With Fingers Crossed...

Ok, So I am going on a short leave to God’s own country…Was never planning to go so soon…I was there just few months back…but what to do, if you are close to your family, anything special in their life automatically becomes special for me too and I end up crossing the airport exit…This time, it is too much special. My grandpa’s milestone bday. I don’t wanna tell you, how old is he, but still he is old and strong and handsome still…Touchwood…

Now, the idea came up couple of months back, when I initiated an email to all the kids (my uncles and aunts) and grand kids (cousins) about an idea of giving a surprise to grandpa on his bday… Positive response from all of them…thus startd thinking what, how, when, where and all. Evrything was decided, all that was not decided was the Air Tickets to reach back home. Being holiday season and the public holidays during tht week, was the most favourable time for almost all the airlines. Our National Airline, as usual was not reliable and the everlasting strike made us think 100 times, if we should book ticket in there. The other airlines who were doing the FAVOUR (yes they act as if they are doing a favour, even after we paying a fortune on the tickets) was acting as if, they prefer going without passenger rather than taking us in…grrr!!! Flights were un available or full or fares cannot be shown. Finally with much Optimistic thoughts, that within 2 months our Government will listen to the people who are striking and the strike will end and the flights would go normally… So by the time, our fly out date comes, everything would be normal…And as if the government heard our wish, within a week of us purchasing a One-way ticket, the strike was over and the flights started flying.

Yipeee, so we were safe. Now, next question was to get a return ticket. Inspite of all the confusions about the national airline, there was NO return flights available on it. Else, we need a minimum of 45 days leave to come back. Majority flights were full and those that had tickets were almost asking me to sell off my property or gold to pay their ticket prices…Direct flights were almost close to impossible. Thus I started looking for options via different neighboring states. Gosh, even that was not so cheap. Finally, I got a good deal…Take a 12 hours train to our neighbors, be their guest for half a day and take a flight from there the next day. As my aunt lived in the same city, it was not a bad idea. I cud enjoy the train journey too and also not tear my pocket off.

So all fixed. Now came up another issue. What to wear on the D-day… My stupid bro came up with a divine idea that all grand kids go in WHITE… what the hell, are we doves or carriers of peace. Together we were nothing less than real time Devils. Hmm..No comments!!! Thus my search for a WHITEEEEEEE dress started… Sari was a NO-NO for me as I didn’t wanted smbdy to walk with me to hold it on… Looking for something different and at the same time not much expensive. I knew it would be a one-time wear costume. So didn’t wanted to shed more money on something that’s gonna stay inside my cupboard for the rest of its life…

As I walked thru every single garment shops, I found not a single pure white dress and the ONLY ONE piece that I found cost more than my Wedding costume. Gosh!!! Was it that inflation was too high or my pocket was too small…God knows!!! Finally, 3 weeks before our departure flight, I found a place where they could stitch beautiful gowns (which my people back home would insultingly address as FROCKS as small girls wear) and I got a good bargain. The thunder struck soon after I gave my order for the dress and got into the car…

An RJ said… “Many callers have confirmed that they have received an SMS saying that their flights to X, Y, Z for the dates from ……. to…… has been cancelled”. WHAT THE HELL!!! I dint get any sms. My flight not cancelled. Thank god! Wait a minute, but flight numbers and dates are matching. Maybe the whole thing is a SPAM. Yes, it is. I confirmed to myself. I was trying to pacify myself, maybe. But deep inside, I was just hoping that I could reach my laptop and see if the news was true. Later when I googled, NO such cancellation news were in the news. Thanks to god, it’s all a SPAM.

Two days later, I decided to sign in to my flight details and assign seats for myself and kid. Better than getting seats at two different corners of the aircraft. After all, flights were going full. As I entered my PNR (Passenger Name Record) number, in red I saw that dreaded message. “We regret to inform you that your flight has been cancelled. You can either book for a later date with NO additional cost or request for a complete re-imbursement”. I couldn't read properly, as I felt I might faint. With a foggy vision and shivering voice, I passed the news to Mom too. I heard a gasp frm her too. I had to now look for options, if at all I had any.

Reimbursement, my foot!!! This last moment, which airline would take me. I am NO sacrificial goat that they would feel pity on me and load me into their luggage container. I was literally depressed. I looked for earlier dates and realized that as per their new schedule, there were no flights at all till that day. With prayers, I checked for the next day, and yipeee, yes, their first flight after the long break, was ON the very next day. I was losing just 1 day. It was better than never going at all, afterall, the function was after 3 days of our departure flight. I immediately made necessary booking amendments for the next day’s flight before somebody else decided to take that ticket too.

