Holding on tight...

No more excuses for the long gap in here…Nor any promises to b regular here after…For I know, promises are meant to be broken…and smhow I know it too well…experience taught me tht…Its been years that I had started this blog… with a promise to myself, tht I will open up myself atleast here…but did I keep up the promise? I dint… I knew it more than anybody else as I was still telling out only what others knew or have heard…not those that could have been rightly called the “Deepest Secrets”.

Secrets…Is there anybody in this world who didn’t have one of those…I doubt…I had… and that too many…I had tried finding some one wz whom I could share my secrets…the deepest ones…Somehow, smthng in me, scared the wits out of me whenever I decided to finally throw it out…I never could. I knew, ideas of biography nor autobiography would never work in my case. Just for the reason that I was still not able to trust…Trust myself nor trust others around me…Thus, those secrets that I called Deepest got buried further deep…

Envy those of you, who could just pour it out and finish it off. Its almost end of another year. What’s in store for me in the coming year is also a secret. Would I have to safeguard my secrets still further long, I don’t know. But I know I have a yearning wish to just scream out to the world. The secrets I have been holding on to.

Clutching onto them as if they are dear to me

With a wish to let it go far away from me…

Why in the world did I chose to hold them

As if they were all and I had none other than them…

They are Frauds or we are Fools?

What should I say more? I just realized how can I spoil and waste a whole day of my weekend for NOTHING and that too pay an amount to do that….I am so miserable and disgusted that I want to raise an official Complaint on what happened to me and my sweet dear friend. Now will tel u the story.

When we found a very tempting offer for some beauty service, we were over excited. Still, to make sure, before purchasing, I called up the service providers and confirmed what was the deal. They said happily: 

• A Body Scrub
• 1 hour Body massage
• 1 hour Facial
• 1 hour Manicure/Pedicure

Wow! We said. And within minutes, we had the vouchers in our hand and all set to use it ASAP. Thus me and my friend took an appointment for the service today, at 12.00pm and we drove happily to the place. After much time of getting lost in the hot sun, we reached the place…Paying the parking fee was another sad part. But still, getting that much service for such a price, we didn’t care…Thus, the victims reported at the Venue exactly 10minutes before the appointment time. And here goes what happened after that.

11.50am to 12.25pm : Waiting at the lounge, chatting to each other and grumbling, why is it taking so much time.

12.25pm : A Royal Princess (lets name the staffs so) came and announced, “COME”

12.26pm to 12.30pm : We two Victims stood in front of the scrub room, not knowing WHAT TO DO.

12.30pm : Royal Soldier ordered, “COME INSIDE and BE READY”

12.40pm : We were back in the Changing room and they ordered, “Change to your dresses and go and WAIT. We don’t know what time we would be free”

12.51pm : Back in the Waiting Lounge

01.00pm to 01.15pm : A lady we have seen waiting from the time we were there started arguing with the Royal Princess. We understood that she has been waiting since 10.30am and been doing only WAITING. To worsen the situation the Royal Princess didn’t leave any leaf unturned to talk rudely with a CUSTOMER. We, like two guinea pigs, calmly listened to them, very well acting that we were not listening. We had decided to stay calm, as we didn’t want the Princess form a grudge against us too.

01.15pm to 02.15pm : Still Waiting

02.16pm : Princess summoned my friend to be seated at the Manicure chair…(Phew!!!Finally)

02.25pm : Royal Highness reported and ordered me to go in for the 1hour Massage. Happily I ran into the dark room.

02.30pm : A Royal Masseur started pressing my neck (I send a message to my friend, saying they started and she announced her Manicure is almost done, WHAT THE HELL, 14 minutes and Manicure done??? Ha, maybe they take more time for Pedicure, we sighed, hopefully)

02.48pm : Masseur announced she is done. WHATTTT? 1 hour has been changed to 18minutes, from when. Time is indeed flying, I wondered. An argument started…

02.55pm : After much discussion, she started punching my leg as if she wanted to open some nerves within. I said, better you press my neck as that is the area of concern.

03.05pm : She left the room, leaving me wonder, “WAS SHE ACTUALLY DONE OR SHE WENT FOR SOMETHING ELSE”

03.10pm : As she never returned, I found my place back in the Waiting Lounge. Gosh, my friend is missing. A message from her confirmed she started her Facial 5 minutes before (03.05pm) after a waiting period of 35 minutes. Great, atleast she wouldn’t be back for another 45 minutes minimum, I guessed.

03.22pm : I was ushered to the Manicure/ Pedicure chair.

03.25pm : My friend was back in the Waiting Lounge. 1 hour? So Fast?

03.35pm : Princess decided to come and sit to start Manicure for me.

03.40pm : My friend was dragged down to the Massage room. I messaged her to make sure that they do it atleast for her the full 1 hours. (how great a wish) This moment, I was trying hard not to let a sound out when the Princess was cutting off my finger skin. I calmly said, “Please be careful”

03.58pm : She was back, grumbling… “Cheating, Cheating…” I asked her to rush out and add on to the Parking fee so that we don’t end up with more loss of a fine.

04.05pm : Magically they finished Pedicure too. Maybe Pediure for them meant cleaning the toes and putting a coat of the Nailpolish. Atleast, they didn’t cut my toes off like they did with my hands.

04.08pm : My friend messaged me that her Pedicure which was pending had started.

  04.10pm : I dragged myself to the Facial Room.

04.15pm to 04.18pm : Royal Queen reported herself and took some cream and put one spot each on my cheeks and chin and forehead and switched ON the steamer and left the scene.

04.32pm : I screamed for the Queen to switch OFF the steamer and I wanted a Facial and not steamer. She asked surprisingly, “U don’t want steam?”. I replied, “I DON’T WANT IT FOR 20 minutes”. My friend messaged me, "These people are frauds, they didn't even clean the leg properly and when asked they said, this is what they offer."

04.35pm : She wiped off the cream on my face and announced that I have normal skin so she will put normal Peel-off mask and she applied the mask and left the scene. I knew it that less than 20 minutes and the Facial too was over.

04.40pm : I wiped off, whatever was on my face and grabbed our bag and left the scene.

