Just For me...

I shall never change...

2011-10-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

I had borrowed my cousin’s scooter for my early morning temple visits. So as I rode out of that temple premise; suddenly I heard a voice, “Child, you are blessed with all talents…”… I was a bit surprised… The scooter was automatically stopped as I looked to my right side to see who said that…I saw a man by the road side with a Parrot…He was a Card reader… The tensions in my mind was so depressing that I was ACTUALLY looking for some comfort or solution or positive support from somewhere..As always; I decided to try knowing what is in store for me…As u all know, I believe strongly in astrology and palmistry and all…

I parked the scooter on the road side, right near him…and sat on a stone paved foot path in front of the parrot… I had a completely blank face, smiling hard, embarrassed at myself for sitting there on that road side… That was a first time for me…I always had some relatives with me… As soon as, I sat there…he continued…

“Child, u were destined to see me today… u have come to the goddess’ abode asking for some peace of mind… you did everything u could… but still u r not happy…u dint step out of her premise with the least amount of satisfaction…”
I smiled…

“U smile as if u have NO Worries…but that’s a charade u had put ON from the day u were born… u would never part with that smile, even if u might scream with pain… U are waiting for a positive reply…A Job change is right near you… You would change your job within a month…That is 100% fixed…But before that you would be writing an exam for that job change…”

I was surprised…Yeah, Job change is right…but exam..Naaah…I am already done with interview and assessment and all… All that was remaining was a positive reply from my old office and to join the new place ON time… (but, within a day, I knew, what he said was right…bcoz the very evening, the HR staff from the new place called me and informed me that she is sending me a link for an Online Assessment… I need to complete the test ASAP….)

And so he continued…Trust me friends..even if I wasn’t a believer, that day, I would have started believing astrology or atleast his talent in telling the most confidential phase of my life…as if he was part of my life through out… He didn’t ask for big amount of money or anything… He just said, “the next time u come to this temple; u would not have to fake a smile…u would be genuinely happy…and that day; offer a lamp for the Goddess as a token of Thanks..”

At that point, I wondered, will I ever be able to happily enter the temple premises… Bcoz it seemed close to impossible then…But today I know, I would be going there happily the next time I go to that city…atleast, I wouldn’t be sad thinking of the unhappy situation I had faced at my old office…

I really wanna share with u some of the most surprising things that he said about me…which nobdy can discover within 5 minutes of seeing me…

1. Your son gets the love of 02 mothers…could be ur mother or mother in law…He cares for the other mother more than he cares for u… (TRUE, grrrr….)
2. You were supposed to be one out 3 kids for your parents…But in existence; u will have only 1 brother…. (True, my mom had done an abortion before me…hmm…)
3. Your brother cares for your son like a father and your son is attached to your brother more than he could be with his own father. (True…)
4. You have got a very keen Sixth sense; but none around u heed to your words until and unless they realize it in the hard way… (True True…)
5. You have never had any positive vibe from your In Laws…in fact, You just do what u shd be doing…unfortunately for everything u do for them, never expect anything good in return…you wouldn’t even get love from them…

The more he said, the belief inside me was growing more…How could somebody say so precisely about things in a stranger’s life…He dint promise big things…but then, as I left him that day…eventhough, my tensions stayed as it was before..still I had a hope… IF HE IS RIGHT, then… all my problems will be soon over… Co-incidence or not; as soon as I was back from vacation; I got my release from my old office and I am sitting happily at my new place now…
Do you wanna know; what was that one thing he told me that really made me think hard…he said..

“Child…whatever happen…WHATEVER….never do 3 things in ur life…bcoz these r the three things that can turn hazardous to u….
1. Don’t get angry…(I knew it…as anger was one thing that was really making me uncontrollable)
2. Never cry… (uhmmm…that’s true…bcoz, the moment I cried, I turned weak and vulnerable…I always faced every problems with my stubborn confidence…)
3. Never give a single penny with your hand to ANYBODY…not even as a gift… (How true, bcoz every single person whom I had considered the best f my friends, once I lend money to them during their hard times…just disappeared…Losing the money was not the pain..but realizing the truth of a Person who I had considered as a GOOD FRIEND was not a good feeling…)”

But then on a lighter note, It is not good for me to lend money to anybody…But, Hey…I can borrow…from ANYBODY…

Hey guys, I know, you would have 101 thoughts and anti slogans for my belief…but please trust me…this is my belief and I am not going to change…lol!!!

I shall never change…

Bribing the Almighty...

2011-09-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

Touch wood, things in my life r going in a normal way with not much negative stuffs to worry about …the back pain and the allergy issues do disturb me at times..but I can manage them now, as I am emotionally happy…yipeeeee…Do u remember myself talking to u all about my belief in Astrology…uhmm…these r the moments, when my belief gets stronger…Hey, Dint I tell u about my encounter with the Astrologer during my vacation 2 months back???Oho…I missed that…I shdnt have…I know, many of u doesn’t really have much belief in such things…but I would wanna stick to my personal choice…OK???

So, as u all know, last June, was the month I had this new job offer and I was almost happy…but something was bugging me inside that I couldn’t believe that, ATLAST, I gonna get out of that environment…with much better prospects… Something in me was not letting me be HAPPY and my friend was continuously assuring me…”WHY WORRY..SEE, EVERYTHING IS FINE…U GOT THE OFFER, U SIGNED THE CONTRACT…NOW U GO FOR UR VACATION AND WHEN U COME BACK U START AFRESH AT THE NEW PLACE…”…True…but, something wasn’t right…I felt…My Sixth Sense maybe…

Exactly 1 day before I was flying off for vacation, a call from my HR (my old company)…. The tone was not so encouraging… OUTLINE… ‘I can’t leave the company…atleast for another 2 months…and also I can’t go on leave during my Notice period…I can utilize my leave balance, maybe during the 2nd month of my notice period…’…NOWWWW…I was devastated…my New company wanted to me to start with them ASAP…and these people wont let me go before 2 months…I was lost…I felt, I am losing my present job and also the new job offer…I was like almost pleading while I requested the HR to help me sort it out with much damage…hmmm…Anyways, thanks to the HR Director…she asked me to go on leave as I had some Doctor’s appointments too to take care of…

But, the uncertainty on my job front was eating me throughout… That’s what I had mentioned in one of my earlier post… I felt, Now ONLY God could help me…I literally stepped into the Temples with weeping hearts… (u can understand what big a trauma I was in, then…)…Not a single person around me ever realized that…As I always had those smiling, laughing stature…Why make them worry, that’s what I always followed…So naturally, Temples were the only resort for me to outpour my emotions, fears and sorrows…Hoping, he, the almighty would help me out…

I went to each place…Enquiring to every person at the temple, for the different rituals that I could do to remove all obstacles in my life…for any special prayers to remove tensions from my life…and what not…Literally, I was bribing God, the almighty…IF U HELP ME WITH THIS, I WOULD DO THIS and THAT…hmm…I thought of it in that way…AM I DOING WRONG by taking up this way…Can gods be bribed…

Uhm… Anyways…whatever it was… He was my final Hope…and I decided to leave everything in his hands… Somewhere deep inside, I kept on giving him different Offers…”IF this…then that…”… I offered any rituals that was considered auspicious at every temple I visited…Prayed soo hard…I felt better..but not Best…As I stood in front of those Idols of my Spiritual Beliefs…I was literally talking to them..as if I was to my own mother…

“God, u know na..what is happening…Its too troublesome for me..Pls do smthing, na…I cant take this tension anymore…I don’t wanna end up losing my new job…it’s a good one…Sort it out…Soon…before I return after my vacation..solve the problems…OK???”

And so on went the One-sided conversations…As I exited each of those temple doors, I turned and looked at them…as if to remind them one last time NOT to forget my issue…hmmm…and it was at the steps of one such temple…I found him..or lemme say…

HE FOUND ME…

Good Bye Miss. Show OFF...Phew!!!

2011-08-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Blogging seems to be a never happening thing for me now a days…hmmm…ofcourse, I swear, laziness is not the reason..if SO, I would have atleast visited others’ blogs and commented too na…Maybe after days I was able to atleast peep into Dost’s blog ystrdy…and when he saw my comment…he complained…why am I not writing to him now a days…Hey, Dost..trust me…I am indeed busy…or rather, the lesser working hours during the Ramadan month attributes to the busy status of myself…

So, let me continue with the confrontation episode…by now, SHE is Past for me…a past tht I almost wanna ignore in my life…But as, I had started telling u guys about her..I wanna atleast complete that phase of my confrontation with Miss. Show OFF..

So after the Phone Call Issue…We continued…

Jzt: So, S…I really wanna listen to all ur reasons to harass me…tel me, my next mistake as per U…What is that second thing that u feel I do that is NOT RIGHT…

S: U DON’T ASK FOR WORK…

Jzt: WHAT?

S: When u have no work to do? U don’t look for work around…

Jzt: S, can u tell me..in this office, who is the ONE who ask for work …

S: Yes, Only U ask…but when we have no work at all…then…

Jzt: THEN??? What do I do then…When I am done with my work…I ask all my colleagues if they need my help on anything…If none of them have anything, what else u expect me to do…

S: U are browsing the net…and U sit simply…U should look for work…

Jzt: (turning to Boss) Boss, Can u do me a favour…Can u please ask the IT team to get a printout of the websites myself and others in this office is visiting…I would like to see, WHO IS BROWSING and WHO IS NOT…and WHAT and HOW MUCH are they browsing… (I was sure, if such a thing was done, SHE would be the first one in trouble…bcoz she was the only one who browsed the whole day)… I am asking u this bcoz, I am sure of what I am doing..and I don’t have to fear anything… U tell me, my Job Description is to XXXXXXXXX…When I am done with tht, I ask all of them if they have anything to do…and if NONE of them have anything, I would rather sit simply, or read some Newspapers online or maxim some blogs….You can see the ratio of work happening in this department..With 80% work done by myself, how u expect I get FREE time…from the moment I enter this office, I am head down on work and IF by any chance I get some free time, WHAT DO U WANT ME TO DO…WALK AROUND ALL THE FLOORS AND ASK IF ANY OTHER DEPARTMENT HAS ANY WORK…

Boss: Uhm, S…I again feel… SHE is right…I know the amount of work Jzt is doing…and even if she is browsing when she has nothing else to do..Why worry..As long as her work is not affected, its of no worries…We all browse..I too does…So, maybe u should change ur outlook…

S: Yes Boss…(again angry node…)

Jzt: Ok, u can continue…What is the next issue…

S: I don’t remember anything as such…But then, I don’t like u telling me about ur things…

Jzt: WHAT…I am telling u about my things..or U r shouting about urself in the office so tht the whole office hear u…WHAT do u know abt me…Have u ever heard me telling anything personal, in this office…

S: No, I meant, whenever u go out of the office…U tell me where u r going..I don’t like tht…

(Now, the issue is…When I visit another department or go for lunch or the washroom..I inform her of the same…Reason was mainly because, if at all somebody looks for me, She could atleast let them know where am I…and I explained the same to the boss…)

Jzt: Ok, S…if u don’t wanna know it…I wouldn’t say...Its easy for me too…and much better…

Boss: Ok, Jzt..so now u know, right..?? So now onwards, never tell her where u going..she doesn't like it…

Jzt: Yes Boss…(Smiling...or was it ridiculing…)

And with tht…the confrontation part was over…a sort of SILENCE prevailed between us…days passed by..I submitted my resignation…went for vacation…joined back work…1 week more with that office…and on the last day….Work was flowing like hell…She, for some reason kept on bulking my table with the work…When she kept 7 files on my table, she place 2 on the other females desk…I dint mind…I finished all 7…before lunch break… I informed my boss that I was going for a farewell lunch arranged by some of the friends from other department…Unfortunately, I got delayed by 30minutes…I informed my Boss of the same…I had also kept another colleague informed of the same…

As I came back, a colleague from other office told me that S was looking for me..As I went to my office, I asked S if she was looking for me… “YES, I was…I HAD to know where u have disappeared…”…and I replied… “Oh, but I thought, u dint like me telling u where I was going…that was what was decided during the other day meeting…Moreover, I had informed XX and also the boss too…” I could feel (#&$(^$*^@(^$ from her side…

The day was nearing end…She kept on dumping work on my table… I knew, I wouldn’t be able to finish them…as I had enough work for Hand over too…thus..

Jzt: S, I don’t think, I will be able to finish all this…I have so much of stuff to finish and handover before the day end…

S: I don’t CARE…

Jzt: OK…U might not care…BUT I should care about what I am doing…and I cant take up new files when I have pending stuff to be done…

SILENCE….for few minutes…and again…

S: I just want those files to be done before evening…

Jzt: I am sorry, but I have other responsibilities too…

S: U should have thought about it before going for ur Lunch Break…I couldn’t go out because of these works… (Now, POINT TO BE NOTED…she HAD nothing to do..and was just browsing even when she was arguing with me… All she was doing was, getting the new files and dumping on my table…IF SHE WAS that concerned, she could have picked on any of those files and started working on it…Ofcourse, an extra hand would have made a big difference that day…especially, when the load was too large and only me and the other girl was working on them…)

Jzt: Now, S…I didn’t use ur personal time for my lunch break..If I have gone for break, that is what I am entitled for..and the remaining 30minutes, I had informed the person whom I should be informing and that is my BOSS..I am not answerable to u and U R NONE TO order me what I should do..Atleast now, let me decide what I should be doing…I very well know, what IS MY PRIORITY…and u better take care of urself…

I could again feel….grrr…%$&%$#^&%*(^#! ... Anyways, after another 30minutes, she again asked.. “How many files more will u be able to finished today…” and I replied… “I don’t think any…” and that was it…

Now the embarrassing moment came much later…Lol…

Would you believe, just 10 minutes before the end of the working hours…She came out with a FAREWELL CAKE …and that too baked by herself…Gosh… my boss had asked her to…but then, I felt soo embarrassed…I and she had a fight exactly on the day when I was leaving and especially when she had baked me a Cake…

Anyways…a Farewell Speech was made…and my Boss apologetically said that he feel bad that I was dumped with work on my last day…and I was a great employee and was PERFECT in my work…hmmmm….

He then, jokingly said… “Between U and S, maybe something called Chemistry was never there…Else nobody else ever had any issue with Jzt…Whatever happened…nothing should be kept at heart and as we part ways, u should have only good thoughts about us, Jzt…”

And that was the END…of my service there…the Show down and my Cold War with Miss Show OFF…

Good Bye, Miss. Show OFF...Phew!!!

The Royal Confrontation - One DOWN

2011-08-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all my blogends who were sweet enough to wish me good luck and give their opinions on what happened with me and Ms. S… Some of u had doubts in mind, why I took it for so long and why should I run away from it…To explain that, you should know exactly what was in my mind while taking all tht in…

I was with that company for almost 3 hours when Recession struck …the department I worked for then was separated from the company and a new Management started ruling it…and to safeguard their employees, majority employees from my department got termination letters including me…If you guys go back to starting days in 2009, you can see what was my mental stature then…It was at such a situation that I was offered this position cancelling my Termination…I was overwhelmed and was at peace…As I feared a financial instability at that moment if there was NO JOB situation…

With this fear in mind, naturally, when u get into a new place, u try to adjust with that place, how much ever problems u might have to face…especially, when u know that Boss trusted the Culprit more than anybody in that department… and especially when rest of the colleagues, never raised a formal complaint, I felt, HOW, I who came just now could start issues…and how can I expect Boss to believe me… rather, he could take me as Problem Maker…Thus, I took everything in…When it was growing above limits…I spoke to him..but dint find much solace…and again tried the same few months back…and what happened, you know…Now, what happened that day…after she placed herself on the chair opposite to me in the Boss’s office room…enjoy…

The Royal Confrontation…

She walked in and took a chair against me…Placed her leg one on top of the other and sat looking at the Boss’s face…I could see, the Boss finding difficulty to start…hmmmm…Finally the words came out…I am typing down some interesting part of that almost 45minutes discussion cum downpour or Final show down…

Boss: Yes, S…U had a complaint about Jzt that she was using the phone a lot. She wanted to speak to you for clarification

S: Sure…Yes, What I said is TRUE? (passing occasional stares towards me…maybe she thought she could burn me down…)

Jzt: S, Can you confirm that I am misusing the office hours for my personal phone calls?

S: Yes, you are on the phone too much…

Boss: Jzt, that is not a good way..U should follow some work ethics…(as usual, he was jumping the bush)

Jzt: S, tell me, am I on the phone for long hours. Doesn’t anybody else in this office get calls? Are you not talking on the phone Yappy Yappy, so loudly that the whole floor has to listen to your Cat’s stories or Mother-in Law problems…Have I ever disturbed you with a Single call? Am I talking on the phone loudly? My phone is on Silent mode and even if I get calls, do u see me answering them, except for some really urgent ones…

S: Yes, everybody gets call…But when U get 6 calls, the other girl might get 5 and I might get 4…So u r getting maxim calls..and I dint say you are on phone for long hours..I just said, U GET CALLS… U might not answer, but still u do get calls…

Jzt: S, I am coming here to provide for my family. That doesn’t mean, when I leave my home, I SHOULD forget them and not answer any calls from home or friends. I WOULD ofcourse answer them. But I have the professional ethics to see to it that my talking on the phone doesn’t disturb my colleagues or that I talk on phone for long hours…

(After a series of U, U, ME, ME..)

Boss: Ha, S…If she is only getting calls and not actually answering, then why make it an issue…If she doesn’t sit on phone for long time, then ??…We all would get calls, right…and we CAN talk on phone without disturbing others…So I really doesn’t think, there’s a concern here…I think, you should really think, if there is any BIG issue in this for you to Blame her…

S: OK, Boss… (not so happy expression)

ONE DOWN…and…

to be continued...

Height of Artificiality...

2011-07-31T02:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, all my Blogends (Blogger +Friends)… Finally I am off all those traps that I was bound by…I am in here, with lot of fresh air and a fresh positive feeling…Thanks to Dost & Tomz for their prompt response to my earlier blog… Being away from Blogs for long period has such disadvantages…all those regulars who have been there giving me their precious opinions cease coming in …when they see I am no longer writing anything…lol!!! But still, never mind…I would want to vent out all the happiness and sorrows in here..so that I feel relieved by dumping them on to my Blogends’ head..hehe!!! Cool na…So, I am sure, U can feel the cheerfulness in my mood today…that’s the effect of the newness in my life…hmmm…

SO for those who are wondering, what happened..and for those who could understand nothing from my previous blog…Let me tell u…after all the hassles, finally I left my old job and joined a new company…with a better pay, benefits and Position…Ok…now, don’t think…the pay or the benefits or the position was my attraction…they were all added gifts from God to me…The main attraction of the New Job was that I COULD LEAVE THAT PLACE…not that the company I worked for was bad..It was a wonderful company..but the ONE person that I had the misfortune to work with…had made me hate that job where I had spend my last 5 years…

I know, Past is Past…but then, at times, I really wonder, how could I be so enduring…I, who could not take the least bit of unpleasant behavior suffered absolute unacceptable behavior for 2 years without fighting back…hmmm…Wanna share it with you guys…I am sure, many of u might have already gone thru such situations…which should be clearly called as an ABUSE…a Professional Abuse…The name suits it well..as the harassment I had faced was at a very professional environment in a professional way…lol!!!So here goes, some highlights of my days of Abuse…hmm…

Starting Days
An extremely artificial person…Lets call her S meets me and assists me in knowing the work. I wondered why I felt her behavior to be so ARTIFICIAL when she was so nice to me…Days passed as I realized, how artificially she showed her pleasantness to all that was pleasant to her. I behaved well…hmmm…She was not my Boss, but at times she acted as one…I dint mind, as long as it wasn’t of much intensity…

After Six Months…
I was selected as one of the few to be with the Top Management for some specific meetings. I dint feel it to be a big thing, while others said it was…and that day, I started seeing that she started to shower me with rudeness and harshness in anything and everything…Any query from my side was answered with an “IDONT KNOW.. U GO CHECK”…”DON’T TELL ME”…etc etc…I ignored…and behaved friendly as always…

Another Six months…
I had no time to even raise my head at my desk…NOT bcoz work was overflowing in the office…but bcoz work was over flowing on my table…While my two other colleagues sat joking, surfing nets…I was dumped with stuff to do…I WAS FINE…as I never wasted time and finished my work daily on time without keeping anything for pending…

The Two Onlookers…
Uhm my two other colleagues…they behaved normal when she was not around..and when she was there, they behaved as if they never knew me…One of them warned me of S’s nature…of backbiting and bitching…She told me, how she was the Victim till I came and now, S is busy focusing on only ME…She shamelessly told me, how she acted so excitedly to her just to avoid a confrontation…I too started noticing, how quickly they used to ridicule her the moment she left the room..even for the matters they all spoke so sweetly with each other…They adviced me too to just SHOW OFF affection…I couldn’t…So…situation didn’t change much…I existed in that office only for the work side and for them, they acted, I dint ever exist…

Tough days…
After the First year, it was almost near to my limit of adjusting and ignoring..things started getting into my nerves…Finally, I decided to take it up with Superiors…I reached the HR…The Director gave two options…Either go for a formal Complaint..or Confront her with the issue…

I confronted her in front of the Boss…She said some CRAP reasons for her CRAPPY behavior…She was in the tension of some exams…I said softly… “Never take your personal tensions on others… I wouldn’t do that even if I had 101 tensions outside...”

Behind the Scene
She was genuinely trying to malign my reputation in front of my boss…with regular complaints about me..Can we call it a complaint…or should we call it a School Kid fantasies… “Teacher, tht kid pinched me…Teacher, she’s staring at me…Teacher, She’s not sitting on her seat…”

On three different occasions, the BOSS behaved as if he believed everything he said, and he came forward with some SO CALLED SUGGESTIONS…He never confronted me with such issues as complaints…But as Suggestions… Some of the conversations we had…

“Jzt, please take care of coming on time to work…HR is monitoring”
“But, Boss, I reach office daily 15 minutes before time…”
“OH OK, then fine…I just informed you of policies…” (Remember, I had joined that company even before he was there…and this was just an Internal Transfer)

“Jzt, kindly see to it that during office timings, you don’t use the phone much…”
“But Boss, you are sitting near me. Have you ever seen me on phone during duty hours…”
“No..I haven’t seen you..I was just saying…”
“Ok, if I was doing that, I could have controlled it..Still I will keep it in mind..”

“Jzt, S is planning some work…her new initiative…U should help her in tht..”
“But Boss, this has been initiated & implemented by me soon after I joined this office…And I am regularly updating it…”
“Oh, u r already up-to date on that…??? Then its fine…”

Etc etc etc…

Three months back…
Limits were broken…frustrations grew…No talks helped…I hated going to that office, seeing her face…Wished, I could just leave everything and blast out of that place…Indirectly, it started affecting my health…my mental peace..my behavior…my temperament…in short…it was destroying me completely… I knew it…

A Confidential Meeting…
A Last try…Met with the Boss personally…and explained how pathetic things were happening…He claimed, that even he had noticed…At the end, I declared… “If she can’t change, I can either look for a job change or a department change…”… He too was firm when he said... “NO, she has to change...that is not professional…”…We part ways deciding that soon he will meet me and her together and sit and discuss…I waited eagerly for the day…

That was it…
Five days after the meeting, the BOSS called me and shocked me when he said... “Jzt, I have got a complaint against you…You talk on the phone a lot during working hours…”

That was the limit… and I blasted… “BOSS, I AM DONE WITH THIS, NOW...ANYMORE DISCUSSION, I DO IT IN FRONT OF HER…I WANT TO CLEAR THIS NOW AND HERE…”

And soon…She entered…with her usual Artificial Self…for the first time, I laughed mockingly…towards that embodiment of artificiality…

Height of Artificiality…

Door of Hope...

2011-07-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

Ok…sooo…laziness is indeed a beautiful experience…uhmm..I think for past 2 months, I was popping out all of sudden and welcoming myself back…Sad part is not many actually noticed my absence…Many of u didn’t even wanted to double check if I was dead or still alive…hmm..maybe u knew it better…Thanks to those few who DID check my whereabouts…and was particularly concerned about my health..uhmm…I am hoping that now onwards I be able to continue normally..without any more laziness flowing into my senses…

Let me tell u guys…more than laziness, it was my peaceless mind that was initiating this long silence from my side…I who always loved to type long mails, felt soo disturbed that even an SMS was too much for me to type…Unanswered mails filled up my Inbox and Unattended duties overflowed into my consciousness… I knew, I wasn’t me…but somehow…even the strongest Rock can break at some point…uhm…Am I being too much by comparing myself to a Rock…Naaaahh!!!!

Anyways…days gone are gone… in between I been for a short vacation too…Yipeee, for my cousin’s marriage…Didn’t I tell u guys of my cousin who was getting married to a Northie…Cool…had a SUPERB marriage…Our Marriages are mainly rituals…so imagine, if adding to it, we followed all traditional rituals of North Indians too…Double Dhamaka…Still a regret…the days when I should have been open heartedly enjoying…I was actually in dilemma…hmm..

I could have very well called myself a Fire Cracker…Outside it was all colours and beautiful exploding out its beauty…Inside, it was all a burning…hmm…Yeah…reason being Uncertainity…as usual…Imagine, u find a door in front of you open for you...u know, it’s the door thru where u can escape ur sorrows…but then, as u approach it, u find urself entangled in some ropes and in that confusion, U feel the doors are closing slowly…Only if u release yourself from those ropes, can u reach the door before it gets completely closed…I was in somewhat similar situation….

I took my flight to my home country with such an entanglement in my heart and mind…Had NO idea what was going to happen to that New Hope…So naturally..amidst all the fun, my mind was restless and tensed and upset…I laughed and smiled and all of a sudden I would get gloomy at heart…tried hard not to show it out and spoil other’s mood too…Thus through out my vacation, I was like burning inside and glowing outside…hmm…

Again…past is past…today…I am near that door…Almost 99% of the trap beneath my feet is off me…I could slowly get up and walk towards that door…I feel I will be soon entering that door…Just a few more obstacles and I would be in there…where I feel I would be freed from all the tensions I have been going through the past years…where I could be myself…where I could have everything that I wished to have…where I could be happy and feel wanted…

Yes friends…Wish me luck…add me in your prayers…pray for me that all those optimistic feelings I have now would come true…Pray for me so that the Door be what I wish for…and Let not that door be another Trap…I am right there, just waiting for the last few steps to be taken…with a mixture of optimism and pessimism, here I am taking those steps…towards that door…

The Door of Hope…

The GfN Spy...

2011-06-13T01:57:00.000-07:00

Here, I am…back…again…from another hibernation mode…God knows, if I will droop back to my hibernating den again…Bcoz, I myself is unsure, what is my state of mind NOW… Somehow, in a state of GfN - Good for Nothing....uhmm...After days, today I returned to many of the blogs that I used to follow on a daily basis…Bikram, Tomz, Dost etc…Gosh, they all are so much ahead from the point I left them…hmm…Need to give some time to read their old posts which I missed during my Hibernation period…Bikram’s tags did make me think…What could be my answers to those questions…I even thought, should I write mine down too…But then, I passed by Tomz…and I found a Villain that we would find in our fears and idiotic thoughts…hahaha…

Yeah Tomz, from the moment I read ur blog, I have been imagining you as one of those Spies with Shaded glasses, long cloaks and a Hat that covers most of ur face…Trust me, U looked ridiculous…hahahah!!! I swear, Why did u have to scare the hell out of that so called SAURAV…poor guy…he might be still wondering, how the hell…Hope he read ur blog…My comment at ur blog was not to provoke u…OK??? I was just trying to be over smart…Maybe that is one thing that would never die in me…Over Smartness…The confidence that NO ONE else have a better Fore-Sight than me…

But then, your post took me to a completely different phase of my life…Maybe, it has no relevance to your post…but then…somehow, I remembered those past days…and felt like jotting it down…and so here it goes…

Those were the days when I was still not on the two wheeler that was a companion later…Naturally, the other option was the only choice…afterall, Government had spend lakhs on getting those 4 wheel giants on the roads…So, we had to use it na…Lol…the to and fro journey to the college was on the Public Bus…there were regular Ladies Only buses those time and myself and my then shadow, My cousin who was two years younger to me, was a regular in one of those buses…5 days a week…We enjoyed the ride, especially bcoz, we were more like Tom Boys inside those buses with just the Ticket Collector and the driver as Males and rest all of us being Girls…hehe!!!I was a regular Foot Board traveler, just to SHOW OFF…Nobody (driver / Ticket collector) questioned, as they were scared of the Girls…hahah!!!

Ok, now this story is not happening inside those buses.. lets come out of there…So, daily morning, I walked the distance from my home to my cousin’s house and from there to the Bus stop…We walked as if the roads belonged to our fore-fathers…lol!!! Maybe, it did…we never know…but then, the neighborhood knew my family so well as they have been there for years..and So I was a known person to most of the people I met on those roads…At the Bus stop too, I met people who knew me or my parents atleast…So I was sort of always under the eyes of SPIES….uhmm…If anything Not-So Normal happened at the bus stop, I knew, it would reach my mom’s years before even I reached my home…So you can imagine, how good were the Spies I had to face….

Days passed by…I and my cousin have been noticing a few GENTLEMEN in bikes doing their rounds daily morning and evening…It was quite obvious that they were more keen to know what was there at the Bus Stop and not on the roads…we had many a times happily wished, if they didn’t notice the pit on the road…hehe!!! Out of all these “Bhaiyyas”, one guy was more punctual in his daily routine…He would daily follow us at a neat distance…and would wait till the Bus till we boarded the bus..and then in the evenings, he gave us his Body guard service till I entered my house premises…hmm, Cool, A Free Body Guard…good for me…

But then, it felt creepy, when one fine day, somebody started calling me at my home number..Mobiles were unknown those days…Whoever, he was…he was good at Spying…He always spoke in Spooky voice reminding of those dark passages where the Hardy Boys or the Famous Five Detectives stood during investigation...

“Helloooo, Today you were really sweet…liked ur smile that you gave your teacher…” CUTTT – call was disconnected…SURPRISED….

“Hellooo…That Red top suited you so beautifully today…”.. CUTTTT….SHOCKED…

“Haiii…Why didn’t you go to College today…Missed you…”.. CUTTT… BLOODY HELLL…

“Hellooo…Beware of those boys from XXX College,t hey doesn’t mean any good…Tell your cousin specially…I know, you can manage yourself…”…. CUTTT…WHAT THE %&$%&*(^%#...

