Taste of Fire

Childhood…rather early teen… I always considered myself to be a grown up girl (only that others never valued my consideration) Personally, I had no special interests…Apart from reading books or collecting stamps, I never specifically did something that would immerse me into any sort of serious involvement…Cricket, Football, Wrestling…for that matter, not even shopping or makeup…I was into nothing…yes, I danced, sang, played musical instruments…but only for the sake of it…

 

Ok, before I continue, let me give u a brief on my childhood mate… My family had shifted to this new home which was right opposite to his when I was 8 year old… He was one year elder to me and thus we became friends… We gelled well; mainly because apart from us, all the other neighbours were either too young or tooo old for us and we were not accepted into either side…So we made our team… and grew up as thick buddies…

 

As we grew up, we started getting temporary membership into the neighbourhood big brother gang… His elder cousins were part of that group… Thus, we started playing together with the elders and mostly all male group and me the only girl… More of a tom boy, I was fine with any game…rather I had no other option. But being a girl and for fear of hurting me the "Bhaiyyas" ended up allocating me as the official goal keeper of their football team… or the regular wicketkeeper during cricket… Frankly, the only sport that I could compete with them was the daily evening game of Shuttle…

 

Shamelessly, I sat with them on the boundary wall of our house as they sheepishly ogled at every college beauties that walked past our home…Maybe, me being a girl, gave them an extra brownie point to do it without much after effects… Not knowing the seriousness of what these “Big Bhaiyyas” were upto, I supported them, whenever one of them started falling in love… In return, I got a Dairy Milk… That was good, just sit there and u get a dairymilk… I was their Monica Seles…

 

OK OK, this was not what I wanted to share...Once in a while, I did enjoy being a girl too... To satisfy my craving, my friend would agree to play some girly games…Today, as I think of it, I feel “So sweet of him”…

Dark Room, Chinese Whisper, Passing the Message and many such games being our favourite; the best one was playing House-House… The space between my home and the boundary wall became our play area… We had our own pans out of Coconut shells, Leaves for spoons and plates, Sand for food and etc etc… But, could we be constrained into those limits? Naaaa, Soon we started expanding the radius of our imaginary home…

 

We started thinking. For a house to survive, we need income. Thus we started gardening. Our house maid provided us with Onions, chilly, grams etc which we started planting, watering and taking care…and soon yielding tiny crops too… Ok, that was the part to be proud…

 

Butttttt… things went out of control when the "Intelligent" us decided to cook in real…The enthusiastic us left no stone to understand how to make tea and to try it out in practical...Thus, from the kitchen we stealthily brought out some tea powder and sugar...After all, the over smart me wanted to surprise mom with an evening tea... With NO google to help those days, we set the fire alight below our pan placed in between 3 red bricks with lots of newspaper... Just that, we didn't realise that a COCONUT SHELL PAN could catch fire until we ran for our life as the newspaper bundles enjoyed the taste of it...

 

Taste of Fire….

You Deserve a Hug...

I knew this world was not that beautiful as it looked…even the most beautiful house did have some dark stories to tell…even the most beautiful relation had their own dark moments…even the most beautiful girl had her own sorrows…but still, I always used to ask God, why ME???... for the problems that I had faced or is facing in my life, I used to ask God… What did I do for all this???

As I grew from a kid to adult, I started seeing “PROBLEMS” in its real self…with time, I felt, what I faced before was not at all a problem, what I am facing now is the real stuff…and maybe the very next moment I had a different opinion…So as the intensity of problems grew, my outlook on my earlier problems got lighter and thus my ability to face them got stronger…

Many of my friends used to approach me to discuss their problems, just bcoz they felt that I had the ability to give a proper solution to any of their issues…they trusted me to be with them anytime they needed me…and I always proved them right…by always trying my best to help them in any way I can…when I started hearing their laments, I started thinking, “Oh God, compared to this my life was sooo better…I had loving parents, loving family, food and shelter…and just some dark experiences made me hate my life soo much???? I hated the least discrimination done to me and I never realised they were done just due to concern…” . Thus experiences I heard from my friend’s life was added on to the 'more pathetic' list of problems…

