Have I ever discussed my father with you??? He was and is a strong man…that is the first word I should be saying about him…Yes, a real strong man…. I don’t think, anybody else in his position would have survived all those hardships and that too with a smile & an ‘all time motto’ – “Don’t worry, everything will be OK…”… I too had gone through a varied set of severe problems and issues, but till date, I could never learn to say, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine…”…
My father, a typical orthodox, traditional MAN…who believed in Men are to rule and women to abide by his rules…who doesn’t liked the idea of Obeying another person…a person who believes in anybody and everybody, especially if the other was pushing him forward with praises…There was a General Public opinion about the men from the Caste we belonged to, “They are Egoists and Male Chauvinists….”…For a long time, my father was a Brand Ambassador for the men from our caste…
Apart from the behavioral pattern he inherited from the caste, personally he was a straight, innocent and loving man…He never discussed his problems or issues with his family for the reason that he didn't wanted to give tension to others...He cared about everybody but never knew how to show or express his love...or maybe he never wanted to express it...as he might have felt that as a Weakness of his...(bcoz I saw his love for me for the first time on the day I got married and was leaving for my husband's house...suddenly my dad was missing from the wedding hall...then I saw him at one corner of the exit area and as I went to him for his blessings - For the life time first time, he hugged me and kissed me and cried...The crowd who was witnessing this was thunder struck and I was more shocked...I never expected that...He was not sobbing...he was crying and still consoling me and telling me, "Dont cry, be happy...always be happy..." etc etc... None from the crowd could believe what they were seeing...None had words to console us...and trust me, even today, whoever (including my father)watch the video of those scenes ends up wetting their eyes with tears...it was such an emotional moment...and till date, my father hates the videographer who didn't miss to take even one glimpse of the whole scene....hahaha!!!)
My father, a typical orthodox, traditional MAN…who believed in Men are to rule and women to abide by his rules…who doesn’t liked the idea of Obeying another person…a person who believes in anybody and everybody, especially if the other was pushing him forward with praises…There was a General Public opinion about the men from the Caste we belonged to, “They are Egoists and Male Chauvinists….”…For a long time, my father was a Brand Ambassador for the men from our caste…
Apart from the behavioral pattern he inherited from the caste, personally he was a straight, innocent and loving man…He never discussed his problems or issues with his family for the reason that he didn't wanted to give tension to others...He cared about everybody but never knew how to show or express his love...or maybe he never wanted to express it...as he might have felt that as a Weakness of his...(bcoz I saw his love for me for the first time on the day I got married and was leaving for my husband's house...suddenly my dad was missing from the wedding hall...then I saw him at one corner of the exit area and as I went to him for his blessings - For the life time first time, he hugged me and kissed me and cried...The crowd who was witnessing this was thunder struck and I was more shocked...I never expected that...He was not sobbing...he was crying and still consoling me and telling me, "Dont cry, be happy...always be happy..." etc etc... None from the crowd could believe what they were seeing...None had words to console us...and trust me, even today, whoever (including my father)watch the video of those scenes ends up wetting their eyes with tears...it was such an emotional moment...and till date, my father hates the videographer who didn't miss to take even one glimpse of the whole scene....hahaha!!!)
Ok, back to the track...He always said ‘What he felt right’…and never thought of rephrasing his words so as to not hurt the other. What he said was right, but how he said that mattered to many…which he didn't care...(and somehow, many say, I am a replica of my father to a great extend…I too always tell out what I feel is right…whether others like it or don’t like it….)…I have heard many times my dad’s sisters or brothers commenting about me as… “Ha, afterall who is she…She is her father’s daughter only na…”
Anyways, my father belived in the ideology that, ‘Kids are to be kept at a distance, else they will sit on ur shoulder…’ For him, my mom was everything and she was the only person with whom he used to converse apart from the relatives…He never spoke to us unless otherwise he had to INSTRUCT us something…and thus my father was a stranger to me almost till I reached college…He never spoke to us unnecessarily…he never played with us…For me and my brother, he was somebody who we call Dad…who goes to office daily before we woke up and comes back after we sleep…who takes us to some holiday spot every summer vacation…who takes us to the movies every Saturday nights…That’s all we knew about him…We never felt, he cared for us or loved us…in short…HE WAS A TERROR for us…when he was at home, we never would even open our mouth…we were afraid of him…scared of his loud voice…and his strict pattern of life…For us, mom was the provider…whatever we wanted, she got it for us…(as years passed, we got matured enough to understand that she was a medium between us and dad…afterall, it was dad the ultimate provider…)
Even after the limited conversation between me and dad, still I might have loads and loads to tell u about him…bcoz he is one person who was the reason for me to grow strong…Directly, he never taught me how to live life…he never taught me how to face people…he never taught me anything…But indirectly, I learned from him…I learned from his life…I learned from his mistakes…I learnt from him how one shouldn’t be living your life…how one shouldn’t be facing people…how one shouldn’t be in many different ways…I saw how people utilized and misused him and his innocent nature…how people cheated him and left him stranded in a mess…how he faced every smallest problems with the most dare-devil heart….and that made me strong enough to face the big hardships of life…(some day, I will bring myself to write down those bitter stories that he and I had faced…afterall, what was the purpose of this blog….to vent out everything that my little heart held…)