And so on…This person seems to be knowing everything that happened to me when I was at the Bus Stop…I literally started being so cautious that I kept on looking at all windows and cars and bikes and what not around the Bus Stop…Naturally, the first point of DOUBT was the Free Body Guard…but then, I had NO Evidence…

One day, I got a call from a different voice…This person was asking my friendship…Ha…NO Face Books…so naturally Friendship request was done through phones…I responded… “I DON’T MAKE FRIENDS WITH STRANGERS…COME IN FRONT OF ME AND REQUEST”…and the Next day, at the bus stop…stood in front of me…THE BODY GUARD… “I was the one who called yesterday..Can we be friends…”…All that was inside me against the Spooky Voice also was showered on him…heeh!! Starting with “What the hell do you think of yourself….” I went on, till he apologized and left the scene…Even though the distance was more, he still never stopped providing the Security Service…

But that evening, I got the call again from the Spooky Voice…

“Hey, Good you threw that guy’s head off…Thanks a lot…I was worried…whether you can manage…I want to tell you something…My name is Jimmy…I know you from past 2 years…and some time in between started loving you...Never knew how to come and tell you…Today found the courage and is openly telling you…If you are OK, can we meet…” …

“You creep…U people have no other work…Mornings, you spend Spying on girls on the road…evenings you take round calling them and proposing…Go, look for somebody else, who might fall for this joke…IDIOT…For your safety, let me warn you…We are installing Caller-ID..and next time you try to show your love…your Number will reach the Police Records…”…CUTTTTTTT….HURRAYYYYYYYYY!!!!

I knew it was not the END…but then, atleast I had ignited the start of the End…Calls continued…but, from different telephone booths…maybe, till he had NO MORE money in his pocket to waste on such calls…hahah!!!

But then seriously…I still don’t know the Identity of my Spy… He could be even one among you …Grr..then here goes my Anonymity… Still…I am not interested in knowing who he was or what was his intention…All I know is…

He was nothing more than a Good for Nothing (GfN) Idiot, who wasted his parent’s telephone bill to play pranks on some random girls….uhmmm…God, knows where he is today…

“The GfN Spy”

Reflection with a Makeover...

2011-05-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Voila…Long time, right?…what to do…not just the urge to post something will let me do that na…Should have the right mood too …and as its much known to all of u…I am a Sentimental Idiot na…somehow, the month of May has been tough on me…or was it me who was tough…better to phrase it so…"I am tough…to be normal…" What to do, afterall, things happening around also never gave any positive feel to rejuvenate my mood…So naturally, I was just being gloomy and irritative to people around me…and my health…Even my health was not happy with me, I suppose…So just decided to give up on me, I suppose…The ongoing back pain, grew from worse to worser…A fever caught me unguarded and I was pinned down to the bed and even to the hospital bed…uhmmm…No complaints…This month too will pass by…

Hey guys, just some time back…I happened to make a comment on Ro’s blog…regarding Sending Friend’s invite to people in the FB…somehow, I voted against her opinion on the same… My view point was, People can send Invites…and it depended on us, if we wanna accept it or not…(her view was just an outpour of frustration some Stalker Friend was giving her with unwanted Invites…lol!!!)…So, myself, even if not a regular in the Facebook, does accept invites…ONLY once I am convinced that I knew that person…Especially, if the invites were from Men, I made sure that I knew them or not…usually, a one line mail would follow from me to him….DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?...the response mail could reveal, if actually he/she knew me…

Few days, back…I got one such invite…from someone…who I had NO idea who he was…finding a lot of Mutual friends from my School friends, I had a vague feeling, maybe he might be one of the old classmate… Ours was a Girls’ only school and boys were allowed only till 04th Standard… And stupidly, my brain’s Hard Disk had NO prominent Memory of any Boy’s Face…just I remember one boy, which was majorly bcoz, we used to meet even after he left the school at different Competitions or Cultural Fests…and he later grew to popularity with his talent…Gosh, I am talking too much naaa…Let me get back to topic…

So when I saw this Friend’s Invite from a “Guy Unknown”…my first reflex was to send him a message … “DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER”…after the SEND button was clicked, I noticed I had a message from him… “were we classmates in XXXX? ur face looks familiar...” … Ok…so we might have been classmates yearssssssss back…Now, you all can guess…I had NO idea…and with my reply, he said, that if I knew the other guy, then surely we have met each other…Bcoz, he was always with that guy at Cultural Fests…Thoughts flashed by thru my mind… “Uhmmmmmmmmmmm….So he was a rival….and surely one among those Boys who never left chances to show their Superiority at Cultural Fests…”…Frankly, many a times I hated those boys…Not one or two, but I have had quite some bitter experiences during many such Fests…Lol, I didn’t say any of this to him…

And thus, I started conversing with him thru mails…Surprise, Surprise…we spoke as if we were friends for years…Not even once we addressed each other with our names…we were… “Hey, U, Yaar, Idiot, Fool, Stupid, Monkey…” and what not…It was after these mails, that we added each other as friends in FB…and then I saw his photo…Aha….I remember him…He is the Silver Eyed Boy…who could sing too…I also had a vague feeling…that This boy and I was not big friends…rather, we might have even had some bad vibes during school days…lol!!! Don’t know, why I felt so…but I was somewhat sure…We were not friends before…

But, hey…Now we are…The way we fought thru mails or chats…we behaved as if we have been friends for years…The first day, we emailed each other, I wasn’t in best of moods…but then, fighting with him..I felt as if I was back to school days…He was telling many a times, that School days were fun…I was Not sure…I dint deny..nor agree…bcoz I was not sure…As I had not much memory na…lol!!! I was stupid, indeed...

Before long, I knew, what was the connection we had…and why we fought always…Bcoz, he was almost same like me…the stupid phrases that I always used, he was saying them to me…like saying DANKS for Thanks and so on…we fought for tht too…arguing tht he was copying my style…No, he wasn’t…that was his style too…we both thought the same way…and somewhere during those chats, I realised…he too was like me…He Smiled when tears were welling in his heart…I could feel it from the way he spoke…bcoz that wud have been the exact way I wud have spoken…While I was assessing him from my side, I forgot, he too could be assessing me…maybe what I noticed, he too could have noticed…the resemblance in our behaviour, nature and even the non stop talkative style….

Anyways…now we are having those school day fun…in our own style…like small children…rekindling the school days…when we get serious, we Change Topics…as we wanna be happy and Kids…and not Adults with lots of Kushi and Ghams…and we talk – Tit for Tat…and once he even jokingly said… “We are fighting..and God knows who will win at the end…” and the over confident me seriously replied…”Naturally Me…”..

"Hey friend, Danks buddy, for adding me as a friend…I am sure, we have some good share of Jokes and Fun to share…and an equally fair share of Sorrows and Horrors…Don’t worry…both of us know, we r strong…and we can fight it out…in our style..the Kiddy style…After all…You are a Male version of Myself…heheh!!! Now, dont kick me for this...But this is what I felt...U are something like a Mirror Reflection…

My Reflection with a Makeover…

I am back...and fine...

2011-04-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

A week filled with the most unexpected and strenuous happenings passed by…I just feel that it was just yesterday when I landed in the New Terminal with my heart beating fast with the uncertainty of my dad’s health…And now, I am back home…and within hours I would be getting ready to resume my official duties…Why so…why does Out of Office status change so fast to Back in Office…Especially, when you couldn’t actually enjoy your vacation, it makes it more difficult to actually drag yourself to your office chair…For me, as you all know, days at hospital and the essential/unavoidable house visits took off almost all of my vacation…

Now sitting on my bed, I was wondering…Am I actually happy to be back or sad…For strange reasons, this time, I am genuinely happy to be back…inside my room, where I could feel the breath of peace of mind…What was it, that actually made me wish IF I was back…if I start quoting them down, maybe I might get some umpteen reasons…and then majority of you might feel, I am being too silly…but then, truth is…somehow, I was not feeling comfortable there in my native land…Amidst all my family members, I felt Lonely...I never show it out, what I feel…I always act as if I am strong and is right there with them…But, in real…My inner heart was wishing hard…If only I was away from them…from everybody…from my family…

But then, something that I got to realize this time was… “At the end of the day, everybody would have their own priorities and favourites…and You shouldn’t expect people to care for you the same way as You might care for them…”… As I had said once before, I am a Sentimental Idiot…and wish to always get lots of pampering and love and support, atleast from those who I pour my affection…When, small instances of opposing character comes up, I get upset, inside..while outside I might be boldly fighting it off…

This time, confrontations were many…In just 5-6 days, I had to listen to atleast 3-4 different opinions to matters pertaining to my life…When somebody blindly confronted for her sister; somebody confronted for herself and some others for people who they have NO remote idea what the truth could be…Everybody had reasons…and that was, THEY CARED MORE FOR THEM…atleast tht was what I understood…Nobody actually thought twice, if there was substance on the other side…A display of Partiality, maybe…So, at the end, I had to defend myself…for my behavior, for my cause…As I felt, I was getting cornered, I felt as if I was choking to death…fighting off the tears that could have burnt down my charade was difficult…still…

I can’t blame anybody…Bcoz, after all, even if it was me, I too would do the same…even if someone try pointing out mistakes of my loved ones, I might fight back…But what was hurting was, all those people who confronted me, where the same loved ones, that I would have sacrificed my life for…I felt sad, when not a single person, actually saw what I might be going through…As they preached hard on the Universal Theory of “TAKE IT SILENTLY…BY FIGHTING BACK, U R LOOSING YOUR CREDIBILITY” or “WE SUPPORT HIM, BCOZ WE KNOW HE IS NICE…” etc etc…But then, what I don’t understand is…How can somebody take Insult and Hatred continuously, without at some point losing your cool…(Maybe I need to learn to do that)…How can somebody judge a person just for the way he/she behaves to them, when it is a completely different person who is seeing the Real self of the other…How can we judge if “All that Glitters is Gold…”

Ok, I am frustrated..or rather was frustrated…Now, I am fine..back in my space…I can live my life without hollow advices or one sided judgments…

As on the update…My dad is fine now…He is discharged from Hospital and is slowly recovering, with strict restrictions on Food, highly monitored and controlled exercises and medication…He is feeling terrible with this State of Health, but then he’s slowly getting used to reality…

My Uncle’s son’s marriage and reception party went on well…and amidst hospital duty, I could attend the function, as dad was forcing me to attend them as he felt, it wasn’t right for us to not attend it…Especially, when dad was in ICU and all that I was or could do was sit outside in the corridors…

My Aunt’s daughter got engaged to the North Indian boy…finally…The boy had proposed to her years back and she never accepted it knowing her father hated love marriages…But years later…when the boy again approached my uncle directly with his interest to marry my cousin…my uncle gave it a thought…Finally, he said YES, when he realized that it was always better to send her daughter with somebody who love her more than her wealth…A Ring Exchange function was arranged in Short Notice…and I felt so happy seeing her smiling face…She was happy…so was he…

A day of Strike by the Communist Party made the roads almost near to empty and I had no more time to finish my House Visits…So after years, I drove a Scooter, as getting out into the roads in a car meant, you could get a shower of stone rain any time by the party workers…Borrowed from my cousin, the Hero Honda Pleasure was really cool… I took my son around, who enjoyed the bike ride too (he wouldn’t just get down from it later)…It was fun…but..left me with a bad Sun Tan, bad back pain (my earlier issue was already worsening with the Hospital duty and this might have aggravated it…Lol, I know, I was not supposed to ride a scooter with Neuro problem)…

And hey, I met an Old Friend…almost after 15-18 years…and guess what, He was the first one to propose me his love…at the age of 11…heheh!!! He was shocked to see me after this many years…He said, I have changed a lot in my looks, but still the same in my behavior and nature (grr…he meant my non-stop talking…)…He was so happy that we met…and thanked me for initiating the meeting…Thanks to him, that he never forgot me…Bcoz, on the phone, as soon as I mentioned a common friend’s name…he asked if it was me…sooo, that was nice…He is into TV Anchoring and stuff now a days and saved some Autorikshaw charges when he happily volunteered to be my Chauffeur, lol!!! We shared some nostalgic memories from our childhood and that was nice and refreshing…

So on the whole, I have had lot of bad times and some really good times too…While I regret some of them, I am happy some others did happen…As for the good things that happened would stay in my heart and would make me fresh…and the bad things would teach me to be strong and even change myself, atleast in some way or other…Whatever said and done…

I am back…and I am fine…

Thanks to You, U & Youuuuu...

2011-04-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

I still can’t imagine that today actually happened in my life…and how could I sit in front of this computer, now at this hour of the night and find the strength to put my experience down into pages… I have seen almost all sort of emotions a human being could take in…In a single day…not that, I was ever devoid of all sort of mixture of experiences…but today…it all just happened…and I was going through it…a crowd was around me as a support, still I felt I was alone…why…bcoz a life was at stake at the other end of my story…Life of my father…

What were the emotions that I went thru today…if I try jotting it down…I had to act as if I was the most happiest when I was almost bursting into tears…I joked and had fun, when my heart burned…I wished if I could know what was going to happen the next moment…I feared the worst…tears, smiles, fears, uncertainty, confusion, doubt, blankness and after everything relief and happiness…that was my last 24 hours…I wanted to put it into words, so that someday years later, I could read it and realize the value of so many things, that we may otherwise tend to forget…

Yesterday at around 1600hrs I was on my way back from office…if u guys remember, I had posted in my last blog that I was travelling… happily looking forward for the short but surely the sweetest trip, I was hurrying to reach home…and … I found myself stuck in traffic..just because some stupid driver decided to drive harshly and bang against other cars blocking the whole road…crossing the traffic, I was just minutes away from my home… I knew my mom and son was almost ready to start to the Airport…TRINGGGG…TRINGGGGGG…. I hated
that ring tone always…but this time…as I saw my aunt’s name blinking, I disconnected the call and gave a ring back…expecting a cheerful “WHEN WILL U REACH…”…but…what I heard was… “Dear, Jeeju is not feeling well…we are taking him to hospital… might have to admit him…”… Shocked, I was… “What…Aunty…What…What happened to dad…???”… Whatever she said went above my head…before I could even imagine tears tickled my cheeks…and I was trying hard to see the road through the tears…I just knew one thing… “DON’T LET MOM KNOW, TILL WE REACH INDIA…”

Wiping tears and putting on a false smile I entered my home…and the moments after that were nothing less that torture…my mom, who was so excited about the trip and impending marriage…was busy…getting dressed, doing last minute packing…adding some extra things… arranging Sari..and so on…I was trying hard to walk around…my tears transformed into anger and I kept on finding faults in my son or anything around me and I shouted for no reason…my brother who soon came in screamed at me and warned me not to give even a hint of the bad news to Mom…I continued acting…. A total of 12 hours I went on so…early morning 4…we were almost about to land…I succeeded in hiding the news from my mom…

As my mom started making plans for what she would be doing once she reach…I had to tell…I said… “Mom, lets not make plans..we might have to go somewhere else…” and the first drop of tears fell off my eyes…Mom might have known something was not right…She gave me few moments before she asked me WHAT…I could not say much…just that dad might not come to pick us up at airport…as he was planning to go for a checkup at the hospital…I lied saying dad had called to inform the same…She knew, things were not that simple as I tried putting forth… After 4 hours…I found myself standing in front of Intensive Cardiac Care Unit…I wanted to see my dad…I wasn’t allowed…as they wanted the doctor to let us know what is the course of action…

101 advices were drowning me… “Don’t listen to the doctor…Your father was absolutely fine…If they ask to do some Angioplasty…Don’t agree…The doctors just want to squeeze money out…” and so on went the suggestions…all of them loved my dad a lot and just didn’t want to think that he might be really sick…at the end, my cousin said… “Don’t listen to anything…u talk to the doctor urself..and then u decide what to be done…”…Tears wouldn’t just stop…occasional dramatic laughs did try to relieve me off the pain I was going through…(remember, my mom was still not even half aware of the situation and was at home waiting for an information from me…)…Empty stomached and sleepless me was waiting with praying heart for some positive news….But…

As the main doctor dashed out, he just said… “He will be taken to the Cath Lab in an hour…for Angiogram…We can decide what next only after the Angiogram…”… “But Doctor…” uhmm No answer…he just dashed out…I knew…It wasn’t easy moments for me…As I stared at the doctor walking off, a Nurse came behind us… holding the Consent paper asking for an authorized signature…I woke up as if from a trance…and declared… “NO…I WOULDN’T AGREE TO SIGN UNTIL AND UNLESS I CAN MEET MY DAD…”..thus they let me into the ICCU…and I saw my dad there with wires on both hands… He behaved normal… “When did u reach…where is mom…where is your son…I have no problem…they are mad…unnecessarily admitted me and now wants all sort of stuff
done…”… I just said… “Uhm…now u just keep quiet… I will give you a piece of my mind once you are out of here…Now, tell me..they have asked for an Angio..Can I sign the consent letter…”…Just an Hmmm came as an answer…I knew, my acting skills was coming to an end…I just walked out of the Unit… crying hard against my aunt’s chest…Mom needed to be informed atleast now… She was told if not everything, atleast something…

As we waited outside the Cath Lab for a positive news from the doctors… seconds felt like months and minutes like years… relatives kept on pouring and the mobile phone kept on ringing..and I kept on crying…bcoz, every time, I was trying to keep myself together, I was losing it… remember, my brother couldn’t manage to get his leave to come for the marriage…and even my hubby was out of station for official reasons…Basically, it was just me and mom…who was actually destined to face it … Trust me; my mom’s sister, my aunt didn’t leave us for a second in spite of her high fever…My dad’s brother, my uncle was continuously trying to cheer me up with hugs and jokes…I tried my level best to be strong or atleast act that I was strong…

Soon the doors opened…I was called in…my aunt joined me in…Good or bad news…I was just about to hear… Bad news…Dad had some 4 blocks and needed immediate action…A Bypass or an Angioplasty…I could see my father on the operation table, all awake…he was still connected to the instruments of Angiogram, I suppose… I said…”I want Mom to see dad before we tell mom what is the truth…We will go for Angioplasty…But let mom
meet dad first…”…As my aunt was coaxing my mom to come inside, I went near my dad and started talking some stupid stuff…Like.. “ha, dad, u didn’t put on ur hair dye…when people come to visit u, they will make fun of u…Enjoy this royal treatment… bcoz once u r out of hospital…u will not get this much extra care…” I laughed…holding my tears behind that broad stupid smile…He too acted well… but wasn’t as good as me…bcoz soon I saw tears trickling down his eyes…and I was done…

As I dashed out…I wasn’t quick enough to hide my tears from my Mom who was walking in…NOW, she knew, things are not good… I saw my mom coming out almost as soon as she went in…She couldn’t dare stand near dad…seeing his tears…neither could she act well and hide her tears…She just wept… “I don’t want to see…”As I walked all alone through the busy corridors to pay the advance amount of above 200 thousand, I thanked my Gods for the credit card I was holding…If not for that, what would I have done at that moment…Neither my uncle nor my aunt would have been able to arrange that amount within minutes of the decision…my brother was almost continuously calling me on phone, anxious to know WHAT…As I reached the billing, I was crying…inconsolably…yet none to console other than my brother on the other line of the phone…I knew people were staring at me… Sympathetic glances reached me…

As soon as the Receipt was given to the Nurse, think they might have started the procedure…I couldn’t face my mom…I could see her at one corner of the area…I walked off to another part of the hospital...cried… Spoke on the phone with my loved ones…It wasn’t a relief…but yet, I had someone to cry to…I knew I was putting anybody who spoke to me on phone in pain too…but I needed some wall to lean against… Concern also grew for my uncle…who also had recent medical issues and was sitting with us without any food or medicine for almost 8 hours now…and he wouldn’t budge unless I decide to eat something…my cousin who was to be married in 2 days came in and finally, I forced everybody to go down to the canteen for some lunch leaving my cousin at the Cath Lab door…tears was in generous amount…still…we managed to swallow something…

My aunt’s fever was rising and her face looked like hell due fatigue…neither would she listen, when we asked her to go home and take rest…and again… TRINGGG… “Doctor wants to see you…Please come fast”…I ran without even properly washing my hands...leaving my uncle and mom …warning both of them to finish the lunch…Like before, I and aunt entered the Cath Lab Monitors room and it was Good news..finally…Angioplasty was over.. successfully… the doctor’s words were… “I should say..by god’s grace, we had no complications…else it could have been really bad…”…he further showed us the Visual video of the heart blocks and later the procedure and finally my dad’s block-free heart, its veins and the blood flow…As I watched, I could see thru the glass door, my dad in the other room and he was trying hard to wave at me…I waved too…

As I walked out, I could see my mom’s anxious face… looking for good news...and I burst into a scream…crying hard with joy and relief…As I hugged my mom…we both cried…and as I turned towards my uncle…for the first time the whole day…I saw my uncle, holding onto the handles of the chair and trying hard to control his tears…as I hugged him…he too cried inconsolably…It was tears of relief…and joy…I saw my aunt, immediately passing the information to my brother and husband…the corridor was filled with people who loved us...who loved my dad… That moment, I knew…All of them, was trying hard to support me and my family by not breaking down in front of us and scaring us more… But, now…we were celebrating…We all thanked god, for showing us the problem in the right time and giving us a chance to rectify…

Love you God… and thanks a lot for your care and blessings you showered upon my dad and us…
Love you my family…and thanks a lot for all your support and prayers…
Love you doctors…and thanks a lot for all the extra effort that you took to keep me consoled and informed…
Love you, you and you especially… for the concern filled calls and the consoling and the support and the prayers and the offers to help; physically, financially and mentally…

My dad would be right now sleeping safely in that ICCU…and soon I can meet him in the ward by tomorrow afternoon… My mom is right at the door steps of that ICCU, just in case he wants her in the night…But…

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." I would never want to do that and today all I want to repeatedly say ...

My Heartfelt Thanks to you, you and you...

NB: What happened to my dad was…once he came for this vacation for my cousin’s marriage, as he climbed up and down the stairs (which never happened abroad – as he used the lift and had no Exercises at all)..he was experiencing a sort of uneasiness while breathing…As he said this to my aunt, she asked my dad to see a doctor who was a relative too…He doubted some problem and asked to do some blood reports and ECG…A variation in the ECG along with high Sugar and Cholesterol revealed a shocking truth…that my father had already had a Heart Attack…due the high Sugar level, it was never noticed…In Medical world, it is usually termed as Silent Attack … If at all, he hadn’t come for this vacation…he would have never had any exertion and wouldn’t have noticed such uneasiness and we would have never known that he was being silently attacked by dangerous blocks in his heart…

The Bow-Bow Lady...

2011-04-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

OK OK…I AM LAZY…or rather OFF mood…or maybe LOST…or BLANK…uhmm… why simply beat around the bush…Let me just admit…I didn’t post any blog for an endless list of reasons which might not sound good enough for you…So I am just shutting myself up from trying to explain myself…Haa…afterall that was what I was told to…U DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS MUCH…Gosh, how can I be so…God Knows…

Things haven’t been too good at my end…After all those different ailments I had, I am now finally roaming around like ZOMBIE with a LONG BROAD NECK…haa..A collar..the last thing I wanted…and the first thing the doctor wanted…At times, I think, why do the doctors have to be so sweet, when they have different plans for the unlucky idiot sitting in front of him…In my case..Lemme change the Idiot part to Unlucky Innocent Young Sweetheart…hmmm..(coughing…I am sure, many of u want to, too…)

Ok, so, I have been having this pain behind my back…just below the neck and at different points where the arms intersect with my shoulder and the back…The positions are such strange places that my poor little hand could never reach those points to press or massage them myself…Naturally, I had to resort to every TOM, DICK & HARRY…bcoz the Shame (I should be having being a woman…) was much less compared to the Pain I have…rather the Attack of Pain…

People might frown or stare at me in disbelief when I ask the Philipino Colleague to just hit my back at that specific point…or when I ask any one of the random person passing by me in my office to just push their finger into my neck…Or when I leaned against the Tissue paper box kept behind my back...What to do, I couldn’t care less..bcoz the pain was and is that bad…even as I am jotting this down…my neck is killing me and how I wish I had somebody around me to hit me right now over there…They have all gone for a seminar…Why am I here…OH, missed telling u tht…I couldn’t go…BCOZZZZZZZZ….I am travelling today…heheh!!!To my Grandpa…that’s the happy part..Sad part is before I could open my eyes, I would be back here, sitting in front of this computer again…As I am going just for 4 days and that too to attend my first cousin’s marriage…So the trip is going to be hectic…hmmm…

So back to my Neck…So, this pain was hurting me once a while before..but from last 1-2 months, the frequency rose..and it so reached a point when I knew, I could take it NO MORE….I dashed into the Ortho department and put forward my case in a hope of having a miraculous quick recovery…After the Xray…the doctor confirmed something…hehe!!! I am a Girl who wouldn’t bend her Spines…grrr….All my life, I have heard people saying…Don’t bend your spine (when somebody behave too geeky…)…In my case, the issue was that the so called Cervical Spine which should be having a Curve, doesn’t have that natural curve and that along with my working style (on computers mostly)…contributed to inflammate the whole of my back in such intense manner that immediate Physiotherapy along with Pain Killers was the first set of treatment…

Physiotherapy sessions were cool…How I wished…I could buy one of those machines, which gave such relieving vibrations on the area that was hurting me…But unfortunately, my hope for a sudden magical disappearance of my pain didn’t happen…Thus after 2 weeks of physio, the doctor asked me sweetly, “Will it be OK for you to wear a collar…”…Proudly I said… “Collar…haa..people can see that right??? That’s a shame…NOOO…no need…”…Doctor replied… “OK…But u have to wear IT…” …I couldn’t believe it…I thought he was asking my permission…”But doctor…”….he didn’t let me finish the lines… “NO Buts, dear…wear it…and I advise that u remove it only while bathing and sleeping…Continue with painkillers and another set of physio …”

Grrr….The next working day, the Zombie entered the office…grrrr…I didn’t mind wearing it…but explaining it to others was hectic…I stopped myself from even walking to the Washroom, just in case another person decided to show their sympathy…Anyways, in between, the SELF-PROCLAIMED DOCTOR MIND in me, decided that I can survive even without the collar…SO I removed it…and the pain rouse again…Back to the doctor’s room I reached 6 days back…

This time, doctor was more worse…5 injections every alternate day…I had to show my back every alternate day to the Nurse for them to mercilessly inject those red coloured fluid into my back…IT IS PAINFUL…I am just done with the 3rd yesterday eve…and trust me, its not a good experience…Even the feeling of this fluid getting into ur body is as if a thousand needles being pricked into ur skin….I am surviving…Need to undergo an MRI scan too…the Insurance approval came in yesterday and happily, I dint get appointment for MRI…they are toooooo busy….uhm…As I am travelling, need to wait till I come back…and then again ask for a Re-Approval…grrr…

Trust me, friends…my hubby jokingly said.. (I do fear it seriously)…Next time, when the Insurance guys see my application for renewal, they are going to REJECT me…As they have had seen my name almost every month and should have byhearted my whole history by now…I am tooooooooo expensive for them…They might be still blaming their ill fate for providing me their insurance at the first place…But, really…THANK GOD…I AM INSURED…hehe!!

So, now you guys can understand me, right???…Why wasn’t I updating my blog…Its not easy to keep typing with this band around my neck…as if somebody is trying to squeeze air out of my lungs…Having food is worst…My imagination really goes wild with new ideas after this…I started imagining a ' Police Machine in my throat…which stops all sort of Food Items and then ask them…Pay your Toll amount and then proceed…they pay it and then find their way to my stomach'…Oh yes, I am not exaggerating..the collar really stopped the food at my throat and I could feel it move down slowly from there…and I hated it…So, I gave a slight change to the Doctor’s exception List…

“Remove it Whenever I feel like…” heheh!!!

Am I not coolllllll…??? Ohhhh, how I love my Intelligent Brain…

By the by, forgot to mention….I am giving rest to my collar buddy for the next five days…I wouldn’t want to spoil my Cool Cool Image when I am back home and Never when I am clad in the Sari and instead of Gold Jewellery walk around with the Neck Collar…I can imagine them imagining me to be _____in the collar...lol!!! What if they realise some similarity or even resemblance....NOOOO!!!! I cant risk earning a new nick name this time…

The Bow-Bow Lady…

Love You...

2011-04-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

I wasn’t anywhere near the TV…not bcoz I was not a Cricket Maniac…but, I was scared…Lol…yes, I was scared, what IF I proved unlucky for India…I felt, Maybe IF I watch India might not win…Am I right or wrong, doesn’t matter any more…bcoz, India WON…Hurrayyyyyyyyy…Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…they won…Team India kissed the world cup earlier tonight on behalf of billions of Indians all around the world…All my love and respect going towards them…uhmm… Guess what, I am not a cricket craze…Still, I do understand how a match proceeds and all that…but then, just that, I would spare myself off the tension it can give me…I wouldn’t want to cut down 100 days off my life just by watching a match…Yeah, that’s what I believe…the tension that it creates in one’s mind just by viewing it at any point of time is sooo unimaginable that, I would prefer staying away from the TV then…lol…!!!

Would you believe if I said...

1. Mom and myself had to resort to some neighbors house during such important cricket matches…Just bcoz my dad felt, we might be unlucky for the team…and IF unfortunately we were inside our own homes, and IF India lost a wicket, when I was walking by or sneezing or laughing or eating or for that matter, doing anything…My dad would immediately scream at me saying… “BCOZ SHE DID THAT…WHAT MORE TO EXPECT…”…Dad was that big a superstitious person when a match happened…

2. My brother once stood in one position till the match finished, just bcoz he felt, India was taking off the opponents wickets when ever he stood so…hehe!!!

3. My brother made me say smthing against the opponent team, just bcoz that day he felt, what I said was happening…especially, the day when I asked him innocently…”WHAT IF A BOWLER GETS ALL WICKETS FOR HIMSELF…”…my brother ridiculed it wasn’t that easy and miraculously Kumble did it on the same day…I was thanked ..uhm…

4. No one ate dinner till a match was over…just bcoz, some felt, that eating might take off the luck…grrr..

5. A telephone ring was like an uninvited Earthquake…and whoever was the caller earned himself not so small a wrath…

Lol…maybe due all these experiences during childhood, made me have an aversion to watching cricket…But that never spoiled my spirit in wishing that Team India should win…Being an Indian, naturally, I always wished ONLY India should win…but then, bcoz I never showed it out…when India lost I just blamed my brother and father for watching the match and making them lose…hehee!!!! And if they won, I enjoyed with them watching the Prize distribution….lol!!!

This worldcup, even IF I dint watch a single match, my heart was trembling during the India-Pakistan SemiFinal…More like a war, the match was of great importance to both the countries, na…and this time my superstition too worked…I noticed, whenever I looked for the scores in my blackberry, India was taking off a wicket…So, seriously, I tried refreshing my Blackberry, just to see, if my Superstition was true…As I was busy in so many other things, I could get back to my BB only once a while..and I noticed, every time I refreshed their came a cheer from the Indian side…one more player being sent to the Gallery… When my hubby too noticed it, he even started saying, check ur BB…but then, I dint…During the last over, I went to watch it on the TV along with whole family...As I took my BB along with, I just felt like refreshing it…(Trust me, no other thoughts..India was already winning…)…Immediately my husband said…”Now, NO need…India is winning…”… but then…CRACKKKKKKKKKK….and it was an OUT….My husband was staring at me…India took the last wicket too…My husband joked, “IF they get U and ur blackberry they will throw u into an erupting Volcano…”…trueeeee….!!!

