I wish…I could change many things of my life…but that is so common a wish, isn’t it? Is there one person among us, who wouldn’t wish the same? Wont you wish if you could change something or the other of your life? I too do, but a bit over the board I feel. Bcoz, my list of Things to change is getting long after every day. I keeps wondering, why am I being so petty and silly. I don’t know, but I know something. If I should reduce the length of this list, then maybe the first thing that should be done is “Learn to take care of yourself before bothering about others”.
This is one advice I get to listen every now and then. “Stop bothering and getting worried of everything around you”. I too realize that I am not a Super woman to try making everybody happy, but then why am I not making myself stop from trying to…Its true that you can never find happiness by keeping everybody happy bcoz somebody’s happiness could be someone else’s sorrow. So by trying to make one happy, you might be knowingly or unknowingly hurting the other and then you end up feeling sad.
Ok, now, why am I blabbering all this philosophy. Naturally, I am upset. Or maybe I was upset. For what? Was it concerning me? No!!! But it was concerning a loved one, for sure… And the person hurting me was also a loved one. In such a case, what should I stand for? For the “Right as per my outlook” or the “Pre-set traditional norms and beliefs and above all the hierarchical positions”? Yesterday, I stood with my “YES” and naturally that was in other words hurting someone else’s feelings. My words were harsh too, I know. I shouldn’t have talked so. Especially, if we think of the hierarchy, it will never be expected from a person positioned at my strata of the levels.
Now, why I did so? Maybe my experience…my bitter experience made me behave so and I lost my control when somebody was acting forgetting the past. I just feel it so rude that “How can a man without a leg be stubborn to get a Boots”. “Why a man’s thoughts always go for the top even when he is in the deepest pits”? “Why a man can’t think that the way he looks up, the other person is seeing him much below”? If a frog sitting inside the well can yearn to be up outside the well, why wouldn’t a lion in the land wish to get to the skies…
I hate this…I have gone through the bitter consequences of such a thought. If not for that, maybe my life would have been much different today. I know, how it feels, when somebody is being discriminated just because you don’t have what the other side expected to get. I can’t blame anybody here. If you wish to eat a Sweet dish and end up getting a Diabetic meal, naturally, you get irritated and upset and frustrated on the one who served it. But then can we blame the other, who might have served it because of lack of sugar….Atleast he served a meal with whatever he had in stock. So how can you blame him?
This is exactly what happed in her life. If not me, then who else know her better. The discrimination she had gone through just for the reason that she didn’t have what they wanted. She shared all her feelings with me and only me. Not even her parents actually knew, how sad she felt for the way she was being looked upon. She has always dreamt of having a Home where she is “Wanted and loved by all”. She was sure, she would get it some day. When she went there, with the high hopes of a Home Sweet Home, she felt, she was in a Hotel Apartment, where she is expected to pay the room rent plus all other charges that come along with it. But then, to stay in a 5 Star hotel, you need to give an advance and since she didn’t have it, naturally, the treatment was different than what she would have got if she had paid her advance. She didn’t, she couldn’t and more than anybody else, they knew it.
Before she even decided to go there, she had made her part clear to the other side. Nothing seemed fishy and everything seemed heavenly and welcoming. But then the secrets were unveiled only once she entered the real world. I know…till date, she feels bad and sad for not able to change her status from an “Unwelcomed Guest” to a “Member of the Family”. She knows, whatever she does is not of any value and their expectations are different. Now, knowing her life inside-out, the feministic me always get hyper, when I see, similar situations in the life around me. I just never could accept if any member of my large family make divisions and separations on different basis such as gender, money, religion, caste etc. My blood boils and I start arguing and fighting with nails and claws. I wouldn’t stand another female go through it, atleast not in my family or because of my family. I understand, there is a valid point on the other side too. But, I can’t accept OPEN-FIELD discrimination.
That is what happened yesterday. I know guys, you understood nothing. But then, as I said in the beginning. I am upset. I had to vent it out smwhere. After a big, loud Feministic speech yesterday with a loved one, I was literally shivering from head to toe. I wished I could control my anger then, but I couldn’t and naturally supporting one side, I have hurt the other..hmmm!!! Thanks to a friend, who was there then to talk NOTHING but EVERYTHING and change my mind and calm me down…Else, I would have spoiled the whole evening and the moods of others around me too. And for the one I have hurt, hope he just forgets the conversation like how I am doing now…
Inspite of realizing all this, if you ask me, how I would react in a similar situation some other time…I would say…
“Open Fire, Attack….”