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Saturday, October 28, 2017

We will...

He is for sure only 10; but always had a deep insight into everything he witnessed. His observation skills were always a shock for me as it wasn’t always that he would let me know that he had that one side to his otherwise cheeky monkey nature. So, when things seemed too difficult to handle; I had to make my decision. By now, the I have completely given up the hope of anybody understanding the emotional roller coaster that I was  going thru. For me, it was ‘that’ moment of life where I had no come back to what I been thru all these past years. Acting happy and content seemed too impossible now.  

Finally, I opened the book in front of him, the one person that mattered the most to me. For the decision, I made in quest of my happiness, he would be the most affected one. My son, who just celebrated his bday, I had to speak to him. After a doctor’s appointment, on our way back home, at the McDonalds, in front of his father, I asked him, “Mamma wants to ask you something. What do you think about me and your dad?”

As usual, he kept on playing his game and asked, “What do you mean?”.

“Baby, what do you think of mamma and papa?”

“Hmmm, You are ok.”

Pause…I wasn’t sure what to say. His father just pushed the chair down and dashed out to his car.

The l’il one seemed to have no change of expression and continued eating food. He felt nothing new; as he had seen him cut off conversations always in a similar fashion.

Once back in the car, I asked his father on why he left the place to which he said, “There is nothing I have to tell or listen to.”

I knew, there was nothing indeed. Now, it was our son who had to listen to and talk…

“Baby, tell me, what you think of us as a family.”

“Hmm, I don’t think you both are happy together. You are not like other couples. I know you both are just acting.”

“Ok, baby, its right. We are not happy together. Amma is almost fed up with this and I cant take this any longer. Rather than living like this, I would prefer to move out; away from your father.”

“Mamma, are you gonna go away and live in another house.”


“Mamma, can I come with you?”

I wasn’t too surprised to not hear him asking me to NOT TO DO IT or any such emotional pleas. He was too practical for that. I knew that by now.

“As long as you wanna be with me, you will be with me. I will not separate you from your father. This is between a husband and wife and I don’t want you to be affected in this.”

“No amma, I want to be with you genuinely. You are the one who takes care of me and looks after all my things. I will be happy with you. I will shift with you.”

It was a full stop for him. I knew it. I understood, his innocent calculation within him. Nothing emotional; he was just being practical.

As always, his father just repeated, “I have nothing to say.”

Sad….as I could hear the l’il one again,

“Mamma, when are we shifting?”

We will...