As for the Finals earlier today, my brother took an OFF from work, as he believed, India WON whenever he watched Cricket from home TV…My husband sacrificed food…I stayed inside my room without touching my BB (lol, what IF it was the other way round this time…)…Still, I had a shock when I changed the TV channel in my room to a channel which was showing LIVE scores…The moment I changed channel, India lost a wicket…grrr…that made me NOT even change the channel till the end…When my brother called me to watch the last overs…I screamed… “NOOOOOOO, LET INDIA WIN…I am scared…”…I heard my dad saying…”Ya, Ya…Don’t come…”…

As the game was approaching the last overs, I started grating the apples for an Apple Halwa…As I walked towards the kitchen, I saw…Even my mom who knew nothing of cricket….was watching the last over from her room TV….I was surprised… “MOM, U TOOO??? DO U KNOW ANYTHING OF CRICKET” …She replied… “Yes, I don’t know…still…Only 6 more runs needed…I am also getting tensed…So I am watching….”….LOL!!!!

By the time, I poured the grated Apple into the hot Pan…I heard my brother shout for me… "Didi, commmme….last ball….” …I ran to the hall room…and witnessed the glorious Sixer in our 42inch Plasma TV…Every single person in front of the TV stood up…not knowing, should we shout or scream…or cry…Then we all broke into a dance…a Mad Dance…. with my son running all around us…Yippeeeeeeeeee….

I could see nothing other than Team India…

I could hear nothing other than their screams…

I could feel nothing other than their Victory…Our Victory

Team India, We Love youuuu....Love you all for making us proud...

But I smelled something else…Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk....

My Apple Halwaaaaaaaaa!!!

NB: After that, we took off in our 4WD for a city tour…the roads were mad with Indian drivers…with Indians…screaming and shouting and honking and what not…We too screamed at the top of our voice…CHAK DEEE INDIA….So many strangers were relatives then…everybody smiled and waved and showed Hurrayyyyy as we returned the gesture…My son was not behind either…It continued till the Police started blocking every exits and frantically issuing Traffic Fines…Uhmm…I am sure, the Police might have got a biggggg amount as Fines itself…

As for my Halwa, I could save it at the nick of the time…It came out well…Once we were back home from the drive, we sweetened our taste buds with my Halwa….Chak De Indiaaaaaaaaaaaaa….Love you, Team India...

Marriage...??? Naaah!!!

2011-03-27T03:14:00.000-07:00

Marriage was not my priority, EVER…infact, I was against the idea of getting married, when I actually got married…Unlike other girls from my family, I wasn’t roaming around with the billboard saying “Looking for a Groom”… The dark situations that me and my family had to cross was the reason behind that…I wanted to financially settle before getting into any bondage of marriage…Even when I realized, I was loving somebody, I stopped myself…trying to think PRACTICALLY…I knew, it wasn’t something that my closed ones would be happy about…Moreover, marriages were expensive and I didn’t want any extra expense because of me for my family…

But for some strange reason…That February…my mother suddenly had this enlightening thought, that I was getting really old…and its time, they should think about my marriage…Not much questions were asked to me..as they knew, my answer would be NO to a marriage…(the financial burden a marriage could cause + my secret love for my LOVE was the reason behind…)…. Mom was not bothered, if I like it or not..she was having this dream of seeing her daughter going to Sasural…Thus, during that short trip to home country, my mother advertised in the local Newspapers “Seeking good alliance from NRI boys for an NRI girl”…

The response shocked me…the telephone never stayed on its cradle those days…continuously…I saw my mom writing down details of the caller and asking many of them to send their Horoscopes to check for proper Horoscope match…I just ignored the whole stuff…as I was hoping that nothing work out…infact I prayed for the same…Neither could I hurt my mom by showing out my displeasure, nor could I do anything to calm my heart…When I saw, that some of the horoscopes were matching too, I knew, trouble was not far away…I immediately booked my flight back claiming I had to get back to work immediately….

But, what should happen, should happen and would happen on the right time…I had to face it…Thus, the very next week of my return flight…the first GENTLEMAN came home…THE OFFICIAL Bride & Groom Meeting…Lets name him XX…I wasn’t asked by anyone for any opinion…I was just told Mr. XX is coming on Friday to see you…From tit bits of my mom’s conversation, I understood this guy is a General Manager at some company and is also pursuing his MBA from Australian University…I even got to see his picture…Gosh, the first statement that came to my mouth was…he looked like a WHITE COCKROACH….I immediately told mom…”NO, THIS GUY IS NOT FOR ME…"

He was handsome…very very fair…(hey, I am wheatish in complexion…and If I marry him, we would never be a good match to watch…He was not so tall in appearance…when I was real tall…he was more to the plumper side while I was the extreme Thin side…On the whole, I knew we were NOT A MATCH)…. To be frank, apart from the looks, I knew, be it him or anybody else…I might not be able to accept it with full heart…bcoz….

Anyways…finally…on Friday, Mr. XX came home, with his sister and family…(He had seen my picture and liked me too much…So if nothing else went wrong, this proposal could be fixed…) I sat in my room, till I was asked to go out and meet them…It was weird for me…As I was doing something completely against my wish…But, I couldn’t show my displeasure, bcoz that would hurt my family…I could hurt myself, but not them… I was asked to take him to my bedroom and have some talk….The only time, I might get to talk openly, before the elders decide what to be done…I made him sit on a Chair and I sat on the bed…facing each other…we started…rather he started…

Mr. XX – I am XX, working at XXX…U r working at ___ right???

Me – Yes…as a ____...

(Mr. XX continued with some Blah blah on himself and stuff…and finally shot the question I was waiting for…)

Mr.XX - Do you have anything to ask me or tell me…

Me - Yes…Let me be open…I really doesn’t wanna get married…But I am doing it for my parents…as they wanna see me married…But, there r some things u should know…My father had so many financial issues in the past and I decided to support him…So if I get married, I DON’T WANT my husband to stop me from doing the same…So, if I get married to you…I would expect, u should know this…

(and so I continued…clearly letting him know that I AM NOT READY FOR A MARRIAGE….)

He was taken aback, I knew from his face…(He was disappointed and depressed from what I knew, when his parents spoke to my family later)…He gave me a lecture on family and stuff…and tried putting some light into my head…into my disregard for marriage…He asked me to be Positive and hope everything will be alright with time…and so on….

Anyways…he left…and when I openly told my parents what I spoke to him, they knew, this marriage is not going to happen…What followed was a downpour...from all sides of my family...I wasnt physically abused...but that was all that was remaining...other than that, none of relatives lost a minute in scolding me for my Loose Talk...I felt sad, when I realised none really wanted to understand me or...My mom knew me, but she knew, she wouldnt be able to help...

What ever...still I knew it...I won…I won the first battle...I was victorious in chasing out the prospective groom...My family still jokingly say...not even a grass would grow on the road through where that Boy ran....I had scared him that horribly...lol!!!What ever...I was happy...I won....

BUT…

It was Urgent...

2011-03-22T05:11:00.000-07:00

We are the favourite - official Tour Operators for any relatives who make a visit to this country…Its been always so…Thanks to my hubby who loved to drive his 4wd…So it was easy…Anybody who landed at the airport expected that we would be there to take them around…atleast, somewhere…and before they even thought, we were READY…This time it was my mom’s cousin…She came to visit her daughter and family…Due some strange reasons, all she did was sit at home…

Naturally, my mom, felt bad…after coming here..to this City of Dreams, still if she go back without a decent Sight-seeing…that was silly and bad…Thus, Aunt S was invited home to stay for 2 days…and we promised ourselves, that we shall take her around…and show her some glimpses of this city…We DID fulfill our promise too…but still there was so much to see and so very little time in hand…days were so near to her departure date…back to home country…We felt bad again…ha, she hasn’t yet seen many of the beautiful shopping malls…Finally, I and hubby decided to take one day leave from work and take her for a quick Shopping Mall cum City Tour which also included a Metro and Mono Rail Ride…

As luck would have it…I fell terribly sick on the same day…I had to leave the Sight-Seeing group at one of the malls to rush to the doctor, all by myself in the car…So the plan was…they would take the Metro to the next mall and wait for me there…I happily went to the doctor…got checked and found the problem…happily took the prescription for medicines from him and drove to the mall…As I approached the Mall parking, I telephoned the gang which comprised of my mom, hubby and aunt…and informed them of the Parking Level where they could find me…

It was mid afternoon…the sun was too strong, that I almost wished if I had a Sunglass ON…It was at that moment…Suddenly, out of no where…there it came…the unexplainable…un controllable…feeling…What to do…I was in a dilemma…I knew, who to be blamed - the infection and the medicines ...I couldn’t stay a minute more in that car…I parked the car in a jiffy and rushed towards the mall in look out for the nearest Toilet…

The mall’s temperature was sooting…but, my eyes took some time to adjust…haaa…from the Hot bright sun to the Cold Normal-lit Mall…an envelope of blindness rushed into my eyes and head…but I had no time to stay back to adjust myself…I had to rush…the urge was kicking me from behind…From the 3rd floor I rushed to the 2nd floor…and looked just around the Exit gate and found the Toilet signboard to the left…I ran around the Escalators and reached the entrance of the Toilets…I saw the Gents toilet signboard to the left side and a Handicapped toilet signboard for ladies to the right…

I dint have any more patience to find the Normal Entrance for the Ladies Toilet….I rushed in…banged the door close…threw away my purse into door’s latch and proceeded to the Toilet…Once I was out of the Loo, I looked around to admire a Handicap Toilet…Oh, its soo clean and beautiful…and spacious…not like those narrow toilets that we otherwise used…It also had Mirrors, Wash Basins and what not…Wow…this is cool..if only I had a crutches, I could use this one every time..I wondered….

As I was getting fascinated with the toilet, I heard my mom and aunt’s voice outside the toilet door…I could hear them asking somebody where was the Ladies Toilet…Ah, so I don’t have to go around looking for them..they are right there…I got out immediately and found that aunt was in a hurry to get into the washroom…They were also surprised to see me coming out of the toilet…I exclaimed, “Hey Aunt, u can use this..only issue is..this is actually meant for Handicapped”…After a few moments’ thought, Mom declared…NO, it’s a shame..we will go to the other side of the escalator to the Ladies Toilet..and they left the scene…

As I was walking out, I saw my husband sitting in a bench below the escalators…He had one of those grumpy looks in his face…As I walked towards him…He showed face as if to say “Aren’t u ashamed of yourself…”…Ha…so he was not so happy that I used the Handicap Toilet…I was a bit irritated…here, I was suffering from severe infection and was literally rushing off to get into a toilet…and there, hes acting so insensitive…How mean…As I walked towards him, in an authoritative tone, I assured…

“So what…I really had no time to get into the normal one…and there was nobody waiting here also…So what, if it is for Handicap…”

He said…”Have some Shame…People were staring at you…”

As I answered, I took my seat near him facing the toilets…”Ohh, let people stare, they should understand, it was that urgggggg….”

That was the moment, I noticed the signboard….What were the emotions that came on my face at that moment, even I cant explain now…But my husband understood that I hadn’t seen what he had already seen….

I almost wished, if I could melt into thin air…as I unbelievingly stared at the signboard again to confirm…that it was ..

The Toilet for Handicapped Men….

NB: Maybe my urgency to get into the toilet or maybe my dazed eyes as I came in from the hot sun made me not actually realize it was the Gents Toilet….Or maybe seeing the Gents toilet to the left, I might have assumed that it SHOULD be Ladies Toilet to the right…WHATEVER, all I could do after that was…DISAPPEAR….as my husband was all set to send a FLASH NEWS to all friends and relatives …

My TTDBIS List...

2011-03-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

Now a days, I am being too much of a follower of fellow bloggers…uhm, somehow, I end up connecting myself with the posts these blog friends of mine post after much thoughts…Thanks to their creative thinking, that it saves me from thinking hard for a topic… Trust me, whenever I read through many blogs, I feel, “Gosh, I have so much to say about this one thing about my life too”…But then, I feel guilty… I used to feel, that is not right, taking up somebody else’s topics….But then, now I feel…Why not…I am not copying their post…I am just talking on the Subject matter…like a Critic…who criticize or express their views on anything and everything that is not of their concern, lol!!!….So friends, if you get irritated seeing ur Subject in my blogs, apologies in advance…

Last time, Tomz helped me…and this time…Thanks to Bikram…I hope, all you guys continue working on those thinking caps and help me get a topic for my blog…So, this time Bikram suddenly thought of WHAT HIS BUCKET LIST WOULD BE if he had no more time to live…if his days were counted…and as I read them, I started wondering myself…What would be mine…How long could it be…and if it was really the case in reality for me…IF I was to die soon and I was adamant to fulfill my last wishes…how many of my wishes would really be fulfilled or COULD be fulfilled…

It wasn’t just few weeks back, that I had this sudden feeling that maybe indeed I am dying… It all started when the doctor asked me to do a test to rule out the chances of a Cancer for my sickness…Gosh, trust me, I was blank…worse was my family…and Google just worsened the situation…as I googled for symptoms, it matched most of the issues I had…I suddenly thought…Am I a Cancer patient…I was a Cancerian by birth, but couldn’t imagine myself as a Cancer patient..lol!!! But then, honestly, I also was surprised to see how calm I was…When my family was busy bribing all Gods for the test results to be normal…I was wondering, WHAT IF I WAS TO DIE SOON???

One day, when I was driving home with my hubby…I asked him… “What IF…” He was irritated with my question which was being shot at him every now and then…He said…SHUT UP…I said… “No, I am asking seriously…just in case…”…He replied that he didn’t know…I joked, ha..then u can marry someone whom ur mother prefer….Joke for me…NOT FOR HIM…His face just ignored me…and my dirty joke…So I continued thinking…and wondered…what were my TTDBIS – Things to do before I sleep…

TTDBIS 1

Make a list of people who should be informed of my death…I have some dear ones who are not known to my hubby or maybe not in touch now…So I thought, I should keep that list ready, so that it was easy for my husband to inform them…as I knew, such a news would make a difference to my dear ones’ life…

TTDBIS 2

Make a detailed report of those secret savings I have on my son’s name…I wouldn’t want my son to not receive them, just because nobody knew about such a thing…Eventhough, I didn’t reveal to my hubby what and where and how much…(lol, as for now, it’s a secret…else what fun in the surprise later)…I told him, “U should take care of it…”..Have to also decide on what to be done with my Gold Jewellery...(ofcourse, I am not planning to give it off to my husband's second wife, hehe!!!) Even had to clearly note down what to be done with my precious treasure...like my collection of greeting cards, gifts, chocolate wrappers, books, old diaries...

TTDBIS 3

Take a promise from hubby dear, that my son would be allowed to grow up with my mom…As both he and I know; nobody else could take care of my son as my mother could / would…

TTDBIS 4

By hook or by crook, do something to own a house (how much ever small it is…) and later present it to my mom…A house of our own is my mom’s dream…Afterall, we lost ours during hard times…and I could do nothing till date...

TTDBIS 5

Pack my bags and travel all ALONE atleast for 2 days… …rather…explore any place where NO ONE KNOW ME…and enjoy my indepenence...

TTDBIS 6

Buy gifts for all my loved ones…Gifts that would remind them of me even when I am not there…

TTDBIS 7

Speak out my heart openly to all my loved ones…all the bad things and the good things…

TTDBIS 8

Reveal to my family and friends that I HAVE A BLOG where I write crap….lol!!! (trust me, its among the wish list…I don’t think I can tell them before that…)…OH yes, forgot…I would also reveal in my blog WHO AM I and post some pictures of myself…

TTDBIS 9

I would write lots of letters for my son…Everything that I wanted to share with him as he grow up…My fears, my dreams, my losses, my gains, my strengths…if not anything…I would surely write everything about my Lost Love…something his father know, but might never share with him… The love that his mother has fakely reshaped into “friendship” and lived through… I want my son to know about that Man I loved and lost…I want my son to be friends with that Man and be with him too as he be with his own father…(ok, now this might sound crazy and stupid…but it’s the truth…)

TTDBIS 10 - Last but not the least….rather the most “difficult to happen” wish…

“Live a day” with the one I loved…better is Love…Bcoz I know, years may pass…my love for him or his love for me…shall never die…Be, life had different plans for both of us and we had to take different paths in our life…I want to spend atleast one day with him…Enjoy things that I always wished for…A Music filled home…Cook for each other…Long drive…Sunset in the Desert…I know, I might not have time to Travel around as he has always wished…But atleast just get into the aircraft and say Goodbye…

I am not sure, how many of you would approve of my TTDBIS list…I know, some of them, especially the last one sound weird and crazy and maybe an Anti-Traditional wish…But then, what to do…its my wish…I have hundreds of wishes that is in my heart today…Like travel and see beautiful places, own some expensive stuffs, enjoy some adventurous sports etc etc etc….but none of them are that important for me, as important as the above list…bcoz these are all worldly physical wishes…but when I am counting my days in this world…I prefer those wishes to top my list that are from my heart and in thought of my loved ones…

So, are you thinking now…are you wondering too…about that list…your own TTDBIS…

Things to do before I sleep…

NB: Ok guys, anyways...I am not going to die soon...as my results were Normal...But, if I am to die soon, for sure, I dont want this to be known by anyone else other than me...I hate seeing pain and tears in my loved ones eyes...At times, I wonder...maybe my 10th wish could also help me in one thing...maybe that would help my family to hate me and that would make my departure more easier and comfortable...for me...As for my Love, I could always give him only pain...may this be the last one...

Do you know him..???

2011-03-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Happened to pass by a new blog…Ok, now I have to admit, today was not a busy day at work…I had some free time and so naturally, I started going through blogs..and reached this new blog…He was sincerely describing some pathetic situations he had faced where he ended up being the laughing stalk of Colleague’s jokes…Now…that’s not uncommon…Natural, right…uhmm..atleast for me…IT WAS…

Fate took me to the Airport to work as a Ground Handling Agent for the International Airport in this country…woahhh…From the Ground Handling Agent's Uniform I grew to a prestigious Airline's high profile Uniform...was actually, in literal meaning, adopted by one of the European Airlines Group…Thus I reached their office…I was the only Asian “Girl”…rest of them were all Men or else Europeans…Naturally, the Indian Men had finally GOT someone to Target their jokes / pranks…I being a very NICE girl…the word NICE inside quotations…very often ended up wondering, why rest of them were laughing…while I never understood the joke…hehe!!!It was majorly attributed to my ignorance of the different SLANG Words used in Hindi language…especially words those had dirty or double meanings…grrrr…When they talked and laughed loud on such double meaning jokes, I would innocently look at their face…trying to understand head or tail of what they meant…and my Face made them laugh more…Oh, gosh…

Days passed…I was slowly but happily learning to interpret their jokes…Even if I was still innocent enough not to contribute, atleast I could share their laughs…At times, when I got stuck somewhere, I would use my charm, so that one of my colleague would explain to me Secretly what it meant….hehe!!! Each one helped me without others knowing…So, I was learning…The process was really difficult, friends…but still adventurous… and above all, filled with numerous EMBARASSING MOMENTS… If I start telling each one, I might need to publish a Novel on it…hehe!!! But this one below, I can’t help sharing…

One fine night (Ok, I had night shifts as the Departure time for the flight was something after midnight…)…I walked into the Office for the Pre-Flight preparations…and there, on the board was a big warning PRINT OUT…with the name of a passenger and his flight details. Usually, we very often get Security warning for some passengers who might have similar names to FBI Watchlist people. Such passenger’s passports are crosschecked and only after thorough Security checks they are allowed to board the aircraft…Normally, when I do my Pre-flight preparations I make a list of such possible Watch Lists on that day’s flight and keep it ready myself. But then, that night, I wondered, how come, and why such big Warning to be displayed…

As soon as, I started doing my work, came in the Duty Officer…He was like extremely serious..and said… “Dear, did u see that…He is Mr. Jones XXXX …He is flying in tonight’s flight…For no reason, he should be allowed to fly without you making a thorough check…He is extremely dangerous…You see, by hook or by crook, tonight you should hold Mr. XXXX at the check-in counters…” ….I could see that extra seriousness on his face and complete silence around me…All the other staffs were seriously listening to our conversation and was exclaiming “Oh..Mr. XXXX …God, hes travelling???”…” XXXX in our flight, very dangerous” etc etc… I wasn’t sure, but I felt freaked out…I could see some of them whispering and laughing on something…I sensed something wrong somewhere…but what??? NO IDEA…

Check-in counters opened 3 hours before departure time…I was waiting anxiously at the counters…to “CATCH” this so called Mr. XXXX….The Walkie-Talkie in my hand was busy that night…

“Calling Jzt…Calling Jzt…Location???”
“Check-in Counters. Over”
“Jzt, Have you got the passenger? Over”
“Negative, passenger still not reported. Over”
“Ok, Be on Alert. Report immediately. Over and Out”

Not one or two times…literally every 10 minutes one person or other made this Walkie Call for Mr. XXXX…I was almost out of my head by then…I knew, there was something that I was not missing…I could sense a hidden laughter in each of those calls…I felt, there was some big funny stuff in the entire issue…but what…grrr…I hated it…I had all sorts of weird thoughts…Maybe the Passenger is some world famous GAY…maybe he is some girl, whose name was of a man…Maybe, he was some Senior Staff of the Airlines from the Base station…I couldn’t wait longer…I couldn’t wait for the passenger anymore…

Walkie calls continued…Everybody who was listening to the conversation knew, I was getting desperate and freaked out…I sounded pathetic…It was then, I got a call on my mobile, from our Station Manager…He happened to be at office…One of the walkie which was in the office was screaming out in the loud speaker mode all these Public calls my colleagues were making to me…(Means, when they call me on Public Line, every single person holding the walkie could hear the other’s conversation…So if one message needed to be send to 3 people at 3 different location, we just had to make a single Public call…) So, my manager who heard the funny communications, couldn’t hold on any longer…and he had called me to rescue me…

“Jzt, What is happening?”
“I don’t know…Some passenger in Watchlist…unusually everybody is making big fuss…I was just worried…”
“Jzt, Don’t you speak Hindi…”
“Yes, I do…But why…This passenger is a British”
“If you understand Hindi, then what is the issue…They are just making fun of you…with the Passenger’s name”
“What…What is there is his name to make fun of me…”
“Oh, Jzt, what is that guy’s name…”
“Its Mr. Jones XXXX”
“And…?”
“And what…”
“You don’t know the meaning of XXXX??? !!!!”
“NOOOOO!!! ????”
“God, you are hopeless…I can’t explain any better… Please don’t ask anybody else… Ask any of your close friends…Bye…”

Grrr….I was lost…Now I knew, it was all a big prank…but I was still not getting the “Butt of the Joke..” … It was almost nearing midnight…and this hour of the night, which friend could I call…But I couldn’t bear it anymore…I had to know it…Finally…I called a good friend…grrr…and as soon as I heard his sleepy voice at the other end…I asked…

“Hey, Sorry to disturb now, yaar.But this is important…tell me something, I want to know something…Who is this LUND???...”

Utter Silence…and then ..... "WHATTTTTTTT???"

“Do you know him…???”

NB: The pic clearly explains my expression after my friend told me what it was all about...grrrrrrrrrrr....

You are a Woman...

2011-03-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

Many wished "Happy Woman’s Day"…I said Thank you…But then…Why…What is so great in wishing a Woman’s Day…the same people who wished me, are they really doing the required to a woman…Am I doing justice to my womanhood…Am I good enough to actually celebrate Woman’s Day…Anyways, no Feminist thoughts to share…just got irritated suddenly with an issue that is been making its round in my family…for quite some time now…Yes, a Woman from my own family is being Harassed and we as family members can do nothing more than get irritated and pass comments during long distance phone calls…

The only twins in my father’s family…She and her brother were total opposites in everything…starting from looks to intelligence…He was fair…and she was dark…He was handsome, when she was just OK…He was very intelligent and studious..while she was just somehow passing every classes from school to college… But then, for any criticisms that came her way, she fought with her tongue…Nobody could ever come out safely, if they dared to make fun of her…She would whip them with words…that was she…Lets call her K…

So, K grew up into a woman…and once she reached her graduation, her parents started looking for a groom for her…she was not good in her studies and they never expected her to finish her graduation and find some job…Naturally, the next thought would be Marriage…In our part of the world…Marriage meant Settling a Girl… (I always hated that…) … Proposals kept coming and going due 101 reasons like horoscope, education, looks, career and so on…Then through one of our aunt came A’s proposal… "A" was not so educated, but was an NRI…had a job and was GREAT enough to build his own 2 storied house near to his ancestral house...He was OK looking…

As such, the family status, was not matching… Our family was a well known family, who were considered among the High Class or atleast above Middle Class… and theirs was infact considered a below middle class family… The “class” never mattered to any of us as we all wanted a Loving Husband and a caring family for our K… Marriage was fixed…Engagement over…As K explained to me her would be’s character, I got that awful Negative vibe…I warned her, to be careful as this sort of character might not be easy to handle…Soon, she realized that…She told her mom to break the engagement as he was not what he seemed…her mom, like any other narrow minded orthodox person, got worried…and exclaimed… “NOOO, how can we do that…Its all ur imagination..he will be alright after marriage…He is just being over protective…” etc etc…

Now about A…After my first meeting with 'A'; months before their marriage, I clearly understood, his heart was filled with EGO and INFERIORITY COMPLEX… I could read between his lines, his uneasiness in knowing that we had close relatives who were quite rich…He was unhappy for the fact that, K had never gone through any financial problems…He had 101 rules that K should follow…and a 1001 – DON’T Dos… For some reason, he took me as a friend…I was worried, knowing him more…I tried making him see the love and affection the whole family had for K and inturn for him too…Still, something bit somehwhere…I knew it…This was not going to be smooth ride for K…But, it was too late for me or K to do anything about it…

Marriage Day…Minutes after he tied the knot, came the first blow…He was irritated and angry because of the flow of relative who stood to click a picture with the Bride and the groom…In front of those 100’s of guests, he threw off his garland and walked off to sit with his friends…K stood there, shocked…She told me the situation…I coaxed A to come back and behave befitting the situation…He agreed…But seeing his behavior, no more relatives approached anywhere near him for any more Photo Session…Everybody felt sad…and a bit upset and also worried for K…

Within days of marriage, more issues came up…'A' never left any reason to start a big fight with K’s parents and brother…He started abusing her family…If K’s mother was not smiling, he would start a fight saying K’s mother didn’t smile purposefully to insult him…If K’s brother was not standing when he was around, that too was to insult him…Such silly were the reasons for the fights… K started getting sandwiched between her husband and her family…The old talkative K changed…she was not less than any prey inside a Lion’s Den…She was scared of her husband and her husband’s family… To avoid issues, she started telling her family to adjust..for her sake…and so did they…afterall, they wanted her happiness…

To top things up, A’s family were worse…they too never left a chance to instigate their son against K and her family…Still, her parents and brother took every insult they showered on them just for the sake of K’s happiness…To be frank, during these days, they never told another member in our family about these problems…they kept everything to themselves…They thought, things would be better with time…

Now, 'A' was a double faced Man…he would behave the most sweetest and politest Man at one side and then show the complete opposite face the very next moment…So he was very well, behaving loving and caring to K too…inspite of all the filthy problems he was creating…Finally, K left with 'A' to his work place…Chatting and telephone calls were the only means of communication…We knew just what K let us know… Within an year, she became pregnant…He took care of her very well during the first few months of pregnancy…and then started issues, as she was travelling to India for her delivery…

Things unknown to us till then started opening up…We were shocked…’A’ had taken all Gold Jewellery of K just days after their marriage and had pledged them for money…After an year, he sold them off…Now, his next demand was to get hold of K’s parent’s house…Everybody knew, if they gave the house, then 'A' would sell it off immediately…They were not ready to take that risk… They stood by their words that the house will come to K with the condition that it was not sold off…Arguments and Fights depressed the happiness of their house…The last trimester of K turned to a nightmare with the constant fights and abuses…She had the most complicated delivery…

Her husband and her family was making her life hell with different silly reasons… Finally, our family, told her… “K, if you want, we can end this relation…and we will all be there with your decision…” … But shocking all of us… K said… “What do you all want me to do…Leave him and come and stay with my Parents and be a burden to them and my brother later… This marriage was not my decision…I begged to break this..That time, no one listened to me…Now, I will suffer everything… This is my fate… And you all should see me suffering as this was forced on me by you all… Till I can, I will live…and when no more can I suffer, I will end my life…” With this, she left her parent’s home and went with her husband…

This happened almost 6 months back… Even today, she is going through hell every single day, with his family showering her with abuses about her family…with the taunts and restrictions her husband giving her every time he calls her from abroad…When ever her parents visit her to see her and her son, her In-laws create some issue and insult them…When her son was sick and K’s parents visited the hospital to see their grandson, they ordered them to get out…It seems, 'A' did not want her to keep any relation with her family…

Now, next month is K’s twin brother’s marriage…. “A” gave ultimatum that K can attend the wedding all alone and she wouldn’t be even allowed to take her son… K doesn’t want to do that…Her days are passing by in tears…She is suffering the pain of not able to be a part of all the wedding preparations of her only brother…that too her twin brother…Her parents and brother too are sad and not a day pass by without tears remembering their daughter…and the mess she is in… The last time, they were allowed to see her, she cried inconsolably in front of them…and lamented… “Mom, Dad…I am scared..I am scared of everybody….I am sad…This is my fate…I am not sure, how long I will live like this…Maybe I will just turn mad…”…

I told you all, a real story happening in my own family…After reading this, many of you might have 101 things to say…Many might blame us for not doing something to save her…But trust me, every single member of my family, today, is looking for some possible way to save her… We thought of different ways…A Police Case, Complaining to NGOs for Women Empowerment etc …. But then, how can we do anything, when SHE is not ready to accept it…When she is adamant on her decision to suffer, as if she is punishing her own parents….How can anybody help her when she herself is taking all the pain as her FATE…

Today is Woman’s Day…K’s mother, a woman, even now might be cursing her helplessness and crying thinking of her daughter and her safety….K is also a woman…a Woman who might be sitting in some corner of her In-law’s house and shedding tears for yet another silly reason...

Are they enjoying this day meant to be a day for every Woman… Can we wish them a Happy Woman’s Day….

“Dear Sister, we love you…Yes, we agree, we made a mistake…but then, today we repent and we want to change it…We want to bring back the smile in you…Its not too late yet…Please, think well…Make the right decision…We are with you...Don’t punish us by punishing yourself…Be Strong and face the World…You have suffered as much as you could…Now it is time to stand up for your right…for your future…for your happiness…Wipe your tears and don’t forget…

You are a Woman…”

Lessons of Wisdom...

