It’s not always easy to pretend all is well and
life is going good. For a 8 year old girl, it was torturous to behave normal
when she wasn’t. Still, she grew up with hundred times more maturity than any
other girl of her age would have had. She felt that the burden of the whole
world was her responsibility and she was to bear them without slightest whine. And
she succeeded.
But the scar, that this made on her was immense and
un-repairable damage was already done. She grew up into one of those “Give it
all to me, I can take it” mode. People went on pouring and she went on taking
it. She grew up into a woman and she still couldn’t stop herself from being so
nor cud she control others from dumping on her. Life went on so.
Ask her, who her enemies are. She had none. Ask
her, who her friends were. She wondered if there was atleast one. Every person
she considered friend, at some point, showed proofs that they were never meant
to be her friend. She did not want to trust people as her friends. Thus,
opening up her problems to anyone was something close to impossible.
A recent open talk with her, revealed so many
intricate emotions that she lived with. She is now a grown-up woman. I wanted
to know, afterall, what could change her. Why was she never happy with anything
that she had? What was it that she wanted that could make her feel happy. Not
forgetting the bucket list, I started pondering deep into the human being she
was or is. Remembering my bucket-list mission, I asked her…
If you were to die next minute. If nothing mattered
anymore. What would you have wanted to do during the last minute.
She knew her answer… “The last minute, I would want
to lie on his lap…tell him how much I loved him and say sorry for all the pain
I gave him from the day we met…For all the mistakes I have done to him,
knowingly or unknowingly…Kiss him goodbye and leave the world.”
Indeed, I too knew it…But this wasn’t something
that had to wait for the last minute. She could do it any time. Just that, she
had to pull her sleeves up and set her sail…Wonder, when she would do it…
I was not ready to leave it there. Pressing deeper
into her thoughts, “Tell me girl, what would you want to do…”
As her body trembled…With a pause, her inner mind
spoke. “I want to slap him”
‘Who him’ was never a question. I knew. It was
true. For all that he had done or not done to her. She wanted to slap him. To
let him know atleast 1% of the pain she had gone through. She knew, the slap
might not hurt him physically, but it would ofcourse hurt his ego….
She clarified further, “I want to slap him in the
public. I will cut open the mask he wears and always wore… atleast for him to
see ‘how filthy and disgusting he was as a human being’ and to break the façade
he lived his life with.”
The bucket-list had got its first input….
Slap him…