04.45pm to 04.50pm : Sitting in the car, we tried calling any of the numbers where we could register an official complaint. Being weekend, all numbers were unanswered.

04.50pm to 05.25pm : As we were driving frantically to reach home, we had all curses for the service we just received. The traffic just infuriated the anger and depression within.

How we wished, we could kick their ASS off. How we wished we could register a complaint then and there about them. How we wish we hadn’t purchased that deal at all.

Paying that amount to take a shower, put on some cream on face and wash my legs and put a Nail Polish. We wanted to scream out loud….Aaaaaaagghhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Furious as we could be…

Now as I am sitting and trying to type this down with my completely scratched up Finger, I wonder…

 

“They are Frauds or We are Fools?”

NB: As we left, we had noticed another Victim already fighting with them for the long waiting periods and the dirty service they were providing. We wished her a Best of Luck and also added to try her best to make those $@^#&$% show some justice to their work...We had wasted more than 4 1/2 hours there to avail a service of less than 2 hours. I have typed down this timings, bcoz everytime we started smthing, I and my friend was BBM-ng each other. So we got the precise timing of our activity there.

Open Fire and attackkk...

I wish…I could change many things of my life…but that is so common a wish, isn’t it? Is there one person among us, who wouldn’t wish the same? Wont you wish if you could change something or the other of your life? I too do, but a bit over the board I feel. Bcoz, my list of Things to change is getting long after every day. I keeps wondering, why am I being so petty and silly. I don’t know, but I know something. If I should reduce the length of this list, then maybe the first thing that should be done is “Learn to take care of yourself before bothering about others”.

This is one advice I get to listen every now and then. “Stop bothering and getting worried of everything around you”. I too realize that I am not a Super woman to try making everybody happy, but then why am I not making myself stop from trying to…Its true that you can never find happiness by keeping everybody happy bcoz somebody’s happiness could be someone else’s sorrow. So by trying to make one happy, you might be knowingly or unknowingly hurting the other and then you end up feeling sad.

Ok, now, why am I blabbering all this philosophy. Naturally, I am upset. Or maybe I was upset. For what? Was it concerning me? No!!! But it was concerning a loved one, for sure… And the person hurting me was also a loved one. In such a case, what should I stand for? For the “Right as per my outlook” or the “Pre-set traditional norms and beliefs and above all the hierarchical positions”? Yesterday, I stood with my “YES” and naturally that was in other words hurting someone else’s feelings. My words were harsh too, I know. I shouldn’t have talked so. Especially, if we think of the hierarchy, it will never be expected from a person positioned at my strata of the levels.

Now, why I did so? Maybe my experience…my bitter experience made me behave so and I lost my control when somebody was acting forgetting the past. I just feel it so rude that “How can a man without a leg be stubborn to get a Boots”. “Why a man’s thoughts always go for the top even when he is in the deepest pits”? “Why a man can’t think that the way he looks up, the other person is seeing him much below”? If a frog sitting inside the well can yearn to be up outside the well, why wouldn’t a lion in the land wish to get to the skies…

I hate this…I have gone through the bitter consequences of such a thought. If not for that, maybe my life would have been much different today. I know, how it feels, when somebody is being discriminated just because you don’t have what the other side expected to get. I can’t blame anybody here. If you wish to eat a Sweet dish and end up getting a Diabetic meal, naturally, you get irritated and upset and frustrated on the one who served it. But then can we blame the other, who might have served it because of lack of sugar….Atleast he served a meal with whatever he had in stock. So how can you blame him?

This is exactly what happed in her life. If not me, then who else know her better. The discrimination she had gone through just for the reason that she didn’t have what they wanted. She shared all her feelings with me and only me. Not even her parents actually knew, how sad she felt for the way she was being looked upon. She has always dreamt of having a Home where she is “Wanted and loved by all”. She was sure, she would get it some day. When she went there, with the high hopes of a Home Sweet Home, she felt, she was in a Hotel Apartment, where she is expected to pay the room rent plus all other charges that come along with it. But then, to stay in a 5 Star hotel, you need to give an advance and since she didn’t have it, naturally, the treatment was different than what she would have got if she had paid her advance. She didn’t, she couldn’t and more than anybody else, they knew it.

Before she even decided to go there, she had made her part clear to the other side. Nothing seemed fishy and everything seemed heavenly and welcoming. But then the secrets were unveiled only once she entered the real world. I know…till date, she feels bad and sad for not able to change her status from an “Unwelcomed Guest” to a “Member of the Family”. She knows, whatever she does is not of any value and their expectations are different. Now, knowing her life inside-out, the feministic me always get hyper, when I see, similar situations in the life around me. I just never could accept if any member of my large family make divisions and separations on different basis such as gender, money, religion, caste etc. My blood boils and I start arguing and fighting with nails and claws. I wouldn’t stand another female go through it, atleast not in my family or because of my family. I understand, there is a valid point on the other side too. But, I can’t accept OPEN-FIELD discrimination.

That is what happened yesterday. I know guys, you understood nothing. But then, as I said in the beginning. I am upset. I had to vent it out smwhere. After a big, loud Feministic speech yesterday with a loved one, I was literally shivering from head to toe. I wished I could control my anger then, but I couldn’t and naturally supporting one side, I have hurt the other..hmmm!!! Thanks to a friend, who was there then to talk NOTHING but EVERYTHING and change my mind and calm me down…Else, I would have spoiled the whole evening and the moods of others around me too. And for the one I have hurt, hope he just forgets the conversation like how I am doing now…

Inspite of realizing all this, if you ask me, how I would react in a similar situation some other time…I would say…

“Open Fire, Attack….”

What to believe and what not to?