Uhm, so thats the flashback. I was supposed to fly today. I should have been in the aircraft now. But still, not too late, tomorrow I can fly. I have my tickets. I have my luggage packed. I have my passports ready. NOW, if and only if the AIRLINE decides to give me a heart attack…I wouldn’t be attending my grandpa’s bday celebration. Don’t even remind me of such a situation…All our hopes are on them, the “Gods of our National Airline”…Please don’t let us down…

With heart full of prayers and fingers crossed…

How Pathetic...

It was my first day to the Salsa classes. I myself was worried that I was driving all alone after 9pm to a place that I was not much familiar with looking for the Dance class. It was with much difficulty that I could finally find the building and I parked my car and walked to the high rise building. As it was already sometime past Iftar time, the place was not so crowded and the few people that was around was inside the walls of the Restaurants that lined the road on the sides of the dance class building.

As I walked towards the dim lit reception of the building, I suddenly heard a camera click…I had noticed a short man sitting at the steps of the building entrance having a puff…I noticed that he was sitting in such a position that his right hand had his cigarette…and the left hand had a mobile. If we casually look at his posture, there would be no doubt of his intentions for holding the cell phone the way he had.

It took few seconds for me to actually think twice about the click that I had heard as I was walking past him. By then, I had entered the building entrance and the click that was similar to a mobile camera click got me a bit concerned. I turned to look through the glass door to find the origin of the click. I noticed that the guy was staring at his mobile and at the same moment, he too noticed that I was looking at him. He immediately kept the phone aside and resumed smoking as if the whole thing was just normal…

Something in me forced me to walk back to him and I did exactly that and stood behind him. With his back towards me, he was sitting on the steps and I started off…

“Excuse me, Can I see your mobile?”

“Why, Madam. Nothing Madam”

“Did I say, there is anything. I just want to see you mobile. Give me your phone, please”

“What Madam, there is nothing Madam.” (and he started scrolling his mobile’s scroll button)

“I would just like to see your camera, give me your phone” (I was shivering with anger already)

“Nothing Madam..” (still scrolling back and forth the menus)

“I said, GIVE ME THE PHONE…or you want me to call the Police?”

“For What Madam..” (he started the Video Camera Mode)

“No, not the Video Camera. I want to see the Photos. I feel, you clicked some picture on it. Let me just see…”

“No, Madam. You had misunderstood. I clicked NO picture” (now he clicked Photo Camera mode and closed it immediately)

“That’s fine, lemme confirm it myself. You better show me the picture album. If you don’t know how to get into there, then GIVE ME YOUR PHONE or else let me call the police, that’s better”

(I started dialing Police number and he finally clicked ON the Photo Album. While he was quickly scrolling the pictures to the bottom, I saw some shirtless pics of the guy himself…that was clicked by himself… At that moment, I had a doubt, if he was just clicking his own picture. Still…)

“Give me the phone, I will check myself.”

“Nothing Madam, I showed you. There is nothing” (he was closing his phone)

“I will decide that.” (and I snatched the phone from his hand)

As I scrolled all the way to the top of the pics, I found the picture I was looking for. My photo, that was clicked when I was walking past him. Maybe, because I was a fast pacer while walking or maybe because he was slow to click it, the picture was Out of focus and shaken. I could understand it was my picture, due to the colour of the dress I was wearing. I completely lost whatever patience I had.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THEN? I am asking you, what is this then? Is this not my picture?” (he wasn’t even looking at me then and had turned his face to the other side facing the wall)

“Sorry Madam, maybe by mistake.”

“Ok, if this was a mistake, then what are these…”

I was pointing at the numerous photos of females clicked in similar positions. It was clear that the photos were clicked without their knowledge as they were walking past that road. Many girls’ side views, back side, legs and so on. It was clear from the pictures that he was a nerd, a psycho.

“I am going to call the Police”

“Sorry Madam, sorry. By mistake please…”

I was deleting my photo then. As I walked in, I was confused as to call the Police or not. Too late in the night and I was alone. Calling the Police meant, I had to stay back still late. Then I noticed the building's Watchman. He was lavishly relaxing at the building's reception lounge. I informed him of what happened and asked him to do the needful and I went up to the Dance class. Once I reached there, I regretted not deleting rest of the photos. I saved myself, but what about all those other girls. I immediately informed the Management of the Dance School and one of them went down to see what can be done.

As I walked out of the class, that night, I was informed that all the pictures were deleted and he was informed to the Owner/Manager of the restaurant he was working for. He was a Delivery boy at one of the cafeteria just next door. He was given a verbal warning and his mobile confiscated. I just hope that, he wasn’t shrewd enough to had transferred the other photos to any computer or laptop. Hmmm.

How pathetic can some be? Every single day just confirms my opinion on such psycho characters. How I wish people start respecting each other and think a hundred times before they try finding enjoyment in silly and dirty pranks. Wouldn’t they ever change? Are we destined to live with such lowless creatures that should have been long locked up at some mental asylum and treated properly with enuf amount of shock treatments. Experiences  gets me frustrated with such specimens who share our mother earth with us. I still wonder what he get with what he was doing…

How Pathetic…

L’il boy down the Lane...

