0200am, I walked to the kitchen to have some timepass…hehe!!! To my horror, I heard a sudden explosion breaking the night’s silence…Within seconds, I was back in my bed…lol, that night I had too much of imaginations of thieves, ghosts etc etc as the source of that loud sound…When I saw my mom cleaning the floor near the fridge the next day, I realized with shame, that what I heard the previous night was “A beer bottle breaking…it was kept there by one of our neighbor to make it cold quickly to serve at the wedding reception party at their house…” neither did he remember to take it back nor we knew about it…Anyways, once the bottle broke, the beer had the whole night to flow all around the floor of the room…Only if I had notified my mom regarding the sound the previous night, it would have saved her from cleaning the whole mess the next day morning…)

Now back to my story…so I wasn’t feeling sleepy and literally spend the whole night awake eating, reading books, walking around, watching the stars…etc etc…Soon it was somewhere around 5 O’ clock…I was still roaming around in the ground floor of my house when I heard the alarm go 'TTRRRRRINGGGGGG' in my brother’s room in the first floor. I decided to see him off and then go back to sleep…I waited near the stairs (ofcourse, without the lights on…)

I saw my brother walking down the stairs with closed eyes with his shoes in his right hand…Poor boy, he was still half asleep…I smiled...rather, I giggled…lol…Somehow, my brother who was walking down, hearing something, opened his eyes slowly….Ahaaaaaaa…(“did he hear me giggling..?”) What I heard next was a scream… “Aaaaaaaaaannngggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and I saw my brother turning back and climbing or rather running all the steps up…

I wondered…WHAT THE HELL….I called out… "Brooo…What happened…”

He made a sudden halt…and in a jiffy came back in front of me and shouted… “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE AT THIS TIME OF THE DAY…and that too IN THIS HORRIBLE DRESS…” and he turned back and walked to his room saying (as if to no one) … “Uhhh!!!…walking around in the night to scare people…doesn’t want to sleep herself and then scaring people…above all, no other dress to wear…”…

Only then did I realize what happened after all… I was wearing a flowy white night gown…and with the street light shining into the room, all he saw was “Somebody standing there down at the steps in a white dress waiting for him with a laugh.” In a reflex moment, he took it for a ghost…lol…!!!!

I just broke into laughter…Till date, I never leave a chance to pull his leg on his courage and the way he ran, that night, screaming Aaaaaaaaaannngggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …

Ofcourse, Who is going to remind him of the beer bottle…!!!

A Friend in a Stranger...

A very small phase of my life from the past, but…it was years later (rather too late) that I realized how big a part that phase was inmy life…The Phase of Love…yes, its true…Love, even if it is in the minutest form, would always be large enough to make an inerasable mark in ones life…

Those were days when the person who I thought was my best friend had broken my trust putting me in a dilemma with many questions… “Should we trust anybody ever…Are friends for real…” etc etc…I needed something to ward my mind off…THAT SOMETHING which I did for fun got me a stranger as friend…FRIEND?

A stranger for a friend..???uhm...Was I back to my self??? NOPE…this time I am not going to trust anybody…and let them take me for granted…I decided…”I am going to be rough and tough…If the so called friend ever try to break my trust, I would do that to him before he even think of doing it to me…”… Thus I was cautious…

From words to voice…that’s how we came to know each other…Our common interest, MUSIC… all that we discussed was music…we used to exchange lyrics of songs…favorite songs…we even used to sing out loud….lol!!! We enjoyed every moment of it…atleast I was enjoying…I was forgetting my pains…I was happy to have him as a friend…

Soon we both knew, that we were in love…both of us had learnt every bit of the other in the longest detail, and therefore, there was no fear of secrets...no fears of breaking the trust….but still there was one fear taunting me… “To love and get hurt” was the last thing I wanted…Some sixth sense said, YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT… I was selfish…I was… I showed a new face…a face with no love…a face with no commitments…a face with nothing more than friendship…I shaped the whole thing into Infatuation…

With this infatuation, the uncertainty, the “so called friendship”….we met…with no commitments we spend long hours together…we were not sure of the future…but decided to cherish the present…we helped each other to forget our pasts…we stood by each other during many of those hard times…we cared for each other…together we warded off the loneliness we were feeling till then…each day, we loved each other (always hiding it in the mask of friendship) as if tomorrow would never come….

In his analysis, “he fell in love with me, not knowing that I could never love him…I was just concerned for him due to the friendship we shared…but still, he can never stop loving me… and he’s not expecting me to love him back…” I agreed to this analysis…When I smiled, he took it as ridiculing his feeling… When I kept quiet, he took it as I was offended…I agreed to all his assumptions…Bcoz, I knew that was the best for both of us… “Why burn yourself by jumping into fire, knowing it would hurt…”…I tried consoling myself…

Tomorrow brought out the harsh truth of life…we have to move apart…as always, even this we did together…we gave each other the courage…the advises…the strength…we parted ways…Even then, he blamed… “You are soo heartless…”..I smiled…because I knew, he never meant what he said…because he knew me…he knew both of our helplessness…Still we parted ways…with the promise of keeping our friendship always alive…He made another promise (even if he never said that, I knew it)… “He would never stop loving me…and would never care if I love him or not…His feelings for me would never change…”

Its years past now…as we promised, our friendship is still alive…we still give strength, courage, advises to each other…

What I still know is, “He still loves me a lot…and will never stop loving me…”

What he still doesn’t know is…, “How much have I cried on the nights when we walked the opposite direction…How hurt am I, even today, thinking of the day we parted...How hard I prayed for us to get the strength to go forward…How, I can never take him out my heart…ever…even if he still stays in my life as just a ‘so called friend’…How I can never disclose my love for this ‘Friend in a Stranger’….”

