The Prison...

"Raju, don't pull that cat's tail...Rakhee go and fetch your dad for lunch...Can you please ask him to put that Newspaper down and do something else...This man never knows that his wife and children needs him more than his newspaper...Ohooo...Rakhee, U r still sitting here???Oh, Rakhee, can you please switch off that radio...and also ask you dad to lower the volume of the TV...How can a man read newspaper and at the same time watch the News on TV...Can't he do one thing at a time...Oh god, Raju, u r still behind that poor cat....Why can't you all give me a little peace of mind. Let me sit down atleast for a while..."....Suddenly, there came a voice...Cuckoo...Cuckoo... Ha...what was that???uh!!! That was the clock???What is this?? Where is Rakhee and Raju...Where is Ram??? Was that all a dream???I was dreaming my family???How cruel is the reality...

I am all alone in this big house...Ram's greatest dream...He build this house with his hardwork and love...More than the cement and the bricks, it were our love and happiness that kept this house strong always...But this house was not empty like it is now...Not long back, it was filled with the happy voices of my children and my husband...This was our heaven...But a bitter truth dawned over my heavenly family...and before I could even imagine, I was all alone...How could all that happen to me...The memory lies so clear as a crystal in my heart...

It all started when Raju when he was back from school was erupting us with a Live telecast of the Samudra Beach Resort in Goa...He was just repeating what his friend, Partha has described to him...Both me and Ram knew what was coming..."Pappa, Mamma, can we too go there this Xmas Holidays...I want to tell Partha, that even I went to that place. Pleeeeeeeeeeeassssssseeeeeeee, Pappa...". I was waiting for Ram's usual answer, "Not this time...". But then to my surprise he said, "Oh yes dear, We shall go there this time...and we can have lots of fun there.."

Soon, came the Xmas holidays and we were off in our car for the long journey...I was completely against the Car idea...but Ram wouldn't agree to that, as he felt, if we were in car we could get down at some of the temples on the way too...Uhm...I couldn't go against temples for sure...The journey was long but the mood was great...The kids were singing and jumping at the back seat...Ram for a change was singing...God, how bad a singer he is...uhmm...

We were moving down a slope... Kids were enjoying the jumpy feeling that gave them while the car was going down so fast...But, suddenly I heard Ram shouting..."The brakes...they r not working.."...I couldn't say anything more...Before anything else, I heard a sudden crash and found myself hitting against the door...Soon I fell off the car and hit the road side...The last thing I could see was my daughter's head banging against the window and then it was a complete blackout...

Soon, I opened my eyes and found myself in an unknown place...I couldn't recognise a single person around me...Without much time, I learnt the bitter truth...I was in that hospital bed for almost 8 months in a coma and that the accident has not only took off my left leg from me also my dear family away from me...my Ram, Raju and Rakhee...all that I had in this life..was gone...leaving me all alone...I couldn't believe my ears...I just shut off my eyes not knowing what to do...Did I cry??? No..I dint..Not a tear helped me..I dint know why...but I just stay still for hours...

Now, its been more than 4 months that I have come back to my once heaven...An year back, this day...I this house was really a heaven...but all that I have today is this house and the wheel chair that could take me around...Uhmm...Oh forgot those crutches near my bed also...God, why did u do this to me...Before, I used to plead for a little solitude and peace of mind...But today, when I sit here with just loneliness and lots of PEACE of MIND...I feel like screaming out...The silence in this house was killing me...How, I wish I could cry aloud...How I wish I could hear my kid's voice...How I wish I could see my Ram in that TV room with that remote control...This Loneliness was like a prison and how I wish I could escape this prison...this solitude...

Ahaaa...Who is there at the door???... "Haaa...Rajuuu, Rakheee...Ram....!!!Is that YOUUU???You are ALIVE!!!Oh, god...what am I seeing???Am I dreaming??? No...I am not...I am awake..wide awake...Rakhee, Raju...come here...give your mother a big hug...Ram, where were you all...Why did you leave me alone???Do you know what that people at the hospital told me???I doesn't even wanna talk abt that now...But wait till tomorrow...I am surely going to complaint to the police...Have you had your dinner...Wait, I will prepare something for you all...I am sorry Ram, I might be slow...as u can see what has happened to me... but atleast, you all r safe..."...

