Height of Artificiality...

Ok, all my Blogends (Blogger +Friends)… Finally I am off all those traps that I was bound by…I am in here, with lot of fresh air and a fresh positive feeling…Thanks to Dost & Tomz for their prompt response to my earlier blog… Being away from Blogs for long period has such disadvantages…all those regulars who have been there giving me their precious opinions cease coming in …when they see I am no longer writing anything…lol!!! But still, never mind…I would want to vent out all the happiness and sorrows in here..so that I feel relieved by dumping them on to my Blogends’ head..hehe!!! Cool na…So, I am sure, U can feel the cheerfulness in my mood today…that’s the effect of the newness in my life…hmmm…

SO for those who are wondering, what happened..and for those who could understand nothing from my previous blog…Let me tell u…after all the hassles, finally I left my old job and joined a new company…with a better pay, benefits and Position…Ok…now, don’t think…the pay or the benefits or the position was my attraction…they were all added gifts from God to me…The main attraction of the New Job was that I COULD LEAVE THAT PLACE…not that the company I worked for was bad..It was a wonderful company..but the ONE person that I had the misfortune to work with…had made me hate that job where I had spend my last 5 years…

I know, Past is Past…but then, at times, I really wonder, how could I be so enduring…I, who could not take the least bit of unpleasant behavior suffered absolute unacceptable behavior for 2 years without fighting back…hmmm…Wanna share it with you guys…I am sure, many of u might have already gone thru such situations…which should be clearly called as an ABUSE…a Professional Abuse…The name suits it well..as the harassment I had faced was at a very professional environment in a professional way…lol!!!So here goes, some highlights of my days of Abuse…hmm…

Starting Days
An extremely artificial person…Lets call her S meets me and assists me in knowing the work. I wondered why I felt her behavior to be so ARTIFICIAL when she was so nice to me…Days passed as I realized, how artificially she showed her pleasantness to all that was pleasant to her. I behaved well…hmmm…She was not my Boss, but at times she acted as one…I dint mind, as long as it wasn’t of much intensity…

After Six Months…
I was selected as one of the few to be with the Top Management for some specific meetings. I dint feel it to be a big thing, while others said it was…and that day, I started seeing that she started to shower me with rudeness and harshness in anything and everything…Any query from my side was answered with an “IDONT KNOW.. U GO CHECK”…”DON’T TELL ME”…etc etc…I ignored…and behaved friendly as always…

Another Six months…
I had no time to even raise my head at my desk…NOT bcoz work was overflowing in the office…but bcoz work was over flowing on my table…While my two other colleagues sat joking, surfing nets…I was dumped with stuff to do…I WAS FINE…as I never wasted time and finished my work daily on time without keeping anything for pending…

The Two Onlookers…
Uhm my two other colleagues…they behaved normal when she was not around..and when she was there, they behaved as if they never knew me…One of them warned me of S’s nature…of backbiting and bitching…She told me, how she was the Victim till I came and now, S is busy focusing on only ME…She shamelessly told me, how she acted so excitedly to her just to avoid a confrontation…I too started noticing, how quickly they used to ridicule her the moment she left the room..even for the matters they all spoke so sweetly with each other…They adviced me too to just SHOW OFF affection…I couldn’t…So…situation didn’t change much…I existed in that office only for the work side and for them, they acted, I dint ever exist…

Tough days…
After the First year, it was almost near to my limit of adjusting and ignoring..things started getting into my nerves…Finally, I decided to take it up with Superiors…I reached the HR…The Director gave two options…Either go for a formal Complaint..or Confront her with the issue…

I confronted her in front of the Boss…She said some CRAP reasons for her CRAPPY behavior…She was in the tension of some exams…I said softly… “Never take your personal tensions on others… I wouldn’t do that even if I had 101 tensions outside...”

Behind the Scene
She was genuinely trying to malign my reputation in front of my boss…with regular complaints about me..Can we call it a complaint…or should we call it a School Kid fantasies… “Teacher, tht kid pinched me…Teacher, she’s staring at me…Teacher, She’s not sitting on her seat…”

On three different occasions, the BOSS behaved as if he believed everything he said, and he came forward with some SO CALLED SUGGESTIONS…He never confronted me with such issues as complaints…But as Suggestions… Some of the conversations we had…

“Jzt, please take care of coming on time to work…HR is monitoring”
“But, Boss, I reach office daily 15 minutes before time…”
“OH OK, then fine…I just informed you of policies…” (Remember, I had joined that company even before he was there…and this was just an Internal Transfer)

“Jzt, kindly see to it that during office timings, you don’t use the phone much…”
“But Boss, you are sitting near me. Have you ever seen me on phone during duty hours…”
“No..I haven’t seen you..I was just saying…”
“Ok, if I was doing that, I could have controlled it..Still I will keep it in mind..”

