For No Reason...

There are times when even the broadest smile might fail that one drop of tear from falling off…that one drop that you have been trying to hold back…and it’s then that you feel stupid when you start wondering what were those tears for…and that’s when I realized that it is most difficult to hold back those tears which flow without any specific reason… because I am one such person who faces (quite often) the embarrassment caused by “Tears for no reason…”

Today, the sky is looming above me with dark clouds, as if they were waiting to pour down loads of rain any time…and I realized…, today even my mind was in the same state as the sky … my face was dark with my eyes all filled up with tears all set to overflow any moment…Such a coincidence…I wanted to cry…rather outpour my heart with my tears…

I had a rough night yesteray, with literally no sleep…It was more like being awake with sleeps in between...rather than sleeping and waking up in between…I woke up every 10-15mts and wondering if it was time to wake up and get ready to go to office…Finally, when I got into the car, …Seeing my face all blown up, my car-mate enquired…”Any probs?”… I started wondering, “What’s the problem? Why am I feeling this heavy feeling at heart…” …and without even my knowledge words escaped my lips…”Hey, Nopes…no probs at all…Just that I feel like crying…”…

Uhhh???? What did I say??? I wondered…and I knew even my mate was wondering…but still he managed to ask, “But why???”… and I found myself replying, “For no reason…I just feel like crying..and I am trying hard not to cry…” and it was true…My eyes were filled with those unwanted tears and there was that suffocating pressure rising inside me as if there was a heavy pain on my chest ….I wanted to talk to somebody…

I wanted to talk to my aunt...rather I wanted to cry out…scream out…Pour out all my tears…I knew only that would ease me off…She is the one to whom I doesn’t mind crying out…She would always try to understand my tears…on the other hand, if it was my mother…”my tears would bring tears on her eyes…and that would make things more terrible for me…and naturally I didn’t wanted to hurt my mom with my tears” …so I really wanted to talk to her…call her on phone…but, then…@&^%*, my mobile had no balance…and I was already getting late to office…and in this weather can’t afford to waste time on the road…as rain could make the forward trip horrible, if it started pouring…

I excused myself from giving company to my friend with an excuse of a headache (usually, when he drove, I talk and talk and talk..and that keeps him from sleeping off during the long drive from home to office daily morning )…I leaned back with closed eyes…turned my head towards the glass window… I knew, I was getting ready to pour out those tears…and I did exactly that…Those salty water was flowing hard from my eyes…and I was trying hard not to let my friend know…he could misunderstand the whole thing … he might take me for an idiot for crying without any reason...

Still I cried…cried for nothing…not knowing what exactly was hurting me…I vent out all those pressure that was building inside me…Some day soon, I will know…what was it that was giving me that pain that made me cry…till then, I have to call these salty water, “Tears for no reason”

Good Afternoon, May I Help you...

Have you ever gone through embarassment just due to your over confidence? Have you felt as if you were being peeled out from some core into the open space??I am sure,atleast once in your life time, you would have gone through one such instance...and they would be always unforgettable...For me, there's one such instance from the pages of my life too which would be always memorable.Fortunately, I was not the main character of that SHOW...

This happened during my college days. For my graduation, as part of Project submission we were to work in any Company in Customer Service role. I, along with four of my friends joined one of the leading Group in the city. We were rostered to work on different departments as days passed. One such department was the Motor Vehicle Showroom which was quite coool place to work due to its hi-fi infrastructure and the exposure we got in CUstomer Service (which would help us beautify our Projects in the best possible way).

This showroom's incharge was the Sales Manager, Mr.Ray Kurian, who was very strict in nature and expected very proffessional behaviour from the staffs. When he was around, it was like all of us were standing on fire. He had a seperate office covered with Glass walls. Naturally, this made us extra consious of what we were doing and made sure we were not fooling around. Now, about the showroom : 'It was just few weeks earlier that the gearless scotter Honda Activa came to market and therefore, there was a high demand for the vehicle. But, due to non availability of the vehicle, we could only do booking and despatch was done only one "First come First Serve" basis..We, the so called staffs, were given very clear briefing and was instructed sternly that "NO ONE WILL GET THE SCOOTER OUT OF THE WAY"..means NO recommendations, NO bribing, NO emergency basis...nothing doing...What so ever happen, you will get your scooter only according to your booking number." ... Apart from this IMPORTANT thing to remember, rest we had to always keep in mind all the Golden Rules of Customer Service (like 'have a good posture', 'greet, smile while handling customers' etc etc).