For No Reason...

There are times when even the broadest smile might fail that one drop of tear from falling off…that one drop that you have been trying to hold back…and it’s then that you feel stupid when you start wondering what were those tears for…and that’s when I realized that it is most difficult to hold back those tears which flow without any specific reason… because I am one such person who faces (quite often) the embarrassment caused by “Tears for no reason…”

Today, the sky is looming above me with dark clouds, as if they were waiting to pour down loads of rain any time…and I realized…, today even my mind was in the same state as the sky … my face was dark with my eyes all filled up with tears all set to overflow any moment…Such a coincidence…I wanted to cry…rather outpour my heart with my tears…

I had a rough night yesteray, with literally no sleep…It was more like being awake with sleeps in between...rather than sleeping and waking up in between…I woke up every 10-15mts and wondering if it was time to wake up and get ready to go to office…Finally, when I got into the car, …Seeing my face all blown up, my car-mate enquired…”Any probs?”… I started wondering, “What’s the problem? Why am I feeling this heavy feeling at heart…” …and without even my knowledge words escaped my lips…”Hey, Nopes…no probs at all…Just that I feel like crying…”…

Uhhh???? What did I say??? I wondered…and I knew even my mate was wondering…but still he managed to ask, “But why???”… and I found myself replying, “For no reason…I just feel like crying..and I am trying hard not to cry…” and it was true…My eyes were filled with those unwanted tears and there was that suffocating pressure rising inside me as if there was a heavy pain on my chest ….I wanted to talk to somebody…

I wanted to talk to my aunt...rather I wanted to cry out…scream out…Pour out all my tears…I knew only that would ease me off…She is the one to whom I doesn’t mind crying out…She would always try to understand my tears…on the other hand, if it was my mother…”my tears would bring tears on her eyes…and that would make things more terrible for me…and naturally I didn’t wanted to hurt my mom with my tears” …so I really wanted to talk to her…call her on phone…but, then…@&^%*, my mobile had no balance…and I was already getting late to office…and in this weather can’t afford to waste time on the road…as rain could make the forward trip horrible, if it started pouring…

I excused myself from giving company to my friend with an excuse of a headache (usually, when he drove, I talk and talk and talk..and that keeps him from sleeping off during the long drive from home to office daily morning )…I leaned back with closed eyes…turned my head towards the glass window… I knew, I was getting ready to pour out those tears…and I did exactly that…Those salty water was flowing hard from my eyes…and I was trying hard not to let my friend know…he could misunderstand the whole thing … he might take me for an idiot for crying without any reason...

Still I cried…cried for nothing…not knowing what exactly was hurting me…I vent out all those pressure that was building inside me…Some day soon, I will know…what was it that was giving me that pain that made me cry…till then, I have to call these salty water, “Tears for no reason”

Good Afternoon, May I Help you...

Have you ever gone through embarassment just due to your over confidence? Have you felt as if you were being peeled out from some core into the open space??I am sure,atleast once in your life time, you would have gone through one such instance...and they would be always unforgettable...For me, there's one such instance from the pages of my life too which would be always memorable.Fortunately, I was not the main character of that SHOW...

This happened during my college days. For my graduation, as part of Project submission we were to work in any Company in Customer Service role. I, along with four of my friends joined one of the leading Group in the city. We were rostered to work on different departments as days passed. One such department was the Motor Vehicle Showroom which was quite coool place to work due to its hi-fi infrastructure and the exposure we got in CUstomer Service (which would help us beautify our Projects in the best possible way).

This showroom's incharge was the Sales Manager, Mr.Ray Kurian, who was very strict in nature and expected very proffessional behaviour from the staffs. When he was around, it was like all of us were standing on fire. He had a seperate office covered with Glass walls. Naturally, this made us extra consious of what we were doing and made sure we were not fooling around. Now, about the showroom : 'It was just few weeks earlier that the gearless scotter Honda Activa came to market and therefore, there was a high demand for the vehicle. But, due to non availability of the vehicle, we could only do booking and despatch was done only one "First come First Serve" basis..We, the so called staffs, were given very clear briefing and was instructed sternly that "NO ONE WILL GET THE SCOOTER OUT OF THE WAY"..means NO recommendations, NO bribing, NO emergency basis...nothing doing...What so ever happen, you will get your scooter only according to your booking number." ... Apart from this IMPORTANT thing to remember, rest we had to always keep in mind all the Golden Rules of Customer Service (like 'have a good posture', 'greet, smile while handling customers' etc etc).

