Frozen...

Closed are my eyes, to the sights across…

Closed are my ears, to the voice above…

Closed are my lips, to the questions around…

Closed is my heart, to the emotions all over…

Why was I so, I knew nothing much,

What made me so, I cud say nothing much,

Neither could I find the door, nor the path…

That had answers to all those unknown.

Numb as an ice-cold statue, I froze…

Struck by the harsh truth of reality.

Little did I know, my journey had begun

In the path that showed nothing ahead…

My V Day...

Valentine’s day… Life has been a rough patch for some time now that I sort of ignore these special days… Afterall; what are they for. To increase the profit rate of some companies who rely on such days for their living. Ok; I am not being sarcastic. But, seriously, why do we need special days to celebrate relations. I have said this many times before too.

Now, the issue is… on these days I need to be extra careful on  what I talk or even wear… As there has been a tendency of people judging and asking… “Oh is it because it is ___ Day?” Oh, come on… NOOOO… I just happened to wear a red today. I was just picking it up on the way. I missed to bring lunch from home… and so on… hehe!! Anyways, I am not going into my displeasure of celebrating special days… For somewhere deep inside, I realise, how much ever, I protest… A little extra attention once a while do make you feel happy…

The day passed by uneventful. Only difference was that I was getting queries asking me what I’ve got for V day. Can’t say none; as I do get a whole load of forward messages in Whatsapp. Thank god, whatsapp is free and so forwarding is extremely easy. Frankly, I would appreciate an SMS better than a whatsapp forward message. To all who asked me, I said the truth, ‘Nothing but forward messages.’ Some chuckled, some responded with a long buzzing ‘hmmmmmmm.’ Felt nice to think that they had high confidence in me that even at this age I am expected to receive surprises on a V Day… Sad that none of these idiots, instead of asking, felt to actually get me something… lol!!!

Emptyhanded, I reached home after work… My superhero looked weird, with a strange smile and suspicious looking mannerisms… Now what did he do? Unlike other days, he was being very formal. “How was your day?” “Did you eat food?” “You want some water?”… OK, my mental alarm was ringing loudly…Something is wrong… What what what… I asked,

“TELL ME, WHAT? IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?”

Sheepishly, he came forward with something bright green … As he handed it over to me…he hugged me hard and said, “Amma, Happy Valentine’s Day…” Surprised I was…but was into a shock as I heard what he had to say in continuation… “Amma, I love you a lot… I know, you would not have got any gift. So, I felt bad. I wanted to get you something. As I had no money, I made this card for you all by myself. Hope you like it.”

Tears trickled thru my cheeks. I wondered, when did my super hero grow up enuf to be considerate. I realised, again, that any extra you do for your loved one is never worthless. Slowly, I opened his four-page card. Each Pages had its own beauty and significance. His handwritten words were so touching and filled with his love. A Square piece had been cut off from the last page with a message to point it at his face. As I looked through the page, I found him standing on the other side wishing me Happy Valentine’s Day… 😊

I had no words. I was overwhelmed. My heart was pounding with excitement, happiness and blessed feeling. Reading what he had written, I asked him who guided him and he said none. Surprised, I am and thankful to God that I have him...May God bless him with all happiness and love and success... May he always value the value of love and prayers...thank you sweetheart, I love you... Thus, this day turned out to be the best Valentine’s day I have ever had… Blessed indeed...

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you…

OMG, I am addicted...

Nights always seemed to be those moments to lie down in bed and turn either side with frustration. Yes, it was so depressing that come what may, I just was not able to sleep, without waking up every 10 minutes. Thus, mornings turned more depressing and through the day, I would wish if I was in a bed to just doze off.

Strange that I would be soooo tired as I rush to the bed and then keep wondering ‘what the hell.’ The loud snores nearby, would get me more depressed and envious that how people were able to sleep so peacefully. With dubious intentions, I would scream or shout in the middle of the night. This gave a temporary relief to my ears and heart as someone’s snoring was interrupted. But it never took more than 30seconds for them to resume its function. To irritate me by making me jealous…

Enviously, I would look for ways to fall asleep. Listening to music, patting my own head, massaging my own forehead and what not. When nothing worked, then the thoughts started to wander. They went on and on weaving a thousand negative thoughts and again pushed me into another set of stressful fears and sorrows. I would feel self-pity, wondering ‘Why me?’

But…

Today, I am gleaming with peace. Rather excited of a new-found discovery. I am no longer waking up to wait for the alarm to ring off. Instead, I started feeling the faint noise of the alarm somewhere deep inside my senses and then slowly force to open my eyes to realise that the alarm needs to be asked to Shut-up. I was ecstatic that, I just had to hit the bed and in no time, was falling off asleep. Nothing woke me in the middle and I woke up only to the ‘pathetic’ alarm.

After years, I am now enjoying the luxury of sleep. Its peaceful and over-whelming. I was feeling proud as I was explaining to my mother on my achievement. She passed a sarcastic chuckle. I didn’t care, for only I knew the difference it made to me. To feel that you could sleep is one of those divine realisation that I have experienced in recent times.

I am sure, you too might be wondering, what is she blabbering so much about ‘sleep.’ Trust me, try to deprive yourself off sleep for couple of days and then get your sleep. You will understand what I mean.

Ok, now problem is not that. I am now sleeping enough or more than enough for an adult. But wonder my body thinks that they shud compensate for all the years of No sleep. For the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep… Turning lazy is another side effect, I assume. Sleeping is so addictive…

OMG, I am addicted…

Enlighted...

My son wanted me to teach a quote, for him to recite at his school assembly. Theme was ‘Respect.’ Lol, here, me who was stripped off of all respect, was put to a task to find an apt ‘Thought for the day’ for my son. Hence, as always, I googled. Lo and behold, what I found was indeed a revelation. An eye opener. Small thoughts, give large teachings. Large teachings result in vast learning.

Yes, with this one line, I learnt a lot. I understood why things happened the way it happened. I realised why I had to see those I never wanted to. I felt enlighted. I could feel the calm, sweet coldness of peace traversing through me. No more complaints. No more blame-games. Past is past. Present is here and the future will be welcomed. For now, I knew…. Proudly, I quoted those golden words with much erudition…

“People ONLY treat you one way,

The way you allow them…”