Spending years hoping “Some Things” would change was just another way of being irresponsible. And, years back, when I walked out of those “somethings,” I really believed that I had learnt my lesson. Above that, I was so sure that I will not make the same mistake in my life ever again. Its now 5 years since I proudly told my son to never make a mistake twice. For, it’s a mistake only the first time and if you repeat the same thing – it's stupidity and irresponsibility.
And today, I again accepted to my son that indeed I am an idiot. For, I let myself be stupid and irresponsible. Repeating the same mistake in the name of ‘love’ and ‘hope’ made me realize that I had not learnt my lesson the first time. I would never blame anybody for the misjudgments I made or for being careless in understanding priorities and wishes of others. Am I proud of it? Maybe not. Am I miserable about it? Yes, I am. Am I wrong? Maybe not. Am I stupid? Yes, I am. Do I regret? Maybe not. Will I learn? Yes, I will. Not because it happened. But because I let it happen AGAIN. I should have seen the signs and accepted that is how it is and respectfully left before it became too much to handle for both of us.
As I quit and took my leave, I wanted to remember some beautiful lessons that I derived from those 5 years.
Life is too short to give chances for years.
Stop trying when your heart says to stop.
You should never hurt yourself in the name of “hope”.
You should never let someone hurt you in the name of “love”.
Compromises for the sake of maintaining peace is not “living”. It is “torture”.
If someone is being selfish - respect them; but remember, it is time to leave.
If someone blames you are not happy for their happiness – it’s time to leave.
If you are feeling lonely even when; ‘you think’; you have someone – LEAVE.
You can never be someone’s priority by asking them to make you one.
You can never change someone if they don’t deem it necessary. Better, you change.
We were two people together with completely different priorities. One was tired of flying and the other couldn’t stop flying. One believed in living without responsibilities and the other couldn’t let go off responsibilities. Yes, we were drawn by ‘love’ but couldn’t be bound by it. That was ‘us.’ No complaints. All I wish is the best for both of us. Our journey ended there. During this journey, we had pleasant and unpleasant moments and I am thankful for both of them. Grateful that I could get a temporary glimpse of what is it to love and be loved. So, I will now search for that love which can stay with me through life. And this time, I will be more open and responsible.
For, I had learnt the biggest lesson of my life. While trying to believe that things would change and life is going to be soon a fantasy world, I had forgotten,
“I too am precious…so is my life...and my happiness...”