Here, let me initial my friend as Miss. R. I and R was on D-day, rostered to be at the showroom and assist walk-in customers with all sort of queries they had. The morning was very hectic, as the showroom was filled with customers and the staffs had handful to take care of...We, the On-job trainees, were feeling proud that we were getting to work independently and so was busy giving 100% Customer Service to every single person who came in front of us. By afternoon, the showroom became almost vacant due heavy rain outside. I and R, tired of the heavy work proceeded towards the reception area. I released the Receptionist for her lunch and R sat in front of me, both of us easing down...

Suddenly, the phone rang. I picked up the phone and remembering the Golden Rules of answering a telephone call started talking:

Me: Good Afternoon, M Motors. May I Help You?
Customer:Ok, I want to buy a Honda Active
Me: Sure Sir, Can I have your name?
C: My name? For what???When can I get the scooter?
Me: Sure Sir. I can give you all information. But could you please give your name so that I can keep records of your query.
C: Oh, I am Thomas. I need Blue Colour. What're the documents you require?

(Gosh! three questions to answer. from where should I start...help me..especially because Mr. Ray Kurian is in the office. and I don't want to flop it up)

Me: Sure Mr. Thomas. We have five different colours of the model. But unfortunately, you will get the scooter only on booking basis. As per the present situation, we cannot promise you the scooter before 2 months.

C: WHATTTT? No way...I need it in one week.
Me: Oh, sorry sir. That wouldn't be possible. It's strict policy of the company. We can't jump the booking priority at any cost.
C: (a bit softly) I can pay extra for that
Me: Sorry Sir, It's not possible
C: I can ask one of the Ministers to recommend.
Me: Really Sir, I would love to help you. But this is not possible. I can make a booking for you and try to get it for you as soon as possible, but I can't promise you anything. It will depend upon how soon we get the scooters and the number of cancellations. But can't ever jump the priority.

(Till then, R was sitting in front of me facing me...She was showing me faces as if to ask me Who was it on the phone...)

C: Uhmmm...Ok then...Good...Give the phone to the lady sitting in front of you...
Me: Excuse me...?? What???
C: Give the phone to the lady sitting in front of you...I am Ray Kurian...
Me: (shocked) What..? (I looked to my side and saw him sitting at one of the chairs and he signalled me not to say anything and give the phone to R)...OK...

I gave the phone to R

Me: Answer the phone and handle the customer,I couldn't convince him, fast.
R: (covering the mouthpiece of the phone) Who is this?
Me: Some Customer...talk fast..talk carefully...

I tried alerting her with my facial expression..I winked at her and pointed my eyes to the direction Ray was sitting. Unfortunately, she mistook my alerting her as fun...She thought it was some friend calling to fool her...And _________....(remember, during this whole converstaion R was leaning towards the Reception table resting one of her hand on the table as if she was sleeping on it)

R: Hellloooooooo (as if she was singing)
C: Hello, I want a Honda Activa
R: Sooo??? Who is this??
C: Who are you?
R: Who is this???
C: I am Thomas. I need to know, when is the earliest I can get my scooter
R: Ohhhhhhhhh...Scooterrrrrr...Sure sure..you will get it now.. Come here... I can arrange one now only.

(She was really thinking that one of her friend was pulling a prank on her...)

C: WHAT???The other girl told NO...
R: (now fed up of the prank) So what, I told you, I will give..I will...Now stop joking..Who's this...???

(Between, I tried stopping her...and once I knew, she was in no mood to understand what I was trying to say..I stopped...and then enjoyed the conversation. I was trying hard to hold on to my laugh, imagining her face when she realise it is Ray Kurian.)

C: So, you think I am joking?? Ok...I am Ray Kurian.
R: Ahaaaaa...Now you are not Thomas. You are Ray Kurian.. Wonderful..haha!!!
C: I am Ray Kurian. Come to my office....
R: (sarcastically) OHHHHH Ray Kurian...HOW R UUU...

At this point, I intervened. I told her that it was indeed Ray Kurian and he's sitting at the other end...

You should have seen R's face.. All pale and white in colour...and shivering....

R: Oh, Sorry Sir..Sorry...I thought...I meant...I didn't mean to...
Ray: Miss. R, come to my office. I need to talk to you...

and the call ended

She was almost at verges of tears fearing that Mr. Kurian might blast her now for the silly behaviour...especially at the reception. I advised her to apologise for the mistake and try explaining the reason for her behaviour. (frankly, if it was me in her place, I would have eloped from the place long back..lol!)

Anyways, things went fine...She went and before he could say anything, she apologised and told him, that she thought it was some friends...Especially, because, I was already on phone for some time, she just thought so...and so on....Finally Ray said,"It's fine...But such situations could come in real life.. Even if it is your friend, don't behave so till you confirm it is your friend indeed..."...etc etc...

I am sure, R wouldn't have heard the full conversation as she was blank with embarassment and fear...She still get the shiver of her life remembering the embarassment she went through at that moment when on the phone she heard...

"I am Ray Kurian. Come to my office..."