Next day, the neighbours were all around the big house peeping through the windows...They were all curiously looking at the Lady roaming around in her house in a wheel chair...They could hear her shouting most of the time... "Raju, come here...Have your dinner...Rakhee, what are you doing...Leave the toys there...Kumar...Come and take your dinner...Oh, Rakheee, Don't nag me...Don't irritate me...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE...Give me some Peace of mind...."...

The neighbours mumbled btw themselves... "The lady got crazy after knowing about the death of her family...Poor lady...she couldnt accept the truth maybe...Such a nice family she had...and she lost everybdy in tht accident...Poor she..think shes gone mad...she has completely lost her MIND, but look at her...she has none with her and still she's pleading to Leave her alone...and all she wants is some PEACE of MIND"

NB: For a competition in college, we were asked to write a story on LONELINESS...The above is a recreation of the story that I had written years back and which won me a 2nd prize...In the above story, the Lady could be described as Mad or Mentally Sick by any of you...But as for me...She has found an escape from the Prison of Solitude...She has found her lost family and love in that state of mind...and that is her LIFE...

I am in Love...!!!

Wow...its been quite a long time that I haven't been in here...Trust me, guys...I am not lazy...but I am just tied up with work...and some other stuffs...week ends have been really tiring and busy with some appointment on every week end...in the last one month I have attended 4 birthdays, hosted 3 dinners, quite a few house visits which were pending from quite some time and so on...still remains some more house visits which is a bit far away from where we stay...so been putting it off..but might do it next week...

At office, I am stuck with extra responsibilities added onto my job profile and that makes every week day just fly off...It wasn't long b4 when I used to drag myself into my office on a Sunday and wait with such a yearning heart for the Thursday, the week end to come fast...and it always felt as if the thursdays would never come...but once I was offered this new responsibilities I got so busy with work daily, that some days, I even forgot that it was past lunch time...uhmmm...Good for me...I had no time to yawn or doze off...lol!!!

But in between all this...I had found time to do just one thing....and maybe it was bcoz of this one thing that kept me away from your people...uhm...and what is that..You could guess that from the title of this post...Yes...LOVE...yeah, friends I am in love...madly in love...You must be wondering..how could I..being a married woman...a mother of a 2 year old...and now falling in love...maybe some of you must be now thinking... "Oh maybe u r in love with ur husband.." for those of u who r thinking so...I am sorry...he's not the one...

Guys, I know, its odd for me to say this aloud...I am not too old a woman...its not too late to fall in love again either...but then, why can't I fall in love...being married can never stop someone's heart not to fall in love...right???Atleast, I believe so...and I would like to stand by that... Especially, when I had the courage to face the fact and tell it openly to my husband also...He understood, that what I was feeling was true from my heart and I shouldn't be made fun of for this feeling...neither could I be blamed for that...So he smiled and accepted my love...as usual...thats what he had done, whenevr I discussed about my boyfriends or guys who flirts with me...He knew I could manage it very well...This time, he was a bit insecure for sure...still he had to accept it..I gave him no other choice...uhmm...

Anyways...now..the tragedy is...My love has been accepted by everybody around me...now the only person remaining to know about it and accept me is the person who I am in love with...I loved him without even his knowledge...I loved the way he behaved...I loved his nature...his character...his strength..his weakness and what not...I love every thing about him...and I just wish that I could meet him and tell all this to him on his face...I know, it is impossible...atleast, in the present scenario, it is more than impossible...I can't blame anybody for my fate...

I still know, that my love is real...and I wish I had met him years back...atleast I would have waited for him my whole life...Now, no use brooding over what is past...I can't do anything about it now...Atleast, what I am hoping now is to meet him some day and just let him know that I just fell in love with him for what he is...

I am sure, you would be wondering why I didn't go and tell him this till now...Friends, I can't...he is far away from my reach...rather, he is no where in my reach...He is not alive...he was never alive...He just lives in my memory...I can't love someone who gave a body to my love...I can love only that person...

That is my love...Rather he is my love...My love...uhmm...what is wrong with me if I fell in love with him...Is it not love...what is my fault that I fell in love with not a live person but a Character...I fell in love with the Hero of a Novel...I just got crazy about a person who was just the result of an imagination of Stephanie Meyer...What is my mistake if I fell in love with not a man but a Vampire...

