It's Divine...and Beautiful...

And slowly, she opened her eyes…angry, or rather upset that she was petrified and it was not valued…

“Come out”, he softly said walking out of his favourite place (behind the wheels)…

“NO”, she was adamant…

“Come out, naa”, yearningly pulled her door open...

“I SAID NO, I AM NOT COMING”, she wasn’t budging…

“Pleaaaaseeee come out dear….”, he pleaded…

SILENCE…her face down with a grim look…

“Pleeeeeaassseeee, I am sorry, I scared you, but please come out”, and there she goes off her seat as he pulled her out…

“Look up there… Trust me, you would love this…”, never was he more enthusiastic…

 

Ok, she trust him...she looked up....

 

Lo and Behold!!! She couldn't believe her eyes...The dark night all around her…She had her foot placed on a mountain top…Far away; below her focal point, she saw the radiance of a beautiful city getting ready to plunge into deep sleep…And up above; was the cute sky decorated with festoons made of star and beautiful moon…Was that all for her? She looked around…YESSS, it was…not a soul around…the soothing tune of the breeze filled her ears…the air blew her hair all around her face…It was dark around her; with calm light above and below her… She knew, she was loving it…rather she was enchanted by the view she was witnessing…

 

She turned for him as she knew she wanted him by her that moment... just to see him smiling, leaning on his all-time companion…The macho who brought them to that place…His eyes had a joyful glee, “I always wanted to bring you here…”, he was true to his words…Afterall, that’s what he was doing all the time…Living up to his wishes…fulfilling every single wish he had dreamt of…wished for…hoped for…He was taking her to all those places he had spent time alone or with friends…

 

“Thank you, its divine, its beautiful”, her heart spoke…As she stood by the edge of the mountain devouring the beauty of the horizon of illumination, she was going weightless…growing above gravity, slowly rising off the ground…She felt free…and happy…There was nothing in this world that could stop her now, she felt…stop her from being happy…She felt like flying…off … away from anything and everything that hurt her…neither was she hurting anybody…the Moment of freedom…

 

With the stars above, the world below…it was heaven...the blanket of wind wrapping her, she opened her hand towards Life…she knew she was taking her steps to believe again…with a decision to be never vulnerable, as he always feared...Another step to find her lost happiness…Another phase to rectify the mistakes…Another search for everything she yearned for… Another try to live, and let live…with her Life...

 

“Thank you, its divine, it’s beautiful”...

NB: Ok, these moments of the girl I have saved into my blog have always been in my thoughts and dreams… it has been indeed weaving in mind for long… they are so much out of any dream… especially for girls, I am sure… For those who could have never lived thru such dreams, these wud surely bring in some envy… Atleast, in my case, I feel envious whenever I read nice, beautiful, calm, out of the dream type stories of love, care, support and happiness… How many can actually be lucky to have such real experience; god have blessed them for sure…I would say… Am I blessed?...:)

STOPPP!!!

Her heart was pounding off her body…she could almost hold it in her hand…with one hand clinching her purse and the other pulling on his sleeves with the nails sometimes piercing his skin…She was scared…she was petrified…what she saw ahead of her, or what she couldn’t see was making her hyper and the only voice she heard was her own… Screaming at the top of her voice…STOPPPPPPP!!!!

 

It didn’t or rather he didn’t…she could feel the earth was moving backward below her and she was going deeper into the dark uncertainty in front of her…She had seen the signboard passing by and it said, “Entry Prohibited for Unauthorised” … She went on screaming…rather screeching and what not… she could feel her ears pop off and her own screams were sounding as if so far away…Every turn he made was another scream off her…He went onnn…going on and on and up and up…bumping through the way...the dark night loomed around her like a mystery...WHAT IS HE DOING???

 

He was saying something…What was it??? He was laughing, oh yes, he was…Why? He liked it when she got scared…(much later she knew why he was liking it…she was infact forgetting all her problems and was actually getting scared for nothing…hmmmm!!! “Kick u”, she had sheepishly murmured…)… He kept saying, “I know what am I doing…Trust me!!!”…Hmmm, “Trust me”... of course she trusted him…she knew that he would never push her into any danger...he would always hold her close to his life...he would never want to do anything that would endanger her…bcoz she was his responsibility…he always looked for ways to bring a smile on her...Its not that he doesn't hurt her, he do…but he made sure that he make up for the pain he gave…and that was all she wanted…that was what she had missed all her life…that was all she was searching for…

 

But, then why was she screaming…Didn’t she trust him? Didn’t she believe in him…Didn’t she had faith in her own instincts...Was she scared that something bad would happen to her…Was she afraid of her life…her safety…Noooo…

 

At that instance; nothing mattered to her…nothing else other than his safety…the anonymity of the scene she was in, had scared her ...her ignorance to help him IF he needed help weakened her…What if something bad happened and she can be of no help…She knew nothing…and that scared her…She knew it… She was a strong woman and nothing ever scared her…But, now she was…not for herself…but for him, his safety…

 

Off her thoughts and back in reality, she screamed,

 

“Noooooooo, I said STOPPP….”