Experiences really confuse one’s thoughts…I am confused…to believe or not to…to trust or not to…I realize one thing…If I decide to stand by my belief, then I can save myself from being looked upon as an Idiot. But if my belief is wrong, thennnn…I have to start wondering, how we can believe anybody in today’s world. How realistically could somebody be fooled…Now the story goes on like this…

Matrimonial sites are a common practice in today’s world to find a soul mate for the future brides or grooms…Now, there is a groom in our family, who has been searching for his bride for sometime now. Different criterions which is above our control limits always was a barrier to finalise on one girl of his choice. Horoscope, looks, compatibility and what not…All that he demanded was, he want a slim, educated, independent yet homely girl for a wife…But the family behind him had much more to see to…Thus, went on his search for the perfect match…I never got involved into this search parade that was happening in the family. But circumstances forced me to finally sit in front of the computer screen and search for that ONE girl…

During one such searches, I liked the profile of one girl. Lets call her ‘G’. We send an interest and the interest was accepted by the girl’s side. Within a day, they confirmed they have checked horoscope match and it is a match and they would like to proceed. The girl having only a mother as her father passed away years back, the only conversation happened was between the girl’s mother and the girl. All that was seen was the girl’s photograph as seen in the matrimonial site or FB. It was finalized through phone calls that further talks will be made once the boy’s family reach the native place.

Details of the girl’s family was never revealed, such as the exact address of their house or their ancestors. Everytime the question came up, it was just put off with some change of topic of conversation. Nothing looked weird or nothing seemed suspicious, atleast for then…The bride-to-be and the groom-to-be was allowed to talk and know each other through phone calls. All this had happened within 2 weeks…and on the third week the boy’s family reached native land.

Now started the string of incidents which is far away from my understanding…As from phone calls, we were being informed such a large number of Odd stories…such as the Girl was an adopted girl, the mother is sick and what not…and within a month, we were informed that the girl’s Mother passed away…NOWWW…when we asked if we can attend funeral, they (still ladies on the phone) told us that it is not auspicious for the groom’s to attend a funeral before any other sacred function. True, the opinion was genuine, but…

Now the questions that arised in the mind of family members were… 

1. Why NO men in the family never spoke to any of us?
2. Why were they NOT giving us the complete address?
3. Is there actually such a girl and family?
4. Was it just an online fraud by some silly naughty brat of a girl?
5. Was it just that the girl was talking to us in different voice and was making up stories to avoid any progress in the wedding procedures?

Our family reached to a conclusion…

“The whole episode is fake and it was just a prank of some girl.”

Family was fuelling with anger and irritation. They never wanted to even discuss this topic ever in the house. They didn’t accept the options of “Maybe all the incidents were TRUE and it was just unfortunate that all those happened coincidentally.” “Maybe, the tensions in their house was the reason for the incompleteness of conversation or information provided”… The whole family just announced… “Now, even if the Girl is genuine and the family too is, we don’t want the boy to marry her”. For them it was Fraud. They were cheated. Past experience supported their view point.

Now, the other side is…The boy was completely shaken, eventhough he never showed it out. Within those few days of knowing the girl through phone, he might have had built a mental attachment towards her. After all, why won’t he? The way she spoke to each of us, atleast, I could never think otherwise about the girl’s genuinity. She was soo homely and loving as we could feel from the phone conversations. Beautiful in looks as we had seen from her photographs.

Present Tense:

As far us all of us are concerned, the proposal is off and the search continues. The girl is still in touch with me and some of us through FB. She apologized for all miscommunication, but attributes them to the situation that happened in their house then, i.e. her mother’s death and her knowing that she was an adopted girl. Maybe she is true, maybe all that was just coincidental…but the damage has been done.

I had liked her a lot…and that hurts…in two ways…

• If the girl is genuine then all that happened was unfortunate and we missed a nice girl…
• If the girl is fake, then how smartly were we cheated and makes me wonder, "Can anybody act sooo well and so realistically cheat a whole family…

What to believe and what not to?

Just back...

Ok guys…so our National Airline didn’t cheat us. We went off ON time and reached the destination with all my luggage intact…Yeah, that was another fear…whether they will fly with us. They did!!! To be frank, whatever said and done, I feel, the service is much better off than many other airlines who claim to be the best. Budget airlines means NO food, NO water, NO baggage…nothing…for many of them…and if you decide to pay for all this stuff separately, it counts upto almost same as any other airlines who doesn’t categorize themselves under the “Budget” airlines.

The days after we landed was nothing less than a fast-forwarded movie…Still cant believe that I am already back. Am I happy to be back? Yesssss, happier, happiest…Maybe a little less than my son, who literally cried to fly back to our ‘Home Sweet Home’ here. Now, for him, the WHY had only one answer. He was tired of all the Mosquito bites, lizards on the walls, cockroaches that had a free will to go anywhere they wanted, ants who had their final word on who to bite and where to…His whole body looked like a patch worked field. His fair skin was filled with red swelling wounds or scratches or little bumps. The day he returned, he had 6 red balls on his forehead, due to the Dinner party the Mosquitoes had the previous night. Maybe they used his forehead as the dessert. Anybody who saw him, sympathized with his plight. When I saw him scratching in front of people, I felt embarrassed, even if I very well knew he couldn’t resist. When I couldn’t, how could he.

And for me, I wished, I never went. My allergy soar to the extreme heights. I knew what were my allergens that was making each day worse. But, what to do, I could do nothing to avoid them, unless I decided to place myself inside a Glass box and expect somebody to drag me around. Not a single day went without me sneezing through out or without a blocked nose. I wished I could cut them off and throw them out. Haaa!!! Medicines which were not fully recommended for a prolonged use were used thru out the vacation period, so that I would have atleast few hours of time when I could use my nose to breathe. My nose got wounded with the continuous usage of tissue paper or hanky. By the time, I was back, I couldn’t even touch my nose, let alone wipe it.

The Villains were many…The beautiful rain which filled moisture in the air blocking my nose. The breezy rubber trees emitted pollens to instigate my sneezes. The smoke in the manual stove made me wheeze for a tinge of air to breath. The dust in the roads wouldn’t let me even open my eyes. The dogs in my aunt’s house gave me fits of cough and sneezes. Mosquitoes ate me up and flew around with fresh blood from abroad. Maybe they passed the word around that two new samples are in town. So on a daily basis, the number of bites increased. I swear, they have a good networking skill.