But, still..with all my heart...let me tell u...I am crazily obsessed with Edward, the Vampire from the Series of Twilight....lol!!!Now I feel a bit shy...or rather embarassed...of all the men in this world...How could I...Why couldn't I fall in love with some human being...atleast some one who was not just imaginary...grrr...but what to dooooo...

Afterall...I am Me...and I am in Loveeeeeeeeeee....!!!

Nb: Now guys, don't think, I am in love with the Hollywood Actor who enacted Edward's role in the Twilight Movies...Sorry, wrong thinking...I just don't care who was the actor or how he look like...till date, I haven't even seen a trailer of the movies...I happened to read the Twilight Series...and fell in love with the character Edward...Maybe that is the exact way, I always wished my love should take care of me...the way he loves Bella, the heroine....grrr...I envy her...grrrrr...I wish, if I would ever meet some one who take care of his love the way he does...In this world, is there really any such person anywhere ALIVE....I doubt that...lol!!! Anyways, I have told my hubby...If anywhere in this world, a person like Edward really exists...and if he ever comes in front of me and love me the way Edward loves Bella...that day, my hubby should set me free...lol!!!...God, Am I really Mad...or am I close enough to get some medical attention??? hehe!!! By the by, missed to tell you...the very little free time that I had the last month, I was spending it reading the first three series of the Book...and that is why I couldn't find some spare time to post in a blog...lol!!!

A New Hope...A New Promise...

At times, I really wonder is this happening with me…is this something that we usually nickname as Sixth Sense or just coincidence…especially when things that were so close to what I intended to say become a reality..it gives a shiver…The news of the aircrash came in as a shock and today as I am typing this down I have already missed quite some heart beats…

Believe me or not…few days back, I had started typing in some stories of airport and things that have happened during my tenure at an airport years back…Ok, I missed saying that b4..let me update u with that info…I have worked for some years with the passenger service in an airport…during those years, I learnt all the “Behind the Scene Actions” before and after a flight took off and landed…Many of the misconceptions I had as a mere passenger were broken…I understood WHY it was as it was…WHY not it be as we wanted…and so on…

Including myself, had made mistakes in trying to cheat the Airline staffs by taking an extra baggage or excess weight along with us to the aircraft to avoid paying excess baggage…Even when my relatives were travelling a few days back…when I was lecturing them, WHY THEY SHOULD NOT CHEAT ON THE WEIGHT CALCULATIONS, they laughed me off…Little did they know, how much dangerous their one piece of unsurrendered baggage could turn to… They didn’t want to know the Safety and Security hazards it could pose to an aircraft and thereby the passengers…

Anyways, when I was talking to u all abt their excess baggage on my last post, I felt that I should be sharing with u all some of my stories from those days at the Airport and the problems I faced with passengers due Excess Baggage…I had typed a whole post with a few hilarious and funny incidents, but then ended it with a warning of what could happen if we really din’t abide by the safety regulations during an air travel…

For some idiotic reason, I forgot to take the copy of the post with me home and thereby, I couldn’t post it into the blog all these days…Everyday, I thought, 'OK tomorrow, I will do it'…and it just went on …Today, when I came to the office after the week end…and while reading the news papers about the yesterday's crash, I opened the word doc…and the first word that caught my eyes were, the last word of my post…The warning that I wanted to give you all…In bold letters it read ‘An Air Crash’ …

This is a truth…I wouldn’t want to post that anymore…But some day, I will surely share with you all those incidents that happened …not to warn you, but to make you understand WHY IT HAS TO BE THE WAY IT IS….Atleast for some of you, (who had taken a flight atleast once before) it will be new knowledge and could alarm you when you realise the fact that be it unknowingly how big a threat you have been to an air craft and fellow passengers during your flight....

But now, at this point all I want to extend is my heart felt condolences to the family who lost their loved ones in this horrific accident...Praying that the souls of those ill-fated people who left us today may Rest in Peace...In memory of those deceased in the crash …

"Life is a journey.
Death is the continuation of the journey.
Heaven is a temporary rest.
For the commencement and fulfilment
Of a new life, a new hope
And a new promise"

Welcome Back to Myself...

