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Saturday, April 30, 2011

I am back...and fine...

A week filled with the most unexpected and strenuous happenings passed by…I just feel that it was just yesterday when I landed in the New Terminal with my heart beating fast with the uncertainty of my dad’s health…And now, I am back home…and within hours I would be getting ready to resume my official duties…Why so…why does Out of Office status change so fast to Back in Office…Especially, when you couldn’t actually enjoy your vacation, it makes it more difficult to actually drag yourself to your office chair…For me, as you all know, days at hospital and the essential/unavoidable house visits took off almost all of my vacation…

Now sitting on my bed, I was wondering…Am I actually happy to be back or sad…For strange reasons, this time, I am genuinely happy to be back…inside my room, where I could feel the breath of peace of mind…What was it, that actually made me wish IF I was back…if I start quoting them down, maybe I might get some umpteen reasons…and then majority of you might feel, I am being too silly…but then, truth is…somehow, I was not feeling comfortable there in my native land…Amidst all my family members, I felt Lonely...I never show it out, what I feel…I always act as if I am strong and is right there with them…But, in real…My inner heart was wishing hard…If only I was away from them…from everybody…from my family…

But then, something that I got to realize this time was… “At the end of the day, everybody would have their own priorities and favourites…and You shouldn’t expect people to care for you the same way as You might care for them…”… As I had said once before, I am a Sentimental Idiot…and wish to always get lots of pampering and love and support, atleast from those who I pour my affection…When, small instances of opposing character comes up, I get upset, inside..while outside I might be boldly fighting it off…

This time, confrontations were many…In just 5-6 days, I had to listen to atleast 3-4 different opinions to matters pertaining to my life…When somebody blindly confronted for her sister; somebody confronted for herself and some others for people who they have NO remote idea what the truth could be…Everybody had reasons…and that was, THEY CARED MORE FOR THEM…atleast tht was what I understood…Nobody actually thought twice, if there was substance on the other side…A display of Partiality, maybe…So, at the end, I had to defend myself…for my behavior, for my cause…As I felt, I was getting cornered, I felt as if I was choking to death…fighting off the tears that could have burnt down my charade was difficult…still…

I can’t blame anybody…Bcoz, after all, even if it was me, I too would do the same…even if someone try pointing out mistakes of my loved ones, I might fight back…But what was hurting was, all those people who confronted me, where the same loved ones, that I would have sacrificed my life for…I felt sad, when not a single person, actually saw what I might be going through…As they preached hard on the Universal Theory of “TAKE IT SILENTLY…BY FIGHTING BACK, U R LOOSING YOUR CREDIBILITY” or “WE SUPPORT HIM, BCOZ WE KNOW HE IS NICE…” etc etc…But then, what I don’t understand is…How can somebody take Insult and Hatred continuously, without at some point losing your cool…(Maybe I need to learn to do that)…How can somebody judge a person just for the way he/she behaves to them, when it is a completely different person who is seeing the Real self of the other…How can we judge if “All that Glitters is Gold…”

Ok, I am frustrated..or rather was frustrated…Now, I am fine..back in my space…I can live my life without hollow advices or one sided judgments…

As on the update…My dad is fine now…He is discharged from Hospital and is slowly recovering, with strict restrictions on Food, highly monitored and controlled exercises and medication…He is feeling terrible with this State of Health, but then he’s slowly getting used to reality…

My Uncle’s son’s marriage and reception party went on well…and amidst hospital duty, I could attend the function, as dad was forcing me to attend them as he felt, it wasn’t right for us to not attend it…Especially, when dad was in ICU and all that I was or could do was sit outside in the corridors…

My Aunt’s daughter got engaged to the North Indian boy…finally…The boy had proposed to her years back and she never accepted it knowing her father hated love marriages…But years later…when the boy again approached my uncle directly with his interest to marry my cousin…my uncle gave it a thought…Finally, he said YES, when he realized that it was always better to send her daughter with somebody who love her more than her wealth…A Ring Exchange function was arranged in Short Notice…and I felt so happy seeing her smiling face…She was happy…so was he…

A day of Strike by the Communist Party made the roads almost near to empty and I had no more time to finish my House Visits…So after years, I drove a Scooter, as getting out into the roads in a car meant, you could get a shower of stone rain any time by the party workers…Borrowed from my cousin, the Hero Honda Pleasure was really cool… I took my son around, who enjoyed the bike ride too (he wouldn’t just get down from it later)…It was fun…but..left me with a bad Sun Tan, bad back pain (my earlier issue was already worsening with the Hospital duty and this might have aggravated it…Lol, I know, I was not supposed to ride a scooter with Neuro problem)…

And hey, I met an Old Friend…almost after 15-18 years…and guess what, He was the first one to propose me his love…at the age of 11…heheh!!! He was shocked to see me after this many years…He said, I have changed a lot in my looks, but still the same in my behavior and nature (grr…he meant my non-stop talking…)…He was so happy that we met…and thanked me for initiating the meeting…Thanks to him, that he never forgot me…Bcoz, on the phone, as soon as I mentioned a common friend’s name…he asked if it was me…sooo, that was nice…He is into TV Anchoring and stuff now a days and saved some Autorikshaw charges when he happily volunteered to be my Chauffeur, lol!!! We shared some nostalgic memories from our childhood and that was nice and refreshing…

So on the whole, I have had lot of bad times and some really good times too…While I regret some of them, I am happy some others did happen…As for the good things that happened would stay in my heart and would make me fresh…and the bad things would teach me to be strong and even change myself, atleast in some way or other…Whatever said and done…

I am back…and I am fine…

4 comments:

Makk said...

Time is never bad.

Tomz said...

Truly delighted to hear that you have such happy news to share for us..

Sh@s said...

Accept the bad along with the good 'coz bad times shows what good times cannot.
Take care!

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

Good to see you back..
life is full of good and bad times .. its a mixture of both that make life.

SO the idea is to learn from the bad mistakes or bad times and enjoy the good times ...

God bless and all the best ..

Bikram's