For Today...

Yesterday….Life’s been always about responsibilities and 'to-do' list... Taking care of people around, she took it up to herself as if she was made up for that. It hurt her when she saw somebody in stress. She had sleepless nights over another’s personal issue. With experience, she knew that it could only hurt her in the longer run. None she stood by would be there for her, she knew it… Still, she preferred being there…when somebody needed support, help or assistance…Mistakes and errors, she made thus in her life…which left inerasable scars and incurable pain…There was none who can take care of her, she believed thus…She was not alone; but walked around with a bundle of problems…She could accommodate nothing and could trust none.

Today…For a change, she is feeling secured. Him being around, make her feel that she is somebody else’s responsibility and not the other way round. Walking with him, involves unwanted fears…but being with him is her last try to smile and be happy. She chose to be happy; so unlike her…She so wanted to smile and he was trying to revive the lost smile, she believed so…Her past haunts her and even him…Still, he is holding her hand and smiling…'She is Vulnerable’, he says…and he is right and that was his 'fear in words'...

Tomorrow…She has no idea, who has? No one…she’s decided to keep her tomorrows on hold and live for today…

Its a journey that's starting today; and she wants to believe that 'Tomorrow never comes' and so she does…Nothing to explain and nothing to justify...All for herself...to be happy and just happy…

For Today…

Am I being watched???

It was indeed an era of growth that we have been witnessing from past few years and it is ongoing…in any field for that sake…With the growth of technology and social media, people and their developments grew… distances reduced…Everything seems possible these days…Maybe bcoz I am not those intelligent types, makes me wonder the intelligence of great minds and how they come up with such great inventions and developments … I wonder how some anti-humans (I prefer calling them so…) can use these inventions for evil and selfish motives…

 

I am one of those silly person who has been affected severely by such anti-human activities… Now, affected directly??? No…I was never… But then, psychologically, I have been affected and it has actually reached a point that I myself at times feel, that I am going crazy…The very few who know about this craziness, calls me Mad…and even suggested that I should see a doctor, hmm, yeh, well..a psychiatrist to be clear…

 

Now, what is it…I have a very serious issue of Fear of Hidden Cameras…these cameras now has taken the form of anything or everything...from a safety pin to the button of a shirt...from a keyhole to the AC switch... My fear thus have reached to such an extent that I started getting scared to even be in my own bathroom… A very soothing bath below the shower, suddenly would turn into so traumatic when my senses suddenly warns me, “What if there is a camera in there…”, “What if somebody is watching me LIVE”… now, how can somebody be that crazy…I don’t know, but I am…

 

For this fear, I would try avoiding to the last limit to not enter any public washrooms…I would rather try a dress over what I am wearing, than trying it out in a trial room…And if at all I am a trial room, I would be doing all sort of crazy techniques to frantically see if there is any camera there…Not that, I have the least belief that I can find one even if it is there…still, I would try touching the mirror, carefully scrutinising the lights, peeping thru the key hole of the door and what not…At times, I laugh at myself…when I am sitting in a toilet and my eyes keep wandering all around searching for a camera eye… I wonder, what if somebody is indeed watching, then they would for sure think, “What a crazy female…what is she looking all above…”… I can imagine myself in a monitor looking like a FOOL…

 

Due this phobia; I end up being suspicious on every person who is not family in my home… Whenever the cleaner leave; I would have this fear for atleast a day…I would, literally, scan the whole bedroom and bathroom to make sure that my fear is not true…For that matter, yesterday, the AC technicians were home… Initially everything was fine...But, once they left, I started getting highly disturbed and regretted not monitoring them while they were working on the AC duct above the Bathroom ceiling…

 

But then, a quick search on google will tell u how around the world; every hour there are thousands of hidden camera videos are being uploaded… All those videos gets forwarded without any empathy for the person who might be on it…It proves what perverts are we living around us in this world… Without any consideration for the other female, they shoot girls to old ladies… be it a fully dressed woman or a naked one…It doesn’t matter to these people who get into such dirty tricks…Why don’t their conscience tell them, that it could be even their own family that could be a prey to such a prank…why don’t they think of how they are destroying someone’s life and might be even dragging someone to the verge of giving up their own life…

 

I feel ashamed of myself…my inability to trust people…but then, I have my own reasons for the same…but now this new fear has actually increased the intensity of the other…Friends tease me at times by saying, there are cameras all around me and for a second, I would loose my breath…before I slap them for their silly joke...How rude…I am a strong woman, I know. Even if I get into such a situation, I know well that I can face the world and fight the battle myself...but still...

Now, I want to travel…have some time to myself…to clear all the backlogs in my mind…and I am serious about it…But then, at the same time…I wonder, Can I ever be calm and clear myself with this fear in my mind… the fear of being in a video forward in someone’s phone… the fear of every stranger around…the fear of being watched…secretly…Scopophobiac, am I???

 

Am I being watched???