2011-02-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

Are u one of them who study your daily portions and prepare for your exams much ahead of the examination date…Are the days before your exam; Revision Days for you…Ok…I AM NOT…. Shamelessly..uhmm..Shamefully, let me admit…NO…the whole semester, I would be doing everything else other than studying…and the two days before the exam were the days of Studies…I would be rushing through my subjects…Even though, my inner heart after every exam, scolds me hard for this last minute rush and irresponsibility…I never could change that nature of mine of keeping my studies till the last day…Maybe, it was the over confidence in me that made me be so…Maybe I was too arrogant to think that I could study all those portions in two days…grr…I feel so embarrassed now to admit it…

But do you think, this nature of mine could actually help me and many others…Would you believe if I say, if not for my this nature, many of my friends might have had lost a whole semester…My over confidence actually saved many from writing Supplement Papers…uhmm…

Now, before I get into the story… let me thank my class mate here…She was one girl, who used to work so hard throughout the year and still find herself BLANK, the day b4 the exam… So we both had decided on Combined-Study…where I was one person who might be seeing most of the lecture notes for first time and so knew NOTHING…and she might be seeing it the 100th time and still knew NOTHING…Our way of studying was…I would be like a Teacher, reading out the notes as if I was saying some story…and she would be like a student who seriously listened and learnt them with understanding…It worked for both of us…as I wanted someone to listen to me..and she wanted someone to read out to her…By god’s grace and her support I never had to go to any exam without learning the subject well…and she too became confident in appearing for the exams…

Life at college went on this way…till the Sixth and the last semester…rather the last exam we had to give for our Graduation course…As the course suggested, we had too many arrays of subjects to study every semester…Thus came the paper, “Entrepreneurship” … This was a subject which was done in detail for the Commerce students…so for the English Lecturers, this was completely new…Two of the Senior Lecturers divided the syllabus between them and took classes…they gave long Lecture notes and made the students equipped to face the Barrier of Examinations…I being too busy with everything else, had no time to actually even go through these notes…till that Saturday…

Monday was the last exam…Entrepreneurship Paper…ours being the first batch of the newly introduced course, this exam was almost like a Challenge for the English Department of the college…So early morning Saturday, I reached my Study mate’s door step…lol…Trust me, my mind at that moment was like a blackboard that was never touched with Chalk…My friend was like a Blackboard scribbled with Chalks all over…My mind was wandering with fear as I knew NOTHING….She had lot of fears, as she felt she knew nothing…With much optimism…we got into her bed…and started going through Lecture notes of one of the Teacher…Teacher M…

Almost after 2 hours, we hadn’t progressed…the never ending pages of the lecture notes scared both of us…We decided to start with Teacher G’s notes…personally I liked her more…lol!!!somehow, G’s notes seemed more interesting and easy to learn…Soon after lunch time, we made sure that G’s portions were almost done…Again, half heartedly, we started on M’s notes…how much ever, I tried making the process interesting, the stuff seemed too confusing and boring and never ending…Essays seemed like Novels…Short Notes seemed like Essays…I hated it…we had no option..had to study…almost 1 day was over…we had just 1 more day before the exam…and we were still no where…

By 6 in the evening, I knew, we were hopeless in our War to succeed…grrr..It was then, I decided…Why not check the syllabus…and then go through the notes as per the Syllabus…atleast we would have some guide…that was the idea…

When we started going through the syllabus and trying to find the corresponding notes among the lecture notes, shockingly we realized…we had NOTHING…. All of Teacher M’s notes were completely irrelevant….She had given notes of portions which was not in our Syllabus…and She had given NO notes of portions from our Syllabus….That meant…apart from both of us…rest of the batch mates were busy studying portions which was not actually required and they would be coming for the exam without studying the necessary portions…Shocked, I immediately called Teacher G…(as u know, she was my favourite…)…She was like shocked too…it was too late to even call everybody to the College…So what she advised was, to try to find the Entrepreneurship Text Book from any Commerce students…and photo copy relevant portions and try studying in that last one day, the Sunday…A phone call to all other class mates to pass this information was done…

I could hear many getting worried, some even cried…as they had spend days to learn this practically New subject…I was still blank…That night, I walked through my street with my brother…walking into every house, asking if there was any Bachelor of Commerce, Final Year student..who could give me his Text book to be photocopied…They too were having exams, so there was doubts if they should give or not…Still, finally, we managed to get a text book…and photocopied the whole stuff, that night itself…

Sunday was like a Day on Fire…I and my Study mate, rigorously went thru the topics and somehow, made ourselves aware of the subject…Trust me, the portion was so easier than what Teacher M has given us…God knows, how could she be so careless, in making such a big error… but even today, when I think of it…IF I HADNT THOUGHT OF IT…on deciding to take out the syllabus actually saved the future of a whole batch of students…and the reputation of the College...

On Monday morning, all of us was so tensed…bcoz none of us had even time enough to study well…Atleast for me, it was not new..I was always a last minute Study person…So, maybe it didn’t make too much of a difference…We met Teacher G at the entrance…she tried hard to console us…and make us tension-less…Anyways, majority of us did the exam well…rather everybody passed the exam…and for me, I was one of the University Gold Medalist …

Out of all this…what is it, that actually made me feel bad was…Teacher M…even after knowing she made a big mistake…she never felt like coming to us and at least be there to give us some Moral Support… “To Err is Human…”… but then, she would have been regarded high if she was there to accept it too…Instead, she acted as if She knew nothing about what was happening…and she had no further responsibilities…afterall, it was matter of the future of many of the students….She failed to remember that…atleast, that's the impression she gave…

Still, I prefer believing, that day DID make some change in her…I don’t know…I can't make sure either as I had left college after my graduation…but I believe, the past cannot be changed, the future is yet in your power...as...

Mistakes are Lessons of Wisdom...

It's my Belief...

2011-02-21T23:48:00.000-08:00

Its frustrating …You are expecting too many changes in your life in near future and for some strange odd silly reason..nothing happens…My life is in such a pace now…and I hate this…these are the moments, when I wish….WISH…I COULD SEE TOMORROW….ok, I am not sure, how many of you really do believe in Horoscopes, Astrology, Palmistry and all those stuff… Shamelessly, let me tell u…I like them…rather, I prefer believing in them…Its like a last resort…going to an Astrologer and checking out, how is our Present Tense and what can we expect in the future…not that it can make big difference in my present pace…

Many non-believers say…its all CRAP…Maybe…and maybe not…as far as I believe…like any other science Astrology too is a science..if you believe in the presence of God, why not believe in such miracles where you can predict your future and see ur past…Ur belief tends to grow strong, when smbdy tell u on ur face, what happened in ur past…uhmmm…and then whatever future he say, we would expect it to happen…and for me, I have had a good share of such revelations happening in my life…So I believe in them…and still, look forward to going to a Good Astrologer and sitting in front of him with my ears stooped up to hear some good pleasant things that is bound to happen in near future…lol!!!

I wanna share some of those predictions that later became a reality in my life…

I was in my early teens when my dad one day came home, all worried with a prediction by a renowned Astrologer…As per him, I will have a FRIEND whose name might start in alphabet “__”, who would have a depression below his Chin…and this person could cause trouble in my life and change my life to a different phase…My dad did a thorough investigation into my friend’s name list…That moment it felt strange…Dad warned me to be aware of any such person who might become a friend in future even…I smiled at heart…WHAT A JOKE…

Two years later…I was in deep trouble…finding my way to save my mental peace…from a FRIEND…who got possessive and Obsessed with our relation and left NO chance to make my life hell…His name indeed started with the Predicted alphabet and he had a depression beneath his chin which I noticed only much later…It changed me into a Female who could never take the least bit of Bossing by another person…

Once a man came home with his Parrot who took cards that predicted our future…My mom, was surprised when he said that her brother, my Uncle would bring his WIFE himself (Family arranged marriage was the style of our marriages and Love Marriage was almost equal to a taboo in our family…and here the Card was saying, my Uncle would have a Love marriage…)… Ours being an Orthodox family and my Uncle being just very young at that time and also very Homely character, my mom ridiculed the predictions…She was sure, that is not bound to happen…

Few months later, my Uncle married his College Mate…after being in Love for 2 years….They are still happily married with 2 beautiful kids…lol…
Two years back, myself, hubby and bro went to an Astrologer… As soon as he saw my horoscope, he said…"Your horoscope was bound to be an Horoscope of a Doctor…but how much hard work you could do, You would never be able to be a Doctor…"
True: I was all set to become a Doctor, when the very previous night of the Medical Entrance Exam, I fell sick and later unconsciously collapsed at the Examination hall…I was admitted to the hospital for 5 days due high fever…My Dream f becoming a Doctor faded there…

He looked at my bro and said… "You were in a Love affair before…Good that it didn’t materialize into a marriage…Bcoz if so, You would have ended up being an instrument in her hands like a hen-pecked husband and would have been frustrated by now ..."
True: My brother blushed…His failed love affair was like a Public Secret…Many of us knew about it, but none openly spoke about it…We were relieved, on knowing that the failure was a Boon in Disguise…lol!!

During our last vacation to our home town…in front of one of the temples, my hubby noticed a Parrot Card Reader… Mainly to show our son a Parrot, we decided to take a card for myself…Lol…the below are some of the stuff he said…“Madam, you are more than a Teacher to people around you…It doesn’t mean your profession is teaching…it means, you try teaching everybody what is good for them…You are good enough to teach your husband…Surprising bit is, Whatever you teach is absolutely right and good…but the Unfortunate part is, None actually heed to your advices…It would be too late for them to realize that What you said once was indeed true…”

I was stealthily looking at my husband…for I know, my husband had agreed to that part…for her had some experiences on my words becoming reality…In those instances, he used to fight back saying that “U have a black tongue, and what ever you say happens…” But then, what he failed to realize was that, I was just talking out of my experience and my foresight…. Due my past experiences, if I am put in similar situations, I tend to think much to the future and try to make myself ready to face it…Same way, I try warning my hubby, bro or father in times of major decisions they wanna take…Most of the time, they ridicule and reject my warning..and later find themselves in the same Trouble, I had predicted much earlier… Thus a very Common Dialogue my husband say is… “Haaaa, u said , right?…then now no need of even thinking of it...its gonna happen only like u say…”…hehe!!!

The astrologer went on to talk to my husband…and this part…my husband still hate for going to him…and I still feel elated to listening to it…haha!!! “Sir, your wife is a gem of a person…shes really talented and sweet hearted…but then, her bad luck is, she would never get what she deserve… Don’t feel bad, for me saying this…BUT, truth is…You don’t deserve to get such a good wife…She is worth much better husband….I am not telling this to insult you…But the cards say this…You don’t have to give me money…But then, you yourself know the truth…”

I was like about to laugh out…holding hard to myself…My husband was like… “Ohhh, crap crap…”… and smiling…I could translate his smile very well…at heart he was cursing for going to him…haha!!! But then, he had no other option than to listen to him…as what ever rest the card reader said about him and me was real…How True was the part of me being a GEM, only god knows…hehe!!!

There are many such predictions and interesting revelations that I have heard from astrologers and most of them have ACTUALLY happened in my life…Not that I am always ending up in front of an Astrologer…Still, I love to actually hear about me from somebody else…maybe that is the truth…Especially, if he could say about a person’s past and character correctly, why not have some trust that the future he is predicting might happen…

As for the present confusions and un-decisive moments, I wish I could know, if it is worth for me to take all this tension and wait for tomorrow…lol!!, Yes, I am waiting for a long awaited changes in my career…Its been months that I am expecting it today, tomorrow, day after…and so its going on…Latest is, I have to wait till March end…How nice it would have been, if I could know it today…So that I don’t have to worry myself till March end…grrr…

By the by, there is another prediction, I am waiting to see, if it would happen…yesterday, one of my cousin back home, took my brother’s horoscope to an Astrologer… He openly asked…

“Did any marriage proposal come to this guy few months back, which was almost fixed and later was cancelled…”…YES…(we were almost at the verge of finalizing the date too for a proposal for my bro…due some unsatisfactory reasons, we decided not to proceed…)

“Good, that it didn’t happen…even if the proposal come back, don’t proceed…As, if that marriage happens, it would end in Divorce…”

“Is this boy not happy with his present job…Does he want to change job…Tell him…wait for atleast 3 months…before that, a change is going to happen…through this job only, he is going to get into a very good position…”

Yes, my brother was not so happy with his job and has been looking for some job…and the surprising bit is…For past few weeks, he had stopped searching for vacancies….As per him… he wanna wait till April-May, as there are rumours going around that, some Huge changes gonna happen to his Company…Now, Count…February, March April…that is 3 months…Was this co-incidence…God knows…

All that we can do now is…Wait…Wait for the deadlines the astrologer has predicted…

3 months for a change of career…and….Oh yes, didn’t I tell you…He predicted…My brother would be married maximum by November this year…So if its gonna be true…before November, I shall be sending you all a Marriage Invitation … So, you all believe in it or not…I prefer believing it…after all, if it is some good things, that I am expecting to happen…then why not…

It’s my Belief…

I Love You...

2011-02-14T21:44:00.000-08:00

She...

Busy amidst the crowd…too much to do…rushing to see that everything was done in the proper way…and then…someone called her out…for the first time she saw him…"Who's that, Do I know him" …but something struck…for whatever reason, the first thought that crossed her heart was.. “Uhm, Not bad…a Nice Man…” …crazy / stupid was the thought …bcoz she never was so… not the one to rate men…had much better things to do…atleast that's what she believed...

Walking forward, her heart assessed him… ofcourse not liking what she was doing… still couldn’t stop herself…Trying to be friendly and unobvious, her words sounded informal…”OKKK, so U r him…We have been speaking on the phone for quite sometime, right??? Sorry, I didn’t recognize you…I was waiting for you for long time…Can you please start up with the thing now…” … Yes, she knew him through phone for a long time now… had joked on absolute professional topics and had some Official discussions… never before they had a reason to meet…and today was the ...she met him face to face for the first time…

He brought along a friend too…and …Aha, for whatever reason, a negative vibe pricked her as she said Hello to the friend...Something in the friend made her feel..”I DON’T LIKE HIM”…felt bad for stereotyping a complete stranger for no reason…but then, the whole thing was making her uncomfortable…the complete contrast between the vibes she was receiving from Him and his friend…The negative vibe from his friend was shouting inside her mind to KEEP AWAY FROM THEM...and the Unexplainable Vibes from HIM made her restless... couldn’t recognize what was it that was making her take a quick glance every now and then to the place where he was busy doing his work… His smile looked sweet and he was nice…When he laughed, she wondered, were they talking about her and laughing at her…Who cares? Still, till the day closed, she was distracted …

Said a Thank you and a Goodbye, as they parted ways that day…Just for the sake of it, said… “Do keep in touch”…But then she knew, there was no reason for them to keep in touch… He was neither a friend nor a colleague nor a relative…neither did she need his service anymore…Still..as a formality, wished a Bye, Take Care, Keep in Touch…As she walked off, suddenly some intuition caught her, ‘His eyes were following her’…But then, again she corrected myself…Maybe its his friend…maybe that guy was just giving some dirty looks…she wished, “God, Why cant I stop thinking so…”

Days passed…her urge to give him a call never left her…had no reason…Felt stupid to call with no reason…Wouldn’t he think that she was hitting on him…That was not her…but then, weaved up a reason to call…had to pass some silly information…silly it sounded, still…a ring and his voice said Hello…and it felt friendly and so jovial…spoke for minutes as if some long lost friends were talking…Knew, time was passing by..they spoke on nothing but still felt as if they were seriously discussing some International Treaties…lol!!! Some thing said, He is a good friend…or maybe, He can be a good friend…before ending the call they exchanged email ids…and challenged each other to send the longest email ever…

He...

As her name was called out, he turned to look for her…She was his client…the last time, he couldn’t meet her due his busy schedule and had send somebody else to help her out…and…After much time, again, somebody transferred her call to him…and this time he was meeting her…as if destiny brought him in front of her…Her voice through the phone always sounded “Sweet, Uhm…a friendly lady”…and Now there she is… “Uhm, she is nice…”…She smiled beautifully and behaved like good friends…though meeting for the first time, she behaved as if they were friends for years…she jokingly blasted him for being late…and rushed him to sort his work…After that, she just got busy with the crowd…

Couldn’t ignore her completely..For some strange reason, he found himself staring at her…and at times, their eyes met and they gave each other a cordial smile…Why was he looking at her… Didn’t know…She was nice…As they parted ways, something from deep inside told him…He will meet her soon…

A crazy wish…he wanted to call her..wanted to speak to her…On what??? He didn’t know…just that he wanted to hear her voice… but then the thought…She shouldn’t misunderstand his intention..afterall, he had no real reason to speak to her…Being a lady, wouldn’t she think that he was flirting with her…Many a times, he unknowingly dialed her number…but then before the ring went thru, disconnected the call…typed in some sms…but then it never went out of the Drafts folder…His ego worked up, “Why couldn’t she call…Atleast, she could give a courtesy call”…and then…

That day, as he was eagerly looking at his mobile screen…having double minds on if he should call her…The incoming call flashed her name…SHE WAS CALLING….Excitement was the feeling as he answered the call…The usual friendly talk…He was overwhelmed with the friendliness she showed…He was really looking forward for a close friend, with whom he could feel comfortable enough to talk his heart out…They challenged on who would send the longest mail…He knew, he would be the winner…later he send his first email…her reply email shocked him…She was clearly much above him in beautifully quoting her words…Apology was all that he could send for underestimating her and for not keeping upto her standards…Before he could even think, he knew…he had started liking her…

There was something in her that was drawing him towards her…Was it that he lacked something that made him so weak in front of her…an answer never came up…he just knew, She was something special….

They...

Before they both could name what they had for each other…the truth struck…Neither of them wanted to admit the bitter truth... They were closely intertwined with some invisible emotions… they knew it was not right…this feeling that they felt so strong, had No Meaning…No Reason…No Fate… They just had to bury it off…Neither of them told the other what they felt at heart..what they were going through…Both of them had a past…a pained past to brood on…. And in there, was a person who they loved more than their life…

They felt, Getting close to each other today, meant betraying their past…betraying their Love from the past…Ofcourse the past had no role in today’s life…still, they both had been safeguarding the Past LOVE close to their heart…all this time, never allowed anybody else intrude into that space in the heart where they had placed their Love …and somebody else just took over this space…without even knowing when or how it happened, that special person was already there…It was just days before, that they were introduced to each other…and now, they were getting suffocated by this feeling, outburst of emotions… they couldn’t even name themself as good friends, before that, theyknew it wasn't just friendship...it was something more special...

A regret for the helplessness …nothing could be done to stop this feeling…nor could they do anything to nurture it up…Why didn’t destiny bring them together a few years back…Neither of them had an answer…Just that the thought brought tears to their eyes…A decision to keep away from each other was taken…Neither spoke of the reason for such a decision…Still, they knew…this feeling, this closeness, could give only pain…

We...

As time passed, we realized…the decision to stay away would never work…as the truth was bitter…there was this invisible link between our souls…We were desperate…but still we never met… never spoke… never emailed or sms’d…still a pang of pain somewhere deep inside…We were not worried with our own pain…But something deep inside told us that the other was not doing fine…We could feel the pain the other was going through… and that was unbearable…

Finally, the silence broke...we had to accept the truth…Love…It was love that was binding us together…We couldn't forget the reality…We can never be together…But then we knew, atleast we could be there for each other…How much far away we were physically, we knew, like a Shadow, our thoughts would be there to hold each other's hands and support & care for each other...We knew, our life would always move on as two Parallel Lines only…but there would be those Strong Invisible Rails of LOVE that would bind us together…because, finally the Unspoken words were whispered …we opened our heart to say aloud those magical words…

I Love You….

Keep your mouth SHUT...

2011-02-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

After reading Dost’s post on his blog - Valentine Soup…I made a comment where in I had asked a genuine doubt…Ok, now the post was a story about a girl who was in love with a colleague who was a fraud…Who was enjoying his life having affairs with girls and making them spend for his luxury… At the end of the story, the girl finds the truth about the Man through a friend, another colleague, who was also in a relation with the same man before…and the girl is playing a prank on the man…Tit for Tat…Good…

But then, my question was…WHY dint the friend never warned the Girl even when she knew the Girl was in love with this crooked man…To my question Dost replied so…” People do not divulge betrayals or rejections. They do not talk abt love affairs. Don't you think so”… This made me thinking…In this month of Love and Valentines…I suddenly thought…Wht would I have done in a similar situation…Suddenly, I remembered a past situation in my life…and then realized…What Dost said was the best to be followed…Better keep quiet…rather than getting involved and get hurt…

If you remember, not long back..I had told u the story of my friend…In one of the Part..I had mentioned about how I had warned her about the Boy’s nature and my assumption on whatever I had heard of him….I remember how she ignored my assumptions and how she ridiculed my way of thinking…Much later, when she went thru all those trouble that I had predicted before…she openly told me… “Dear, whenever u used to tell me so…I used to think…WHY U SAYING SO…afterall, Wont I also yearn for some love…and how can LOVE be a burden…I never understood when u told me…and so I almost stopped telling u details about my relation with him…”… I had warned her how dangerous can Possessiveness or Obsession in love can turn a person into… how the same love that brought her close to him could take her far away frm him…She never realized before it was too late…

Ok, then I realized…when somebody is in love…whatever we try putting into their head…IF IT IS NEGATIVE INFORMATION…nothing is gonna get into their head..instead, they will start thinking negative of urself…They could go to extends where they could imagine that U r jealous of them and that is why u r trying to take them out of the relation…ha…But then…what made me feel stupid was…WHY DINT I LEARN THIS LESSON MUCH BEFORE….afterall…this was not the first time, I was being penalized for the same error…uhmm…A bit into that past…

Years back…during my graduation…I was doing a 3 years diploma course in Multimedia and Web Designing along with my graduation…I found new 2 friends (Rags & Babs – names are imaginary) from those classroom…One a girl who was 2 years elder than me and the other who was 2 years younger than me…We three soon turned to be inseparable mates… We used to meet daily evening during classes and chat and have fun in the class...All three of us were very poor when we take out our purse…lol…there were days when none of us could spare even a 10bucks…haha!!!...still, as our friendship grew, we started reaching the classes much earlier than the class timing and then together we would rush to a nearby joint…Hot Breads….lol…

They had those yummy milkshakes, pastries, burgers and what not…and we had mostly holes in our purses… the best we could do mostly was… save on the 10-15Rs that one of the girl had, which she was to use for her Auto Rikshaw – the to and fro transportation charge from Home to Class…Instead, we took the risk of using my Kinetic, riding it in Triples…lol…Still remember, people’s eyes popping out when they see 3 GIRLS having triples…lol…we used to drop one person off as soon as we saw any Police Jeep’s head…heeh!!! And with this 10Rs that we save, we used to buy one Pastry and then used to sit with three spoons and sharing it btw ourselves…every evening atleast 1/2hr …was OUR TIME at Hotbreads…

Those days, one of the girl, Rags was in love with a boy…lol…this boy worked abroad…rather he worked in this country where I am now…Naturally, Rag had to dedicate more time Chatting with him at the internet café or speaking to him on the phone at the telephone Booths…that left me and Babs outside the Booth or the café…we spend those moments sharing our deep secrets…Babs knew almost everything about me…Trust me, those days, naturally, from heart…if u weigh you attachment to Rags and Babs…I was more attached to Babs…I never opened up much to Rags, as she had other things to worry concerning her love…Whatever…the Underlining part was BABS KNEW ME INSIDE OUT….

Years passed…I came to this country…met Rags boyfriend…soon Rags eloped with him to this country…hehe!!...Naturally, local calls were cheaper…I and Rags was in touch… Still, I kept close contacts with Babs too… During these days…Rags broke a news to me… that she heard a rumour from some other ex-classmate that Bab is getting engaged with one of our Instructor at the Computer Class….Rags said that everybody is gossiping back home that Babs and this Instructor were in Love… which was NOT TRUE…as we were sure about it… many friends from the class started contacting us and started filling us with more and more Gossips on this made-up love story

Finally, we decided to let Babs know about all this…Silly me…further to Rags persuasion I called Babs and informed her…I told her, how news was spreading so…and asked her to be careful…She pleaded Not guilty…and started feeling sad on WHY people r talking bad about her, when she knew nothing about it…uhmmm…I felt bad for her…Thus I ended the conversation consoling her…

After days…I got another SHOCKING news…Lol..this time…I WAS THE VILLAIN…grrr…Rags was laughing when she told me this news…Yeah, it was almost a joke…but then it hurt my inner feelings…

So, it so happened… that in real, this instructor "S" had some soft corner for Babs…so after the classess, his family approached Bab’s family for her hand in marriage…and thus their marriage was fixed…Naturally, when few knew about their marriage was on the talks, they might have assumed that it was a Love Marriage or maybe even the Guy might have had boasted among his friends to just show off that they were in love or smthing…Whatever…

Being from a really orthodox family…Babs came to know about her marriage only after the whole thing was fixed…At this point, Babs complained to her cousin, that there r such rumours spinning around and she is upset about it…Naturally, his cousin put forth a genuine concern… “Babs, why should Jzt say such things…she know u well…still why did she say so…What do u think…Did Jzt have any soft corner for S when u all were in the classes…Maybe, she is in love with that boy…and she doesn’t want u to marry him…So maybe she is trying to misguide u….”….

I wouldn’t have been hurt, if it was just a concern from Bab’s cousin…but then…Babs too at some point felt, Was there any truth in that… Even after knowing me inside out, she started wondering…and let Rags know… “Hey Rags do u think Jzt has some affection for S…”…. Rags who knew not even half of what Babs knew of me…gave a good piece of her mind to Babs for misunderstanding my intention…She even told her that it was she who asked me to called Babs…and explained how we came to know of the rumours and all…

Anyways…soon Babs got married…today she is a happily married wife and mother of 2 kids…Only after their marriage did Rags actually tell me these parts of the story…uhm…I was hurt…still hurt…When I met Babs after that, I did tell her openly that I was hurt..and she apologized…But…

The wound was already formed…how much ever medicine u put, the wound might heal…but some scars could never fade…This was a scar in our friendship…uhmm…

I realized a bitter truth…keep your head off when somebody is in love…as ur words could turn and bite you itself… as they say…LOVE IS BLIND and LOVERS ARE MORE BLIND… be it a truth that u r saying, unless they realize the truth their own way…ur words would never make them realize…So keep your advices to yourself…

“Keep your Mouth Shut…”

NB: By the by, Rags is still in this country...happily married (lol..a big story..ofcourse she married her lover only) and have 2 kids...After this issue, we started getting really close...Its then, she opened up to me that she always felt bad that I never used to be close to her...and gave more importance to Babs...uhmmm...I feel bad...Many a times, we fail to recognise the real diamond...right??? I am making up for my past mistake...We have been in close touch and I tell her almost everything about me...and She is truly a Best Friend for me today...

For her Happiness...

2011-02-05T00:25:00.000-08:00

Ok friends, I have already given my head for the Multiple Slice CT Scan…waiting for the results… The doctor wanna see me with results so that he can find some solution to my head aches…But then, somehow, I feel, my health problems never end…One after another…its been always my allergic rhinitis that was pulling me down…But this wonderful doctor’s treatment had really relived me out of it miraculously in the most surprising way… Still, I had to fall sick…and this time some stupid infection…

Yeah…from past few days, I have been completely bed ridden…to hell with this infections and diseases…Why only me…and this one has really cut my spirit down…especially due some fears attached to it…Too early to talk about it…So I don’t wanna discuss it now…bcoz, already, I am worried and tensed and sort of upset on WHATTT… doesn’t wanna give you guys wrong information and confuse you and end you people also with the exclamation WHAT!!!...Anyways, not a good thing to brood on…So I am trying to take my mind off to something else…and that would be absolutely NOT HEALTH RELATED…grrr…

So, how r u all…Valentines day is fast approaching…What plans…frankly no plans for me…not in a mind set to celebrate Valentines’ day…hehe!!! Its bad health in the air and not Love…hahaha….Now sorry for that bad joke…I know, I know, even after myself saying that I don’t wanna talk about it, I am going back to the same topic…SHUT UP, to me…

One good thing that I could smile thinking of is about my cousin…So, it so happened that, she is my dear first cousin…First from my mom’s side…A cool girl…lol…She very often used to tell my son when he was a baby, “Hey…I am not ur aunty…I am ur mother…So be good to me…”…lol…She is some 5-6 yrs younger to me…still… we r like good friends and I pamper her too…So this girl, is working in a neighbouring state from my home town…and her parents had been looking for suitable alliance to get her married off…you know, how worried parents could be once their daughters cross 18years old…and she crossed 18 years back…

But then…in her case, to the distress of her parents and her happiness - the horoscope stuff really delayed her marriage…She was fine…as she was not yet OLDDDD…and was enjoying her independence as a working woman…lol!!! Now, the back drop story is…there was this guy, a North Indian…who worked in her company during the time she joined there…This guy had a liking for her and naturally proposed her for a marriage…and this GREAT GRANDMA…knew, her dad would be devastated if she fell in LOVE and that too with a North Indian… So she clearly made the boy understand her situation and asked him to go forward in his life…Now this happened some 2-3 years back…They remained good friends…He got transferred back to his home city and so they rarely saw…Just remained friends thru emails and occasional phone calls…

As years passed by…for some odd reason, none of the numerous marriage proposals her parents were looking for her worked…If the horoscope and rest work..the guy wouldn’t be good looking…If the guy is good looking, the horoscope wouldn’t be matching…If the guy is handsome and horoscopes matching, there would be too much of demands from the boy’s family…and so on…. As this went on, my dear little cousin, casually told her father about this North Indian boy’s interest (Naturally, he was still hoping that some day, my cousin might allow him to talk to her father…)…But this news actually shocked her father and he was like NOOOOOOOOOO….She ended the discussion then and there assuring him, its fine with her as she is not into any relation / affair with the boy…

Months passed by…few weeks back…suddenly her father had a feeling…Why was her marriage getting delayed like this inspite of all the other things worked…Is it that god had something else in mind… He asked her… “Baby, I have been going through 1001 temples and rituals and stuff…Still god is not listening to me, maybe somebody else is praying harder than me…Tell me frankly, In any corner of your mind…Are you praying FOR HIM… Do you wish, if he was your husband…”… and my cousin replied… “Dad, I don’t know if I love him or anything as I never proceeded such a relation with him…But yes, I Like him..he is a good friend of mine…and I feel, maybe I would be happy with him…But that doesn’t mean, I wanna hurt you and get married only to him…”

The surprise came after that…He asked my cousin to tell the Boy to speak to him…and the latest is…The boy spoke to my uncle...and after that his mother and then his father too spoke to my uncle and aunt…and they have asked for my cousin’s Horoscope… The Boy, assured that it is majorly for fixing a good date to proceed with the marriage… We are waiting for a reply from them now…

If they get back to us with a Positive Reply which could come any day this week…we will soon have a North Indian Son-in Law in our family…lol…!!! Trust me…I am really happy…for her…she is such a sweet girl..and I want her to have a happy life…and I really hope that this Boy is a genuine guy and if they get married would keep her happy through out their life…

Its her birthday on 15th February…and I hope, let this birthday give her a great Birthday Present…Her Partner for Life…The best Birthday, she ever had…bcoz, even if she agree or not…I belive, deep inside she does love him…I can read that in her eyes, when she talk about him…

TO all my blogger friends…Please include her in your Prayers…and bestow her with all your blessings…

For her Happiness…

Happy Republic Day…

2011-01-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

Freedom in Mind, Faith in Words,
Pride in our Heart, Memories in our Souls.
Lets Salute the Nation on REPUBLIC DAY......

Uhm…being a Non Resident Indian, to be frank…it seems that such days doesn’t actually give too much importance to many of us, afterall, we don’t get the Public Holidays here, right…?