Ok….so that is it…been away for quite some days..and reason u should be knowing…I was busy with my relatives from India..taking them around…long sleepless nights really posed great danger to my health…uhmm…been down with heavy throat pain and allergy…between son again had a 3 days hospital visit…due his allergy probs…and so on….to top the whole thing up…I have a bandage on my left ankle as I twisted my leg during a dance spree on their last day of vacation…uhmmm…but then…it was all worth it…really enjoyed the days and now really miss them…

Home is back to normal with lots of space to walk around…a week back, it was filled with people bumping into each other every now and then…or atleast walking in between the loads of Excess Baggage that they managed to build up through shopping…uhmmm…Lol…They could take with them almost 300 kg and they victoriously succeeded in crossing the limits by atleast another 100…thereby, leaving the remaining 100kg at home for us to cargo it ASAP….haha!!!

To think of it, really did they do that much shopping…???? Naaah!!!..but then, the excess baggage is still lying at home waiting for the cargo guys…

Between, would also like to share a sad news with you all…Kindly pardon me, if I don’t drop in to ur blogs often…our IT people has become really bad the last week…they blocked all blog sites and now, I can’t read or post blogs from my office…uhmmm…That means, I have to do it from home…which is almost near to impossible…I can type in my posts in a word doc and post it in the eve as I am going to do with this…But then to sit and read blogs with my son on my head is like hell…

Somehow, my son, lovessssssss switching on the laptop…even if he is only 2 ½ years old…he already know how to switch on the laptop, connect the charger, mouse onto the laptop…and then u shd see him sitting in front of the monitor with his hands on top of the keyboard…as if he is doing some real hard work on the computer….grrrr…and when I try using the laptop, he wants to do all the above stuff along with me…That means, if by mistake I switch on the laptop myself, he will switch it off and then switch it on himself…If I had already connected the charger…he will remove the plug off and then re-connect it himself…

I have really noticed one thing after the visit of my relatives…He has started trying to talk with whole sentences using every single word cautiously and slowly with correct tone and intonation…(you should have heard him when I tried feeding him some rice…the way he tossed his face away from me saying.. “NO, I Don’t want…I won’t eat, I won’t let you….” Gosh, I was awe struck…he very clearly learnt saying NO to my demands….grrr…thrashing on the way, dear son…haah!!!) Another change was that he started becoming choosy…now, he prefer selecting his clothes…and once I had to literally threaten him to wear the shoes I had selected for him…(lol, few days before that, while he was trying to select his shoes from the shoe rack cupboard, accidently the whole of the rack almost fell over him and that scared him a lot…now I am using that to keep him off the shoe rack…)…

But the worst one was his learning a regional language song…which is supposed to be a romantic song in an arrogant way….In that song, the Heroine is walking behind the Hero singing a song (close to a conversation type) and the Hero shoos her off saying PODI…(which is a colloquial word meaning “GOOOOOOOO Girl…..” the word as such is OK to be used between friends…and NOT AT ALL OK to be used to elders...)…when the Hero says Podi the heroine says back PODA…(which in turn meant “Gooo Man”… )….Now, my son, even if he never got the tune of the song right, could very well pronounce these two words…and walked around singing (or rather saying)… “PODIIIII, PODAAAAA….”…grrrr

Now, I was in for real shock, when he decided to sing this song just when the nurse was leaving his room during his hospital visit a week before…lol…I was like sooo embarrassed and had to literally tell every single nurse that he was just singing the song…Thank god, the song was quite famous among South Indians…at times, I even had to sing the song along with him to just show others that it was just a song and not that my son was disrespecting them by shooing them off….lol!!!

Anyways, now, I am continuously stopping him from singing that song…and now what happens is…Somehow, the words escape his mouth at times…and this is what happens… “PODIII, PODAA…(and then he looks at me…and continues…) is a dirty song…isn’t it Mom??? If I sing, Mom will slap me…” hahah!!! And there were times when he very craftly acted as if he never sang that song as in … “Podi, Podaaaaaa…(he would just continue the ‘aaaaa’ sound and continue with the song) Aaaaare u sleeping are u sleeping, brother John….”

Trust me, you can never hold back your laugh if ever u see his such divine ideas to escape my scoldings… I know that there r still a lot more of his pranks for me to witness and go thru…hehe!!! I really wonder if I was this intelligent as a kid…But guess what others have to say about him when they see him on action….

“No wonders…After all, whose son is he…typical Mother and Son …”