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Friday, April 22, 2011

Thanks to You, U & Youuuuu...

I still can’t imagine that today actually happened in my life…and how could I sit in front of this computer, now at this hour of the night and find the strength to put my experience down into pages… I have seen almost all sort of emotions a human being could take in…In a single day…not that, I was ever devoid of all sort of mixture of experiences…but today…it all just happened…and I was going through it…a crowd was around me as a support, still I felt I was alone…why…bcoz a life was at stake at the other end of my story…Life of my father…

What were the emotions that I went thru today…if I try jotting it down…I had to act as if I was the most happiest when I was almost bursting into tears…I joked and had fun, when my heart burned…I wished if I could know what was going to happen the next moment…I feared the worst…tears, smiles, fears, uncertainty, confusion, doubt, blankness and after everything relief and happiness…that was my last 24 hours…I wanted to put it into words, so that someday years later, I could read it and realize the value of so many things, that we may otherwise tend to forget…

Yesterday at around 1600hrs I was on my way back from office…if u guys remember, I had posted in my last blog that I was travelling… happily looking forward for the short but surely the sweetest trip, I was hurrying to reach home…and … I found myself stuck in traffic..just because some stupid driver decided to drive harshly and bang against other cars blocking the whole road…crossing the traffic, I was just minutes away from my home… I knew my mom and son was almost ready to start to the Airport…TRINGGGG…TRINGGGGGG…. I hated
that ring tone always…but this time…as I saw my aunt’s name blinking, I disconnected the call and gave a ring back…expecting a cheerful “WHEN WILL U REACH…”…but…what I heard was… “Dear, Jeeju is not feeling well…we are taking him to hospital… might have to admit him…”… Shocked, I was… “What…Aunty…What…What happened to dad…???”… Whatever she said went above my head…before I could even imagine tears tickled my cheeks…and I was trying hard to see the road through the tears…I just knew one thing… “DON’T LET MOM KNOW, TILL WE REACH INDIA…”

Wiping tears and putting on a false smile I entered my home…and the moments after that were nothing less that torture…my mom, who was so excited about the trip and impending marriage…was busy…getting dressed, doing last minute packing…adding some extra things… arranging Sari..and so on…I was trying hard to walk around…my tears transformed into anger and I kept on finding faults in my son or anything around me and I shouted for no reason…my brother who soon came in screamed at me and warned me not to give even a hint of the bad news to Mom…I continued acting…. A total of 12 hours I went on so…early morning 4…we were almost about to land…I succeeded in hiding the news from my mom…

As my mom started making plans for what she would be doing once she reach…I had to tell…I said… “Mom, lets not make plans..we might have to go somewhere else…” and the first drop of tears fell off my eyes…Mom might have known something was not right…She gave me few moments before she asked me WHAT…I could not say much…just that dad might not come to pick us up at airport…as he was planning to go for a checkup at the hospital…I lied saying dad had called to inform the same…She knew, things were not that simple as I tried putting forth… After 4 hours…I found myself standing in front of Intensive Cardiac Care Unit…I wanted to see my dad…I wasn’t allowed…as they wanted the doctor to let us know what is the course of action…

101 advices were drowning me… “Don’t listen to the doctor…Your father was absolutely fine…If they ask to do some Angioplasty…Don’t agree…The doctors just want to squeeze money out…” and so on went the suggestions…all of them loved my dad a lot and just didn’t want to think that he might be really sick…at the end, my cousin said… “Don’t listen to anything…u talk to the doctor urself..and then u decide what to be done…”…Tears wouldn’t just stop…occasional dramatic laughs did try to relieve me off the pain I was going through…(remember, my mom was still not even half aware of the situation and was at home waiting for an information from me…)…Empty stomached and sleepless me was waiting with praying heart for some positive news….But…

As the main doctor dashed out, he just said… “He will be taken to the Cath Lab in an hour…for Angiogram…We can decide what next only after the Angiogram…”… “But Doctor…” uhmm No answer…he just dashed out…I knew…It wasn’t easy moments for me…As I stared at the doctor walking off, a Nurse came behind us… holding the Consent paper asking for an authorized signature…I woke up as if from a trance…and declared… “NO…I WOULDN’T AGREE TO SIGN UNTIL AND UNLESS I CAN MEET MY DAD…”..thus they let me into the ICCU…and I saw my dad there with wires on both hands… He behaved normal… “When did u reach…where is mom…where is your son…I have no problem…they are mad…unnecessarily admitted me and now wants all sort of stuff
done…”… I just said… “Uhm…now u just keep quiet… I will give you a piece of my mind once you are out of here…Now, tell me..they have asked for an Angio..Can I sign the consent letter…”…Just an Hmmm came as an answer…I knew, my acting skills was coming to an end…I just walked out of the Unit… crying hard against my aunt’s chest…Mom needed to be informed atleast now… She was told if not everything, atleast something…

As we waited outside the Cath Lab for a positive news from the doctors… seconds felt like months and minutes like years… relatives kept on pouring and the mobile phone kept on ringing..and I kept on crying…bcoz, every time, I was trying to keep myself together, I was losing it… remember, my brother couldn’t manage to get his leave to come for the marriage…and even my hubby was out of station for official reasons…Basically, it was just me and mom…who was actually destined to face it … Trust me; my mom’s sister, my aunt didn’t leave us for a second in spite of her high fever…My dad’s brother, my uncle was continuously trying to cheer me up with hugs and jokes…I tried my level best to be strong or atleast act that I was strong…