Here, let me initial my friend as Miss. R. I and R was on D-day, rostered to be at the showroom and assist walk-in customers with all sort of queries they had. The morning was very hectic, as the showroom was filled with customers and the staffs had handful to take care of...We, the On-job trainees, were feeling proud that we were getting to work independently and so was busy giving 100% Customer Service to every single person who came in front of us. By afternoon, the showroom became almost vacant due heavy rain outside. I and R, tired of the heavy work proceeded towards the reception area. I released the Receptionist for her lunch and R sat in front of me, both of us easing down...

Suddenly, the phone rang. I picked up the phone and remembering the Golden Rules of answering a telephone call started talking:

Me: Good Afternoon, M Motors. May I Help You?
Customer:Ok, I want to buy a Honda Active
Me: Sure Sir, Can I have your name?
C: My name? For what???When can I get the scooter?
Me: Sure Sir. I can give you all information. But could you please give your name so that I can keep records of your query.
C: Oh, I am Thomas. I need Blue Colour. What're the documents you require?

(Gosh! three questions to answer. from where should I start...help me..especially because Mr. Ray Kurian is in the office. and I don't want to flop it up)

Me: Sure Mr. Thomas. We have five different colours of the model. But unfortunately, you will get the scooter only on booking basis. As per the present situation, we cannot promise you the scooter before 2 months.

C: WHATTTT? No way...I need it in one week.
Me: Oh, sorry sir. That wouldn't be possible. It's strict policy of the company. We can't jump the booking priority at any cost.
C: (a bit softly) I can pay extra for that
Me: Sorry Sir, It's not possible
C: I can ask one of the Ministers to recommend.
Me: Really Sir, I would love to help you. But this is not possible. I can make a booking for you and try to get it for you as soon as possible, but I can't promise you anything. It will depend upon how soon we get the scooters and the number of cancellations. But can't ever jump the priority.

(Till then, R was sitting in front of me facing me...She was showing me faces as if to ask me Who was it on the phone...)

C: Uhmmm...Ok then...Good...Give the phone to the lady sitting in front of you...
Me: Excuse me...?? What???
C: Give the phone to the lady sitting in front of you...I am Ray Kurian...
Me: (shocked) What..? (I looked to my side and saw him sitting at one of the chairs and he signalled me not to say anything and give the phone to R)...OK...

I gave the phone to R

Me: Answer the phone and handle the customer,I couldn't convince him, fast.
R: (covering the mouthpiece of the phone) Who is this?
Me: Some Customer...talk fast..talk carefully...

I tried alerting her with my facial expression..I winked at her and pointed my eyes to the direction Ray was sitting. Unfortunately, she mistook my alerting her as fun...She thought it was some friend calling to fool her...And _________....(remember, during this whole converstaion R was leaning towards the Reception table resting one of her hand on the table as if she was sleeping on it)

R: Hellloooooooo (as if she was singing)
C: Hello, I want a Honda Activa
R: Sooo??? Who is this??
C: Who are you?
R: Who is this???
C: I am Thomas. I need to know, when is the earliest I can get my scooter
R: Ohhhhhhhhh...Scooterrrrrr...Sure sure..you will get it now.. Come here... I can arrange one now only.

(She was really thinking that one of her friend was pulling a prank on her...)

C: WHAT???The other girl told NO...
R: (now fed up of the prank) So what, I told you, I will give..I will...Now stop joking..Who's this...???

(Between, I tried stopping her...and once I knew, she was in no mood to understand what I was trying to say..I stopped...and then enjoyed the conversation. I was trying hard to hold on to my laugh, imagining her face when she realise it is Ray Kurian.)

C: So, you think I am joking?? Ok...I am Ray Kurian.
R: Ahaaaaa...Now you are not Thomas. You are Ray Kurian.. Wonderful..haha!!!
C: I am Ray Kurian. Come to my office....
R: (sarcastically) OHHHHH Ray Kurian...HOW R UUU...