The pressure of mental / emotional torture was nothing less compared to the physical attacks. Complaints from relatives for not marking my attendance at their residence, the MOMENT I stepped my foot into the airport was one among the many. How could they expect that I can do that, when 1001 expect the same. I couldn’t please all. Physical visits to each one was another expected behavior from us. And if we fail to do that, be ready to face the wrath. I know, it is due to their love for us, but…Cant they realize that we went for some important function and I had my own responsibilities to be fulfilled towards both my family and my in laws too…10 days and 1001 things to do!!! At one point, it just fell off my mouth to an aunt, “Aunt, It is at such moments that I wish, we fought with all relatives. So that we will not be expected to do this house-visits.” She laughed…But grrrrr to my loose talk. Anyways, I haven’t received any after effect of that dialogue I passed innocently. Hmm…

Another mental torture that I cant bear from relatives is their advising tendency. Each one acts as if they are living MY life and things happen as they think. When would they realize that each one of us is a separate individual and issues in our life are different because we live with different people in different situations. For them, a wife means “SLAVE” and they get shocked when they see I match nowhere near that picture. They pity on my husband for the same. His face in front of their exclamatory comments irritates me more. At one point I just shouted back, “It is always green on the other side. Lets not discuss about a life which I am living same as I shouldn’t be advising on yours. What is right for you might be wrong for me and vice versa. If you still want things to be the way you want, then try doing it from all aspects and not just put the weight on my head.” It is easier to preach than to implement.

Anyways, can write all the sad part for one big nice part. My grandpa's happiness…The occasion I had actually gone for happened with all its colour…Was so happy to see my grandpa’s smiling face and happiness when his b’day was made special… His grandchildren (me being the first in the row) had our own surprises for him and with many such surprises, the day went off well. Good food and a huge crowd made it more wonderful. Wishing my Grandpa many more years of good health and happiness…

Signing off for now…

With Fingers Crossed...

Ok, So I am going on a short leave to God’s own country…Was never planning to go so soon…I was there just few months back…but what to do, if you are close to your family, anything special in their life automatically becomes special for me too and I end up crossing the airport exit…This time, it is too much special. My grandpa’s milestone bday. I don’t wanna tell you, how old is he, but still he is old and strong and handsome still…Touchwood…

Now, the idea came up couple of months back, when I initiated an email to all the kids (my uncles and aunts) and grand kids (cousins) about an idea of giving a surprise to grandpa on his bday… Positive response from all of them…thus startd thinking what, how, when, where and all. Evrything was decided, all that was not decided was the Air Tickets to reach back home. Being holiday season and the public holidays during tht week, was the most favourable time for almost all the airlines. Our National Airline, as usual was not reliable and the everlasting strike made us think 100 times, if we should book ticket in there. The other airlines who were doing the FAVOUR (yes they act as if they are doing a favour, even after we paying a fortune on the tickets) was acting as if, they prefer going without passenger rather than taking us in…grrr!!! Flights were un available or full or fares cannot be shown. Finally with much Optimistic thoughts, that within 2 months our Government will listen to the people who are striking and the strike will end and the flights would go normally… So by the time, our fly out date comes, everything would be normal…And as if the government heard our wish, within a week of us purchasing a One-way ticket, the strike was over and the flights started flying.

Yipeee, so we were safe. Now, next question was to get a return ticket. Inspite of all the confusions about the national airline, there was NO return flights available on it. Else, we need a minimum of 45 days leave to come back. Majority flights were full and those that had tickets were almost asking me to sell off my property or gold to pay their ticket prices…Direct flights were almost close to impossible. Thus I started looking for options via different neighboring states. Gosh, even that was not so cheap. Finally, I got a good deal…Take a 12 hours train to our neighbors, be their guest for half a day and take a flight from there the next day. As my aunt lived in the same city, it was not a bad idea. I cud enjoy the train journey too and also not tear my pocket off.

So all fixed. Now came up another issue. What to wear on the D-day… My stupid bro came up with a divine idea that all grand kids go in WHITE… what the hell, are we doves or carriers of peace. Together we were nothing less than real time Devils. Hmm..No comments!!! Thus my search for a WHITEEEEEEE dress started… Sari was a NO-NO for me as I didn’t wanted smbdy to walk with me to hold it on… Looking for something different and at the same time not much expensive. I knew it would be a one-time wear costume. So didn’t wanted to shed more money on something that’s gonna stay inside my cupboard for the rest of its life…

As I walked thru every single garment shops, I found not a single pure white dress and the ONLY ONE piece that I found cost more than my Wedding costume. Gosh!!! Was it that inflation was too high or my pocket was too small…God knows!!! Finally, 3 weeks before our departure flight, I found a place where they could stitch beautiful gowns (which my people back home would insultingly address as FROCKS as small girls wear) and I got a good bargain. The thunder struck soon after I gave my order for the dress and got into the car…

An RJ said… “Many callers have confirmed that they have received an SMS saying that their flights to X, Y, Z for the dates from ……. to…… has been cancelled”. WHAT THE HELL!!! I dint get any sms. My flight not cancelled. Thank god! Wait a minute, but flight numbers and dates are matching. Maybe the whole thing is a SPAM. Yes, it is. I confirmed to myself. I was trying to pacify myself, maybe. But deep inside, I was just hoping that I could reach my laptop and see if the news was true. Later when I googled, NO such cancellation news were in the news. Thanks to god, it’s all a SPAM.

Two days later, I decided to sign in to my flight details and assign seats for myself and kid. Better than getting seats at two different corners of the aircraft. After all, flights were going full. As I entered my PNR (Passenger Name Record) number, in red I saw that dreaded message. “We regret to inform you that your flight has been cancelled. You can either book for a later date with NO additional cost or request for a complete re-imbursement”. I couldn't read properly, as I felt I might faint. With a foggy vision and shivering voice, I passed the news to Mom too. I heard a gasp frm her too. I had to now look for options, if at all I had any.

Reimbursement, my foot!!! This last moment, which airline would take me. I am NO sacrificial goat that they would feel pity on me and load me into their luggage container. I was literally depressed. I looked for earlier dates and realized that as per their new schedule, there were no flights at all till that day. With prayers, I checked for the next day, and yipeee, yes, their first flight after the long break, was ON the very next day. I was losing just 1 day. It was better than never going at all, afterall, the function was after 3 days of our departure flight. I immediately made necessary booking amendments for the next day’s flight before somebody else decided to take that ticket too.