Its been a couple of posts that I spoke about strangers, chat friends, virtual friends and all. But strangely, lately, I got friendly with a stranger…lol!!! I knowww…u r saying, NOT AGAIN…hmmm…what to do guys…How much ever I keep off from any new relations, I end up making a new one…and I end up considering them as close friend or brother or sister or uncle or aunt or…whatever… Just doesn’t seem to practice what I preach to myself…

Anyways, I will tell u about this person…Before that, lemme tell you about my last few rendezvous with strangers in the world of Chat…As I told you, the Chatting business is no longer a mode of hobby for me…Yes, there was a time, when I sought to chat to anonymous strangers just to while off time and also to just pretend that ALL IS WELL. With time and age, maybe I changed and I lost interest in it and thereafter, chatting was a rare thing for me. This was what was happening for past 7-8 years… Let me tell, I did make friends among strangers still, through this blog… Got a couple of sweet and nice friends with whom I exchange mails once a while…

A couple of years back, some person who had a similar name of one of my classmate added me on my messenger. Mistaking him to be my ex-classmate, I did add him and as soon as I started talking to him, I knew, this is not the same person. Basically, being a friendly outgoing character, I dint immediately delete him and did chatted with him once a while. With a few chats, I realized, he wasn’t worth being a friend so I blocked him off. I always hated people who tried acting smart and I kept my distance with them. Maybe my life experience really scared me not to get close to any strangers…hmmm!!!

Now, let’s come back to the Stranger, I befriended recently…I will be precise about the information… On May 2, 2012, I get a friends request from an old office mate. Those days, I chatted with my aunt or few friends from school days once a while as and when they were ON and I was free enuf to type down… They were all very short chats and never cud actually sit online to even browse the net. Life was flying too fast for me then… That’s when he added me.

It was years later that I am hearing from this guy. He had actually just disappeared running off from some financial issues. So, naturally, the curiosity to know what happened to him was there and that urged me to chat with him. Still, I started the chat by checking if it was him or not, and ALAS, it wasn’t him. It was some guy from somewhere else. The first thing I did was to apologize to him and explain to him that I mistook him for somebody else and that’s why I accepted his friend’s request. I even deleted him off from my friends list. I wasn’t going to take any chance with strangers, I knew it.

Haha!!! What a joke…Everyday, he started my day with his wishes and very childish comments and jokes. I was busy with work, and his comments brought a smile. As days passed, he confided to me that, “He was actually using some fake id” and he revealed his real identity…I wasn’t surprised or shocked, as I had no expectations of this stranger and above anything, “I was a complete a stranger for him too.”

Thus we became friends. With a little bit of investigation into the information he gave about himself and his jovial nature, I accepted him into my list of friends. We spoke about anything and everything… Philosophy, Comedy, Realities, Life, Accidents, Past (his past…hmmm…remember, I still opted to stay as a mystery). He was part of the Management team of a business establishment, but what I saw was the child in him. The way he joked and got upset for silly things, I was actually so busy mocking and teasing him for his childishness.

Amidst all the busy schedule and problems of life, this BIG friend is a mood twister. This is the moment when I realized, how a little strangeness can make a difference…Only in the land of strangeness can we do all the madness we want to…That’s what our friendship was and is… With NO ties or bonds, we are just two individuals who live their life in two different parts of the world but share a Virtual bond of friendship with NO expectations…You give or you take, who cares!!! Its been years that I had a friend with whom I cud be so…Like a kindergarten kid…haha!!! That’s how a child should be, right? How true, that how much ever we grow, we should try to find time to nurture the child in us and that would keep you afresh…Not sure of the expiry date of such relations, but as long as it stays, I prefer to "live it"...

By the by, we did have a big fight too…that too for the most silly reason, lol!!! Would you believe that? Anyways, I have no regrets and wil have no regrets because how can a child do justice to friendship without arguments and fights. We too did… The philosophical ME acted the BIG GIRL when he was angry and maybe that irritated him more, but I enjoyed that too. He still doesn’t know much about me, rather anything about me… So I can be anything for him…A Monster or an Angel…When we joke, we r angels and when we fight we are monsters…lol!!!

As expected, like any other kid, he came back saying sorry and with his usual self of stubbordness… “When I say sorry, U SHOULD accept it and start talking to me…” haha!!! So sweet of him…Was I angry with him, Naaaah!!! Afterall, for me…he is the child in me…the drop of sillyness in the sea of maturity…the boy who takes me back to world of nursery rhymes…he is the…

“L’il boy down the Lane...”

To regret or not to…???