At this point, I intervened. I told her that it was indeed Ray Kurian and he's sitting at the other end...

You should have seen R's face.. All pale and white in colour...and shivering....

R: Oh, Sorry Sir..Sorry...I thought...I meant...I didn't mean to...
Ray: Miss. R, come to my office. I need to talk to you...

and the call ended

She was almost at verges of tears fearing that Mr. Kurian might blast her now for the silly behaviour...especially at the reception. I advised her to apologise for the mistake and try explaining the reason for her behaviour. (frankly, if it was me in her place, I would have eloped from the place long back..lol!)

Anyways, things went fine...She went and before he could say anything, she apologised and told him, that she thought it was some friends...Especially, because, I was already on phone for some time, she just thought so...and so on....Finally Ray said,"It's fine...But such situations could come in real life.. Even if it is your friend, don't behave so till you confirm it is your friend indeed..."...etc etc...

I am sure, R wouldn't have heard the full conversation as she was blank with embarassment and fear...She still get the shiver of her life remembering the embarassment she went through at that moment when on the phone she heard...

"I am Ray Kurian. Come to my office..."

Done with Hibernation...

Atlast, I am back in full spring...hope, I would be more regular in boring you all from today...I would see to it, that I am there around to eat your brains out and put you into deep thoughts... Thoughts like "WHY THE HELL AM I READING THIS"..."IS THIS REAL..."..."AM I SO UNLUCKY TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS" and so on...I am sure, you should be wondering, how come...The answer is simple...I AM BACK after my hibernation of a few weeks...

Alas, my hibernation period is over... I am back into the mechanical world of LIFE...Wake early in the morning (which i really hate), Dress Up for work (which is horrible), Drive through the traffic (Ha, Terrible..), Reach your office (all hopes gone), Work (like a sleeping log,uhm???Naahh, Work as if you have no work tomorrow...)... Eat your food (Beware, bring your own lunch, else your wallet would be empty and the Cafeteria guy's wallet would fill up...) Work again (looking forward for the last minute of work) and then again a horrible drive back...but this time with lots of expectation to have a great sleep...Thanks to Mom, that after reaching home, I don't have to worry of Cooking...Atleast after reaching home, I can have food ASAP and then jump into my sweet bed to wake again to the horrible tone of the Clock ALARM...

To be short and sweet, "I am no more Jobless"...hehe! I got a job...uhmm...Thanks Thanks...for your Congrats...lol!!!...and if you were not thinking of Congratulating, now you have the chance...Congratulate mee...Ok, Thank you...Yes, as I mentioned a few days back..All that happens, happen for good...Even if I got redundant, it was for the better...So, what happened is, I am back with my old company, but in a different department, with a better position and with more responsibilties...Thanks to Multi Tasking...I proved wrong the "Moral of the phrase", JACK OF ALL TRADE, MASTER OF NONE...being a JACK helped me get this job...This proves Learning and and trying to learn more would always help you..If not today, some day it would come handy to you...Atleast it's true for me...

So, What's the best thing of all this...Now, I don't have to worry...I don't have to miss the happiness of 25ths...Yes, 25th...Now, you should be wondering, what this 25th stand for...Come on, you should be guessing that...That's my salary date friends...Yeah, I can yet again look forward to 25ths of every month...lol, thats the day when my bank account looks COOL with fresh earned salary enhances the beauty of my account...Ha, on those days, how I love to enjoy the wonderful view I see when I gaze at the monitor of the ATM machine... It looks so full...so full with the 'Balance in Account', with not just Zero's but also some digits before that...Wouldn't you hate not seeing those digits ahead of those Zero'es...

That's when I realise and relish the beauty of Zero...uhm...Have you ever thought of the instances that one could love a Zero...I think, I would love a Zero, when its shown on the amount of Calories I consume a day...I wouldn't want to see another digit before that for sure... I would love to see a single Zero, when I search for Traffic Fines/Penalties and would hate the same Zero, if accompanied by more Zero'es with another digit as the Leader...grrr... etc etc etc...I can quote many such examples against and for Zero'es... But then the Zero / Zero'es with a digit ahead of them in our Bank Account Balance would be the most pleasant instance of all...it just washes off all the tiring days and brings in a smile in your face...Ha, that's Money... Your Hard-earned Money...Yes, that's the point...It's not just money...you worked hard for that...and that makes it more dear to you...

