I wanted to write this today… here in public.
Many of you might wonder why! Maybe, because, I am not the type of person who
could put these in words and express it in nature. Maybe bcoz the person whom I
want to tell this to will not be able to take it 😊 For sure, she would cut me off
saying, “Ohh ilakkam venda, Dialogue mathi. Over aakkanda.” Yes, that’s how she
would respond. My Amma can never take these emotional honesty.
Amma and my relation has always been the katta-meeta
type. She could express her anger more than her love, maybe that was why it was
so. We never knew or could express the actual love we have for each other.
Atleast, that’s what I think. We spoke like friends, at the same time, kept
secrets from each other – Maybe for the fear that it might hurt the other. I
always complained, she didn’t love me as much as she loved my brother or for
that matter her sister’s kids or anybody else. On contrary, I think, she also
always felt, I loved my aunts more than her. Strange, isn’t it.
All my life, I have tried my best to never do
anything that would hurt her. Unknowingly, I might have hurt her many times. But,
what I would always regret is that, Knowingly, I had to give her one big pain. I
hope, someday, she would understand that this was best for her daughter; for I
know, nothing is bigger than her daughter’s happiness for her… and that it
killed me more to hurt her and would never have dared to do so, if I had another
choice.
Today,
Amma, on this Mother’s Day… I want you to know something.
“You might
not be the perfect Mother in the world. But you are the best mother for me and
I will never want to part from you, in this life or any other lives… I am so
proud of you, that you have always tried to not hurt any other mother’s child
and still do. Yes, it might have hurt me at times, but as a mother, I
understand that even I would have done the same, if in your place.
Thanks for
the days you stood by me, though you never agreed to me…
Thanks for
the words you said aloud, when I felt completely lost…
Thanks for
the moments you shared, when I stood totally alone…
Thanks for
my favorite delicacies, when I yearned for it every single day…
Thanks for
the smiles you showed, when I knew well that you were crying within…
Above all,
thank you for being my Amma. My best amma, love you more than my life. I would
always want to see you happy and never want to hurt you. I am sorry for hurting
you. I will always want you to be right beside me and never leave me. I might
never be able to say this to you on face, but please never leave me alone.
Whatever rights or wrongs, I may do, stay by me for I can’t bear being away
from you. I love you and will always love you…
Happy Mother’s Day…”