Uhm, so thats the flashback. I was supposed to fly today. I should have been in the aircraft now. But still, not too late, tomorrow I can fly. I have my tickets. I have my luggage packed. I have my passports ready. NOW, if and only if the AIRLINE decides to give me a heart attack…I wouldn’t be attending my grandpa’s bday celebration. Don’t even remind me of such a situation…All our hopes are on them, the “Gods of our National Airline”…Please don’t let us down…

With heart full of prayers and fingers crossed…

How Pathetic...

It was my first day to the Salsa classes. I myself was worried that I was driving all alone after 9pm to a place that I was not much familiar with looking for the Dance class. It was with much difficulty that I could finally find the building and I parked my car and walked to the high rise building. As it was already sometime past Iftar time, the place was not so crowded and the few people that was around was inside the walls of the Restaurants that lined the road on the sides of the dance class building.

As I walked towards the dim lit reception of the building, I suddenly heard a camera click…I had noticed a short man sitting at the steps of the building entrance having a puff…I noticed that he was sitting in such a position that his right hand had his cigarette…and the left hand had a mobile. If we casually look at his posture, there would be no doubt of his intentions for holding the cell phone the way he had.

It took few seconds for me to actually think twice about the click that I had heard as I was walking past him. By then, I had entered the building entrance and the click that was similar to a mobile camera click got me a bit concerned. I turned to look through the glass door to find the origin of the click. I noticed that the guy was staring at his mobile and at the same moment, he too noticed that I was looking at him. He immediately kept the phone aside and resumed smoking as if the whole thing was just normal…

Something in me forced me to walk back to him and I did exactly that and stood behind him. With his back towards me, he was sitting on the steps and I started off…

“Excuse me, Can I see your mobile?”

“Why, Madam. Nothing Madam”

“Did I say, there is anything. I just want to see you mobile. Give me your phone, please”

“What Madam, there is nothing Madam.” (and he started scrolling his mobile’s scroll button)

“I would just like to see your camera, give me your phone” (I was shivering with anger already)

“Nothing Madam..” (still scrolling back and forth the menus)

“I said, GIVE ME THE PHONE…or you want me to call the Police?”

“For What Madam..” (he started the Video Camera Mode)

“No, not the Video Camera. I want to see the Photos. I feel, you clicked some picture on it. Let me just see…”

“No, Madam. You had misunderstood. I clicked NO picture” (now he clicked Photo Camera mode and closed it immediately)

“That’s fine, lemme confirm it myself. You better show me the picture album. If you don’t know how to get into there, then GIVE ME YOUR PHONE or else let me call the police, that’s better”

(I started dialing Police number and he finally clicked ON the Photo Album. While he was quickly scrolling the pictures to the bottom, I saw some shirtless pics of the guy himself…that was clicked by himself… At that moment, I had a doubt, if he was just clicking his own picture. Still…)

“Give me the phone, I will check myself.”

“Nothing Madam, I showed you. There is nothing” (he was closing his phone)

“I will decide that.” (and I snatched the phone from his hand)

As I scrolled all the way to the top of the pics, I found the picture I was looking for. My photo, that was clicked when I was walking past him. Maybe, because I was a fast pacer while walking or maybe because he was slow to click it, the picture was Out of focus and shaken. I could understand it was my picture, due to the colour of the dress I was wearing. I completely lost whatever patience I had.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THEN? I am asking you, what is this then? Is this not my picture?” (he wasn’t even looking at me then and had turned his face to the other side facing the wall)

“Sorry Madam, maybe by mistake.”

“Ok, if this was a mistake, then what are these…”

I was pointing at the numerous photos of females clicked in similar positions. It was clear that the photos were clicked without their knowledge as they were walking past that road. Many girls’ side views, back side, legs and so on. It was clear from the pictures that he was a nerd, a psycho.

“I am going to call the Police”

“Sorry Madam, sorry. By mistake please…”

I was deleting my photo then. As I walked in, I was confused as to call the Police or not. Too late in the night and I was alone. Calling the Police meant, I had to stay back still late. Then I noticed the building's Watchman. He was lavishly relaxing at the building's reception lounge. I informed him of what happened and asked him to do the needful and I went up to the Dance class. Once I reached there, I regretted not deleting rest of the photos. I saved myself, but what about all those other girls. I immediately informed the Management of the Dance School and one of them went down to see what can be done.

As I walked out of the class, that night, I was informed that all the pictures were deleted and he was informed to the Owner/Manager of the restaurant he was working for. He was a Delivery boy at one of the cafeteria just next door. He was given a verbal warning and his mobile confiscated. I just hope that, he wasn’t shrewd enough to had transferred the other photos to any computer or laptop. Hmmm.

How pathetic can some be? Every single day just confirms my opinion on such psycho characters. How I wish people start respecting each other and think a hundred times before they try finding enjoyment in silly and dirty pranks. Wouldn’t they ever change? Are we destined to live with such lowless creatures that should have been long locked up at some mental asylum and treated properly with enuf amount of shock treatments. Experiences  gets me frustrated with such specimens who share our mother earth with us. I still wonder what he get with what he was doing…

How Pathetic…

L’il boy down the Lane...

Its been a couple of posts that I spoke about strangers, chat friends, virtual friends and all. But strangely, lately, I got friendly with a stranger…lol!!! I knowww…u r saying, NOT AGAIN…hmmm…what to do guys…How much ever I keep off from any new relations, I end up making a new one…and I end up considering them as close friend or brother or sister or uncle or aunt or…whatever… Just doesn’t seem to practice what I preach to myself…

Anyways, I will tell u about this person…Before that, lemme tell you about my last few rendezvous with strangers in the world of Chat…As I told you, the Chatting business is no longer a mode of hobby for me…Yes, there was a time, when I sought to chat to anonymous strangers just to while off time and also to just pretend that ALL IS WELL. With time and age, maybe I changed and I lost interest in it and thereafter, chatting was a rare thing for me. This was what was happening for past 7-8 years… Let me tell, I did make friends among strangers still, through this blog… Got a couple of sweet and nice friends with whom I exchange mails once a while…

A couple of years back, some person who had a similar name of one of my classmate added me on my messenger. Mistaking him to be my ex-classmate, I did add him and as soon as I started talking to him, I knew, this is not the same person. Basically, being a friendly outgoing character, I dint immediately delete him and did chatted with him once a while. With a few chats, I realized, he wasn’t worth being a friend so I blocked him off. I always hated people who tried acting smart and I kept my distance with them. Maybe my life experience really scared me not to get close to any strangers…hmmm!!!