“Jzt, S is planning some work…her new initiative…U should help her in tht..”
“But Boss, this has been initiated & implemented by me soon after I joined this office…And I am regularly updating it…”
“Oh, u r already up-to date on that…??? Then its fine…”

Etc etc etc…

Three months back…
Limits were broken…frustrations grew…No talks helped…I hated going to that office, seeing her face…Wished, I could just leave everything and blast out of that place…Indirectly, it started affecting my health…my mental peace..my behavior…my temperament…in short…it was destroying me completely… I knew it…

A Confidential Meeting…
A Last try…Met with the Boss personally…and explained how pathetic things were happening…He claimed, that even he had noticed…At the end, I declared… “If she can’t change, I can either look for a job change or a department change…”… He too was firm when he said... “NO, she has to change...that is not professional…”…We part ways deciding that soon he will meet me and her together and sit and discuss…I waited eagerly for the day…

That was it…
Five days after the meeting, the BOSS called me and shocked me when he said... “Jzt, I have got a complaint against you…You talk on the phone a lot during working hours…”

That was the limit… and I blasted… “BOSS, I AM DONE WITH THIS, NOW...ANYMORE DISCUSSION, I DO IT IN FRONT OF HER…I WANT TO CLEAR THIS NOW AND HERE…”

And soon…She entered…with her usual Artificial Self…for the first time, I laughed mockingly…towards that embodiment of artificiality…

Height of Artificiality…

Door of Hope...

Ok…sooo…laziness is indeed a beautiful experience…uhmm..I think for past 2 months, I was popping out all of sudden and welcoming myself back…Sad part is not many actually noticed my absence…Many of u didn’t even wanted to double check if I was dead or still alive…hmm..maybe u knew it better…Thanks to those few who DID check my whereabouts…and was particularly concerned about my health..uhmm…I am hoping that now onwards I be able to continue normally..without any more laziness flowing into my senses…

Let me tell u guys…more than laziness, it was my peaceless mind that was initiating this long silence from my side…I who always loved to type long mails, felt soo disturbed that even an SMS was too much for me to type…Unanswered mails filled up my Inbox and Unattended duties overflowed into my consciousness… I knew, I wasn’t me…but somehow…even the strongest Rock can break at some point…uhm…Am I being too much by comparing myself to a Rock…Naaaahh!!!!

Anyways…days gone are gone… in between I been for a short vacation too…Yipeee, for my cousin’s marriage…Didn’t I tell u guys of my cousin who was getting married to a Northie…Cool…had a SUPERB marriage…Our Marriages are mainly rituals…so imagine, if adding to it, we followed all traditional rituals of North Indians too…Double Dhamaka…Still a regret…the days when I should have been open heartedly enjoying…I was actually in dilemma…hmm..

I could have very well called myself a Fire Cracker…Outside it was all colours and beautiful exploding out its beauty…Inside, it was all a burning…hmm…Yeah…reason being Uncertainity…as usual…Imagine, u find a door in front of you open for you...u know, it’s the door thru where u can escape ur sorrows…but then, as u approach it, u find urself entangled in some ropes and in that confusion, U feel the doors are closing slowly…Only if u release yourself from those ropes, can u reach the door before it gets completely closed…I was in somewhat similar situation….

I took my flight to my home country with such an entanglement in my heart and mind…Had NO idea what was going to happen to that New Hope…So naturally..amidst all the fun, my mind was restless and tensed and upset…I laughed and smiled and all of a sudden I would get gloomy at heart…tried hard not to show it out and spoil other’s mood too…Thus through out my vacation, I was like burning inside and glowing outside…hmm…

Again…past is past…today…I am near that door…Almost 99% of the trap beneath my feet is off me…I could slowly get up and walk towards that door…I feel I will be soon entering that door…Just a few more obstacles and I would be in there…where I feel I would be freed from all the tensions I have been going through the past years…where I could be myself…where I could have everything that I wished to have…where I could be happy and feel wanted…

Yes friends…Wish me luck…add me in your prayers…pray for me that all those optimistic feelings I have now would come true…Pray for me so that the Door be what I wish for…and Let not that door be another Trap…I am right there, just waiting for the last few steps to be taken…with a mixture of optimism and pessimism, here I am taking those steps…towards that door…

The Door of Hope…