I love you...a lot...

16 days… how time flies… life has moved on for all around me… My effort too is to move on…Physically, yes… I am busy with work, home etc. Hugs with love do console me, but… Words with sympathy do pacify me, but… Time with empathy do control me, but… At the end, the reality just pierce through… Never can I see him, never can I touch him, never can I hug him… He has gone, forever… and I would never be able to see his number on my incoming call list…

How I long to sleep on his lap once again…
How I long to have his hand on my hair…
How I long to be pampered by his hug…
How I long my incoming call had his name…
I know, you are with your loved ones who you were missing…Leaving all of us to miss you till we meet again…

Today my family has started their journey with his ashes, to bid him a final adieu… The last remains of his physical body… Everybody said, “Don’t come, as tears will only hurt his soul.” How can I control my tears. I was trying, but not able to. I wonder, how easy it was always for me to advice others. When they lose their loved ones, I used to preach, “They are in a better place. Be happy for the same.” This time, I had to listen to the same advices and realised they did nothing much to console the real pain.

“Your crying would hurt his soul. He will not be able to leave peacefully. Imagine, if he had to live in pain due the disease that was already in final stage. Imagine, the man who was always independent, had to depend on someone for even having a morsel of food. Imagine this, Imagine that….” I didn’t wanted to imagine anything; bcoz at the end, he left me. That was the ultimate truth. The reason for me to look forward to go back to my native place was no longer there. There was no one who was waiting to see me there. Why would I want to go there any more…

 “Dear Appuppa, Wherever you are, I know, you are in a happy place with your parents and wife...Please remember, I am missing you terribly and wants to believe that your hand will always be on my head… showering me with all that love, care and support. Nothing can replace you in my life and your memories would be my strength…I love you and will always love you…Thank you for blessing me with your existence in my life…And I know for sure, you loved me the most…and will miss our crazy selfies :) ;) ”

A great lesson I learnt during this course… We feel, loving one another is enough as long as we are around to meet, talk, laugh and share… But NO, it is not enough…Ofcourse , it does makes a great difference to yourself more than the other when you openly accept and say aloud those gold words of Thank you and Love you. I can’t recall if I have ever told my dad or mom that I love them…I loved them and it was to be understood…. Now when my appups is gone, I am yearning to meet him just once and tell him… I started even wondering if I have ever thanked him or said openly that I loved him so much…

So, today, to all my loved ones…who I love so deeply and share a very special place in my heart…I want to say this with a tight hug…

“Thank you so much for being part of my life… I love you... a lot….”