But, today I wondered…why so…Why don’t we feel that passion and patriotism…was it because many of us really doesn’t know much about the freedom struggle or the hardships our ancestors have faced…the pain and trouble our freedom fighters have suffered to earn us our independence today…We are so ignorant..Once a while…when we watch some army movies, tears well up in ur eyes and that is it…maybe for few days, u would be a bit gloomy thinking of those olden days…and then u r back to the old self…

Shamefully, let me admit..I too have to count myself into that group…Its not that I don’t know about those days…I have educated myself with lots of real life stories of those days through reading and stories from my grand pa…I have been to many places which even today would remind u that U are an Indian and Patriotism is there deep inside u…especially the Jallianwala Bagh, Wagah Border, India Gate and many such monuments…Thanks to my uncle who have been in the army, due which, every school vacation…we used to have a visit to his house…wherever he was posted then, we would spend few days there…

Thus, I could enter the grounds of Jallianwala Bagh…I watched with horror, "The Martyrs' Well", and imagined myself running around the place to save my life…the bullet marks on the walls looked like live missiles for me… those were marks of the bullets that didn’t stain themselves with the blood of innocent Indians…Haa…The Jallianwala Bagh massacre for sure entered our History Text Books…but did it really enter our heart… I have to agree, till that day, it was just another portion to be by-hearted for your examination… Only when I really walked through that area, did I feel the tremor in me…the fear and courage the patriots might have faced that day…

When I witnessed the parade at the Wagah Border, I felt my heart feeling proud…I AM AN INDIAN and I AM PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN… I too screamed at the top of my voice along with those hundreds who had gathered there…That MERA BHARAT MAHAN…BHARAT MATA KI JAI… was THE day, that I realized PATRIOTISM is in my blood too…

If I start writing my experience on my visits to these places, I would go on and on…But then, trust me, those were the moments when I had really wished…If I could serve my country..like those thousands of Soldiers of our Army, Navy and Airforce…I know, as I type these words down… thousands would be witnessing the grand Republic day parade where the different regiments of the army, the Navy and the Air force march past in all their finery and official decorations…What to do…we are here for our living…and so I am at work…and not watching that parade for myself…

I wouldn’t want to end this without saying a few words about one of my friend…He was in the Army…For some unexplainable reasons, he had to leave army…But even today…he regret that day, when he had to leave the army…He regret his decision to voluntarily resign from the services…So today morning, I was greeted a Good Morning with his email where he was also wishing my a Happy Republic Day…as he asked me, How was the Republic day treating me..I replied him with an email with a Song that depicted the importance of our Mother Country…and…

He got emotional..and nostalgic and sentimental…Without his permission, I am quoting his email here (I am deleting some parts for my own reasons)…This is just for you to know…to feel…to understand… how it is to be a Soldier…and how it is not to be one…

"Yesterday I was listening to ‘Aiy mere watan ke logon…zara aankh mein bhar lo paani’…..I couldn't resist the tears and regret for shedding the uniform.

I know…we as a nation has come out of all those things…now a days there is no more such sacrifices etc…not as what use to be during the war times or the WW times. I have collection of all war movies. Been watching them everyday…it disconnects me from present and I am able to forget everything else for that moment atleast.

Da, the day I marched out of the commandant office after the final office handing over and returned to room…for a few minutes I was blacked out and I was hesitant to remove the uniform. I was in that full color dress (winter one). One by one I removed the jacket, the stars, the belt everything…..I folded it back into my trunk and decided that I will never even look at it again. And till date, I have not opened that trunk box and looked at it. it must be still smelling my sweat then…..That uniform was so dear to me….from the moment I could make sense out of things…there was only one dream….to be an Army officer nothing more or less… "

All I want to tell my friend is…Past is Past…God has decided some things for us…and they have to happen as time passes…Be happy, that you could serve your country, be it for a few years…Remember, there are many who would deeply wish that they could wear that Proud Uniform and serve their nation, atleast for one day… I, too, had this dream of becoming an Airforce officer…to be precise..A Pilot…uhmm..my parents never let me be one…Their reason was.. “We have only one daughter and we don’t want to miss / loose her…” …today, I think…IF ALL PARENTS HAD THOUGHT SO…will we be safely sitting at our homes today…could we ever enjoy our independence…could we ever celebrate a Republic Day… My parents didn’t realize it…then…

A Grand Salute…

To every single Brave Citizen and Soldiers of our Mother Nation who sacrificed their life for our safety, our Independence…
To those Soldiers and officials who are still enduring all hardships at our borders just to safeguard the privacy of our country and its citizens…
To those parents who sacrificed their own Children for the safety of other children…
To those parents who bravely bid goodbye to their children as they join the defence services…

Happy Republic Day…

Villain of my Life…

2011-01-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

Mood is off...an argument…triggered the headache off again…Not sure, why..but has been continuously infected with this step sister of mine for past few weeks… none believe at home that I am indeed tired and in pain due my headache…Maybe because I always complain of headache…maybe they are also fed up with this Statement… “Haa I am having a bad headache..”

Mom takes it as an Excuse I say to relieve myself from the house chores…Hubby takes it as my Usual Statement…But then, at times I feel bad…Why don’t they believe that I am continuously having headache..for what ever reason…My Allergy is under control now..but my headache is still out of control…In a day, I don’t find too much time without having this stingy pain somewhere above my neck…Either, above the eyes, it pierces me...else my forehead is all set to bump out…and other times, its my head that I feel is being cut open with a blade...There were times when I have felt, if I could just pierce out that part of my head ...so that I can scoop the pain off me…uhmm…

Today morning, been to a cousin’s place…a 1 hour journey from home..and for some strange reason, the 1 hour took more time than usual…My headache was there from home and I was reminding me to take a tab before I start my journey, for the reason that I didn’t wanted to irritate others with myself complaining of headache…But then, as usual..I forgot the tab…and so, naturally when I was in the car, I was pressing my head with my fingers…and then jokingly Mom asked… “Again Headache???”…Hubby continued.. “Ah, that is nothing new…its her usual way…” Joke for them… but for me..I was suffering…feelings = HURT…I ignored…and tried to keep cool ignoring the pain…

At cousin’s place, I tried to be cheerful more than anybdy else…Oh yes, I am really good at hiding my real self for days and months before an outburst…I dint wanted to upset the cousin either, she was pregnant and was HAPPY to see us after months…dint wanted to spoil her mood…As day passed by, Mom’s bro, my uncle gave a call from neighbouring country…Mom was happily talking to him..and between suddenly, I heard her concern…haa..maybe my uncle said, hes having a headache…

Mom: “Oh, dear…take care…try some garlic…u took any medicine?…take XXX..its good for headache....”

I listened in awe…what a love…flowing out…grrr…as soon as the call was over I mocked… “ha, when it was ur brother…look at the concern..here ur own daughter is complaining of headache and she bothers little..and ridicule me…”

I knew in advance what she would be saying… as I have heard it many a times before too… “For you, its an excuse…u r always saying headache headache…so who will bother about it…”

Somehow, this slipped from my mouth… “Mom, just wait and see..maybe I have some Brain Tumour..and when I die soon of this headache, then u would sit and hate urself…feeling sad for mocking me today…that day u would say… ‘Oh my poor daughter..when she complained of headache, I dint bother…but she was indeed in pain…”

This was said half as a joke..but half seriously…instigated by the pain I had due headache and their ignoring my pain…uhmm….What continued was an explosion from mom for talking too much…grrr…But would I ever change…this loose talk…

But then, jokes apart…its true…the headache is the Villain in my life today…Daily, I will find myself pressing my head hard to alleviate this pain... Nothing much work..as I try hard not to take tabs, the pain has to be faced by me physically..through out…Lately, I noticed, anything unpleasant..be it an argument or a news from News paper, immediately gives me a headache..maybe its psychological…especially, lately the news paper is filled with the news of Sexual Assault Case…where a 4 yr old girl was molested by 3 men; her school bus staffs including the driver, cleaner and assistant…What the hell is happening…How could they be soo mean to a girl who is just 4 year old…what pleasure can they have in this…

I don’t wanna talk more on that…as naturally, it would increase the pain…but after reading numerous reports on the case, I cant actually get to any conclusion...did something bad really happen or is there any foul play…what is reality…time would prove.. I hope…but then, if there was really some crime in this…Such criminals should be punished…and if I was the person to give them their judgement….I would order them to be tied in a public road…and people should be given turns to castrate them little by little…along with powdering their wound with loads of salt and chilly powder…trust me, this should be specially done by their own family members…Trust me, I REALLY HATE THEM….

Gosh, how much ever I try taking myself off from this issue…I just cant…whyyyyyyyyyyy…maybe, smwhere, I see myself in that girl…maybe I see my sisters in that girl..maybe I see many daughters in that girl…If I had a daughter…she also would have been almost her age now…maybe I am seeing my own kid in her…I really hope that justice do reach her…and she recover from all this safely…and grow up into a beautiful, strong and successful woman…

Uhmm..hey guys, help me now…my head ache is eating me now…I hate this…

The Villain of my Life…

A Rare Specimen...

2011-01-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

So…friends…Its already 10.20am here and the sun is just planning to come out and bless me…Oh yes, I said it right…Bless me…as I am freezing here…I look no less than an Eskimo today…and others around me is still wondering, if I have some invisible Antartic envelope around me to get dressed up like this…hehe!!!What to do…what to doo…after all, they should be knowing it by now, that I hate COLD…they should be knowing I am HOT person…cool na…to think so..even if none else agree to it…kidding…some do agree…haha!!! Feels so good when we boast of ourselves…and as I cant do it openly with my mouth…better do it into my blog…who can stop me here…hehe!!!

No, what I said is true…For a change I am wearing a Trousers and Full Sleeve Shirt…and then got my body into a very thick Jacket that reach below my hips…It is really cold…and I am freezing…the other two ladies are too wrapped up in a Kashmiri shawl and a Sweater…but then they don’t look as stupid as me…as I have really gone overboard with this black thickkkkkkk jacket…I can hardly pull out my head from this jacket..its that thick…I wish I had a gloves too…and socks…and Monkey cap…and a neck scarf…and a…HEATER….yesss..that is what I need…or maybe a Fire …

OK OK…now I am too much..I know that…I will try to be normal…but my fingers are numb..and that makes me a bit not so normal…in my mood…TO start with..I am sleepy even after sleeping 8 hours…I am hungry, even after eating an apple bigger than a pineapple and yoghurt…and an Arabic bread….U see, this is the only time I diet…bcoz afternoon and night I cant ignore the home made rice and curry…So to do some justice to my inner conscious…I reduced the amount of rice in my lunch box…but then to compensate, I fill myself more than anything during dinner…So u can now understand, tht I am extremely following the Pattern “Brk fast like a King, Lunch like a Prince and Dinner like a Pauper…”…but in the opposite manner…Ohoo..now I am feeling depressed…grrr…how will I rid myself off this extra fitting over my tummy…For some strange reason, apart from me, not much people ever notice that…being at the bottom limit of my weight limitation, I shouldn’t be losing anymore weight…but cant I lose some of that pouch that I got as gift with my baby…

Yesterday night, my mom woke me up…just to start an argument…ON WHY SHOULD I TAKE LUNCH…ok…now what happened was..I had a heavy dinner..naturally when I was packing my lunch box with some rice for afternoon, I thought…I SHOULD REDUCE MY RICE INTAKE…So I just dropped One big spoon of rice and some Beet Root Curry…and that’s it…the Lunch box looked almost empty with very little rice at one corner of the tiffin…Unfortunately, mom happened to see this…and assumed maybe I forgot to pack rice…and so woke me from my sleep to ask me…Why didn’t I keep rice for lunch…and naturally my reply irritated her… “One spoon of rice for Lunch? Then BETTER DON’T EAT ANYTHING”…she argued…I acted as if I was already asleep…she left the room…lol!!!...[Now how am I going to manage with this little food in the afternoon is another question…]

Apart from this, now I am much better healthwise…Did I update you all with that bit of information? OK, I missed..but should never have…as only when u know abt it…u can feel proud of urself..for knowing me…for being my friends…U see, I am too much a specimen …a rare find…not everybody will be lucky to come across a person like me…Now, this is not me boasting…but my doctor’s diagnosis and my friend’s comment…(I hate my friend for that comment…u will know as I finish this…)

So…I have been suffering from heavy sneezing, nose block and what not from last few years…U would have never seen me without either of this before…I never knew how to breathe through my nose…Unfortunately, my son had inherited this “IMMUNITY DEFECT” from me…so he too was allergic boy…atleast not like me…I sneezed atleast 10 time every 30minutes…Last October, I found out about this one doctor…too busy that he wasn’t even taking new patients..still I managed to get an appointment for my son in November…An allergy test was done and he was diagnosed with Dust Termite allergy…But the doctor was more affected seeing my condition as I spoke to him…He said…U NEED TREATMENT MORE THAN HIM….He granted me an appointment in December…My change in my son’s health was tremendous…I belived the doctor now..He knew his work…

Thus I gave him the opportunity to diagnose me …Lucky him…As he took out the Allergy testing kit, he was sure, that I too had Dust Termite allergy…and that is all…I also was sure…Yeah, only Dust Termite…the wicked termites…Doctor pricked me, somewhere around 20 pricks on my right hand with different allergens…He asked me to wait…He predicted I will have two balls coming out of two of the pricks proving that I was allergic to Dust…I too keenly observed my hand…The hand started feeling itchy…Doctor said, “NOOO…Its gonna be little itchy around those two pricks only..so don’t worry…”… He left me there to keep the Allergy kit back in the refrigerator (I suppose)…I could feel as if my whole hand was going itchy itchy..I wanted to bite through my hand…grrr…

As I watched, I could see the skin swelling up here and there...Not one or two…but lots…almost on top of all the pricks…SHOCKED…more than me, the doctor was shocked, when he came back and saw my hand…All red and swelling up…I was allergic to so many things???The doctor himself, had to pick out the Allergen list to confirm what were each pricks for…as he has never seen anybody with so much allergy…

NOW, I am allergic to…Dust Termite (how can I avoid that in a Desert), House Termites (Should I get out of my Home?), Cockroach (They are in the air..dead/alive), Dog (No where near me…), Cat (Good, I don’t keep pets), Tree (I am not in India, now), Grass (Neither in a park..), Mould (Now, Clean the Air Conditioners…pleaseeeee), Horse (Thank god, I am not a Horse Jockey…) etc etc…I was fed up…I am not fit to live in the greenery as I am allergic to Trees and Grass…I am not fit to live in the Desert as I am allergic to Dust…I can’t live in the Snow as I am allergic to Cold Climate…So…where can I live…grrr…The doctor sorrowfully said.. “Dear, u r allergic to too many stuffs…so No Injections can give you quick relief…Only thing, we will start on a course of action and slowly deal with it…”… Uhm…and Now I am following that course of action…and Yes, I have vast change in my health…I sneeze only very little now…No nose block…I breathe thru my nose…for a change…but has to be extremely careful and avoid the allergens as much as possible…uhmmm…

But worst was when I had to face a Cruel person…I did just one mistake..I shared what the doctor said with my husband…and he shared it with MY so called BEST FRIEND, M… Next thing that happened was…he informed this stuff with the whole network of our friends and relatives…and this is exactly what he said everybody…

“Did u know…She is a rare find…Even the doctor was surprised to find such a patient..the doctor had to take out his old Medical Books and study from first to treat her…He was saying, that in this many years of his profession, he has never come across such a specimen…Most probably, she is planning to donate herself to one of the Medical College for future researches and studies on Allergy…”

Grrr…he turned me into a Medical Specimen…What did he think of himself??? Am I some sort of rat or monkey for the students to experiment on me??? A Guinea Pig??? I hate him…I hated him more, when he called me on a conference call with almost 4 of my friends, husband, mom and brother (all connected in one call)…and as I sat their holding the phone against my ears…I heard all of them discussing deeply on how they should divide me to donate me to Medical Colleges for Researches and Studies…Frustratingly, I heard my brother arguing that “She is the property of Indian Medical Colleges”…while somebody else saying “NO, She is property of this country, she is living here”…while another saying “She should be donated to the Doctor’s country as he discovered her…” ...I am sure if they had any chance they would have put me into those Test Tubes and packed me off to one of the Medical College for the students to research on...After all, I was hard to find otherwise...Lol, wouldn't be surprised if my friend start an exhibition letting people come and watch me...

A Rare Specimen…

Just for You...

2011-01-11T22:21:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, guess what…today, I walked out of my house with a very very bad frowning face…Reasons are many…I was feeling sick from yesterday…sort of feverish…I had to sacrifice the Celebrity-Choreographer dance reality show, just due my illness…and had to get stuck with my blanket and bed from yesterday eve…

To add to the sick feeling, my son woke up with a cranky mood and I ended up shouting early morning to stop him being fussy…When he see me raise voice, he stops…uhmm..a bad way to raise kids, I know..but then I was not in good mood myself..right??? Anyways, my son was the most sweetest after that..he happily got dressed and got into his bus…but while I was walking back to my car, I realized…my head was spinning…Migraine…grrr…I didn’t wanted to fall sick right at the start of the year…so I drove bravely to work…

Oh, by the by, let me tell u about the climate today…Beautiful…a bad day to have a headache..I should say…It is 10am here now in this desert..and would u believe we can see nothing called Sun here still..it looks like a 0600pm in the eve…the sky is clear, but no Sun…wow, wish it was like this another day…as I am in no mood to enjoy the weather…I was the first to reach office..as usual atleast 15 mts before office time…It was dark inside the office…on this 51st floor of my Tower…The bulbs gave the office a calm and soothing feel…I would have loved this..but my head was breaking…

But then…a surprise…a sweet surprise…and now, even if my head is breaking, I have a bright Halo around it…and I feel happy and shy…my bad mood is gone…Now I am able to enjoy the climate too…know why…

Thanks to a new found bloggy friend…She is ‘Red’…Oops..Rohini…Sorry dear, but your name means that…it has another meaning too..but maybe u would kick my ____ if I publish that here…lol!!! So what did she do to make me embarrassed…Nothing special…She just praised meeeeeeeee….Coooool naaaa!!!

Ok, now what happened is…Yesterday, work was too dull..having nothing to do…I was going thru Dost’s past posts…I have read almost 80% I suppose…and then I started going through blogs he had gone thru…and I saw this one name...“Train of Thought…” …uhmm... sounds interesting…So I clicked it open…and what did I see there…MEEEEEEEEE….yes, friends…I saw another Me in there…

Trust me, Rohini, what ever you said as comments, that is exactly what I felt while reading your posts…and like you…even I went through your first posts…2009 June and July…and for each post, I wanted to let you know, how close your thoughts were to mine…Ofcourse, there are big dissimilarities too…but then, there were many obvious similarities…lol…and thus I knew, I was going to go thru all ur posts in the coming days…and that is why I came over to your page today again and saw a post on MEEEEEE….I was overwhelmed…

Dost (Rohini’s Partha Sir), unknowingly you got me one more friend…Rohini, you know, Dost has introduced me to many of his blog friends…and this time, he did it without even knowing it…lol!!! Rohini, I call him Dost, where I give him respect for his age but feeling of a friend…a Sir might bring a distance in my relation to him…So he is my ‘Dost’…And as you have read in many pages of my blog, I prefer staying within my space of anonymity…atleast, I don’t want to end up standing in front of smbdy abt whom I might have blogged…good or bad…Bcoz, as I said…neither my parent / hubby nor my colleagues / friends know that I blog…Any reader that reads this blog comes just like that…Either they came seeing my comment (like u) or maybe just like that…(only they would know how…)..hahaha!!!

Now, Dost wanted to know my name…but only if I was comfortable…I wasn’t then, those days…So he named me Anamika = Nameless…I loved that name…Today, Dost knows me and who I am…but still, he calls me Anamika as now he too realizes “WHAT IS THERE IN A NAME..”…right, Dost???

You also reminded me of Roshni, a Junior at my school...She was a huge of mine..Why she had a crush on me, maybe only she knows...But then, one day when her English Teacher (mine too) asked her to take some book to me, she refused...It was then, her classmates revealed to the Teacher that Roshni had a huge crush on me and that she was also scared of me...lol!!! She was cherishing this crush for me for almost 4-5 years...The teacher didnt waste much time letting me know this and I went over to her class to see this girl...Lol..she was one year junior to me...and u should have seen her, when she saw me approaching her class...She was almost running away while her classmates pulled her and brought her to me...

The scene was smthing like...I was Gabbar Singh and she the Basanthi...hahaha!!! For quite some years after me leaving the school, she used to keep in touch through letters (posts..no emails then na..) and then at one point I lost contact with her...I doesnt know where is she today...but still search for her in different Networking sites..maybe some day I will find her...uhmm...

Ok...now I went nostalgic and sentimental...grrr...Just that your name and ur Post Title "Blog Crush" reminded me of her...Anyways, Rohini, I think I have answered your queries…right??? You can call me anything…J or Anamika…or Jzt…U can even call me Black, Blue or Green bcoz I called u Red…hehee!!! But then, all I wanna tell you is...

Thanks for what u did for me today…
Thanks for making me forget my headache

Thanks for the beautiful post…
Thanks for making my day…

After all, today, you have made my cheeks glow Reddddddddddd….So this post is all for you...

Just for you...

An Unusual Relation...

2011-01-09T23:52:00.000-08:00

It was late for me to expect an SMS on my personal mobile…late night…in spite of the fact that I worked night shifts…it was not so usual to receive sms then…at that time of the night…Still expecting some surprise sms from some close ones, I opened the inbox of my mobile…What I saw surprised me..or should I say shocked me…uh??? It was more than a request, a plea…a heartbreaking plea from some female to another female…I was wondering…what it meant..as the message said Something like… “Let me live...please give him to me…I love him more than anything…please let me have my life back…You don’t need him, right???”

I wondered, was it a joke...the sender’s number gave no rings in my mind…neither was I expecting such an sms…nor was I sure, Who does she want from me…I was not holding anyone with me…Infact, I had let loose everything that I had….I was married now...I never knew, if my husband had some other girl in his life who could plead to me to let him go to her…No other past of my life was I holding on to…Then Who?? Who is SHE?? WHOM does she want from me???My heart was beating in a fast pace…

With shivering heart and shaking fingers, I dialed the number of the sender from the local phone…Didn’t know what language should I be using…as I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side of the phone…Two rings and the call got connected…I could hear a faint voice…

“Hello..”

[I was still not sure…still I spoke out…]

“Hiiiii…???”

“Yes???”

“Uhmmhhh!!! Actually, sorry for disturbing…I just received an SMS…Was wondering who this was…As I have no clue about the meaning of the SMS.”

[I could hear some sobbing and sniffings at the other end…I started feeling uneasy…What am I getting myself into, I wondered…but continued…]

“Hello…??? Sorry, if I bothered you…But I think, you send the SMS to the wrong number…as I don’t think I should be the one receiving it…”

“Uhm, Sorry…I was upset…I pressed the wrong number, maybe..I was too depressed…”

[I could hear the girl crying…or rather trying hard to hold herself from crying…Some pity took over me..]

"Could I be of any help..”

“No, its fine..I shall be fine..Thanks…”

"Ok, then..if u need to talk..please don’t hesitate to call..At times, talking out your heart could help u ease your tension…Bye.."

“Bye…”

I sat in front of my computer…still not believing what I just did…Talking to a stranger in the middle of the night…and that too a girl who was depressed and sad…I knew nothing about her…What mental situation was she in…I had no idea…But as my thoughts moved, it travelled through really scary routes…What IF the girl was so depressed that she commited suicide…What IF the police get my number as the last call to her..Gosh…Did I get myself into deep @#$%$...

Minutes passed by and made it hours…I was about to finish my work for that night…But the call and the girl’s voice still haunted me..I was scared…I was looking at my mobile every now and then…Was I expecting a call from her or the Police…I don’t know…But I was expecting a call…and then it rang again…with her number…the number was familiar to me by then..afterall, I have been going thru that SMS almost 100 times…I answered the call and started talking..

“Hello..”

“Hello, Its me..We spoke some time back…”

[I was panic stricken till then..but now, I was OK…She sounded OK and Normal…uhmm…]

“Hai..U sound much better than before..Is everything alright…What happened..would u like to talk to me..about it…I might not be of much help..but maybe I can listen to you…U see, at times, even that helps…”

“Oh, yes…surely, thanks for calling earlier…I was in a very bad state then..now I am OK…and thanks for offering your help to listen to me…It is smthing really personal…”

“Its ok, if you don’t feel like sharing it with me..Just take care of urself…”

“Hey, No..nothing like that…the thing is that..I love one guy a lot…we are good friends…But he loves somebody else…But she is already married and is no longer in touch with him…But, he is still stuck with that phase of his life…I was sending SMS to that girl and by mistake it reached you…”

[I knew not what to say…still..]

“Uhm..that is a bad situation…I really doesn’t know what to say…But then dear, trust me, IF your love is true and pure, some day he would recognize it and come to you…No use you contacting that female who is no longer in the scene…You see, maybe she had her own reasons to leave him…We never know…This I am saying from my experience…Just give him some time…I will surely pray for you”

[God, Am I some priest or what…What am I doing..Preaching my disciples???]

“Hey, thanks dear…thanks a lot..Your words really are comforting…I know, I should not expect anything in return…I will wait for him…even if it was for my whole life…”

“Good, you can call me anytime u want…I can listen to you atleast…OK???”

“Yeah sure, Will keep in touch…Sorry for disturbing you this late…”

“No probs…I work night shifts…so u haven’t disturbed my sleep..U just take care, OK??? Bye…” (I was relieved…)

That was the end of that conversation…but the beginning of a relation…a strange one..rather…

An Unusual Relation…

NB: This really happened to me exactly 4 years back…Maybe the wordings of the conversation have some changes…But this is exactly what happened..Nothing less Nothing More… What happened after that day was like one of those Suspense thriller movie..where a Mystery was slowly getting Unfold…The Mystery of the Girl…and her love…We are still in touch…She still speaks to me when she is happy or sad…Neither her love for him has changed nor the situation she was has...Yes, He has still not gone to her…I just hope and pray that IF god think her love is genuine and true, let her get what she want…soon…

Ouchhhh...Its me, The Robo Me...

2011-01-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year…!!!

Ok, guys…first day of office in this year…and I am an official Robot today…heheh!!! You could guess why as I had earlier also been into the same mode…(Click here to read my Old post on the Robo Me)…So…now this time, how did I end up into this mode, that could be the question arising and some of u might have already guessed it…Yeah, u guessed it right…Afterall, if u have read my last post on 30th December 2010…U would guess it right…

So, on 31st evening after 10pm, we left with the whole family and a few cousins and a colleague of my husband…to a Restaurant…a family dinner..that was in the plan…haa..the buffet rate was heart breaking as compared to the food they served…Horrible, is the word I wanted to tell on their face after tasting their food… A Hotel Chain, who were always famous for the most delicious food had stooped so low in their food quality with a change of the Head Cook…Disgusting…But, then the ambience was good…the Restaurant room opening into a deck over the sea…

The cold wind from the sea made it almost impossible for us to stand outside…still, we did enjoy the fireworks at 12…and then some hugs between each other wishing each other a good New Year…uhmm…really, prayed hard that the coming year is superb…for all of us…My parents left with my son home after that… as for us, night was still young and we haven’t yet celebrated the New Year in full style…lol!!!..Yeah, the Agenda was dancing…and NO PLACE to go…As we were exactly at the opposite side of the place where we could find a decent Disco theque…

An option came up…there was a pub…a Philipino pub right near the restaurant…and due some “Vasta” we got free entry into that place…Gosh, how I ran out from there within 5 mts of entry..only I know..the place was not actually a Disco theque but a Dance bar, where a couple was showing some Vulgar dance moves…and I had no courage to watch it with my cousins…lol…Then we decided to drive to the other end…the happening place…and find some Disco theque…As it was already past 12.30 and the Discos close at 0300am, our hopes were not so high…

As we approached the city, the heavy traffic that we saw ahead resembled that we were just about to reach one of those Vehicle Impoundment Parking….we quickly diverted ourself before entering the area..and was almost losing hope…and Viola…..right in front of us stood one of the best Indian Disco Theque…We rushed, before my hubby stopped the car, myself and his colleague jumped out and checked if they were open and knew the Rate too..It was feasible…

Rest of the gang joined in no time..and we rushed to the Disco…and…what shocked us was…the rate they squeezed out from us was double what they told us at the reception…We couldn’t complain as we were desperate to get in there and start dancing to the Music…uhmmm…me and my dance love…literally our purse burnt off…

As we entered…a Promotion Staff, I suppose..handed me a pack…it is normal, for any show in this country, we get loads of hampers and promotional packs of different items…I didn’t even look what it was…just grabbed it asked Hubby to keep it in his pocket..and rushed in…From 01.30 to 0345, we danced..NON STOP…I could feel soreness in my leg…but I didn’t care…my cousin and my hubby’s colleague also dance their head out…We even witnessed an Exclusive Sandal Slap by a girl…hehe!! Think one of the guy got naughty and the girl had to show what her sandal size was by hitting it on his face…Soon he was literally carried off from the area by the Bouncers…Cool…

They announced the closing of the Disco and we left the place 5 mts before that…but the moment we stepped out, the pain came in…I couldn’t feel that I had a neck…infact my leg felt like a heavy piece of log…which I was trying hard to carry with me…I couldn’t see myself even reaching the Car Parking..wished somebody had carried me over…Lol..WHO??? rest of the gang was equally worried and wondering whether they could even stand up the next day…uhmmm…Worst was, we smelled like Cigarette Stubs…Yuck…Naturally, we can’t expect less…even if none of us smoke or drunk, rest of them did, right???

Now, when I woke up yesterday, I was like a Robot…I remember requesting my husband to atleast lift me from my bed and keep me straight on the floor…hehe!!! And he did exactly that…I felt, he was lifting some mannequin from the floor to set it on the showroom window…uhmmm…Today..its atleast much better than yesterday…with some hot water showers…I could manage atleast this much…But then I still find it difficult to make myself get up from this chair or turn and look at somebody without an OUCH escaping my mouth…grrrr…

Whatever be…I enjoyed the night and really wish the New Year is fully filled with such happy and exciting days…Hey, my colleague behind me wanna ask me something…Hell, how can I turn my head now…

OUCHHHHHHHHH….

Happy New Year...