Sooo, as usual, I started from A and reached Z... I just came to let you all know, that I am back...and see, I started giving philosphies on what...Of all the things in the world...I gave you a lecture on Zero...??? God, help meeeeeee....Why am I so intelligent, that I have so much to say on anything and everything...

God, why did you make me sooooo ...lol!!!

Struck by the most dreaded weapon...Is it???

You must be wondering, where have I been, for the past few days...Why there wasn't any blogs or news from me...Why no more of those boring stories...Why this long silence...Not bcoz I had nothing to say...Not bcoz I was devoid of any subject / topic to blabber on...Rather the past week could have been the most busiest day in my blog...but then, still I stayed silent...Why???Was it that I didn't feel like getting on to the system and type something...Was it bcoz of that lazy feeling that was not giving any mood to confine myself to do something...You will know the reason at the end of this blog...

If you remember, just a week back, I told you, that for the time being, I got saved...but not this time...If it was 6 last time, this time it was 5 of us...who got the GET OUT letter...uhm..true..how much ever sympathetically and caringly they give us the bad news, the one word meaning for the whole stuff is GET OUT....lol!!! Something that I have been fearing for past few months finally happened...Yes...Finally, I too got struck by the most dreaded weapon of 2009...Recession...I too got that "love letter"...The letter informing me that my valuable service is no longer required by my company...They can manage the work without me...The Redundancy Letter...It was something that I was expecting from more than six months...not becoz I had no faith in my working ability...but bcoz I knew what was the current situation of the world and market...Today or tomorrow, when the company can no longer bear the expenses of salaries of all its staff, the company has to say NO to some...and somehow, luck would play its trick here, to decide who would stay back and who wouldn't...Luck helped me till last week...but not any more...Luck left me for that one moment and the letter got prepared with my name ON...

When this fear of losing job started, I used to think...what would I do, if I got that dreaded letter...I used to tell my mom, "I would faint..I would cry...I might go into a depression..."...Not because I loved my job...lol!!!..but because of the consequences it might have...With a big loan to be paid off...jobless meant moneyless...moneyless means Installment defaults...and that meant TENSION...grrr...I just was scared every moment, feared WHAT IF....but when it really happened, to be frank, suddenly a smile came across my lips...I just lturned to the other Unlucky guy from my office and we both started laughing...God knows, why we did that...but when the BOSS was very sympathetically saying sorry for giving us such a bad news, we both were laughing...and I said..."Hey, never mind..You don't have to be sorry...It's not your fault...Just keep in mind..If any job openings come across you, please let us know..."...That made all five of us laugh out...and we shaked hands and left the room...We were Job Less now...

Suddenly, I felt a big pound of weight going off from my heart...I felt much lighter at heart....I felt just the opposite of what I expected...I was calm and cool...Then I knew, what mental tension I have been going through last few months due to this fear of losing job...and now..no longerdoes I have any such fear...I no longer had any job to loose...I was cool...haaaaa...!!! The moment brought in a big feeling of Optimism in me...I have been working for quite some years now...I need some rest now...and the best part was...As the Redundancy compensation, the company would be paying 2 months salary...Sooo....????

"I am currently on a 2 months paid vacation..(so I doesn't have to worry about my loan installment for next 2 months) ... I am planning for a job change (U see, that's pride, lol!!!)...I am sure, within this two months, I would get a good job..a better one...that job which I would love to do...So why worry....(That is "Grapes are Sour", hehe!!!)...With this optimistic thought, I happily came home with the most dreaded letter, no longer dreaded for me...It was a boon that took off all the tension I had for months...I knew, if God closes one door on you, not 9 but 1000 other doors would open for you...You just need to find the right door and go in...I am just going to do that...Find the right door..."

So, even after being so optimistic..then why this silence for the past week...Dont worry friends..I wasn't on any depression...I was just enjoying the rest period I got, the unexpected vacation...I was Sleeping my head out...staying awake late night watching movies that I missed, not worrying to keep the alarm ON for the next day early morning...Let me just relish these personal treats for the first few days before I start again on the Job Hunt and get back to my old routine.....