Now, let’s come back to the Stranger, I befriended recently…I will be precise about the information… On May 2, 2012, I get a friends request from an old office mate. Those days, I chatted with my aunt or few friends from school days once a while as and when they were ON and I was free enuf to type down… They were all very short chats and never cud actually sit online to even browse the net. Life was flying too fast for me then… That’s when he added me.

It was years later that I am hearing from this guy. He had actually just disappeared running off from some financial issues. So, naturally, the curiosity to know what happened to him was there and that urged me to chat with him. Still, I started the chat by checking if it was him or not, and ALAS, it wasn’t him. It was some guy from somewhere else. The first thing I did was to apologize to him and explain to him that I mistook him for somebody else and that’s why I accepted his friend’s request. I even deleted him off from my friends list. I wasn’t going to take any chance with strangers, I knew it.

Haha!!! What a joke…Everyday, he started my day with his wishes and very childish comments and jokes. I was busy with work, and his comments brought a smile. As days passed, he confided to me that, “He was actually using some fake id” and he revealed his real identity…I wasn’t surprised or shocked, as I had no expectations of this stranger and above anything, “I was a complete a stranger for him too.”

Thus we became friends. With a little bit of investigation into the information he gave about himself and his jovial nature, I accepted him into my list of friends. We spoke about anything and everything… Philosophy, Comedy, Realities, Life, Accidents, Past (his past…hmmm…remember, I still opted to stay as a mystery). He was part of the Management team of a business establishment, but what I saw was the child in him. The way he joked and got upset for silly things, I was actually so busy mocking and teasing him for his childishness.

Amidst all the busy schedule and problems of life, this BIG friend is a mood twister. This is the moment when I realized, how a little strangeness can make a difference…Only in the land of strangeness can we do all the madness we want to…That’s what our friendship was and is… With NO ties or bonds, we are just two individuals who live their life in two different parts of the world but share a Virtual bond of friendship with NO expectations…You give or you take, who cares!!! Its been years that I had a friend with whom I cud be so…Like a kindergarten kid…haha!!! That’s how a child should be, right? How true, that how much ever we grow, we should try to find time to nurture the child in us and that would keep you afresh…Not sure of the expiry date of such relations, but as long as it stays, I prefer to "live it"...

By the by, we did have a big fight too…that too for the most silly reason, lol!!! Would you believe that? Anyways, I have no regrets and wil have no regrets because how can a child do justice to friendship without arguments and fights. We too did… The philosophical ME acted the BIG GIRL when he was angry and maybe that irritated him more, but I enjoyed that too. He still doesn’t know much about me, rather anything about me… So I can be anything for him…A Monster or an Angel…When we joke, we r angels and when we fight we are monsters…lol!!!

As expected, like any other kid, he came back saying sorry and with his usual self of stubbordness… “When I say sorry, U SHOULD accept it and start talking to me…” haha!!! So sweet of him…Was I angry with him, Naaaah!!! Afterall, for me…he is the child in me…the drop of sillyness in the sea of maturity…the boy who takes me back to world of nursery rhymes…he is the…

“L’il boy down the Lane...”

To regret or not to…???

As I was sitting doing nothing, I started wondering on life as a whole. I thought of the life around me, near me and above all my own life. I couldn’t actually differentiate what exactly was I feeling on a whole about it. Yes, it was a mixture of all the emotions a human could feel. I too felt all that. The emotions were sooo soo intense that it completely changed my mood. Maybe I wasn’t thankful for the things I had, maybe I wasn’t able to appreciate the good things more…Whatever the reason be, the feeling that dominated was a negative one…So I felt like noting them down so that I learn to remove the minus and change them to pluses of my life… not all but few of the phases of my life which I cud never erase off…

Welcoming S:

The relation was of high purity but the person was not. S turned the child in me to wonder what is what and is life a secret. The confusion that he created in my little immature mind was more than enuf for me to start holding on to secrets…I felt that the whole world’s problems stayed on my tiny shoulders and I had to stand still to avoid any problems to anybody in this world. Was I wrong? Yes, I was. But the damage was done. Neither I tried helping myself nor anybody cud guess that I needed help.

Optimistically: I grew up knowing how to safeguard myself and how to differentiate what is what and but still left me wondering "Why so...".

Rejecting R:

It was not a big mistake when I rejected an offer that R made. But still I feel, maybe if I had taken up his offer, I would have atleast not suffered all that I had suffered in my life in the future. Life and I would have been much different today, if that day I went against a chance to re-design my life.

Optimistically: I am happy today, that my that decision gave life to somebody else who deserved the offer much more than I deserved. For, if I had accepted the offer, it would have been just a momentary infactuative decision, but for the other it meant the life…

Entertaining K:

At that age, what was K was a confusing question. Supporting one meant destroying another…learnt this lesson too late. Atleast, it dint do much damage to my life, inspite of the scar it left. A mark that will shine if the sun’s rays fall on them. Wish I could erase it off…

Optimistically: It was one support system that I could rely on at that time and age. Even if the years of growth scared me, still it helped me to grow into a woman with Consciousness and strength to fight injustice.

Accepting V:

In the book of life, there would always be a page which would bring a great twist to the story. Mine came in when V was accepted to enter my system of life. A decision made amidst trouble will only bring trouble. But, by the time I realized it, I was in a pool of mental trauma and problems. V’s Obsession and possessiveness was leading me to think of suicide as a safe option. Forgetting that I was a woman with my own rights, I took everything that he injected into me in silence.

Optimistically: He changed me…Of all the lessons I had learnt till then, this was the best and the most powerful one. Never surrender your Self Respect and Self Esteem in front of anybody…Be it your father or husband, stand by what you feel is right and do not fear the voice of a barking dog. Opt not to run off but to fight back for your survival.