But today…today I realize, even they faced NOTHING in this world…they were much more blessed than millions of other people…today, I read a real life experience of a sweet lady…how as a child, she was abused by her own mother and step father…what I read brought tears into my eyes…my heart was overwhelming with frustration, helplessness, sorrow…Here I was questioning God for the many occasions of abuse, where I could atleast save myself…and there a girl was suffering alone...not even able to save herself…none to help her…none to speak to…nowhere to hide…I was devastated, reading just few pages of her life…I wished I could kill that man who couldn’t differentiate between a daughter and a sexual object…I felt like slapping that mother’s face who never could understand her daughter’s heart… I felt like hugging that small girl and tell her, “Dear, I am there for you…I will protect you from all evils…”…I wish…

Today, that girl is a grown up woman…she is trying hard to bring together all her courage and strength and fight against such evils of the world…Sitting at this end of the world, I really ed her to know...

“Dear, I might sound stupid…as part of the society I live, I know I can’t change things in one day…I hate being discriminated as a girl…I hate myself being bound by the rules of this world…I hate myself being tied up in so many Do’s and Don’ts… I hate all the regulations that this society I live has imposed on me, where I doesn’t have the freedom to just come to you and give you a hug and comfort you with all the love I have…but please trust me, I Promie you, Where ever I am, I would always keep my eyes open for the least amount of abuse…With all strength, I would fight the injustice …With all heart, I would help the affected soul…If not today, some day, I would take that extra step to go out into this society to help those who need the little help I can offer…and I hope, that some day, we see a world where not another soul suffer in silence…some day we meet so that I can give you that hug you deserve…”

That Day made me Strong...

It was summer vacation for us…that day, the results for the final exams were published and I was promoted to fourth grade…time was somewhere near 2.30 in the afternoon…mom was all set to get her afternoon nap…and the whole locality was actually fixed up in front of the television sets…after all, there was LIVE telecast of Olympics on TV… I was getting bored…I announced, I am going to my neighbor’s house to play with my friend M...As I ran out, I could hear mom saying, “Come back soon…and behave properly at her house..” Ha…typical mother…

Outside the house, the whole city seemed silent…the roads were empty…was Olympics that big thing to watch…uhmmm…??? Soon, I was playing with M… what were we playing???…I don’t remember…but I still remember that I was standing at her door step…with one leg on the third step and the other on the bottom step…she was sitting on the fourth step…Suddenly, I heard somebody…I turned to the gates and saw a stranger…I walked towards ,asked him…

Me: U calling ME???

Stranger: Yes, dear…you are staying here, right???

Me: Noooooo, I am staying next door…

Stranger: Your father working abroad, right??? Ha, what was his nameee…I just missed it from my mind…Dear, what was it…

Me: Uncle, do you know my dad…? He is no longer working abroad… But, right now he’s not at home… He’s gone out to meet one of his friend…

Stranger: Oh dear, he’s back in town…I came looking for him only…Can you take me home…?? I will wait for him…

Me: Ohhh, no problem…I will..

And to my friend I shouted back, “M, I will be back soon…let me take uncle home…”

As we walked out, he said, “Dear, I want to see one more friend before we go to your house.. Will you come with me..?”… Stupid me agreed without thinking twice…We walked and walked and walked…he had his left hand over my shoulder…He asked me, “How old are you ??” and happily I answered “I am 7 yrs old, uncle…my birthday I coming in another three months…. we will have a birthday party on that day…” and thus went on with the conversation…He kept on asking me questions and I kept on answering them…It was quite some time later that I noticed, we have been walking for a long time and still no signs of this 'So called friend’s house'…I asked him, “Uncle, where is your friend's house…”… He said, “It’s some where here, I am also trying to find his house…Do you know this area?”…I was sure of my reply… "NO…I have never been to this place before…mom never allow me to go anywhere alone…” He smiled and we made another turn on the road…and then he announced, “Hey that is the house…”