As I was sitting doing nothing, I started wondering on life as a whole. I thought of the life around me, near me and above all my own life. I couldn’t actually differentiate what exactly was I feeling on a whole about it. Yes, it was a mixture of all the emotions a human could feel. I too felt all that. The emotions were sooo soo intense that it completely changed my mood. Maybe I wasn’t thankful for the things I had, maybe I wasn’t able to appreciate the good things more…Whatever the reason be, the feeling that dominated was a negative one…So I felt like noting them down so that I learn to remove the minus and change them to pluses of my life… not all but few of the phases of my life which I cud never erase off…

Welcoming S:

The relation was of high purity but the person was not. S turned the child in me to wonder what is what and is life a secret. The confusion that he created in my little immature mind was more than enuf for me to start holding on to secrets…I felt that the whole world’s problems stayed on my tiny shoulders and I had to stand still to avoid any problems to anybody in this world. Was I wrong? Yes, I was. But the damage was done. Neither I tried helping myself nor anybody cud guess that I needed help.

Optimistically: I grew up knowing how to safeguard myself and how to differentiate what is what and but still left me wondering "Why so...".

Rejecting R:

It was not a big mistake when I rejected an offer that R made. But still I feel, maybe if I had taken up his offer, I would have atleast not suffered all that I had suffered in my life in the future. Life and I would have been much different today, if that day I went against a chance to re-design my life.

Optimistically: I am happy today, that my that decision gave life to somebody else who deserved the offer much more than I deserved. For, if I had accepted the offer, it would have been just a momentary infactuative decision, but for the other it meant the life…

Entertaining K:

At that age, what was K was a confusing question. Supporting one meant destroying another…learnt this lesson too late. Atleast, it dint do much damage to my life, inspite of the scar it left. A mark that will shine if the sun’s rays fall on them. Wish I could erase it off…

Optimistically: It was one support system that I could rely on at that time and age. Even if the years of growth scared me, still it helped me to grow into a woman with Consciousness and strength to fight injustice.

Accepting V:

In the book of life, there would always be a page which would bring a great twist to the story. Mine came in when V was accepted to enter my system of life. A decision made amidst trouble will only bring trouble. But, by the time I realized it, I was in a pool of mental trauma and problems. V’s Obsession and possessiveness was leading me to think of suicide as a safe option. Forgetting that I was a woman with my own rights, I took everything that he injected into me in silence.

Optimistically: He changed me…Of all the lessons I had learnt till then, this was the best and the most powerful one. Never surrender your Self Respect and Self Esteem in front of anybody…Be it your father or husband, stand by what you feel is right and do not fear the voice of a barking dog. Opt not to run off but to fight back for your survival.

Disregarding P:

Priorities were different then. Experiences were bad by then. To hold on to something was equivalent to be insecure again and I feared insecurity. Trusting outsiders was not in my cards, I thought. And there I made a mistake by leaving my life into the hands of some supernatural beliefs. Thus I ignored the chance that could have again changed my life. Conveniently, I hid behind walls of unrealistic beliefs.

Optimistically: I don’t know, what to say. Maybe, that was what was best for both of us. God had better plans, maybe. This is one point where I couldn’t find much optimistic thoughts to support my decision.

Believing N:

An episode that can never be erased off. Mistake if I think from a realistic point of view and stupidity when I think of it with my heart. To follow my heart and then stand by the practicality. I was stupid enough to do that. But then, I never wud learn...

Optimistically: Happy that I didn't drag someone else into a life that would have been a roller coaster ride. Atleast someone out there is living a life that was his choice and not taking a fake ride. At some point, maybe God was kind enuf to someone.

Compromising with Reality…

Of all the things I have done or not done…suffered or not suffered…I realise, I shouldn't have let another person take a decision on my life. 'Never should you compromise with your own life for somebody else’s sake'. I learnt it the hard way. At this point, I would say, that its late for me to do a come back. But reality is “Better Late than Never”. I know, its easy said than done. How long can I compromise is a mystery, but I would as long as I can…

Optimistically: With this big compromise of my life, I have my life with me, now…It is the food for my breath and the reason for me to live…My life is all that I have today…I am not sure, what is in hold for me in my life tomorrow, but today, I have my life with me and that makes me worth living…

Apologies to all of you who read this and got confused… I know, the vagueness in the post would have made you feel blank and lost by now. You might have even misunderstood many things that I said. Might have even thought of stories that could be no where near the reality. But what to do friends, I was telling things that is never supposed to be told. Still, I tried telling as much as I can. From what I said, you can understand one thing that I always tried depending on another person for the forward motion of my life. Mostly, it had an inverse effect and I realise, every new phase was actually trying to teach me a new lesson. But, sad is the fact that I never could learn much. Now, you tell me. What should I do… What can I do…

To regret or not to…???