Disregarding P:

Priorities were different then. Experiences were bad by then. To hold on to something was equivalent to be insecure again and I feared insecurity. Trusting outsiders was not in my cards, I thought. And there I made a mistake by leaving my life into the hands of some supernatural beliefs. Thus I ignored the chance that could have again changed my life. Conveniently, I hid behind walls of unrealistic beliefs.

Optimistically: I don’t know, what to say. Maybe, that was what was best for both of us. God had better plans, maybe. This is one point where I couldn’t find much optimistic thoughts to support my decision.

Believing N:

An episode that can never be erased off. Mistake if I think from a realistic point of view and stupidity when I think of it with my heart. To follow my heart and then stand by the practicality. I was stupid enough to do that. But then, I never wud learn...

Optimistically: Happy that I didn't drag someone else into a life that would have been a roller coaster ride. Atleast someone out there is living a life that was his choice and not taking a fake ride. At some point, maybe God was kind enuf to someone.

Compromising with Reality…

Of all the things I have done or not done…suffered or not suffered…I realise, I shouldn't have let another person take a decision on my life. 'Never should you compromise with your own life for somebody else’s sake'. I learnt it the hard way. At this point, I would say, that its late for me to do a come back. But reality is “Better Late than Never”. I know, its easy said than done. How long can I compromise is a mystery, but I would as long as I can…

Optimistically: With this big compromise of my life, I have my life with me, now…It is the food for my breath and the reason for me to live…My life is all that I have today…I am not sure, what is in hold for me in my life tomorrow, but today, I have my life with me and that makes me worth living…

Apologies to all of you who read this and got confused… I know, the vagueness in the post would have made you feel blank and lost by now. You might have even misunderstood many things that I said. Might have even thought of stories that could be no where near the reality. But what to do friends, I was telling things that is never supposed to be told. Still, I tried telling as much as I can. From what I said, you can understand one thing that I always tried depending on another person for the forward motion of my life. Mostly, it had an inverse effect and I realise, every new phase was actually trying to teach me a new lesson. But, sad is the fact that I never could learn much. Now, you tell me. What should I do… What can I do…

To regret or not to…???

What the HELL!!!

When I was talking to you about my friend who married a stranger turned chat friend turned lover turned husband, I started thinking of my own experiences with strangers…Let me be honest and tell you, I have had few years of very addicted chatting. Spoke to strangers, made friends and if I really think back, some of my still close friends are those I got thru chat…I was lucky enuf to earn not much frauds as friends…These friends are known to my family and they are close to them too…

Would you believe, I have faced some psycho characters in real life…Unfortunately, Strangers from the Virtual world were much safer than these people…Who was part of the Real world around me but chose to be Strangers and then tried messing my life…Literally, I faced quite some trouble keeping them off my life…

I was 17 or 18 years when this boy started literally making my life hell by following me everywhere… I never saw him face to face, except for his Love letters which I tore off or the phone calls which I never answered… I still remember the day when my neighbor cum friend came all scared and told me, “One guy stopped my cycle on my way back from class today. He threw my cycle over the wall into the neighboring house compound and threatened me that I shouldn’t walk with you or talk to you.” WHAT THE HELL!!!

Years later, there was this character who used to regularly call my home and shout at my mom for fixing my marriage with somebody else other than him…As per him, ‘He wanted to marry me and was waiting for his career to get settled. And when he came to seek my hand from my parents, I was already engaged’. Now, do I know him? NO!!! Have I made any claims to him that I would marry him? NO! How would I when I doesn’t even know who he is…I still wonder who tht person is who knew me and my family inside out…and was obsessed to marry me…Until I had to answer his call and threaten to put him behind bars…What he claimed was that he knew me from my native land and followed me to be around me… WHAT THE HELL!!!

Another guy, went one step ahead when he called my husband, my then fiancée and warned him not marry me…else face consequences…I had to again intervene as my husband was ignoring tht call. I cudnt, as it was matter of my pride too. I called him and bashed him on the phone. When I asked him, if I even knew him, he had to shamelessly say that I dint know him, but he knows me…He met me at my work place and was secretly loving me, it seems…WHAT THE HELL!!!

There was this another peculiar character…lol!!! He knew me through my CV which I had sent to the company he too was working for. This guy contacted me in reference to a job vacancy and soon got friendly. I knew it from the initial talk itself that this guy was an Insecure and Silly character. Being me, I started my counseling service…To hell with me…which reached to an extent where this guy got so attached to me…I have never met him…He knew how I looked through the picture my CV had…When he knew, my marriage was fixed, he was distraught. He even called my fiancée and like a Mental character wished him a Happy Married life…I remember, my husband telling me how I manage to get friends with such characters. How true…me and my psychological approach….Would you like to know more of this guy… ‘He got married, had a kid. He called me then and asked my permission to name his baby girl my name’… WHAT THE HELL!!!

Now, I don’t hate these guys…But somebody from the family really earned a lot of my hatred. He was a cousin to my cousin’s husband. This guy came into my life posing as a female. Started chatting with me with a fake id, Priyanka. It was the time, when I was going thru a major depression phase of my life and naturally a girl friend with whom I could speak openly was a boon. I spoke openly about my life and problems and sought her advice. Only much later I knew it was actually him. I felt so betrayed. More frustrating was that, I couldn’t show it to him, being a relative. But, with that, the trust factor was lost and I avoided any interaction with him as much as possible.

But, to worsen up the old memories…Recently, my mom told me something. This guy had saved my chats on the Desktop of my cousin's system (as he was chatting from my cousin’s place)…, wherein I had shared some problems of mine. My cousin and her husband had read these chats too. Past 10 years, they never cared to tell / warn me of the same. Now, for whatever reason, my cousin told my mom of the same and asked my mom to warn me to keep off from that man. Now, who should I hate more? WHAT THE HELL!!!

They say that there are frauds in this world who can destroy your life through Internet Chatting, Missed Call maniacs and what not…But in my case, you tell me…Which was safe… ‘The Real or the Virtual World…’. What more can I tell, other than,

“What the HELL!!!”