With years, with the hardships he faced, with the life he saw… my dad changed a lot…his orthodox nature was diluted…his behavior became soft and friendly, he tried becoming friends with his children and family...He started giving value to what others had to say...But I know, deep inside he could never wash off the Egoism or Chauvinism…At times, it does come out in very little measures and his children, now no longer kids, points it out…He still hates it, when we try teaching him something…lol!!! But after all, who are we…We are his kids…Naturally, we would be having some traits of his for sure…
Today, at times I wonder, is this the same old person…Is this the same stranger who was a rare sight at home years back…Is this same person who never spoke to his children…Is this same person who was a terror to us…(trust me, today it’s his kids and especially his grandson who is a terror to him…) Especially when I see him piggy-backing my son and playing with him, I wonder - Is this the same person who used to say…
''Kids are to be kept at a distance, else they will sit on your shoulder…''
Anyways, my father belived in the ideology that, ‘Kids are to be kept at a distance, else they will sit on ur shoulder…’ For him, my mom was everything and she was the only person with whom he used to converse apart from the relatives…He never spoke to us unless otherwise he had to INSTRUCT us something…and thus my father was a stranger to me almost till I reached college…He never spoke to us unnecessarily…he never played with us…For me and my brother, he was somebody who we call Dad…who goes to office daily before we woke up and comes back after we sleep…who takes us to some holiday spot every summer vacation…who takes us to the movies every Saturday nights…That’s all we knew about him…We never felt, he cared for us or loved us…in short…HE WAS A TERROR for us…when he was at home, we never would even open our mouth…we were afraid of him…scared of his loud voice…and his strict pattern of life…For us, mom was the provider…whatever we wanted, she got it for us…(as years passed, we got matured enough to understand that she was a medium between us and dad…afterall, it was dad the ultimate provider…)
Even after the limited conversation between me and dad, still I might have loads and loads to tell u about him…bcoz he is one person who was the reason for me to grow strong…Directly, he never taught me how to live life…he never taught me how to face people…he never taught me anything…But indirectly, I learned from him…I learned from his life…I learned from his mistakes…I learnt from him how one shouldn’t be living your life…how one shouldn’t be facing people…how one shouldn’t be in many different ways…I saw how people utilized and misused him and his innocent nature…how people cheated him and left him stranded in a mess…how he faced every smallest problems with the most dare-devil heart….and that made me strong enough to face the big hardships of life…(some day, I will bring myself to write down those bitter stories that he and I had faced…afterall, what was the purpose of this blog….to vent out everything that my little heart held…)
With years, with the hardships he faced, with the life he saw… my dad changed a lot…his orthodox nature was diluted…his behavior became soft and friendly, he tried becoming friends with his children and family...He started giving value to what others had to say...But I know, deep inside he could never wash off the Egoism or Chauvinism…At times, it does come out in very little measures and his children, now no longer kids, points it out…He still hates it, when we try teaching him something…lol!!! But after all, who are we…We are his kids…Naturally, we would be having some traits of his for sure…
Today, at times I wonder, is this the same old person…Is this the same stranger who was a rare sight at home years back…Is this same person who never spoke to his children…Is this same person who was a terror to us…(trust me, today it’s his kids and especially his grandson who is a terror to him…) Especially when I see him piggy-backing my son and playing with him, I wonder - Is this the same person who used to say…
''Kids are to be kept at a distance, else they will sit on your shoulder…''
NB: I feel this post as really incomplete...as to explain my dad these are not enough...I would say I need to write down a whole epic about my father - Yesterday, Today and his transition from yesterday to today....uhmmm....
3 comments:
your post is like one of those photographs which shows before and after. How people change has always been a mystery to me, but then change is inevitable.
How the change is triggered is always interesting to study. Osho says suppressed emotion has a way of manifesting in other ways who knows maybe he came to check on you and your brother after you were asleep when you were a kid.
Men especially male chauvinists wants to think that they are immortal till they find out that it takes them longer to rise from the bed. Then all of a sudden everything changes.
But i couldn't help but love your dad, for finally letting go of his pride and showing in front of everyone that how much you means to him.
@ Sourcebound...
Yeah, I too love my dad a lot even after all sort of chauvinism he has showed... But then, him coming and looking over us after we slept...I don't think so...but, once we grew, I know my mom always tell how seriously dad used to ask about how we doing, what we want...
I remember my mom saying..."Your dad never wants to let u know of any problems...even if he is in deep trouble, he doesnt want his kids to know...He can never say NO to ur wishes, be it at any cost...He might not show it out, but he is really concerned about u both..."
Thanks for ur comments and also for ur love for my dad...He's worth it...
jzt4me
It is an interesting read.I have known such types of dads who are distant from children,always feared and best avoided.The mom acts as the go between to get things done.There are other types of dads like me on whom the children have no fear, can argue fearlessly and stand by their view points.The relationship is more informal and children encouraged to take their decisions after hearing the dad.But dad's love for the children in both types would be the same with one subdued and the other demonstrated.
I liked the post also for the brilliant writing skill of the author.
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