Villain of my Life…

Mood is off...an argument…triggered the headache off again…Not sure, why..but has been continuously infected with this step sister of mine for past few weeks… none believe at home that I am indeed tired and in pain due my headache…Maybe because I always complain of headache…maybe they are also fed up with this Statement… “Haa I am having a bad headache..”

Mom takes it as an Excuse I say to relieve myself from the house chores…Hubby takes it as my Usual Statement…But then, at times I feel bad…Why don’t they believe that I am continuously having headache..for what ever reason…My Allergy is under control now..but my headache is still out of control…In a day, I don’t find too much time without having this stingy pain somewhere above my neck…Either, above the eyes, it pierces me...else my forehead is all set to bump out…and other times, its my head that I feel is being cut open with a blade...There were times when I have felt, if I could just pierce out that part of my head ...so that I can scoop the pain off me…uhmm…

Today morning, been to a cousin’s place…a 1 hour journey from home..and for some strange reason, the 1 hour took more time than usual…My headache was there from home and I was reminding me to take a tab before I start my journey, for the reason that I didn’t wanted to irritate others with myself complaining of headache…But then, as usual..I forgot the tab…and so, naturally when I was in the car, I was pressing my head with my fingers…and then jokingly Mom asked… “Again Headache???”…Hubby continued.. “Ah, that is nothing new…its her usual way…” Joke for them… but for me..I was suffering…feelings = HURT…I ignored…and tried to keep cool ignoring the pain…

At cousin’s place, I tried to be cheerful more than anybdy else…Oh yes, I am really good at hiding my real self for days and months before an outburst…I dint wanted to upset the cousin either, she was pregnant and was HAPPY to see us after months…dint wanted to spoil her mood…As day passed by, Mom’s bro, my uncle gave a call from neighbouring country…Mom was happily talking to him..and between suddenly, I heard her concern…haa..maybe my uncle said, hes having a headache…

Mom: “Oh, dear…take care…try some garlic…u took any medicine?…take XXX..its good for headache....”

I listened in awe…what a love…flowing out…grrr…as soon as the call was over I mocked… “ha, when it was ur brother…look at the concern..here ur own daughter is complaining of headache and she bothers little..and ridicule me…”

I knew in advance what she would be saying… as I have heard it many a times before too… “For you, its an excuse…u r always saying headache headache…so who will bother about it…”

Somehow, this slipped from my mouth… “Mom, just wait and see..maybe I have some Brain Tumour..and when I die soon of this headache, then u would sit and hate urself…feeling sad for mocking me today…that day u would say… ‘Oh my poor daughter..when she complained of headache, I dint bother…but she was indeed in pain…”

This was said half as a joke..but half seriously…instigated by the pain I had due headache and their ignoring my pain…uhmm….What continued was an explosion from mom for talking too much…grrr…But would I ever change…this loose talk…

But then, jokes apart…its true…the headache is the Villain in my life today…Daily, I will find myself pressing my head hard to alleviate this pain... Nothing much work..as I try hard not to take tabs, the pain has to be faced by me physically..through out…Lately, I noticed, anything unpleasant..be it an argument or a news from News paper, immediately gives me a headache..maybe its psychological…especially, lately the news paper is filled with the news of Sexual Assault Case…where a 4 yr old girl was molested by 3 men; her school bus staffs including the driver, cleaner and assistant…What the hell is happening…How could they be soo mean to a girl who is just 4 year old…what pleasure can they have in this…

I don’t wanna talk more on that…as naturally, it would increase the pain…but after reading numerous reports on the case, I cant actually get to any conclusion...did something bad really happen or is there any foul play…what is reality…time would prove.. I hope…but then, if there was really some crime in this…Such criminals should be punished…and if I was the person to give them their judgement….I would order them to be tied in a public road…and people should be given turns to castrate them little by little…along with powdering their wound with loads of salt and chilly powder…trust me, this should be specially done by their own family members…Trust me, I REALLY HATE THEM….

Gosh, how much ever I try taking myself off from this issue…I just cant…whyyyyyyyyyyy…maybe, smwhere, I see myself in that girl…maybe I see my sisters in that girl..maybe I see many daughters in that girl…If I had a daughter…she also would have been almost her age now…maybe I am seeing my own kid in her…I really hope that justice do reach her…and she recover from all this safely…and grow up into a beautiful, strong and successful woman…

Uhmm..hey guys, help me now…my head ache is eating me now…I hate this…

The Villain of my Life…