2010-12-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

So the New Year is right at the door step…Can’t still digest the fact that 2010 is almost done and we are just about to get into another year…2011…what is the year coming with…Loads and loads of Happiness??? Or bunch of Miseries…we never know…as that is life…whatever horoscope or astrology you belive in…how much ever accurate the stars align themselves…still..the Mystery of Tomorrow can never be solved until and unless we live through it…

Every New Year, my only prayer was….Ha…hope the coming year is wonderful…better, much better than the passing year…As we go through the hard times, we feel, haaa, I have never gone thru such pain before…It is the same for happiness too..When we r too happy, we feel we r the most happiest at that moment…but still, we repeat the same thoughts every time such emotions strike us at the extremes…uhmm…

Am I being philosophical….Naaah…As I started typing this post down suddenly I felt sm sort of Uncertainity..about future.. as I type this down, my colleagues who are just behind me are discussing how monotonous life is in here…oh yes, they are talking about the job…As one guy sigh at the fact that “We need some motivation to work…” the other feel high of the Marketing Department who get to see the clients and so on… But what I felt was… That I don’t wanna say that the Grass is Green on the other side…Bcoz I know, the marketing department would be surely finding our department to be a thrilling department due to the security and confidentiality we need to hold while doing our job…uhmm…

Tomorrow is 31st…as for me, I love dancing my night out to welcome the New year…This year, too I would love to go smwhere where I can dance, dance and dance…but then doesn’t feel like leaving my son home and going just with my hubby…and unfortunately this country is not for Family entertainment New Year bashes…you have 101 options for Bachelors, Couples…but not for a full family package…or else, your purse should be really big, that a small hole wouldn’t matter much to u…Gosh, many of them really charge you a fortune for just entering the arena…Anyways, I with my family and two cousins and driving off to a Restaurant for a Buffet Dinner…and the Restaurant owner has promised us a free entry into the dance floor of another Bash for free…hehe!!! But then, will that crowd be good enough for us to enjoy also, is a big question…Anyways…we are all set to experiment ourselves…

And for days after that…I am starting the year with good hope…After years of all sort of freeze in your increments, promotions and bonus, the coming year, I hoping for, if not all, atleast some…hehe!!! There are rumours walking around in the office, that maybe we could expect some good news on those fronts by February-March…Maybe that is the reason why, our performances have been reviewed and an appraisal report has been send already…So hoping for the best…

Before I finish off my blabbering, I wanna share with you a funny New Year party…I had never been to a Disco or Night Clubs before my marriage..too orthodox was my family na…After marriage just once…that was on 31st December 2006, we went to a Disco to celebrate New Year…Lol..I still remember that night… As I left for the party, thinking of the inconvenience a purse could cause…I took nothing with me, apart from my mobile …But then, I did squeeze in one thing into my husband’s pocket…hehe!! Guess what was that…

A Quick Fix-Easy Glue…hehe!! That was a precaution…Was worried, if my Shoes got torn or broken in between the dance…heeh!!! And Guess what…my Sandals never gave me off…but somebody else’s did…As I went into the Toilet just before the clock struck 12…I saw a girl sitting there with her broken sandals…she was upset as she will not be able to dance further…

And then what…within seconds…Madam was there with help..hehe!!…The Easy Glue did come handy, if not for me, atleast for somebody else…Still remember her smile, as I helped her with that surprise…Rest of the night, we danced from two different ends of the dance floor…but occasionally giving each other a smile…lol!!! My hubby who had made fun of me when I took the Glue with me early that night, was surprised too…

As we left the dance floor that night…I had a stranger to say goodbye and show Ta…ta… to me!!! And as I too waved goodbye…She screamed at the top of her voice….Amidst the loud music, I could still hear her…

“Thanks Dear…and Wish you a Happy New Year...”

A Memorable Xmas...

2010-12-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

As Xmas is fast approaching and I have no plans for Xmas…other than sit at home and sleep…grrr…I am not sure, if my Xmas was this bland and un happening ever, and never when I was in India…especially, my last Xmas in India before being transplanted from there to this place…Gosh…that was really a Xmas…ok guys, would tell you about that Xmas memory…

I would try to make you guy picturise my house those days…it was in a very narrow lane with almost 20-22 houses…and all the residents inside the lane knew each other so well from years…it was my mom’s ancestral house…and majority of other residents also were living in there for years…This lane had a dead end at one end and the other end opened to a road which was parallel to one of the busiest road in the city…So we were like, inside a calm place in a busy city…

That time, majority of the children in each house was almost aged between the range of 19-28…and somehow, we all had built a bond with occasional celebrations during festivals or the daily even Carroms game at my house’s Car Porch…As I and my cousins used to play daily evening, one by one, these Bhaiyyas and Chotte Bacchas started joining and soon it was like a Games Club daily evening having matches between different groups…It was fun…

Among these residents it was just one family who was a Christian…that year, an idea flew into one of us, to celebrate Xmas in a special way and make them feel special…Now, lemme tell u…among almost 20-25 Boys, I was the only girl who was standing right in the front for any such activities…Rest of the girls in the area acted they were shy or reserved…So, their help was taken only when it was really required…as for me, I was a pre-requisite for the Boys, as they knew, the families would take their ideas seriously only if I was with them..heehe!!!

Thus we planned for our Xmas celebration…First of all, the whole lane was decorated with Colour Papers, Balloons and what not…Right at the mid of the lane in the centre of the road, we hung a hugeeeeeee Star (which Madam myself made with long plywood pieces and strings and colour papers and gum…ohhh…wasn’t I smart….lol!!!) a bulb was inserted into this star and it could be seen even from the road…it was that big and colourful…Now, 10 of the guys also went out and made rounds in the city with one of the guy dressed up as a Santa Claus…and we were well equipped with hi-fi Music system and speakers…lol…a Handcart followed the group with the Music Player and Speakers…it was really a GRAND Santa Group…Anyways, unfortunately, Madam was restricted from going anywhere out of our area…So I sadly had to sit and wait for the guys to return daily night…

Finally the Xmas day…we invited every single residents of the lane…We celebrated the night with lots of songs, games, dance and fun…Ofcourse, don’t forget the tasty cake and the delicious dinner…By the by, the Dinner was sponsored by every single residents…They contributed towards the dinner…and we just fed them…haha!!! But the night turned out to be the most memorable for majority of my neighbours…One member of each house gave a speech on how they felt about the day…and hehe, guess what, Madam was being praised by each of them…I could hear very well the grunting and grouching in the background from the Boys team…I could hear my brother complaining, WE DID EVERYTHING AND SHE GOT THE COMPLIMENTS….hahaah!!! Afterall, Guys, I was the master mind and the organizer and the host (I am sure they would correct it as Ghost)…

Anyways, the Xmas night celebration was a great success…But do u guys know, what made it more memorable for me…hehe!!!

After the celebration, we were all tired..I started a very bad headache…and suddenly it started raining badly…remaining people at my Car Porch was some of the boys and myself…we were all safely inside the roof of the car-porch…and discussing the success of the day…I was sitting on the floor holding on to my breaking head…naturally, my mood was going off and off due to the head ache…at this point, one of the boy, apparently my best friend "A", felt it funny, when he saw me with the headache (I Suppose)…

He took a bottle of Ice water…and started threatening “I will pour it into your head now…”…Somehow, I dint feel it funny…I was a bit pissed off..and started warning him NOT TO…ELSE… he was still joking…and the situation went so worse that to test my patience maybe, he poured the water over my head…and I LOST IT…I just couldn’t control my temper…First thing, I sprung into my legs from the floor…I ran out into the corner of the Garage…there was an old bucket outside, which was dirty enough and had the rain water in it…

I just took it and threw the entire water into his face…he was shocked and more shocked was rest of the boys…Now, Shouldn’t I be stopping it there…NO…I couldn’t, as my anger was not yet reduced…Especially, when I saw him pouncing back to attack me with more water…I could see some of the boys holding him back..and some of them including my brother holding me back…But then, it couldn’t stop me, maybe…I got hold of the Foot Mat that was on the steps near my car porch and threw it at him, as he was not near by to hit him…and then I calmed down…

Haaaaaaa….After that it was utter silence in the group… “A” was shocked, but I think he felt Insulted… He knew, it was not just my mistake…but still..afterall, he was aboy…He left the scene immediately…My brother was asking me in soft voice, “Why u did that much..he was just joking…”… For some reason, I was in no mood to take that joke that day…uhmmm…Slowly, one by one, rest of the boys also dispersed from the scene…None spoke anything…

Uhmm…Pheww…Now that was really a Memorable Xmas, isn’t it….

Merry Christmas to each one of you...

NB: All the boys joined me in the Carroms match even the next day…some spoke about the fight and some dint…Some felt “A” shouldn’t have provoked me especially when I was having a headache…and some felt, I might have over reacted…Uhmm…even I felt so…but the pride dint allow me to admit it…. “A” too was regularly coming over for the matches but we never spoke to each othr for quite some time…We did patch up after few months…uhmmmmmm….Whoever, may forget that night, but neither I nor “A” would ever forget the fight with the Water Splash…hahaha!!!

Mom…That day, you were so mean…

2010-12-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden, today I thought of some of the classy incidents of my life…lol…one thing that really sprung up from the memory book was the “First Time I tasted Dad’s Spanking…”… Lol…it is indeed an interesting story…Here it goes like this…

As I have told u before…me and my brother were the best kids in the world, when dad was around..and we knew about some Untold Rules that dad wouldn’t like us to break…

1. Never call him from behind when he is going out…
2. When he is at home, NO CRYING or SHOUTING or FIGHTING…atleast he doesn’t wanna hear it…
3. Absolute NO for any of this IF he is all set to go for WORK…
4. No standing with a broom when he is off to anywhere…

So what ever we had to do against the above list...DO IT IN SILENCE....lol!!! And many such rules…majority of them were formed in him due to Superstitious beliefs…ofcourse, now ,after years…he is out of all that….but then, those days, he was too much into all that…and little could any of us even think of what could happen to us, if we broke his limits…lol!!!

So I was 11 or 12 years then…thankfully, unlike my brother, I never gave a reason for Dad to practice his Spanking skills on me..atleast till that day…lol!!!

So…it so happened that the day before…I had a Dentist appointment…and the Dentist didn’t like the look of one of my tooth to my right side…He was pretty sure that keeping my tooth for himself would be a better idea than keeping it with me within in my mouth…So the Cruel Dentist pulled out my sweet little tooth and that reduced me and that left with a numb feeling mixed with variant types of other emotions…The prick of Anaestasia did pain…but then there was some sort of an ache which was just on the way to transform itself into pain…for that moment, pain was not the issue…

But by evening, pain started walking in slowly, from a corner of my mouth to my ears, to my head and so on…the big bunch of cotton still sat there, exactly where the doctor had kept it…I still couldn’t feel my cheeks much and I felt there was a big swelling in there…very often, I looked at myself on the mirror to see, if in real my cheek has grown any size bigger than normal…uhmm…not much…just a bump due the cotton ball…

As the ache turned to pain, I bit hard into the cotton ball trying in vain to control the pain…uhm…its didn’t help much, but still, it was a relief…through the whole night, I was continuously biting against the cotton ball…which I had replaced with a fresh set…I knew, tomorrow, the day would be better with a painless mouth cavity and ache-less head…Little did I know…

The alarm rang the next day…I jumped out of my bed and I knew it…the numbness was gone…the swelling was gone…butttttttttt….WHAT THE HELL…my whole mouth was having a tangy pain…as if a pinch of salt on a fresh wound…grrr…I placed myself in front of the mirror again and inspected my mouth….Gosh…what did I dooooooooooooooo….the right side of my tongue was almost red with wounds…with pieces of flesh cut into pieces here and there…the bleeding had stopped some time in the night I suppose…but the pain had started once the sedatives and Anastasia left me….

So…it so happened that, it was in real my very own Tongue that I was biting hard the whole night…I was assuming it to be the cotton ball…due the numb feeling, I couldn’t even realize it wasn’t the damn cotton but my tongue that I was crunching off like a cow chewing its grass…which left me with bruises all over my tongue…

Now, the real story happened after this…to let u people know…I was slim like a pencil and could easily be used for a measuring scale…My mom very regularly got a good dose of advices from relatives for not taking care of me…She was often blamed for me not putting on some flesh into my thin body…Naturally, mom was upset..and just the previous day, my aunt had showered a good amount of advice on the importance of breakfast and milk and so on…

So, that destined day…Mom was adamant…she was adamant that she would make me eat the breakfast…and that too CHAPPATHI and CHICKEN CURRY…to add it up…the chicken curry was spicyyyyyyyyyy… I couldn’t even imagine putting anything spicy into my mouth…let alone chew it…I protested… “NO…I DON’T WANT BREAKFAST….”…Think mom was more serious in what she said…She started shouting at me for not having food properly and growing thin and so on…and to my bad luck…that was exactly when my dad was coming down the stairs all set to go to his office…grrr…

Dad, did hear the commotion…and he was damn upset…and due his anger, he shouted at me… “EAT THE FOOD…NOW” ..I was shocked…and was shivering…I sat in front of that Chappathi and took it to my mouth…the first strip…and the first tear from my eye fell into the chappathi…and what I heard next was not less than any roaring from any lion…I heard my dad saying… “What are u crying for…did your father die…” and then what happened was something like in one of those Sci-fi movie…I was running around the dining table and dad behind me spanking me hither and thither…I could hear nothing that he was screaming..nor could I understand what mom was telling while pulling him back… He acted as if he has lost it…and I ran as if my life depended on that…

This ‘run and chase’ continued for almost 5-6 minutes, if not more…but suddenly he stopped as he hit his hand against one of the chair and think he sprained his finger…I was pushed into one of the bedroom by my mom…and I could hear dad shouting at my mom too, for creating a scene when he was going out…and then heard his car leaving the car porch and out into the road…

I was in my bed…crying, sobbing…I was still in my uniform…uhmm…so today NO SCHOOL…afterall, that is what happened when my brother got his spanking..he was not allowed to go to school…I slowly removed my Tie…and that is when mom came into the room… “What are you doing…Go to School…”…she screamed… "No, Why…I don’t wanna go to school..after all, bro was also not allowed to go to school the other day…I am also not going..”…to my horror…Mom replied… “No…you ARE going to the school…get dressed and come out in 5 minutes…”…

Now…even today, I try to understand or realise…what was it that actually hurted me that day…Was it my torn tongue…or my Dad’s spanking…or Was it my Mom’s insensitiveness in forcing me to go to school even when I was expecting some sympathy for the show-down…

What do you think, guys…Wasn’t it mean…after all, I needed to be at home and mom should have let me spend the day crying and feeling bad for what happened….Uhmm…

“Mommmm…That day, you were so mean…”

The Old Resolution in a New Bottle…

2010-12-06T00:22:00.000-08:00

So, December is here….ALREADY!!! I am surprised…and shocked…and above that I feel guilty and ashamed of myself…Its going to be one whole year soon, when I made that resolution inside me that I really wanted to follow….and DID I do any justice to that…NO…that proves how bad am I at following a timetabled life…uhmm..Its been always so…whenever I made prior plans and decisions to do anything..be it anything…I could write it down then and there that nothing would happen anything like I had wanted it to happen…great na…

Ok, now last year around same time…I was almost over with most of the financial liabilities I had taken up into my head for the sake of others…Ok, now that is a big story, which is not worthwhile discussing now…Anyways, for ur understanding…I had taken it as my duty or responsibility to clear up so many financial liabilities that some closed ones had made due to their stupidity… I was sort of a guarantee for others to squeeze the money out…if the real person couldn’t pay back, catch hold of the sacrificial cow…I was in somewhat similar situation till then…last December, I was finally off all such stuff…Now all that I owed was to the dear Bank where my salary went every month… So, I dint have much to think about…As soon as the salary reached them, they took a fair share out of it….

Somewhere till 2013, I was thus related to the bank…closely and lovingly…I dint mind…as long as I had a job, I was fine…but I had a very big dream of myself…like any other NRIs…I too dreamt of the same common dream…a Home…a house to call “My Home…”… Relatives back home, very often blamed me that I was too stupid that I didn’t invest into that dream much before…even if they knew WHY DIDN’T I…still, every time they spoke to me on phone or met me back home…their repetitive advice was… “Why don’t you get yourself an apartment atleast now…”…

Anyways, last year, same time…I planned or decided…from next month…I would deposit XXXXX every month…may whatever happen…I WOULD DEPOSIT that amount…and then also calculated the extra amount that I would be getting as part of ticket allowance and so on…I was sure, I would make it to reach the decent amount of X,00,000.00 by end of the year…that is NOW…which was good enough for me to pay the initial amount for a good apartment/villa back home…It was all well planned and fixed…I told none about my plan…

January came…we had to shift…grrrrrr…First month budget went overboard…(U can click on the link to read what happened then...) which took 2 months to get back to normal…03rd month was annual festival time for temple back home…the amount went out as charity and for temple offerings…and then the 4th month I transferred the first set of planned amount…and the 5th month, we had visitors from back home…which again jeopardized my budget..uhmm…Good going…06th month salary helped me to rectify the budget back to normal….

07th month, I got the expected extra amount of ticket allowance…I had to send the amount…but not for my dream…but, I was travelling the next month…so naturally I needed money back home...plus had a big list of shopping for your loved ones back home…08th month I was back home, spending the amount I send earlier…plus adding up my credit card and reducing my account balance…great…I was back in the 09th month…Now was my time to start repaying my installments for the Credit Card…

10th month…two different friends asked for loan..uhm…couldn’t say NO…afterall, I too have gone thru that…so No deposit for My Home Project….grrr…11th month the exchange rate became sooo dull that I didn’t even feel like transferring any money…uhmmm…to add up the New Specialist for my Son’s allergy took up quite a big amount…Gosh…waiting for the Insurance guys to return me my money….and now I am here…it’s the 12th month…

All I am left with is a very meagre bank balance here and a still smaller one back home…I am happy that, atleast due some instinct I have been depositing money for my son…I could never even think of touching them or shall never would…If not for that…Now, I would have felt more depressed and stupid than anything...Uh??? “My Home” project again came to a halt…grrr….

But hey….I really doesn’t want to remember the hefty reasons to spend money next year…Afterall, quite a few marriages are on the way…nothing can replace money when it comes to giving gifts to closed ones…As of now there is one marriage in April of my first cousin and two more to follow…including my own brother and another cousin…Gifts, Clothes, Accessories and don’t forget the Air Ticket rates…Lol…and that means…Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Anyways…Past is Past….I don’t wanna cry over the Spilt Milk now…Future Is Future…I will forget my past and face the future as it comes…As of now…I wanna welcome the coming year…After all, here is a new year coming right in front of me in a few more days…all Fresh and New…I have decided to revive and renew my Project…I want to change my belief that IF I PLAN, IT WOULDN’T HAPPEN…I want to tell you all next year same time, that, I DID IT… I have indeed fulfilled my dream…I did indeed stick to my resolution…Hurray….three cheers to me…and wish me luck, guys…

I am ready for the New year…hehe!!! Ofcourse, much in advance with my New Year Resolution…

The Old Resolution in a New Bottle…

NB: I have linked some of my old posts with this post just for flash back...heheh!!! You can click on the blue words if you wanna read them...Another warning is that seeing the above pic, don't imagine that is me...I look nowhere near her...hehe!!! But then, what she said wouldn't suit anyone else better..."Screw that, I am moving forward..."

Will I ever change...???

2010-11-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

Last Part...

Now, we were in constant touch…but would some people never learn…getting into the wrong relations at the wrong time…especially when somebody warns you not to, still if u r all set to fall into the wrong things…NOW, if she fell into wrong things was not my problem, I could take it so…But then, I wouldn’t be happy so …I HAD to take one extra tension into my head, right??? So, did I? and where did that take me to…Turned me into somebody who doesn’t want to let her friend off and is trying to dominate her life..greattttttt!!!

It so happened, a guy suddenly came out of no where in her life…She was keeping me updated…I was happy that somebody was there around her to love her…But apart from that, from what ever she told me about him…I was not convinced that he was good enough for her…I knew from his mannerisms that he was no lesser than a Psycho…Experience told me atleast that much…I warned her…I told her how this relation could turn to…and how ugly things can be..and how difficult it would be for her later…Her only Counter Attack was.. “Doesn’t I deserve some love in my life…”…I tried making her understand, “Love can be treacherous at times and this time it would turn dangerous for you…”

She stopped telling me things…rather HE made her stop…When I asked her to tell him to meet/talk to me…he said NO…Strangely, he stayed a stranger…Soon, I came to know, she started a Live-in relation with him… I was worried, as she was with someone who I know nothing much apart from what she had told me…Now, soon after this..he started restricting her from talking to me or my family… She had to do that secretly…How strange…I stopped interfering…If that gave her happiness, let her be…

But…my premonitions were never wrong…soon she came back…badly scared and depressed…Her life was HELL…rather he was making it HELL…by being too interfering, possessive and above all Suspicious…She was not even allowed to wear a Lipstick…She was not allowed to talk to anybody…Fight was a common thing in her household…when she spoke to me about the truth of her LOVE life..i wasnt surprised...everything that I warned her about was happening in her real life...She openly told me... "when u told me tht u could get scared of ur own love, I used to think...why she is saying so...if we love someone, how can we hate that love...but now I realise how that could happen..." ...I felt pity on her...as I know what she would be going through...

Finally, I interfered into her life again...I spoke to that guy...he was as expected so good at drama...keeping a good face mask, he acted innocent...tried turning me against her...I knew some things that he said was true...as I was sure, knwoing her, she might have used them to gain more love from him...I couldn't blame her now...That wasn't me...I stood by her...tried compromised, which I very well knew, wouldn't stay long...as expected soon, she had to fled from that house even without his knowledge...there was big show downs with that too...I had to support her...physically, mentally and financially too...as he had really disrupted her financial side too...

Ok, nowwwwwwwww...why have I been telling her story...bcoz, again after all the above, she has hurt me slightly...maybe not knowingly...but still..I am tooo sensitive about relations...so I got hurt...and that is how I started writing about her days before as Part 1...Now it is my turn...you would call me SILLY, STUPID...

Its so happened, I had invited her for my son's b'day party...knowing her situations, I even arranged for her transportation...and it so happened, she mentioned to another friend, a common friend, that She might not be attending the function, But then not to tell that to me...The common friend immediately informed her, that she would be letting me know, as the party needs planning and calculation...and she is not going, do let me know...So the day before the party, I called her up and asked her, if she is not coming or what...I told her, that if she is stuck at work or something, its fine, but pls do let me know,..Her reply did startle me a bit... "oh, actually, somebody has invited me for Diwali...I have to go there and then I will see, if I can come..."... I was a bit irritated, true... I told her, "Ok, fine, if u r not coming...do let me know...I have to cancel that transportation..."...she said ok...

As expected, I knew her well...she didnt come, neither she called...Neither she had the manners to call me up later some day and apologies or atleast have a general friendly talk...to make up for her absence...That did make me feel bad...but what hurt me more was... Days later, one day, she is calling my husband...and... "Hai, where is she...she should be angry with me...right??? I am at the airport now...I am travelling as my father is not feeling well...Please let her know also...bye.."

Now, this hurt me...her family was so close to me also... if her family is suffering, I expect her to atleast let me know that...what ever excuses she might give, I don't feel, that was right that she calling my husband just before boarding her flight and telling him to inform me... If it was me in her position, I would never do that...Being all alone, in this country with no relatives or family...I would have informed that one person, who was responsible for me in this place...and yes, I was responsible for her here, atleast I was answerable to her family...It was me, who they used to call, whenever they felt worried for her...SHE COULD HAVE TOLD ME....

Once she was back, She called up my husband and informed him that her father is OK...it's been days after that also...till date, she has never called me...even for a friendly talk or to let me know of her father...It seems she told my husband that she knows that I might be still angry with her...and my husband did ask her if what she did was right...She laughed to that...uhmm...

I don't know...but somehow, suddenly I see that girl in the College room...sitting with her new found friend...giving glances at me and laughing...and I hate that...But at the same time, I can't hate her or anybody in that case...Once, I have had a soft corner for anybody, how much ever they hurt me, I can't hate them...I might be wrong...and I have learnt my lesson, but I could never put that into practice in my own life...I do preach on that to everybody...but in my own life, I still get hurt by people who I love and give my life for...and still I am around them when ever they need me...I could never change myself in that one aspect of my nature...my behaviour...my life...

Should I change...?Will I ever change...???

Could I keep her safe always...???

2010-11-23T00:31:00.000-08:00

PART III - Continuation...

Now…time flew like anything…I found new friends…new interests… new life and a job in the new place…Everything was new..except for one friend, who soon got married and came to the same city I was in……

The Irony is...This was one girl, who was a good friend but never the best friend…We did our computer course together and she was always in love with her Now-Husband…so I kept a distance from her, thinking, she would need some privacy while talking or chatting with her boy friend then…She used to feel bad about that…but I had my own reasons…But today, she’s the only friend who I have from back home, who really took that interest to keep in touch and maintain that close relation she always had towards me…Today, she’s indeed my best friend…as she was there around me in times of need…uhmm…

Ok..lets get back to my story…

Three years passed…One fine Sunday, I was rushed in the first flight from here to my native place, due a medical emergency…..when I was rushed, the doctors didn’t know that it was really an emergency…They just knew, there was a cyst that need to be removed…but in real, there were 2-3 cysts and out of that one had already freed the fluid from its diameter… A Cyst broke around my Uterus and the blood had spread into all the organs…Lol…Anyways…the surgery was done..

A few days later…God knows for what reason…suddenly, my old friend’s face came to my thoughts…Without any particular reason, I tried contacting her old number…It was Out of Order…I started calling many of my other class mates…None knew anything about her…Infact, she just disappeared into thin air after the Graduation…None was even sure, whether she passed her Graduation…Finally, a few days before my return flight, I got thru to her…

She was surprised...and for a change I felt relief in her voice…I couldn’t get why…She said..she really wanna see me..Now, I was surprised…Still, I told her, that I still stayed at the same place where she used to frequent on a daily basis years back..and my home number hasn’t changed… (lol, that was a poke…)

We met…a day before my return flight…She told me what happened to her after we bid goodbye…Her so called friend, ditched her…and she was left alone…Her parents, forced her to get married…but the marriage was a failure within 3 months…but by then, she was pregnant…and now she was back at her marital house as a burden to her family with her 2 year old son…She cried and explained how hard it was to live so in such a conservative society… I was hurt…I wished if I could help her…I promised her help…She said she didn’t come for help..just wanted to see me..and was happy tht she could talk to me…uhmm…

Months later, I got married…She came to meet me before the marriage..and I again promised her my help…this time, she wanted a way to escape the hell there… I knew, financially I could be of NO help..as even myself was having bad times then…but then, I promised her that I would try with all my friends to get a Visa for her so that she can come over and try for a job and start a new life…I told her that, she can stay at my place as long as she want and can settle herself…

Within 3 months, she flew to me…my relatives were all against my decision to bring her and keep her with me…Typical Conservative family…Their thinking was that I was just married and how can I keep another young girl at my place…during my honeymoon days…I didn’t get into an argument nor did I listen to them…I brought her…Took her around..Paid for her clothe, food, transportation and everything..as she came over with not a single penny…She had none…

Luck helped her, this time..She got a job…and soon her company gave her the visa…She shifted to a Sharing accommodation…She thanked me and openly agreed to all her mistakes she committed due misunderstandings…She admitted that whatever she did was purposefully to hurt me…and that now she realize how wrong she was…I was happy, tht she was atleast off frm her problems…We kept in regular touch so that I advised her of all possible dangers in this stranger’s land…She knew none and dangers were same for woman all around the world…I was like a Mamma Bear trying to protect her from any problems…as I felt, she was my responsibility…After all that she had gone thru in her life, I didn’t wanted her to fall into any trap…Afterall, I was answerable to her parents and little son too…
But…

To be continued…

She couldn't stop being so, I suppose...

2010-11-17T00:43:00.000-08:00

Part II - Continuation...

So…now where did we stop…I literally started keeping myself off from her…as every time I w as anywhere around her, she didn’t leave a chance to hurt my feelings…as she knew me the most and so she knew what could prick me…and she did exactly that…

Time passed by…It was time for our Final year Excursion…I was never allowed to go for an excursion…my parents were terrified of all those news we hear of accidents and death during such trips or excursions…But somehow, this time, my parents nodded YES…and we planned for a 3 days trip to one of the Hill Station…to a neighboring state…It was a nice and great news for me…but…this time it was not so good, as my friend was no more my friend and I knew, I might feel lonely in such trips…knowing myself well…

Then I came to know, she was not coming…reason being financial. It seems her mother didn’t wanted to spend not so big amount for a mere excursion…I felt bad…When rest of us go, if only she is not coming, I thought of the pain she might have…I keeping off the things that happened in the past, I went and met her at the place where she used to do her Computer course… I promised her, that I shall find the money to pay for her too and she just come…I spoke to her mother and my parents too… It was not that I was rich that I could pay…but then, I managed to get the amount somehow…for me and her and we were all set to go…

On the day of the trip..she was supposed to join us from near her house and we all got into the bus from the College (Starting point)…Knowing, she loved fried rice, I packed a big pack of fried rice and other stuff for myself, her and even for her NEW FOUND friend…I was happy…we started …. I still remember, I was dancing thru out till I reached her place…I was screaming and singing along with everybody with joy and fun…As she entered, we sang a welcome song..to make her cheerful…

I knew, she is my old friend now…But what happened was shocking…She just entered the bus, spoke and smiled at evrybdy and found her seat near her FRIEND and continued what she was doing a few days back…I was shocked…

Not only me, rest of the girls in the bus too noticed, how meanly she behaved…some of them, called me to their seat and started talking and trying to change my mood…I realized, how all my other classmates cared for me…they all knew, I was not so bad to deserve all that…

What happened during those three days was unexplainable..I was with her…but I could feel I was alone…She came to me, evry time she wanted money..or wanted to buy something..the moment she go what she wanted, she would leave… I finally, took over myself…I decided to ignore wht she was doing to me…Instead, I mingled with evrybdy and enjoyed the rest of the trip…Don’t know what, but the other girls liked my company and followed me evryhwere…

With that trip, I completely cut myself off from her…When our exams got over, she came over to me with a Slam Book, where we write about ourself ..a modern version of an Autograph book… I dint hide my emotions…I bluntly wrote on it “Never hurt anybody the way u did to me..and never term Utilisation as Friendship..” …lol…I am really meannnnn…After reading that, she told me…jokingly and sarcastically… “My god, I can never show this book to anyone now…” ...Neither of us had any regret in what happened...uhm...

After that, our graduation results came out..I passed as a University Topper with a Rank…and knew she failed in some papers… Within a month I was travelling to join my dad here…Before leaving, I met her to say Goodbye…and that was the last I saw her…

Until almost 3 years later…

To be continued…

Why was she doing this to me...