Soon the doors opened…I was called in…my aunt joined me in…Good or bad news…I was just about to hear… Bad news…Dad had some 4 blocks and needed immediate action…A Bypass or an Angioplasty…I could see my father on the operation table, all awake…he was still connected to the instruments of Angiogram, I suppose… I said…”I want Mom to see dad before we tell mom what is the truth…We will go for Angioplasty…But let mom
meet dad first…”…As my aunt was coaxing my mom to come inside, I went near my dad and started talking some stupid stuff…Like.. “ha, dad, u didn’t put on ur hair dye…when people come to visit u, they will make fun of u…Enjoy this royal treatment… bcoz once u r out of hospital…u will not get this much extra care…” I laughed…holding my tears behind that broad stupid smile…He too acted well… but wasn’t as good as me…bcoz soon I saw tears trickling down his eyes…and I was done…

As I dashed out…I wasn’t quick enough to hide my tears from my Mom who was walking in…NOW, she knew, things are not good… I saw my mom coming out almost as soon as she went in…She couldn’t dare stand near dad…seeing his tears…neither could she act well and hide her tears…She just wept… “I don’t want to see…”As I walked all alone through the busy corridors to pay the advance amount of above 200 thousand, I thanked my Gods for the credit card I was holding…If not for that, what would I have done at that moment…Neither my uncle nor my aunt would have been able to arrange that amount within minutes of the decision…my brother was almost continuously calling me on phone, anxious to know WHAT…As I reached the billing, I was crying…inconsolably…yet none to console other than my brother on the other line of the phone…I knew people were staring at me… Sympathetic glances reached me…

As soon as the Receipt was given to the Nurse, think they might have started the procedure…I couldn’t face my mom…I could see her at one corner of the area…I walked off to another part of the hospital...cried… Spoke on the phone with my loved ones…It wasn’t a relief…but yet, I had someone to cry to…I knew I was putting anybody who spoke to me on phone in pain too…but I needed some wall to lean against… Concern also grew for my uncle…who also had recent medical issues and was sitting with us without any food or medicine for almost 8 hours now…and he wouldn’t budge unless I decide to eat something…my cousin who was to be married in 2 days came in and finally, I forced everybody to go down to the canteen for some lunch leaving my cousin at the Cath Lab door…tears was in generous amount…still…we managed to swallow something…

My aunt’s fever was rising and her face looked like hell due fatigue…neither would she listen, when we asked her to go home and take rest…and again… TRINGGG… “Doctor wants to see you…Please come fast”…I ran without even properly washing my hands...leaving my uncle and mom …warning both of them to finish the lunch…Like before, I and aunt entered the Cath Lab Monitors room and it was Good news..finally…Angioplasty was over.. successfully… the doctor’s words were… “I should say..by god’s grace, we had no complications…else it could have been really bad…”…he further showed us the Visual video of the heart blocks and later the procedure and finally my dad’s block-free heart, its veins and the blood flow…As I watched, I could see thru the glass door, my dad in the other room and he was trying hard to wave at me…I waved too…

As I walked out, I could see my mom’s anxious face… looking for good news...and I burst into a scream…crying hard with joy and relief…As I hugged my mom…we both cried…and as I turned towards my uncle…for the first time the whole day…I saw my uncle, holding onto the handles of the chair and trying hard to control his tears…as I hugged him…he too cried inconsolably…It was tears of relief…and joy…I saw my aunt, immediately passing the information to my brother and husband…the corridor was filled with people who loved us...who loved my dad… That moment, I knew…All of them, was trying hard to support me and my family by not breaking down in front of us and scaring us more… But, now…we were celebrating…We all thanked god, for showing us the problem in the right time and giving us a chance to rectify…

Love you God… and thanks a lot for your care and blessings you showered upon my dad and us…
Love you my family…and thanks a lot for all your support and prayers…
Love you doctors…and thanks a lot for all the extra effort that you took to keep me consoled and informed…
Love you, you and you especially… for the concern filled calls and the consoling and the support and the prayers and the offers to help; physically, financially and mentally…


My dad would be right now sleeping safely in that ICCU…and soon I can meet him in the ward by tomorrow afternoon… My mom is right at the door steps of that ICCU, just in case he wants her in the night…But…

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." I would never want to do that and today all I want to repeatedly say ...

My Heartfelt Thanks to you, you and you...

NB: What happened to my dad was…once he came for this vacation for my cousin’s marriage, as he climbed up and down the stairs (which never happened abroad – as he used the lift and had no Exercises at all)..he was experiencing a sort of uneasiness while breathing…As he said this to my aunt, she asked my dad to see a doctor who was a relative too…He doubted some problem and asked to do some blood reports and ECG…A variation in the ECG along with high Sugar and Cholesterol revealed a shocking truth…that my father had already had a Heart Attack…due the high Sugar level, it was never noticed…In Medical world, it is usually termed as Silent Attack … If at all, he hadn’t come for this vacation…he would have never had any exertion and wouldn’t have noticed such uneasiness and we would have never known that he was being silently attacked by dangerous blocks in his heart…

5 comments:

Makk said...

huggsss..!!

Every appens for good, dont worry. take care of your dad.

are u having ur belt around neck? u need that, dont avoid it.

Rohini Prasanth said...

lots of hugs dear girl. I can only imagine how painful and frightening all this must have been. I am glad everything worked out for the good. take proper care of your dad, and yourself.
wishing your dad a speedy recovery.

Tomz said...

That was heart touching..I also share your joy..A little exercise might help your father..I guess..

Matangi Mawley said...

Goodness...

A few moments there... I went back to that fateful morning when I received a call similar to what you've mentioned... Dad's fine now... but not a day has passed since then- thanking people who've been there to take care!

I know what you'd gone through...

There's always a goodwill that wears the Angel wings and flutters beside... Cheer up! :)

Sh@s said...

I was moved to tears on reading it. Could feel the pain and anxiety that you must have gone through. Happy to know that it ended on a positive note. God bless. Wishing good health to your dad.