My thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, my imaginations, my opinions, my fears, my dreams...

Could be yours too...you never know!!!


Follow me in this Journey of Revelation and encourage me with your valuable opinions and comments...

Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

What was it...

His parents were sleeping. They had full trust on their son’s driving skills. He was always proud when he saw the love that his parents shared. The way his mom took care of his dad was something that he had always wished to have in his life… But things didn’t work the way he want. He was off such thoughts by now. The only concern for him today was his parents and anything for his parents’ happiness. Today, as he drove them to this temple, far away from their home, he was actually fulfilling his parents wish to visit the place with him…After all, they believed he was a gift for them from god after their prayers to the almighty there…
 
Such trips are not new for him… He had done many long trips with them and without them…Long drives were always his passion. He loved seeing new places, facing adventures and above everything it was his way of living life away from stress and problems…He found relief in those journeys…After all, he had faced some real bad days…his trust was broken…his belief was shaken…his love had changed to hatred at many points…He tried finding solace through various ways. But…did he? Did he ever find what he wanted?
 
But, today…it was different…As he drove past the green lush….as he witnessed the mountains…as he waited at traffic blocks… His mind was wandering…his thoughts were weaving something that he had very tactfully kept away from…he was feeling empty…off was the negativities that dictated him…He realised, that he was doing something, that he never wanted to….He was hoping…wishing…expecting…and above all was yearning. But…
 
What was it…
 
Far Away….across the oceans…
 
Daily chores…the routines were always mechanised… the things to do had no difference…every single day was as equal as the other… she knew, what would happen every next minute…The only difference was the work related surprises that may or may not come. Else even work was monotonous for her… She religiously woke every morning and made her presence available at her desk and completed every day…She smiled, joked, worked and did her level best to keep others happy around her…
 
The routine was not new to her…She had been doing this for years now… Work was her necessity. She wouldn’t sacrifice her work for anything in the world… Attending every single job that was she was entitled with…every single responsibility…be it at work or home… She took it to herself to make sure that everybody is happy and she shouldn’t be the reason to hurt anybody…Afterall, she had some real bad days… her trust was broken…her belief was shaken…her sacrifices only took away her happiness and she had forgotten to love…She tried finding solace through various ways. But…did she? Did she ever find what she wanted?
 
But today…it was different…As she woke up to another day …As she drove past the concrete jungle…as she pushed herself through the long traffic blocks… her mind was not the same as it was the day before…She knew there was nothing new to see or expect…Yet her thoughts were weaving a new web…she suddenly felt eased out…she was empty…off all the negativities… She was worried, as she realised that she was getting into something that she never wanted to…She started hoping…wishing…expecting…and above all she was yearning. But…
 
What was it…

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

For No Reason...

There are times when even the broadest smile might fail that one drop of tear from falling off…that one drop that you have been trying to hold back…and it’s then that you feel stupid when you start wondering what were those tears for…and that’s when I realized that it is most difficult to hold back those tears which flow without any specific reason… because I am one such person who faces (quite often) the embarrassment caused by “Tears for no reason…”

Today, the sky is looming above me with dark clouds, as if they were waiting to pour down loads of rain any time…and I realized…, today even my mind was in the same state as the sky … my face was dark with my eyes all filled up with tears all set to overflow any moment…Such a coincidence…I wanted to cry…rather outpour my heart with my tears…

I had a rough night yesteray, with literally no sleep…It was more like being awake with sleeps in between...rather than sleeping and waking up in between…I woke up every 10-15mts and wondering if it was time to wake up and get ready to go to office…Finally, when I got into the car, …Seeing my face all blown up, my car-mate enquired…”Any probs?”… I started wondering, “What’s the problem? Why am I feeling this heavy feeling at heart…” …and without even my knowledge words escaped my lips…”Hey, Nopes…no probs at all…Just that I feel like crying…”…

Uhhh???? What did I say??? I wondered…and I knew even my mate was wondering…but still he managed to ask, “But why???”… and I found myself replying, “For no reason…I just feel like crying..and I am trying hard not to cry…” and it was true…My eyes were filled with those unwanted tears and there was that suffocating pressure rising inside me as if there was a heavy pain on my chest ….I wanted to talk to somebody…

I wanted to talk to my aunt...rather I wanted to cry out…scream out…Pour out all my tears…I knew only that would ease me off…She is the one to whom I doesn’t mind crying out…She would always try to understand my tears…on the other hand, if it was my mother…”my tears would bring tears on her eyes…and that would make things more terrible for me…and naturally I didn’t wanted to hurt my mom with my tears” …so I really wanted to talk to her…call her on phone…but, then…@&^%*, my mobile had no balance…and I was already getting late to office…and in this weather can’t afford to waste time on the road…as rain could make the forward trip horrible, if it started pouring…

I excused myself from giving company to my friend with an excuse of a headache (usually, when he drove, I talk and talk and talk..and that keeps him from sleeping off during the long drive from home to office daily morning )…I leaned back with closed eyes…turned my head towards the glass window… I knew, I was getting ready to pour out those tears…and I did exactly that…Those salty water was flowing hard from my eyes…and I was trying hard not to let my friend know…he could misunderstand the whole thing … he might take me for an idiot for crying without any reason...

Still I cried…cried for nothing…not knowing what exactly was hurting me…I vent out all those pressure that was building inside me…Some day soon, I will know…what was it that was giving me that pain that made me cry…till then, I have to call these salty water, “Tears for no reason”