2010-11-13T03:58:00.000-08:00

Part I

Ok…now, friends…I am a bit hurt…Is that silly of me to get hurt…I don’t know…Can I avoid getting hurt???No…I would be the first person to look around for reasons to get hurt…especially if it’s the matter of any relation…then look for me, I would be right there…Some INTELLIGENT people advised me…Never expect anything in return…Then you wouldn’t get hurt…it was true…I too always advise many around me the same thing…but could I ever practice it in my own life??? Never… somehow, I couldn’t…

When I say expect…I am not expecting any physical goods or stuff…just the affection and support…For all that I do for someone, the least I expect would be that they be truly there with me…for me…but somehow, thru out my life, I have seen 99% of people, who were considered by me as friends or family… who needed me during their times of need and then just left me once they got what they wanted….Now what I am going to say, is a childish one..but still it hurts…

It was during my graduation days, that I became friends with R…I have mentioned her in one f my earlier posts…Anyways…she was very chirpy, but gets too sentimental at the most unexpected instances and still she was fine…she and I was jokingly called as Honey and Milk..as we were together most of the time…From morning till evening, when we leave to our respective home…

She stayed quite far from city…So I used to pick her from the Main Bus Station and then we both crossed the 30mts drive to our college together in my 2 wheeler…it was fun..as our college was a bit far from the city…It was a routine…we both going together to college, staying whole day together and then dropping her back at the Bus station…

One day, there was some serious issue at my house..a very serious family issue…everybody at home were stressed and upset…I knew, it was not proper for me to go to college that day…I called her home, and told her that I wouldn’t be coming to college…She asked for the reason…I couldn’t say anything as my mom was nearby…and I felt it was not proper talking about the issue on phone…Anyways…she just disconnected the call…Even I was in a hurry, so I didn’t notice any problem in that…

Next day, we were having a special class from a Guest Lecture and had to be at the college on time..she knew it…So I waited for her at the Bus Station…almost till 9.30am, I waited…looking thru every single bus…During those days, mobile phone was not common…So finally by 9.30 I got into one of the Telephone booth and called her home… only to know that she left for college early that day…and they were worried asking me, if I didn’t meet her…I too was worried..not knowing what happened to her…I knew, I am already late for my special class…I roamed around a bit more and then rushed to college…Just wanted to be sure, she wasn’t there…

How, I drove that day…even I don’t know…finally, I parked the scooter and rushed to my classroom…and my teacher who saw that I was almost 45 minutes late…gave me an angry glare as if saying.. “I will see you after the class…”… I ignored that and entered the classroom…and there she is…right near a common friend, who she used to always deplore…I was surprised and shocked too…I was waiting for the class to get over…

Finally, the class got over…I saw her walking out with the other friend…I wondered why she was behaving so…and followed her out…I saw her sitting outside with some friends in the corridor…I went towards her…by then, I was angry and upset…. I started talking… “Hey R, If u were not coming, u could have atleast let me know…I wouldn’t…”… before I could complete my sentence, she blurted out… “I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU…”

This shocked me and hurt me…I dint know, why she behaved so…nor could I find a reason…suddenly I felt so lonely…bcoz, all this while, even though I was friends with everybody in the class…emotionally I was attached to only her…and when such a reaction came from her…I was stressed…

Our routine broke…I went alone to college…sat with rest of the class mates…while she roamed around with the other friend…I was wondering, how could she, as I knew, how much she used to mock that girl…How badly she used to hate that girl’s character and behavior…and now, she is walking around with the same girl…to hurt me more (atleast that's what I felt and that was what she was doing...), she laughed and giggled every time she saw me, giving me occasional stares and looks…I didn’t know, what is happening with her and why was she doing this to me…

To be continued…

A Sentimental Idiot...

2010-11-10T22:45:00.001-08:00

Listening to songs was always a favourite pastime for me…But the problem with me is that I listen to the same song again and again and again… This could end me up in a change of mood…which could be either a Happy or Sad…Sentimental or Cheerful…Emotional or Playful…I have my own set of songs loaded into my mobile which I listen to very often..and somehow, my list doesn’t grow that fast…it is very difficult for any song to enter into my mobile…as I am too much engrossed in my own list…that I doesn’t even listen to another song to like it or not like it…

I had a friend years back, who had once gifted me a cassette recorded with the same song…When my brother unknowingly played the cassette in the player, it started playing the song…it got over and as he waited for the next song, again he heard the same song…again and again he was hearing the same song…at one point he doubted, maybe I was rewinding the cassette…so angrily he fast forwarded the cassette and played it again…to hear the same old song…lol!!! He used to call me Crazy then, for listening so passionately to that cassette…

Now, how I like a song totally depended on its lyrics…if the lyrics were beautiful, then I would love the song… That was the reason why I was so emotionally attached to my songs…As for each song in my list, I had some memory or thoughts or people attached to it…some where happy thoughts and some painful thoughts…so, my mood would end up in a pool of changes as per the songs I hear…

Okkkk..now, all that introduction for nothing??? Naaa…actually, now I am in a whirlpool of mood fluctuation…. I have been listening to some songs…and most of the songs somehow depicted the need for support, love and care… to the three songs that I was listening, I had three different memories….So when I was listening to them, my thoughts flew back to the past…and those faces that was inside my heart came up…

I just felt like telling this out…That, I am a Sentimental Idiot..now…I don’t wanna sing the song out to you guys…but I wanna give a word by word translation of some of the lines of the song that I am listening to right now…These are the lines that keep me close to this song….

When words get spoiled….when a problem arises…
Please stand by me…oh my love…
Apart from you…There is nobody…nor was there anybody…in my life
Please stand by me…oh my love…

Till the moment the Moon gives the light, everybody giv u company..
But please, you don’t leave my hand when it is dark…

U have to belive me…we have met somewhere before..
This is a matter of eras…and its not just today’s story…

So…now this song is supposed to be a romantic song…But somehow, this was the song that I used to always listen to and sing when I was pregnant…I used to keep my hands on my protruding tummy and sing to my baby this song… It was like, I was telling this to him…To be my support some day…to stand by me…Washing off the romanticism in the song, I found the song to be a mother’s plea to her son…

You might think I am a fool for doing that…but, friends, just go thru the above lines…Can’t a mother say the some words to her children…Can’t this be a prayer from an insecure mother to her son… Atleast for me, I felt so… During my pregnancy, I was really insecure…about everything…I feared anything and everything…even the safety of my baby…That’s how I ended up getting attached to this song…A Song for me and my baby…

Now you tell me…Am I really one…???

A Sentimental Idiot???

Happy Diwali

2010-11-05T05:23:00.000-07:00

Diwali aka Deepavali was one of those festival that we, as kids, looked forward for every year... The amount of money that got burnt off in the form of fireworks excited us so much...Even while enjoying burning our fireworks, our eyes and ears used to be at the neighbour's house to see, if ours or theirs were better...There were times when we used to hide majority of our fireworks, just to use them later...once the neighbours were done with their stock...We loved showing off...lol!!!

To say stories of Deepavali would be a whole lot...still would love to share atleast one or two of them...

STORY 1

I had this Over confidence in myself that I was toooo brave and strong…and fearless…I always made sure that I gave a similar portrait of myself to people around me… for the same reason and maybe for a bit of show off, I always used to be the first one to lit the fireworks, especially the bombs and the different types of crackers…

During one such occasion, some 12-14 years back…I was at my door step…along with some of my neighbours enjoying the Diwali eve by burning off loads of crackers and fire works…Among the different crackers, there was this small cigarette shaped cracker… the cracker being really small in size but at the same time very powerful had to be handled very carefully….

I being the stupid SHOW OFF Heroine…took some of them…placed my ass near a lit candle on one of the steps at our front porch and started lighting the cracker and throwing it away as soon as I saw the first spark in the stub…The thing was so quick that, as soon as I throw it, the thing would explode in mid air…my younger cousins awed at me in admiration…and I felt proud…I was acting really smart and kept on throwing the lit crackers into the air and enjoyed the fun of it…

But as the saying goes “Pride comes before a fall…”… I took one of the piece and lit it on the candle light…and just as I was to throw it, suddenly I had this strange feeling, that the stub has not caught fire…to examine it on a close view I was just bringing it closer to me…and BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM….. for some moment, I could feel nothing…I thought I had no hand or ears….I thought my face had flown off from me…but soon, I understood my ears were still working normal…only thing, I hated knowing that…bcoz, all I could hear was all my spectators laughing and making fun of me…As I sat there with a blank expression, one hand up as if holding a rose…

And I still wonder, how I escaped such a fatal accident without even a scratch…Forget the Vibration inside my ears for days….

STORY 2

As I said before…we as kids always wanted to show our neigbours that we had more crackers with us...When we were some 10 year old…we made an alliance with two of my neighboring friends… we decided to share all our crackers and burn them together so that we had the most when compared to many other houses around us…

That specific year, somehow, my dad was tooooo generous or was it he got it on a Discount, god knows….we got a real big treasure full of crackers…all sort of crackers filled the front porch of our house that night…along with my neighbors, we started burning them one by one…But then, Anything if too much gets stale…after hours, we started getting bored and wished the stock was over…we just wanted to get back home and give our eyes and ears some rest…

As we learnt that every body in the team had the same mind, we came upon an agreement…we got hold of a big aluminium pot…emptied all the crackers into the pot and loosely closed it’s mouth…and then dropped in a spark into it…what we were expecting was some Boooom, Baaams and Dooooms and finished….

But what happened was horrifying…the aluminium vessel started jumping and flying all around the pouch…with every single cracker bursting inside….to make matter worse, it hit the Iron gate with a bang and then jumped up and hit the glass window of the house (not to mention, it shattered into pieces…) and around and around it went…it even banged against my brother’s cycle parked in the garage…(Thank god, my dad’s car was not there then…)

Don’t mention about the clothes that caught fire from the rockets that escaped thru the lid of the Pot…haaaaaaaa…U can imagine the expression of the kids, including me…my mom had the shock of her life when she heard our screams and the glass window shattering…Anyways, one of the boy, who was elder to all of us suddenly came back to his sense and switched on the Water pump and ran behind the moving pot and washed the fire off…Anyways, it couldn’t save much of the cleaning clothes that was hanging in the Clothe Liner….nor did we were spared from the still louder EXPLOSIONS from our parents the remaining nights….

Anyways, today I miss all those days…and I feel bad for my son who could not enjoy days that we had enjoyed years back…Hoping to be back home atleast next year to show my son what is the real…

Happy Diwali…

A Mental Strike...

2010-10-31T05:37:00.000-07:00

A Mental Strike…that’s what I have named it…a state of mind, where nothing seems right and u feel blank…not able to think or decide properly…U r confused…and the thing makes u feel worse when u realize, u doesn’t even have a REASON for the confusion that is in ur mind…U can’t analyse WHY u are feeling low at that moment…. Every single person do get such attacks once a while…its just that, we never realize that is what it is…My mind do take me thru such Mental Strikes often and I keep wondering, WHY ME and WHAT is Wrong with me… I very well know I would never get an answer how much ever I try to solve the confusion…

But the worst is the situation when such a State of Mind is being faced by a very innocent sweet person…and today…I had to handle such a situation…Its not a good news…and tears filled my eyes even while I talked to that person…the person here is a very close relative of mine…She is my cousin M…

M is a mother of two kids…a son who is 12 years and a daughter who is 9…she has a very loving husband who could be considered a perfect match if their characters are compared….Both of them are Village born and grown…Down to earth nature with a soft heart…always holding a similar gentle smile…I have never seen either of them talking loudly or laughing aloud…They were a sweet couple..and always came and went from a scene without much pomp or show…Being very close relative, we knew them well…and compared to many other such close relatives, I knew well that these people never would do any harm… As the saying says…Neither for good nor for bad…

Now, maybe it was this soft heart that made her go through this Mental Strike…reason is unknown…but she had similar attacks twice before, but this is the first time, I witnessed the situation…

Yesterday late night, my mom who was still back home, called me and told me that M is having the similar mental issue as she had had a few years back…and her parents are really worried as they are back home…I, immediately called her home…Her husband picked up the phone and I could sense panic….he cut the call saying he will talk next day.. I called again just to make sure there was no serious issues and if he wanted me to go to their place then…His answer didn’t help much..he said.. “NO NO…I will call tomorrow…”

Next day early morning I called him…spoke to him..he was worried…the previous night, I had called when he was frantically trying to put his wife to sleep… This time, her issue was… “She was suspicious of everything around her… When somebody says ANYTHING in any TV programme, she feel they were talking about her…when her husband is on the phone, she feel there is some conspiracy going on against her…she was doubting that some TV channel has implanted secret cameras all around her…and so on…”

I rushed to her place by 10am…She seemed normal…I asked her, hows she..and she just bursted into crying…I couldn’t help myself frm crying…grrr…What continued was a series of her own complaints about herself…

“I am bad, isn’t it???”
“I am cruel, isn’t it?”
“I know, the food I cook is not tasty.”
“See, they are talking about me on the TV”
“I am a liar…”
“Ask my husband to divorce me”

And thus she went on saying things that had no connection…Her doctor had advised that she should be taken back home ASAP…and her husband wanted one of us to accompany her…He couldn’t go with her, bcoz again she was feeling that He is trying to take her with him to leave her…and she wouldn’t let anybdy take her anywhere….

After much coaxing and using so much of emotional blackmails, she agreed to cm with me to my house…we made her belive that my brother was flying home for a friend’s marriage and she should also go with him and take a second opinion from the doctor there…She was not ready to go..as she repeatedly said… “I have no disease, then why should I go…”

Anyways, she flew…and is now with her parents…Please pray for her…and her family…

It left me wondering and thanking God for giving me such a strong heart and will power…Else with all the problems I had faced in my life, I would have long back ended up at some asylum…uhmm…

As for her…she was too soft hearted and too much an innocent soul, that she couldn’t fight against what her mind did to her…Why couldn't she realise that, afterall, it was just…

A Mental Strike…

Happy to you...

2010-10-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

Three years…three long years that went off before I could even blink my eyes a second time…I feel so…yeah…this day three years back had changed me…had changed my identity… my looks…my behavior…my outlook on life…my love…my feelings … in a way my whole LIFE…yeah, bcoz today three years back at exactly 10hours 25 minutes and 52 seconds, I saw him for the first time in my life…yeah, I saw my Love in front of me…my reason to live…my hopes…my happiness…my anxieties…my fears…all shaped as my LIFE…my Son…my dear son…

I still remember…the day when I unbelievingly stared at the pregnancy kit…I was ready for my baby... but when I saw it was going to be real..I couldn’t believe…I kept on staring at the kit…I had no words…I just mumbled…Is it true…I could hear gasps from my mom and hubby…couldn’t read expression on my husband’s face…he never changes, I suppose…but Mom…yes, she was happy..above the world…I immediately went into the bathroom to take a shower…The secret mission was to touch my baby…a gentle touch and I asked “Are you there…?”…

Seconds passed as minutes and minutes as hours and days and months…One thing I would always say is during those months of my trimesters my baby never gave me any trouble..Not much morning sickness…I, who was always sick with allergy and nose block never had a single sneeze or cold those months…I came to work from Day 1 till the D Day -1…yeah…I worked till 25th evening...As per intial findings, he was due by November 12th which changed to November 05th and then by October 15th, the doctors said… “Hey your baby is all set to come any moment…if you want him now, you can have him…hes quite a big baby and fully developed and ready for this world…” …

Lol, like me…he too didn’t wanted to turn upside down inside me..maybe he preferred stepping his legs first into this earth…So it was confirmed, I would have to have a C-section… Only the day had to be decided…

On 25th evening, at almost 3 O Clock…my gynaec called me on phone… “Hey dear…your reports are ready…Think we can do it tomorrow…and even the Anesthetist is available tomorrow…Go to the hospital before 10 in the night and get admitted… I will see u in the morning…”… I was like Wow…but when I called my mom to pass her the news…she was shivering…lol!!! She was not ready, I suppose…after all those 9 months???hahaha!!! Anyways, I said a bye to all at office…My Boss was shocked when I told him I need to leave 1 hour early…He thought I was into some labour pain…I told him not to worry and shall inform him the good news as soon my baby comes into my hand…

Guess, where did I go straight…to the doctor??? To the hospital??? No…after picking mom from home, I went straight to a Beauty saloon…hahaha…after months…I did some real work on my face, hands and legs…I wanted to look beautiful for my baby…By the time, I was out of that place it was 0730pm… I knew, my dad would be in a fury…and sure he was…as I and mom entered the house, could see him sitting all dressed up…waiting for us to return, so that he could take us to hospital…His facial expression was ANGER…he was suppressing his shouting, I suppose…He grumbled and mumbled… “Would anywhere in the world we see this…She is supposed to be admitted in the hospital for her delivery and here she is roaming around through Saloons…and to support her a mother also”… To ease him off, I jokingly said… “WE HAVE TIME TILL 10, DAD…”..Before 10, I was admitted…a rough night followed… as suddenly, I caught a bad cough..which was not a good sign for somebody who was going to have a C-Section …uhmmm…

Next day morning …Ha, the Urinary catheterization which was fixed at about 0700am was bad and painful…Gosh, I was actually not able to even sit or lie down properly and was walking around with the bag in my hand…anyways soon after 0900 I was taken into the Theatre…But as soon I had the shot of spinal anesthesia (I opted for that as I wanted to be awake when my baby came into this world…) I felt relieved…I knew nothing much…Due cultural reasons, my husband was not allowed inside the theatre…even if he was, he wouldn’t have come in…lest the doctors would have had a Casuality inside the Operation theatre…

During the procedure, nurses and the anesthetist kept on talking to me…and I was not bad at that…I knew, the doctor was pulling my baby out…and there he was…right in front of me…The doctor said… “It is a HE…10.25am and 52 seconds…3.75kilos…Look at your mamma…”… I couldn’t talk…I was crying…they pressed his wet head against my cheek…and took him off to be cleaned…I knew, the doctors had proceeded with the cleaning and stitching procedure….I was not bothered…I just wanted to see him again…Then, smthing nice happened…

The Anesthetist asked me.. “Do u want to talk to anybdy…”… I was like… “Uhhh??? Yes…”…He dialed my husband’s mobile and gave me the phone…I heard my hubby’s voice

“Hello”

“Hey, it’s me…”

“Uh…???U??? where r U??? What Happened??? Where r u calling from…???”

“Hello, hello..wait…it’s a boyyyyyyyyyy…Can you hear him crying..they r cleaning him…”..I could imagine my husband’s face…I knew he was BLANK and lost…all he said was…

“Ah..I will give to Mom…”

My mom didn’t know what was happening..he just saw my hubby’s White face maybe…and worriedly picked the phone and …

“Hello…what happened…”

“Amma, I am calling from inside the theatre…from a Doctor’s phone…It’s a boy…10.25am…Can u hear him…”

I could sense mom’s excitement in her voice…as her non ending questions erupted…

“Ha…it’s a boy!!!How is he…Is he fair..Who is he looking like…How r u…How many kilos…Here, your husband is all pale faced and looking lost…I thought some other tension….Maybe he is shocked that you called from the Theatre…lol!!!”

“Ok Ok amma…baby is fine…they are cleaning him now..and stitching me up…He is 3.75kilos…Will see u soon…Byee…”

I could hear screams and shouts in the background …I knew my close friends were there waiting for the news…

Today, even after three years…I still reminiscence those moments…that day when I saw my baby…when I felt my Life was right in front of me…I named him ‘Advait’ meaning Unique or Non-Dual…Yeah, he was Unique…my one and only darling…my sweet heart…my Life…

I Love you Baby…and here is wishing you…Many Many Happy returns of the Day…or in his own words…

“Happy to you…Happy to you…”

Think before you talk...

2010-10-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

As I read Dost’s blog on an airline staff, suddenly I missed my days at the airport a few years back…Do u guys know, that I have been once an Airline staff for some years…???Oh, yeah, I think missed saying that…Yeah, I have had the fun of working at an airport and handling all sort of passengers with 1001 problems…the person who helped most became the passenger’s friend and the rest the enemies…that was the style those days…

The most common problem was the Excess baggage problems…On a daily basis we would see passengers coming in with baggages that weighed much above their allowance and then they start requesting which would turn to pleading and then to sympathy and then to frustration and finally anger…lol…

I would tell you about a funny incident that happened during those days…many have told me that I don't look like a South Indian in my Uniform…most passengers mistook me as a North Indian or atleast a Goan…Even when I was handling flights to South Indian states, I mostly spoke in English with everybody, but still used the regional language for the sake of the most illiterate people, who could understand Nothing of English…I had to clearly explain to them the way to their boarding gates and what should they be doing there after to reach the aircraft…They were always so happy to find someone like me in a foreign land who helped them so happily…Yeah, I know..I am sweet…hehe!!!

Ok, now…apart from such cases…I always spoke in English and never gave any idea to any of the passengers that I was from their place…as that would always gave them freedom to lure me to allow them excess baggages…the rate of requesting would be so high in such cases…Neither could I resist too much pleading nor could I help everybody...So, my English and my looks helped me stay as a North Indian most of the time for such passengers…

So one day…I was handling a Kerala bound flight…there was a couple of young boys who would be of the age of 26-30…Young and handsome too…lol, my colleagues were surely eyeing them and passing comments too…Luckily, they stood in the queue in front of me and slowly reached my counter…The first passenger, Dilip, handed over his travel docs gave me a cool smile and kept his baggage on the scales…OH GREAT, He has Excess…Now, the sweetness in me has to go off and I have to make him unhappy by telling him something that he wouldn’t love to hear…lol!!!

I looked at his face…and I knew, he too was expecting the worst from me…I said… “Excess...”…and then he started on (something I was already used to)… “Madam, please…its just 7 kilos…leave it na…You are also an Indian..you can do that…”…After much NO and suggestions and excuses…I asked him to remove 4 kilos and put it into his light handbaggage…I allowed him the 3 kilos to go off…That was very well under my allowed limit…He was happy…He expressed his thanks and took his travelling stuff and moved back…smiling at his friends…

Next came his friend, I am not sure what his name was…think it was Rajesh…a repeat telecast…an excess baggage, but this time, it was more than 10-12 kilos and he already had a heavy handbaggage…I could be of not much help other than charge him for atleast 7kilos…The coaxing and pleading and requests happened for sometime..but I was helpless..I had to charge him…while I proceeded to issue the excess baggage ticket…he started conversing with his friends in their regional language, which was my Mother tongue too…Little did they know that…

Rajesh : Dey, Dilip…See yaar, she’s charging me excess…
Dilip : Haha, What to do…If my glamour helps me…Naturally, she would let me go…As she liked me..
Rajesh: Arey, I will tell her…what u told about her…I will also tell, you purposefully came to this counter to ask her name and get her details…

(I was trying hard to hold onto my laugh…I was used to such flirting passengers...But here, I was pitying them... as I had already decided to shock them by talking in their language at the …How cruel na…Anyways, point to be noted was, I was taking more time for this passenger, just to hear what else they were going to say…)

Dilip: Oh, u go tell her…Then I can openly ask her details...
Rajesh: Owwwwwww…Dey, u marry her, then we can take any amount of baggage with us…Do u want me to tell ur mother...anyways…if u want I can ask her opinion... (and he turned to me…Dilip was like nudging him to keep quiet…)

Anyways, I dint give either of them a chance to talk…before that…I excused myself to their conversation and handed over all the documents and explained to them the way to boarding gates…I could see both of them trying hard to hold on to their giggles…as even I was trying to do the same…they turned to go…and then in our common regional language I said…

“Excuse me Rajesh…Don’t think, I left his excess baggage bcoz I am interested in your friend or liked him…This is my duty to work and that too work with ethics…I have done the maximum that was under my authority for both of you…So next time, you try coming without excess baggage and then maybe I can be more nice to you also…Else I can’t waiver this much excess even for my Parents…”

Hahahahahaa….still, I remember both of their faces…As soon as I finished saying this, I heard a sudden laughter among the passengers in the nearby queues..naturally they had heard the conversation between these two guys and also my Final Blast….but for the boys…they were like Haaaaaaaaa…I could see the helplessness and embarrassment in their face…

“Madam…sorry…really sorry…we didn’t know, u were from South India…It was just tht…we had excess and…Shey…we are so ashamed…Sorry madam…please don’t take us wrong…we were just joking…” and so on…

I was like.. “Its ok..I was also joking…”…but couldn’t stop laughing…so badly, that even the airline staff came near me and asked what’s the matter…When he heard of the news, he also broke into a loud laughter…

Till date, I can never forget these two guys…God knows where are they today…its been almost 4-5 years…but I am sure, even they would never forget me ever…and would never even talk in their regional language in front of another person who doesn’t understand it…I am damn sure, from that day onwards…they would surely remember the saying ‘Look before you Leap’ with a twist…

“Think before you talk…”

NB: Later, the airline staff had passed this funny incident even to the staffs at the boarding gates and when these two boys reached the boarding gates, they asked them… “So, when are you bringing your mother to marry that girl…”….hahaah!!! It seems, they were like so embarrassed and wriggling in shame…and was blaming each other for their idiotic behavior…

Phewwww…Dads are dadddds always...

2010-10-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

Some time back, I had told you all about my dad, right?? In tht blog, I had NB’d that I need to write really a lot to explain about him and his Adventures…rather our Adventures with him…hehe!!! So here I am…I will tell you a big Adventure I had with him years back…lol!!!

Ok, if you all has forgotten about my dad…let me just remind u…In his words…Children are to be kept at a distance else they will sit on ur shoulder and eat ur ears…hehe!! (I know, it is true…afterall, that is what I am doing today to him…) So, he WAS (let me bold the WAS in here…) a very strict and serious father who never spoke to his children and always kept us kilometers away from him…He had his own Un-Spoken rules, which was known to us and we never tried to even break those rules…

Even as kids, I and my brother, realized one thing…something that we learnt from eavesdropping many conversation between the adults of our family… LOVING somebody is a BIG WRONG…or to be précised…A LOVE AFFAIR was a taboo…thereby, the girls / boys in the family after a certain age was not expected to have friends of opposite sex…for that reason, I was enrolled to a GIRLS ONLY school…hehe!!! (Future proved that being a Tom boyish girl, I had only Boys as friends…haha…and they could do NOTHING…) All my neighbours were boys and I had only them as friends…but then it was another Un-written rule that I should have no other feelings towards them other than Brotherhood…lol!!!

So years passed by…I was in my 10th grade…I joined a tuition class for Science subjects…little did my dad know that we had boys too in that class…(As I had told earlier..he had never been to our schools/ any classes…he just gave money to mom to take care of us and expected mom to do it in the way he wanted…)..Anyways, knowing his nature, I always kept distance with the boys and never even spoke to them on a friendly basis…I was scared that if dad knew, he might not like it…

So the year was almost ending…the tuition class every year had a farewell party sort of function for all the 10th Grade students…one fine day, when I was at home, I got a call on the local phone…The call was from a guy called Sony....YES, he was a boy…he had called to discuss about the farewell..I was shocked…I was not interested in the farewell, but was more interested in knowing how he got my number…I warned him never to call me…I acted hysteric..haha…!!!Anyways, after the call, being me, I told my mom…

“Amma, today Sony called…to discuss the farewell party…” and mom said OK…and some other queries like when is it..where is it going to be and so on…anyways the discussion and the Sony episode ended there…(atleast I thought so…)…

A few days later, it was some 8 O’ Clock in the night…I was happily playing a game of Monopoly with one of my neighbor at her house…Suddenly, my mom entered the house…As soon as,we saw each other…she scooted her question…

“WHO IS SONY?”…

Her question, tone and look scared me…I was a bit perplexed… I replied… “Uh, Sony…I told u the other day na…my tuition mate…”
“Is that a BOY or a girl…?”
I was almost at the verge of shivering… “Uh…BOY…whyyyyyyyyyyy???”…

"Haaaaaaaaaa…why didn’t u tell me it was a boy…when u told, I thought it was a girl...Why is HE calling u…that too this late night…”
“Amma, he might have called to tell smthing abt the party…”… (my heart screamed… grrrrrrrrrrr…what the hell!!!… I told tht RASCAL not to call me…and did he call???)

The ATOM BOMB fell on my head… “Ha, anyways…u better don’t come home now…That boy called and Dad picked the phone..he spoke smthing to dad and disconnected the call…When dad asked me, I also told, that is ur friend…and only when ur dad told it’s a boy, I knew it WAS A BOY…He is very upset and told me that he doesn’t like all this…” and she left…

I couldn’t feel my body…I was shivering from head to toe…I dint know what to do…should I jump into a well or run off and kill that idiot…grrr…I calculated the time…by 0830pm dad would be having his dinner and by 0900-0930pm he should be inside his room to sleep…So I shall enter the War Zone by 1000pm to be on the safer side…. I decided to get to my room thru the dining room and get myself locked in there till dad goes to office the next day…

As planned, I went to the back side of my house and knocked at the door.. My mom slowly opened the door…One step into the dining room and Alas….there sat my dad having his dinner…my bro sitting on the adjacent seat..and very clearly I could see the hard expression on my dad’s face and the most cunning and naughtiest look on my bro’s face…He knew, I was scared and dad was upset…and he was sure he will soon get to witness a good Show-down…and I could sense his eagerness...

I dragged my lifeless legs towards the dining table..sat against dad’s chair..shit…and slowly started munching my food…My dad said not a word…and I was expecting an explosion any moment…my bro was counting seconds…and myself milli seconds…Soon my dad finished off his dinner, got up, washed his hands and went off to his room…

Myself and bro both gave out a Haaaaaaaaaaa….while mine was of relief my bros was of disappointment…Now I was irritated with his untimely giggles also…I was about to open my mouth and give him a good piece of my mind…and there, right in front of me stood my dad..he was BACKKKKK….The conversation that continued was the most formal one I have ever gone through…his voice was low and calmmmmm…

“WHO IS SONY?”
“Uh…SONY???which SONY???I am not sure…Is that a boy or girl, Dad???” (a halo around my head)
“BOY!!! U don’t know any SONY???”
“OHHHHHHHHHH…SONYYYYYYYYYY…ya ya…I think, it s the boy who studies with me at the tuition class…Why dad…what happened…” (I knew my face was giving me up…and my bro’s giggle was irritating me still…)
“Uhm…why is he calling you…”
“Dad, maybe he called for telling farewell party date…”
“Uhm, what party…no need of going for any party…I am taking you out enough, right…Anyways…friendship is OK…but nothing should be over the limit…OK???”
“Uhmmm, dad…”

And he left the scene and the remaining casts of the episode was

Mom – Stood between me and bro, almost about to laugh…

Bro – Laughing and Giggling and making fun of me…and
Yours truly – Not DEAD…but Lifeless…upset bcoz my brother got the upper hand today…sad that I wont be able to attend the party…angry at that Idiot who phoned my home even after myself telling him not to…happy that the dad didn’t actually wash me off in rage…and all I could say was…

“Phewwww…Dads are daddddddddds alwaysss….”

Happy Blog Anniversary...

2010-10-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

Hey, guess what...this is my 63rd post and I just completed one whole year in the world of Blogs and Bloggers...Wish me Congratsssssss...

I would really like to thank each one of you who are reading these lines at this moment for taking time to be with me through my blog…Thanks to all of you who takes an extra minute to jot in atleast one word into my comment column…I always look forward to read ur comments and feel so happy to see them…I would like to name a few genuine readers of my blog, who really took that pain to suffer my tantrums for one whole year and supported me with their beautiful and inspiring comments…

1. Dost (kparthas.blogspot.com) - He gave me a new name "Anamika" meaning Nameless...lol!!!
2. Lekshmi (worldlyviewlakshmi.blogspot.com)
3. Jogi (joginderrohilla.blogspot.com)
4. Anshul (stirrupking.blogspot.com)
5. Amity (intelclub.blogspot.com)
6. Anu (anupama-sincerlyyours.blogspot.com)

7. Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas (my regular silent reader...)

