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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

For No Reason...

There are times when even the broadest smile might fail that one drop of tear from falling off…that one drop that you have been trying to hold back…and it’s then that you feel stupid when you start wondering what were those tears for…and that’s when I realized that it is most difficult to hold back those tears which flow without any specific reason… because I am one such person who faces (quite often) the embarrassment caused by “Tears for no reason…”

Today, the sky is looming above me with dark clouds, as if they were waiting to pour down loads of rain any time…and I realized…, today even my mind was in the same state as the sky … my face was dark with my eyes all filled up with tears all set to overflow any moment…Such a coincidence…I wanted to cry…rather outpour my heart with my tears…

I had a rough night yesteray, with literally no sleep…It was more like being awake with sleeps in between...rather than sleeping and waking up in between…I woke up every 10-15mts and wondering if it was time to wake up and get ready to go to office…Finally, when I got into the car, …Seeing my face all blown up, my car-mate enquired…”Any probs?”… I started wondering, “What’s the problem? Why am I feeling this heavy feeling at heart…” …and without even my knowledge words escaped my lips…”Hey, Nopes…no probs at all…Just that I feel like crying…”…

Uhhh???? What did I say??? I wondered…and I knew even my mate was wondering…but still he managed to ask, “But why???”… and I found myself replying, “For no reason…I just feel like crying..and I am trying hard not to cry…” and it was true…My eyes were filled with those unwanted tears and there was that suffocating pressure rising inside me as if there was a heavy pain on my chest ….I wanted to talk to somebody…

I wanted to talk to my aunt...rather I wanted to cry out…scream out…Pour out all my tears…I knew only that would ease me off…She is the one to whom I doesn’t mind crying out…She would always try to understand my tears…on the other hand, if it was my mother…”my tears would bring tears on her eyes…and that would make things more terrible for me…and naturally I didn’t wanted to hurt my mom with my tears” …so I really wanted to talk to her…call her on phone…but, then…@&^%*, my mobile had no balance…and I was already getting late to office…and in this weather can’t afford to waste time on the road…as rain could make the forward trip horrible, if it started pouring…

I excused myself from giving company to my friend with an excuse of a headache (usually, when he drove, I talk and talk and talk..and that keeps him from sleeping off during the long drive from home to office daily morning )…I leaned back with closed eyes…turned my head towards the glass window… I knew, I was getting ready to pour out those tears…and I did exactly that…Those salty water was flowing hard from my eyes…and I was trying hard not to let my friend know…he could misunderstand the whole thing … he might take me for an idiot for crying without any reason...

Still I cried…cried for nothing…not knowing what exactly was hurting me…I vent out all those pressure that was building inside me…Some day soon, I will know…what was it that was giving me that pain that made me cry…till then, I have to call these salty water, “Tears for no reason”

1 comments:

Rohini Prasanth said...

oh this has happened to me too.. often something weighs heavily on the heart.. something we can not quite put a finger on.. and then the only solace is in letting it out. I have often baffled my husband by doing so!!