Isn't Life Strange…

Do you speak to strangers? I mean complete strangers…I know, many of us grew up with our parents warning us not to talk to strangers…Me too, but I also know that I have never actually followed their rule and has myself fallen into trouble due to tht…I have even posted my experience with a stranger years back…a very nerve wrecking experience it was…and did I learn anything from that incident??? I suppose, NO…bcoz, tht never stopped me from getting friendly with strangers…Why I started all this up was… was to actually share with u a strange relation with a stranger…A flashback frm my life

The heroine of this story is not me, but my friend…Now, this happened years back, when I was trying to actually replenish my skills in art by learning some multimedia…I met her there…I still remember, seeing her for the first time…In age, she was older than me…but, the way she behaved, I wondered was she a child…I always thought of myself as a talkative…but she was…TAAAAALKATIVE…or lets say…Chirpy….(now those were the days, when I was struck with the Obsessive / possessive relation and naturally, I was scared to even talk to anybdy…)…I always saw her entering the computer lab with a hard push on the door, with a broad smile and big hello to anybdy and everybody who sat in tht room..She knew them or not, God knows…atleast I dint know her…

I saw her intruding into everybdy’s table…hehe!!! Joking and talking as she went past each person…She knew everybody? I wondered…Now, how and when I became friends with her…I forgot…rather the years erased off tht memory from my brain…But, soon, she was with me every evening…we used to sit together with another friend and do our projects together…It was with her, I dared to do some of the craziest things for the first time in my life…

Like, riding a Scooter..not alone, but with two of them…a Triples…to top the craziness, we drove all the way up in a one way road and faced the Police Patrol car….and still managed to come out of the mess without much damage…lol!!! She was all SET for anything…when we three wanted to go smwhere…she would say… “Why waste money on auto..lets go Triple”…hmmm…and we did…

For first time, I bunked classes and went to a Coffee joint…I don’t take coffe, but ofcourse burgers…and imagine, 3 girls and none of us has a Pocket money to boast about…we would literally count every single coins we could find from our purse and if we managed to get atleast Rs 6…will buy one Chocolate pastry cake and then we three would share and eat tht…we could share tht one cake for the maximum of one whole hour…lol!!! We never tried holding on for more time, bcoz we never knew, when the shop owners felt like throwing us out…

We laughed aloud for the most stupidest things…got serious for the most silliest issue…and gossiped as if tomorrow never wud come…Think, those were few months of my life, that I would wish would come back…

Ohh, I went out of the main point…Strangers…now…she is the one who introduced me to talking to strangers professionally..hahah!!! Yes, I meant…Chatting...Chatting in public chat rooms…gosh…I was such a baby when it came to Internet or surfing till tht day…She thought me how to use internet and above anything, HOW TO CHAT…with STRANGERS….Now, why she did tht…Bcoz, she was in love with one of her chat friend and they regularly chatted at the internet café…She dint wanted to sit there alone, so had to drag me too with her…Now, when I am sitting there, she wouldn’t want me to read her chats, right? So she would book one more computer for me, so tht I be busy in tht…And so, officially, I created a chat id and started chatting with strangers….hmmm!!! Don’t worry, never got into any trouble then…

Now, I wasn’t telling about tht…I am talking about the stranger she was in love with…grrr…the topic has been swaying out of the main subject too many times and I am confused now…Better I just finish it here right now…You guys are saved tht I lost interest in typing up anything …

So, she fell in love with a guy who she befriended at a Public Chat room, who was working abroad…to be precise, the place where I am NOW….they regularly chatted…and…the best part was…he paid for her and my Internet Café bills..hahaha!!!Every month, he also used to send her a pocket money…and the other two of us would wait for her to announce the news of the money’s arrival….and guess where we would run to…Naturally, take a triples to the Coffee Shop, our dear “Hot Breads”…and that day, we would show nooo misery in buying things…Cakes, Milkshakes, icecreams and what not…and She would sarcastically sigh and say… “Poor my man is working hard somewhere all alone and earning this money…and u people are enjoying it…hmmm”… How true…we prayed for a moment for his safety…hahaha!!!

Months passed like tht…Neither she has seen her lover nor us…Just tht we have seen the photographs that he had emailed…Soon, I had to fly off to this land as my life was changing drastically…I crossed the sea with lots of treasures of hers to be gifted to him…Thus, I met her boyfriend for the first time…even before she met him…Wow, thank god…it’s the same person…as tht was in the photograph…and this Chat friend was not a fake…I was relieved…(as I always had this fear, whether, she was being cheated by some unknown stranger…Those days, chatting had not much of a good reputation…)…

Soon, he became a good friend to me and family too… Phew, I had to lie to my parents (now they know the truth…)…I told, tht he is my friend’s friend’s brother…grrr…With time, my parents were also made aware of the fact that they r in love and is planning to get married without their family’s knowledge…as they both were from two extreme religions…hmmm…He flew to my mother country seeking blessings from my parents and she in turn met him at the Marriage Registrar’s office with my grandpa’s blessings…They met each other for the first time at the steps of their marriage life, lol!!

They signed the marriage contract and she went back to her home and he flew back…Within 3 months, he prepared all legal papers required for her travel…and one fine day…she left her home as usual for her classes…Boarded the flight and crossed the sea…Gosh…I remember tht day…Such a scary day…As her brother searched for her…He first went to my grandpa’s house…and poor he…cud neither say anything nor lie…So asked to call me…He called me and asked me, if I knew anything…At tht moment, I was standing at the Arrivals of the Airport waving at her…I asked him to go and see our third friend…

My friend had left a letter and some photographs of her marriage and all her gold ornaments and stuff with our third friend to be handed over to her family….hmmmmmmm…!!!

This happened years back…and as I type this down…if u ask me, if what she did was right or wrong…I cant say…It was LOVE that made her do tht..and I supported her being her friend and an ardent follower of Love…I know, there were some strangeness with her family, for which reason, she also took such a drastic step…Afterall, she was leaving all tht she had for a STRANGER….What if, he turned out to be a crook…hmmm!!!!

Anyways…today…she is happily married with two beautiful kids…We are still best of friends…still missing those old days…wishing tht we cud some day re-live those HOT BREAD days…ride a scooter…into a One Way road…get caught by police…frantically search for enough money to buy a piece of cake…lol…I know, none of this can ever happen with the same intensity as it had happened years back…so it would never be the same…

 

“Isn't Life Strange…”