We reached the gates of the house and tried opening the door… I pointed out to him, that the gates were locked…Suddenly he exclaimed, “Oh not this one, that is the one…” and we walked towards the next house…Seeing a signboard saying ‘Beware of Dogs’, he said, “Not this one…it’s the other one at the end of this road…”… By this time, a fear crossed my heart…I remembered my mom once reading out the newspaper about ‘Strangers coming in White Ambassador cars and kidnapping children…’..To worsen my fear, I saw a white car at the other end of the road… without showing my fear out, I calmly told him, “Uncle, mom might be looking for me… Can we go back..”…He said, “Just this house and then we will go back.”… I was scared as we approached the white car…but as feared he didn’t push me into it

We walked past it and soon opened the gates of a house … it had red colour paint on it’s walls…A flash of peace passed my mind, as I recognized the house…atleast I knew the old lady who stayed in that house… I have met her many times at the temple…and once while passing by in my dad’s car I have even seen her going into this house… As soon as he opened the gates of the door, I shouted… "Grannyyyyy….” What happened next was something I never expected….The ‘so called uncle’ suddenly covered my mouth with his right hand and grabbed me and took me to the back side of the house… I was shocked…Because what he did next was “something I couldn’t understand…”…He pulled me against him and started rubbing himself onto me…one of his hand was pressed against my neck and I was choking…I was getting hurt…I couldn’t even scream for help…tears rolled down my eyes…in between this push and pull situation, his hand got loosened from my neck for a split second and I ran to the front of the house screaming, “Grannyyyyy…” But he came behind me and covered my mouth again and pulled me again to the backyard…He was desperately trying to press his body against me and with his hands trying to touch my body… I thought, I was going to be killed…I couldn’t understand what exactly he was trying to do…but, what ever he was trying t do, it was hurting me…I tried resisting him with all energy I had…I was trying to loose myself from his grip…I wanted to atleast open my mouth and scream for help…Then, he started pulling on my dress to tear it open…at that one moment, I got MY TIME…the first chance I got, I bit his hand and screamed for Help and started running

I reached the front door…He came behind me and again caught me… But that moment, I heard her…it was like the sound of an angel who came to save me…I heard the old lady’s voice, “WHO ARE YOU…WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER…”…He was shocked…he took his hands off me and I just dashed out and ran…I still doesn’t know, how I reached my house… I hid beneath my bed…I couldn’t breath…I was crying or rather was trying hard to hold on from letting any noise of mine…I feared he might come back searching for me…I was TERRIFIED….I closed my eyes…

After almost an hour, I was calm…I went to my mom…She saw me and she knew something was wrong…She asked me what happened, “Did you cry…”.. I said, “Mom, I think I was kidnapped…”…Mom thought I was joking…she scolded me for saying such stupid things… I asked her to go to that old lady’s house and ask her…I was also wondering, why the old lady come and inform my mom about what happened… My mom, immediately called the lady…then only I realized, that afterall, what would that old lady know..she just saw this man and me at her door step and saw me running…as per her, ‘When she asked him who he was and what he was doing with me, he said it seems, he came to meet some Police officer and I was just showing him the way to the house….'…In her words, “He then rushed out and was soon gone…”…

Mom, then asked me what had actually happened…I couldn’t explain to her what exactly happened…I was even scared to cry…It was concluded that, “some stranger was trying to take me to some deserted house and rob off the gold neck chain and bangles I was wearing then…”…Mom consoled me and also warned me never to go with any stranger ever…

Years later, when I was matured enough to know the realty of world…I understood, what exactly had happened to me…I realized his intention was not to steal but to harass me sexually…I could never tell my parents that the "Stranger was not just a Thief…but a Pedophile…”… Even today, whenever I think of the day, a cold shiver passes through my body

What IF he had used chloroform and made me unconscious???

What IF I hadn’t got that ONE split second to bite his hand???

What IF he had taken me to some house where nobody lived???

What IF I didn’t know that old lady in the house???

What IF I couldn’t scream and shout for help???

What IF he had succeeded in his attempt???

But let me tell you… for days and months, I was completely shattered by the memories of that man…But, soon I pulled up my strength together…I decided to face the truth…and I DID…courageously, I prepared myself to face the world boldly and fight the evil… I never did let another stranger take that extra step that could destroy my life….It made me keep my eyes open to recognize any such evil act around…be it with me or anybody else…

That day made me STRONG…