And on and on...

Are you indebted to anybody in your life?

When someone asked this question, I didn’t have to think much… I knew the answer. For this life had by far shown be lots of realities and taken me through a roller coaster of experiences.  It was not easy to traverse; but was neither impossible. Me being alive is a sure enough proof to confirm what I said. So, I grew up with the experience that each year brought along with it to present me…Willingly or Unwillingly, I accepted almost everything and I am sure, I have done my best to do justice to anything that was bestowed on me.

Would it have been possible if some faces were absent in the book of my life? No, I doubt. I might not have survived more than 2-3 pages if not for the existence of these genuineness that held my hand during those dark days; the friendliness that pulled a prank during the fun days; the sympathy that gave me a shoulder to rest during those tiresome days…Yes, I am… I am indebted to someone; rather not one, but many…

For I believe, God loves me and he didn’t want me to face life alone…So he sent some of his creations to me, for me to realise the worth of this life…to help me get thru each day… This realisation makes me indebted to many…many people, many incidents, many objects that has been part of my life till date… Parents, grandparents etc can never be added into such a list as we shouldn’t be indebted to them but be obligated and responsible…

Here, as I sit today crossing many milestones of my living, I wanted to rewind my life and jot them down…As I was indebted to…

1. The stranger who pulled me to safety when my life could have been traumatised…
2. The voice that came out of my throat that saved me from the pranks of cruelty…
3. The boy who loved the little girl who was just learning what was ‘love’…
4. The road-side Romeo who helped me out of a disgraceful reputation…
5. The heart that took over the responsibility to guide me thru the strange reality of the new land…
6. The love that showed me the meaning of “true love”…
7. The openness to lend a supporting hand when I stood all alone…
8. The care that stood by when I almost gave up…
9. The job that made me stand up on my feet…
10. The marriage that taught me the value of my lost love…
11. The selfishness that made me realise that expectations are reasons to get hurt…
12. The tiny hand that wiped my tears and assured, “I am here for you…”
13. The long waiting that made me want to live again and gave me hope…
14. The time that was already past for me to know that there is more to come…
15. The life, a gift of the almighty through my parents…to live and let live…

And on and on….

But, for what...

Work has always been adventurous…She loved it for all its extremities. Working non-stop for even 24 hours never made her tired. Disrespectful colleagues or Unreasonable bosses, nothing mattered when she was working and at her desk…She loved it, as her job was never the same. Every single day, she faced a different face. Team-work, collaboration etc were only words to be learnt on books and at work it was one-on-one…And she excelled in it…

Ok, today, it’s a new face to handle. Her investigative mind was alert. She collected as much information before she went out into the field….She had already made up her mind, to be strong and steady in front of this new face she would be seeing soon. Reports on the person was not encouraging. Someone to be careful about, strict and unreasonable…She put on the BEWARE of him board and cautioned herself. She did not wanted to make any silly mistakes and bring in problems to her career…That’s all she wanted…

As she sat behind her desk, she watched this new face walking towards them…Being first time, her boss confirmed his identity… “Ohhhh, so is HE the ‘terror’ people were talking about?” He is so young…Her investigation on him was incomplete, she realized. She had foolishly assumed him to be an old, experienced man. But this one here, “Tall, Dark and handsome! Young, but still so much a terror, is he?”, thoughts kept flashing within her.

For all that she had heard of him, she did not want to get into any sort of trouble with him. She went on with her own business, working hard as always…but with extra care to not make mistakes. She had made up her mind to ignore…ignore his presence, his existence… It wasn’t easy…Strange was that, the more he stood there and observed the staffs, the more mismatch she felt…different from what she had heard of him. Friendly and smiling to all her team members, he was cracking jokes when the work was done…

As time passed, she noticed, he was clearly ignoring her too. As he laughed aloud with her co-workers, conversing in a language she was alien to, she thought, “Gosh, what a show off.” She was pissed off…

But, for what!!!

Thank you...

You were pulling pranks, as I wondered

Was it a joke or were you serious!

I smiled with you and laughed on jokes…

Those that I knew for sure were to laugh…

You asked me for “Yes” or “No” answers…

I nodded my head with a “Yes” always…

Though my heart still meant to say,

No, not all answers can be “Yes” or “No”…

Not all days are bright and beautiful…

Little did others knew that it was same for me too…

But even during the dark and ugly days of reality…

I saw that you were there to hold me right…

With an open mind, you listened to me…

With an intelligent perspective, you guided me…

With a caring heart, you advised me…

For you knew, what was good for me…

Thanks to you for being there... 

Slap him...

It’s not always easy to pretend all is well and life is going good. For a 8 year old girl, it was torturous to behave normal when she wasn’t. Still, she grew up with hundred times more maturity than any other girl of her age would have had. She felt that the burden of the whole world was her responsibility and she was to bear them without slightest whine. And she succeeded.

 

But the scar, that this made on her was immense and un-repairable damage was already done. She grew up into one of those “Give it all to me, I can take it” mode. People went on pouring and she went on taking it. She grew up into a woman and she still couldn’t stop herself from being so nor cud she control others from dumping on her. Life went on so.

 

Ask her, who her enemies are. She had none. Ask her, who her friends were. She wondered if there was atleast one. Every person she considered friend, at some point, showed proofs that they were never meant to be her friend. She did not want to trust people as her friends. Thus, opening up her problems to anyone was something close to impossible.

 

A recent open talk with her, revealed so many intricate emotions that she lived with. She is now a grown-up woman. I wanted to know, afterall, what could change her. Why was she never happy with anything that she had? What was it that she wanted that could make her feel happy. Not forgetting the bucket list, I started pondering deep into the human being she was or is. Remembering my bucket-list mission, I asked her…

 

If you were to die next minute. If nothing mattered anymore. What would you have wanted to do during the last minute.

 

She knew her answer… “The last minute, I would want to lie on his lap…tell him how much I loved him and say sorry for all the pain I gave him from the day we met…For all the mistakes I have done to him, knowingly or unknowingly…Kiss him goodbye and leave the world.”

 

Indeed, I too knew it…But this wasn’t something that had to wait for the last minute. She could do it any time. Just that, she had to pull her sleeves up and set her sail…Wonder, when she would do it…

 

I was not ready to leave it there. Pressing deeper into her thoughts, “Tell me girl, what would you want to do…”

 

As her body trembled…With a pause, her inner mind spoke. “I want to slap him”

 

‘Who him’ was never a question. I knew. It was true. For all that he had done or not done to her. She wanted to slap him. To let him know atleast 1% of the pain she had gone through. She knew, the slap might not hurt him physically, but it would ofcourse hurt his ego….

 

She clarified further, “I want to slap him in the public. I will cut open the mask he wears and always wore… atleast for him to see ‘how filthy and disgusting he was as a human being’ and to break the façade he lived his life with.”

 

The bucket-list had got its first input….

 

Slap him…