My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

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Monday, January 23, 2017

CONTROL+ALT+DELETE...


The trip was short and difficult…Finally, I faced the first obstacle…flying to my native place without having my Appups to meet me with his hug. Deliberately, stayed away from even roads that lead me to his home. Inspite of trying hard to keep myself completely busy with all the government works I had to handle; every now and then, I kept bursting into tears. Succeeded in staying off as much as possible from every single relatives too. Thanks to a dear old friend who was there by me thru every single day to take me around safe and sound.

Anyways, need more time…until I can go back to his home without him…

In the tiresome try to ignore the pain that was hurting me deep within, I was keeping myself busy with chores and other thoughts. But maybe, a negative mind could only bring in those sad pasts to get nostalgic. This trip again brought back those memories  which was kept deep within as "unwanted" past... Years back, I had made a similar trip to this city... with a heavy heart… something was bothering me that day. I really did not wanted to fly. Something said that things were not gonna be alright. My trip was so important and necessary for my health. But I felt, it might not be good for my life.

Feeling upset is not a bad thing. Not knowing what am I upset for was not a good feeling. That’s exactly what I had gone thru those days… I remember, with tears I had boarded the flight that night...and before long, I realised…I was losing my life from my own hands. Like the soft sand falling off; I was trying hard to hold on to my life till that day… The life that I had always wished for, the life I was enjoying…to love and be loved…

Maybe, the life that was never meant to be mine. Maybe, it was just a glimpse of WHAT I CANT GET… maybe…

With that one trip, I finally closed my treasure box of wishes and dreams…I accepted, rather agreed to accept someone else’ dream as mine. I had always known that it would not be an easy journey, thereafter…But…how would I have known that it would turn out to be an impossible one…with no return…

Today, its been years…I lost what I wanted the most... for the sake of others. Years later, they ridiculed, “NOBODY ASKED YOU TO SACRIFICE FOR US”…a bit too late, isn’t it…I had already made the choice to sacrifice my own happiness by burning someone else’s happiness too. At the end, what did anybody achieve? Why? Why is it always so, that someone’s happiness depended on burning another’s? In the rush to bring pride, to self, they forgot that the foundation of that fake pride was somebody’s tears…Afterall, what did they gain…what was it all for...

Trust me, if I am given a choice today to delete one moment off my life, that flight to my home city would be one...Atleast, I would have had a hope that things wouldn't have been so as it is today...If it was easy as a folder on your computer...to just delete...and remove it completely off the recycle bin too...Just press....

CONTROL+ALT+DELETE...