The above were there with me from starting and Hey, some of them are missing for some time now…But can’t blame you guys, as myself was also in a Hibernation mood, right…Btw, I want to say a sorry too to u guys for not posting in comments at ur blogs eventhough I m reading them if not regularly, still often…As I told u, from office, the Comment box doesn’t work..it doesn’t work even for my own blog…So I always think of commenting into ur blogs once I reach home…But then, these days, at home, work keeps me so busy that even switching on my laptop is almost near to impossible…I hope, atleast the coming days would see a much more regular me among ur readers list…

The past year…I still cant imagine, how fast time flies…Why did I start blogging…and to what extend did I stay loyal to my motive…these are the questions tht is coming to my mind right now…to be frank, I realise that I couldn’t do full justice to my real reason for starting a blog…the main motive of Opening my mind to those deepest secrets inside me…and pouring them out of me, so that I feel relieved…

I couldn't…reasons were many…first and most important reason was that knowingly or unknowingly…wantingly or unwantingly… I had built a bond...a relation with some of my blogger friends… and there ended my secrecy… I wanted to be a Secret blogger who says only secrets…but then, how can I tell my secret when the fear of being caught was so intense…lol!!! So, many a times, even when words came out of my heart, I pulled myself back from typing them down and publishing them…Instead, I told the lighter side of my life to you…In a way its wrong…I shouldn’t be afraid of the world when my intentions are not wrong…RIGHT??? So, here after, I wouldn’t pull my words back if ever it comes out from my mind…

Another absolute reason was my time constraints…Unlike earlier days, today I have less privacy and less free time to really word my thoughts into this blog…most of the time, mind would be too occupied that nothing else would come out…or the body too tired that laziness sits on my head…if not anything else…I had my office mate to keep her staring eyes on me whenever I started typing fast with Tak Tak tik tik clic clik…sound..hahah…!!! So I really need to wait for one of those Soundless keyboard..where I can type in and none would even know…I wouldn’t even mind having one of those equipment where I just need to think / imagine things and words get typed up on itself…lol!!!

Ok, now I need to stop…else I am sure, even the very few readers I have, will sleep off..haha…So, with that note...I wish myself a big big bigggggggggg

Happy Blog Anniversary…

Be Happy and Go...

2010-10-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have been lazy too lazy to blog…uh??? No I have been busy..busy at work..busy at home..(Dint I tell u guys…when I came back from vacation, my mom dint join us…as she is taking care of her sister…who is on bed rest after a surgery…uhmm..) Now, with no other option, I had to takeover her responsibilities too..Now, I have to cook and do all house chores, take care of my son and still go to Office…grrr…so this made me tooooooooooo busy that I didn’t even call back home for past 2 weeks… and yesterday my Grand pa phoned me…He called me as he didn’t hear from me for long time…How sweet of him…Hey, have I ever told you about him…??? About my grandpa…my dear Appups…

Now, in our language Appuppan is Grand father…and I lovingly shortened it to Appus or Appups to address my dear Grandpa… He is popularly and widely known as Daddy among family and friends after his kids started calling him Daddy…I know only very few people who doesn’t call him Daddy…It just became his name…and indeed he was precious enough to be a Daddy…a good daddy…the most Cool and loving but still strict and disciplined Daddy…

A small past on my Appups…He got married at a very young age, had 3 daughters...his wife, my grandma passed away during her 4th delivery due brain tumour…rather the truth is, she died on the operation theatre table, when she was 7 months pregnant…the baby (my Uncle) was operated out from grandmom’s dead body…My mom was just 11years old then and Appups some 33…the 7 year old baby, in my mom’s words looked like a frog and was taken to incubator and later taken care of by my grandma’s sister…anyways, that’s a different story…

My grandpa who was still very young was forced to get married again for the sake of the 3 young daughters aged 11, 7 and 3…One day, he asked his younger daughter (my aunt who is under bed rest now…) if he can bring another mom for her…and she said NO (but today, she regret that... as she feel if she hadn’t had said NO that day, maybe her father wouldn’t have been alone at his house today…)…my grandpa told everybody “NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT A SECOND MARRIAGE FOR ME”…from that day, he has been living for his children…and so you can imagine how close a relation could be between those children and father…their Daddy…

He was in Army then..and served several years in Security Forces…and then for the sake of his daughters, he voluntarily retired from Service and started a business…He is 80+ today…still he follow the same routine that he followed years back…Regular morning walks…controlled and timely food…and so on…he is as healthy and strong as any of us, if only better than us…even if he has all the different diseases a man can get during Old age, he never show them out…That is how my Grand pa is…

To be frank, as kids he was a “Warning” to us kids… bcoz …as he didn’t live with us, during vacations we used to go to his house to stay with him for a few days…These days, days which was supposed to be ALL PLAY NO STUDIES/WORK was changed to a different style due his disciplines and creative ideas to make us kids work…haha…He had this way of luring kids with promises of Gifts for the kid who does the best S U P W…haa!!! I really forgot what it exactly stood for…I think it was something like Socially Useful Productive Work…grrr…he used to tell that kids need to work hard and learn to earn and then save them…We would enthusiastically jump into the trap and then soon find ourselves carrying buckets of water from the well / pond to the plantain fields or cleaning the plant pots or brooming /moping the floor and so on…and every now and then one of us used to hear his MASTERPIECE Phrase… “You are an Irresponsible IDIOT”…as long as the receiving end was not one self, the rest of the kids used to giggle hysterically when they hear this…(he doesn’t mind using this statement to his children or grandchildren even today…lol!!! And its still EMBARASSING…)

He never allowed us to sleep after 8am…which was a shock… A Glass of Milk was compulsory during breakfast, which I hated…we were not allowed to waste food…and that made us sulkingly sit in front of the plate with vegetables…had to push them down our throat… the worst was the Ginger drink that was forcefully poured into our mouth every Saturday morning…he said it cleans our stomach and keep us healthy…I haven’t actually heard him scold any of us ever…he dint look like a Villain out of any Action movie nor he used any Action stunts with us kids…still, none of us ever did anything against what he asked us to…WHY, I don’t know…maybe bcoz of respect…maybe bcoz of the love we had inside our hearts which we never realized during those days….

But as years passed by the bonding between us increased…when I was in college, he used to come daily afternoon to my house and have lunch and then take a short nap…I would be reaching home after College when he would be taking his evening Tea…I would sit with him and say all news and gossips of college…he would eagerly listen to them, gossip with me..joke with me..till he leave to go back to his house…with these evening talks our love grew…our bonding grew…we became so close to each other that, it was difficult for us to not see even for one day… if he missed seeing me any day, he would wait for me the next day…

I still remember, how hard was it for me and him when I was leaving my home to pursue my future in this land…I still remember how he comforted me when I cried at the airport…I could see tears in his eyes…but still he strongly said… “Hey…dear…why r u crying…you are going for a better future…u can come here any time to see me na…then why are u crying…Be strong…and be happy…only when u r happy Appups will be happy…Now be a strong girl…Be happy and go…” … Even today, he is staying all alone in that same old house…a house maid cooks him food on time…Even though his children loves him so dearly, their responsibilities force them to stay at different parts of the world…all his children never lose one chance to visit him every time they could…Still the yearly vacation is the time when some of us get to see him and relish some memorable days with him…Whenever we land at the Airport, I know, whoever may come to receive me or not…My Appups will surely be there waiting for me…

Its been years after that day at the airport…Even today whenever I am at the airport and hugging him Good Bye, tears fill our eyes…and his words are still the same…

“Be happy and go…”

NB: The kids in this story are majorly, myself, bro and cousins. We all used to visit him during vacations and those were the days when his house was filled with screaming, laughter and shouting...heehe!!

Back to Square ONE...

2010-09-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

Hey, I am back…Apologies…as I had said earlier that I would try joting down once a while during my vacation…but trust me friends, I dint even get time to spend with my loved ones…that busy was I in this vacation…this was one vacation where 90% of the time went on travelling…crossing borders and boundaries and states…uhmmm…Anyways…now I am back..all tired and sick…Oh yes…the return flight was more like sitting inside a Roller coaster with too much turbulence and pressure variation that my ears are still hissing out the air every now and then…and the head ache hasn’t decided to subside till now…

So, as for my vacation..as I told you…I have been travelling…not for sight seeing…the whole travelling was like Pilgrimage…from one temple to another…to another and another...I think I covered almost all the southern states this time…lol!!! Happenings during my vacation, I would surely share when I am in good moods…but some points that I would surely tell you now are…

One thing I learnt is that always see to it that you don’t feel to piss while travelling (unless you are in a decent Hotel)…God!!! Apart at the Hotel apartments where we stayed (paying heavy rents) we found not a single clean toilet…even the Pay and Use was horrible beyond imagination…There was one point when my 10 year old cousin had to run around for more than half hour while rest of us were frantically looking for atleast a 10% clean toilet…and Trust me, finally he had to manage at a place where even the Pigs might not enter…God help those souls who use those toilets on a daily basis…

Temples have become the Best Business Investment for many…feels bad when I saw anti-elements literally ripping or robbing off people in the name of God…Shame on the priests who tap on their Pooja Thali and ask the devotees to drop in money…It was more like an order than a request…and the Height of Robbing was when a guy just stuck to us and started guiding us through the temple even when we dint want…and then asking us to pay some amount (not less than Rs10-20) to even the Security who is standing at the entrance and even the guy who opens the gate for the special entrance (Remember: already an amount has been paid to use the special entrance)… That was one temple where I saw Vendors asking for some Dakshina after we pay for the goods we bought…For example: We bought 41 Ghee Lamps to be lit at the temple…we paid the amount and then the guy very openly asked me… “Are you going to give me something or NOT”…I was shocked…but acted dumb…and just walked off from there…I could guess what all swearing he might have showered me with behind me…lol!!!To end the case, finally when we came out the “Un-asked for” Guide (who did nothing but asking us to pay every single person we crossed by) asked us to give him some amount…I took out a Rs 50…he said Minimum is Rs 100…lol!!! When we gave an 100; he said, he wants Rs 150…we walked out…he too might have showered us with his BLESSINGS…uhmm…

The religious “Anna Daanam” no longer seemed religious when I had to fight with one of the guy who was serving WATER….lol…[Ok, now for people who doesn’t understand what is Anna Danam…Annam= Rice/Food and Danam=Donate…Many of these temples provide free food to every devotees who visit the temple and this is being done on a daily basis as from the Financial donations by devotees…We too were donating decent amounts to the temples we visited…We too took part in the Anna Danam considering it as God’s food…every person with no bars or caste or creed..poor or rich sit together and have these food…

During one such Anna-Danam, they brought some glasses and gave to alternate people…we are supposed to take a gulp of water and return the glass immediately…but due biting into some chilly my son was choking and we were slowly trying to give him water…My mom requested him that she will give the glass back, just let the kid drink the water…In a second he harshly shouted “THIS IS NOT A HOTEL…”…the hall had some 800-1000 people…still people around us started turning around to see who was shouting so…We too were shocked…The Guy snatched the glass from my son and walked off…Even the religious thoughts in me couldn’t control my anger…we slowly finished our food and as we walked out I waited near the staff area and asked for the guy…Another Gentleman came and asked what was the issue…I explained to him the case…I told him how rude was it for a Servant of God to shout like that to the Devotees and that too for a mere glass of water given to a 2 year old boy…As he was apologizing on behalf of the other staff, the Villain came to the scene..and started shouting again…And NOW, you guys know me well, right…I can Withstand Ignorance but not Arrogance…I just started a lecture… “Brother, I know, this is not a HOTEL...Nor this is a Theatre…We come here to pray and have this food considering this is God’s blessings…So you don’t have to teach us where are we…But what you should learn is HOW TO BEHAVE…IF you can’t spare a glass, there is a way to explain it…afterall, it was for a small child…you could have calmly requested us to hand over the glass… Remember Brother, at this sacred place don’t talk as if you are at your home…and next time remember…BEHAVE….”…uhmm…By this point, he just wished if I had disappeared as many others also started agreeing to what I was saying…Anyways, I made my point clear and left…uhmm..again, I could feel that I was getting his Showers of Swearings…haha!!!

Never buy Baskin Robbins Ice cream from India if you are calculating the prices in Indian Rupees…Lol, I bought an icecream which costed Rs 30 but I had to pay some Rs300…and they said, it’s the VAT, TAX and what note…

One thing I found out is If you are years past your school/college days…and if you are too stressed out…with work, family and life…just take a day all for urself…just U and go somewhere far off from your home and meet some old friends…Yeah, this time I did that…I took off on an Adventurous trip…yes, it is adventurous for me in my life time, this is the first time, I have been allowed to travel alone and that too, to meet friends…Hurray…I did that this time…Thanks to you dear for helping me in relishing some of those lost moments…and thanks to you dear for making me feel like a Teenager…something that I couldn’t enjoy during my real Teenage days…lol!!!Only thing is that his parents shouldn’t know that he roamed around in his Bike in the midnight with a friend, a woman who has a husband and a son…haha…My husband knew it…so I am fine…lol!!! A joke in between is…When my friend was giving me company on that evening…he was getting continuous calls from his office…It seems, he had left office saying he will come back JUST NOW and it was hours already…I asked then why didn’t you tell them that you are with a friend…and his immediate reply was… “Ha, then they will kill me…if they know I am with a girl…and that too with a woman who is married and have a kid…”….hahahaa!!!

Never volunteer to help your MiL in the Kitchen..lol!!!…You never know when you would be left alone… ALL ALONE…to do every single chores…from cooking to cleaning…from washing to brooming…hahah!!!Yeah, this happened to me…it wasn’t that I was a DiL who don’t do anything…I always see to it that I do every possible work and help her in every single way I could during my vacations…but this time my MiL played smart…Smarter than me…thus, the days I was at home with no travelling, I was spending 90% of the time in doing house chores…Demands were too high that I had no time to even say a NO… My hubby dear knew, it was a bit too much…still his words were… “It’s OK, You ADJUST…After all, its just for few days…” grrr….But then to be frank, I felt good…at the end of the day, I felt proud that I did all that work myself…and nobody else gonna take the credit…Still, even though there were no exchange of harsh words still my MiL did try to Bowl some taunts and kicks once a while, which I very clearly kicked back to her…In my hubby’s words… “You both are Tit for Tat MiL-DiL...”…

But then, the outcome was…for the first time during my 5 years of married life…my MiL said, She doesn’t want me to go…as she had to do NO WORK and she hugged and kissed me a goodbye when I boarded the flight…uhmm…Unusual, uh????

In this way, my points would go on and on and on….But guys, I am at office and my favorite colleague has been staring at me for quite some time…not that I am keeping any of my work pending…but that she wants me to do hers too, so that she can continue Surfing on Net as usual…and this brings me back to reality…

The reality that The Vacation is Over and finally I am “Back to Square One…”

ME or HALLE-BOPPE….???

2010-08-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

That was the year when Comet Hale-Bopp was popular among the public…It was said that the Comet was visible through naked eyes…and every day morning, we read on the Newspaper the descriptions by different people who had seen it…Finally, I and my bro decided…we tooo will see the Comet…with our own naked eyes….lol...We knew from newspapers that it was visible during early morning…that was smwhere after 0300am and 0500am…

Gosh, that was an odd timing to be awake…we thought…still our enthusiasm didn’t die…We kept alarm for 2.45 and we woke up on time…got out of the house…Naturally Marshall & Mili (our German Shepherds) were out for our safety…with us…

Now, the real problem aroused…Where should we look to see the comet…??? Which side of the sky will it be visible???God, knows… finally me and my bro decided…I will sit at the front of our house and my bro at the backside and do the look out…Marshal stayed with me and Mili with bro…It was fun sight…atleast, I knew, I looked really stupid…right from the bed in the night gown…I was sitting there at early morning 0300am at the steps of my house…and then with open mouth gazing at the sky…right near me..sat Marshal, almost with the same expression..but in between he was staring at me and then to the sky….grrrrrrrrrr….he must have really thought… “What the hell is she doing now here…”…I dint care what he thought of me…I just sat there and he didn’t leave me…

Time passed off…0300 became 0330…0340…0350…time wasn’t moving..neither we saw even a star…grrr…I had occassional shouts from Bro… “Sis, did u see anything…”…and I reply, “NOOOOOOOO…DID UUUU???”….and I got the usual answer NOOOOOOO…This was irritating…Sleep was really calling me back...my eyes was screaming to be shut down…still I fought all my longings and sat there bravely…waiting for the Beautiful COMET (Damnnnn….) to appear…

Suddenly, Marshal stood up…he was growling in low volume..I knew, he had seen smthing to my left side…The first thought that came across me was…DANGER…what could it be that Marshal saw and getting so alert…I didn’t have the courage to turn and look for it myself…I sat there unmoved…actually I couldn’t move…I was shivering..head to toe…I have heard that Dogs can see Ghosts….Ughh…GHOSTSSSS…NOOOO….I don’t wanna see a ghost at that hour of a day…for sure…I dint moveeee…

Suddenly I heard a hissing sound… “Shhhh…shhh…”…now whts that…would ghosts make such sounds…they should be Screaming and Waling…right??? So, is that a snake or smthing there…My brave mind told me…DON’T TURN….but my intuition said “TURN and IF DANGER, RUNNNNNNNN…”…Finally, I decided to turn and look…and I slowly turned my head to the side where Marshall was staring…

Beneath the Street Lights..just above the boundary wall…I saw smthing moving.. all I saw was a WHITE Sheet..smthing like a huge Placard or Card….Then I knew what it was…It was a Human Being standing there holding sm sort of a Greeting Card and trying to throw it to me…Bloody Idiot, was SHHHHing to get my attention…within an instance, I realised…it was none other than the BATHROOM BOY…I dint wanted a confrontation then…Plus the terror and shiver, had not left me yet…

I slowly got up from the steps…and then just ran..or rather scooted myself from the place to my brother…to make it NATURAL, I was shouting… “Broooo, NOW u sit in the front and I will sit at the back side…”….Naturally, I dint wanted to let him know, that I was scared…hehe!!! Only once I reached the back side, could I breath properly…my bro sensed sm fear n me…he knew it… he dint ask me anything…and soon I understood, he wasn’t brave enough to go and sit at the front side…maybe he might have imagined and got into conclusions abt why I looked Scareddddd…hehe!!

Within minutes…we both were inside the safety of our house and in our bed…I peeped out through the window to see if that IDIOT was still roaming around with that stuff…He was…Thanks to the curtains…he couldn’t see me..hehe!!! nor the dog let him to come and have a peep himself…hahaha!!!

But then, till date, I could never forget the day ..the day I wasted hours of my precious sleep ..the day I was about to give a competition to the COMET in the speed…Bcoz, I am sure, that moment, I moved faster than any Comet in the world….uhmm…by the by, in real…this question is still unanswered…

Who is Faster…ME or HALLE-BOPPE….???

A Note on BATHROOM BOY: When we shifted to our ancestral house; the ONLY thing my mom advised me was…”BE CAREFUL OF BOY…”… BOY was one of our neighbor's son… He was popularly known as BATHROOM BOY…hehe!!!Bcoz, he had this regular habit of putting his eyes into other’s bathroom…How true it is, I don’t know…But, that was the general talk…It seems, he was caught red-handed while trying to have a free show at one of the neighbors’ bathroom…So, this BATHROOM BOY was a spoilt brat to everybody around and I could see that people kept distance from him..atleast those who had daughters…haha!!!

About myself…within days of our shifting to that place…I knew it…THIS PERSON WAS AN ASS HOLE...(lol, apologies for my language) Oh yes, he had started making my day hell from Day 1…Thank God, we had two sets of German Shepherds at our place, that kept him out of our boundary wall…but still, from his house, he never left any chance to FLIRT with me… love letters wrapped in stones used to bump my head very often (he threw them from his terrace…), passing ugly comments, whispering I LOVE YOU while crossing paths…all this were his habits those days…

Present Tense: After this incident, we started open battle..heeh!! I used to shower him with abuses whenever he passed comments..ofcourse both of us whispered just for the other to hear…as days passed, he accepted failure…As we grew up, we kept formal relation…and once I left my home town..I have never seen him after that… all I know is that he is married and is working smwhere in this country only…haha!!!

My Second Home - The Hospital

2010-08-09T02:45:00.000-07:00

I am sure, my regular 'sickness' stories are irritating atleast for some of you…But what to do guys... somehow, I and a Hospital are like Twins… I have got many such twins… for eg; a headache and me are twins again…Somehow, I was a regular to end up at the hospital and to be precise at the Operation theatre…hehe!!! And some of the incidents are such hilarious happenings, that even when I was in pain, I couldn’t help laughing thinking how I ended up in tht state…

So…Today I suddenly remembered how often I used to reach those beautiful corridors of a hospital and how regular was I there…Uhm, I was so regular that once when I went to visit some sick person at a ward, the Nurses asked me… ”Hey dear, long time…u haven’t been here…When is your next visit…”…Uhm.. Cant blame her either...Hehe, I really helped that hospital earn a lot of money and thereby drained my dad’s person…

Now, I would like to share with you some such stories…Sorry guys, this could be long..bear with me…

The Pull-Out Pull

This is the one I remember earliest from my history with hospitals…Ok, now, from childhood, I have this habit of sleeping in one still position. I could sleep a whole night without even stirring a bit or moving my hand or legs…I was 8 years old then…I slept one whole night resting my head on my right hand…by next day morning…I was having acute pain at the shoulder joints…Now my dad, who had this regular joint pains had a number of Ayurvedic oils in stock..and he smeared one of it on my hand and did some massage and did some pulling-pushing…and I was done..my pain was gone…I was happy…and left for school…

By afternoon, my pain came back…and I knew exactly what to be done…I requested one of my friend to repeat what my dad did…I showed her a demonstration of how to pull the hand…and she did…Only issue was…Suddenly I heard a CLICK and then I found myself screaming…writhing in pain…I was rushed to the hospital…Diagnosis was that the hand came out from its natural socket and took its position outside the socket…the pain was horrible…

Result: To the Hospital…It took 3 months for the doctors to pull back the hand and put it back into position inside the socket…hehe!!!

The Race

This was a cool one and a good lesson learnt…Never cheat in a race…It was the day of a Political Bandh…the roads were empty and naturally we kids were on the road…We all decided to have a Running race…Everybody stood at one end – The Start point…One of the girl shouted…Readyy…Steadyyyy…Goooo…everybody got the head start except ME THE GREAT…Naturally, the ego in me grew…I said…NOOOOOOO…that’s wrong…I was not ready…Start again…I will count…” … Not so happy about it, still they had to agree to my words…they came back to the Start…We all stood…all set to run…I counted very slowly…. “READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…STTTTTTT….” I just kept on with that STTTTTT till the point the others were getting irritated…

And that one second, I suddenly finished my words… “STEADYYYYYY GO…” and ran…hehe!!! This time except me, none of them were ready…I ran forward and then stopped to turn and see my friends’ face…I did turn around and next moment, I found myself on the floor…Lol..while I turned my body, I forgot to turn my feet along with it…and I sprained my leg…rather, again a similar disaster..the joints came out of its socket…again…

Result : BACK AT THE HOSPITAL…

The Sky Watching

I was some 12-13 years old…Was playing with my childhood friend A at the back side of my house…We had lots of Coconut Trees all around the house…and we had already received a warning from Mom to be careful as it was time for plucking the coconuts…and MAYBE some of the Ripe one might fall out and so we were not supposed to be anywhere below any of the Coconut trees…We were obedient kids…We were roaming around all the Trees and inspecting if any of them is yet to fall off…

By the time we reached the front side of the house, I was proudly telling my friend… “Hey, A…do u know…imagine, we are looking at the sky with open mouth…and then a coconut fall into ur mouth…hahah!! How wonderful would it be na…”… and we both started laughing…bcoz we both were imagining one of common enemy doing that stuff…to make it more funny, I started acting out like an idiot looking up at the sky with open mouth…

Next I was going to act the way our enemy would talk…but before I could say another word… “Dooommmmmmmmmmm”…Actually I didn’t really hear anything else other than my own screaming…I couldn’t feel anything or see anything…All I knew was smthing had hit my upper lip and I felt as if the whole upper lip got cut off….hehehe!!

Much later, I understood, when I was standing there with open mouth doing Sky watching…a small Coconut (not the grown up..but just the Baby things…that usually fall prematurely from the tree…grr.. I don’t know a word for it…see the photo..)..Anyways, whtever it is fell on my face, to be precise, on my upper lip…Imagine, if it was a real coconut…godddd…!!! I wouldn’t have been alive today to share this story with u all…

Anyways Result: Back to Hospital to stitch up the wound…my upper lip looked more like a Balloon for days after that…

The Water Skating

I have hoards of such adventurous stories to share with you all..but maybe not possible in one post…So I wanna finish it with just one more which was a very recent addition to my list Hilarious Accidents…

So this happened maybe 1 year back…my son has already started walking or rather running…He learnt how to operate different things around the house..and one day, I was at the kitchen…as usual gossiping with Mom…Suddenly, I heard a splash of water….My son was missing and I knew it…the source and trigger for that sound…It was my son experimenting with the Hand water shower…he had just learnt how to use it….uhmm…

I was worried of him slipping inside the washroom and fall and hurt himself… I had to literally run to catch him…and then…Tadaaaaaaaa….the next moment, I found myself hitting the floor with my back and skidding across the corridor in a pool of water…I knew, it was my latest ticket to the Doctor's place...

So, it so happened, my son who was in the Washroom at the other end was splashing the water right into the corridor…Naturally a pool of water on tiles wouldn’t make it any better…Plus, I was running without even noticing what I was stepping into…and I fell…and…

Result: BACK TO THE HOSPITAL….

You tell me...What to Do...

2010-08-07T03:33:00.000-07:00

So, packing is almost done…Oh yeah, I missed telling u all…I am travelling this week end..to my home town…and for some odd reason…I am not as excited as I used to be before…its just 4 more days to go and still the excitement fever hasn’t caught me…Not sure, exactly what is it that is keeping me from screaming Yoooooooooohhhoooooooooo…. I remember how my colleague was shouting when she was going on leave..and today, shes already back…and now its my turn to move…and I am still not so HIGH in my spirits about my travel after almost 2 years…

Mood swings were always part of me…Today, I will be absolutely calm and cool and the very next moment, you might find me in the deepest of OFF mood…At times, I wonder what happened to me…why am I feeling low now…some time back, I had written to u about one such day…But this time, its nothing of that sort…No mood swings that I can feel…I am absolutely fine, just that I am not able to be HAPPY about going back home…

I was wondering…WHYYY???I was just trying to analyse some of the possible reasons…See for yourselves how my thoughts travelled…

DiL-MiL Issue - (for those of u who r thinking what is DiL-MiL - click here) I think, I should rate this as the TOP most probability for my non-excitement…Am I just getting uneasy of WHAT NEW issues can raise up this time…Oh, yes…every vacation, I somehow manage to earn some extra negative points in that issue…It is was for any specific reason, I can understand..but, if NO valid reason exists then how can a solution be found…Every time, some bitter behavior, comments, dialogues hurt the inner me and that increases the distance between the DiL-MiL hearts…uhmm…(now, that’s a long story…about my own DiL-MiL stories…some day, I would surely share one by one to you all…between, do keep in touch with this space, as I would try to update the most recent one as soon as I encounter them…)

Air Fright - Lol!!! Am I worried of those recent air crashes…Is that eating away my excitement from somewhere inside me…??? Don’t think so..as I dint really think so big about such crashes…still some of the images that I have seen on the TV during those crashes had disturbed me really…So I was wondering, IF I WAS WORRIED IF I WILL LAND AT THE OTHER END…hahah!!!

Lots to Do…But Less Time – Have so many things to be done this time…Lots of long distance travel involved..and less time…which would end up in NO QUALITY TIME with my loved ones back home…Especially my grandpa…(I haven’t told u abt him right…would do that soon…) So, with this less number of days, I have to give time to so many people, still will not be able to…and that is bothering me too…But is that the reason for my present state of mind..???

Cancellation of Looked-Forward Plans – Oh, yes, I had planned to meet many long lost friends this time…and for some strange reason, it wouldn’t be happening this time also…Everybody is stuck at different places…and being a Festive Season, would be really difficult for each of us to meet up.That really irritates me…Not big a reason, right???

NO SLEEP STATE – Ok, now, this could be a reason…somehow, from last 2 weeks, I couldn’t sleep well in the nights…I would be turning this side and that side through out the night…and then sit up cursing myself for not able to sleep…All that I could get was very short naps that would last 20-30 mts….and then again I would be awake…to be frank, I am TIRED bcoz f tht…the only time, tht I could sleep well was the 20 mts in the car, when I cm to office and my friend drives the car…and now, I am trying hard not to indulge myself in any conversation and deprive me of that 20 mts of sleep also…But trust me, I really doesn’t understand, WHY NO SLEEP is being blessed on me…

Blocked Nose – Allergy on its heights…I cant take in a single puff of breadth when inside the confinements of an Air Conditioner…which is a complete YES-YES in this desert…Can’t stay without an AC and cant breath with one…that’s my present condition…Could that be the reason.. The sickness???

Anyways…I am confused…and tired…and sick…and worried…and upset…

You tell me...What to do???

I am Hungry....

2010-08-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

I am sure, whenever you read my posts, you would be thinking how can I be soooo much dedicated to Health issues…what to do friends, somehow, I always end up having sm sort of injury or handicap situation in my life…if nothing else is wrong, atleast I will have blisters in my mouth, which I feel is the worst condition….

Maybe aftereffects of the medicines that I had, I started having small ulcers inside my mouth at different spots such as on the inside part of the lower lip, behind the cheeks etc…and last night I even dreamt that one of the Blister was so swollen up that it stood out like a teeth among all my other teeth…and I am anxiously showing that one Blister to my mom and trying to get some sympathy…now, u guys must be wondering why showing it to mom…

That’s another issue…My mom has been having smalls wounds on her tongue…due some odd reason, she bit into her own tongue…I guess she was just trying eat every bit of the meat piece she cooked last week…anyways…now this wounds really hurt, I KNOW…who else would know…OK, sorry guys, let me just track my memories to a past incident…

Years back, maybe I was some 10 years or something…I was taken to a Dentist…and he very artistically pluck off one of my tooth…and as u know, during the first few hours, you wouldn’t feel anything due to the anaestasia..but once the effect starts subsiding, the pain would slowly get to us…and same with me…the effect of the anaestasia was slowly going down and I could feel a slight piercing pain inside my mouth…At that moment, I wished if I could just press my teeth hard against that area so that pain would subside a bit…I tried once, I closed my teeth against each other…I could feel myself biting at the Cotton swab that was still in that area where my dear tooth once lived…I couldn’t feel much of the texture or anything…Just that I could feel the thick round stuff inside my mouth and very often I was biting on it…It felt good…

By next day, slowly, with Pain Killers, the pain in the area went off and the bleeding was gone…and I threw off the Cotton swab…and then I was in for a shock…one side of my tongue was completely ruined…wounded till core…Little did I know, that what I was biting thinking it was cotton was nothing other than MY OWN TONGUE…With the anaestasia off, for days….I was in hell….Couldnt even taste a glass of water…that was my condition…I drooled when others had delicious food…I had to keep my tongue out most of the time and I looked more like a Dog than a Human being who was hungry….uhmmm…

Ok, now back to my story…so my mom had these wounds on her tongue and she was complaining abt it to me…and then I was complaining back to her about the blisters inside my mouth…and argued that they were equally painful…and Mom argued that the Tongue’s wound are more painful…

Now this is yesterdays case…Today morning, I woke up to find myself having wounds in my tongue…It hurts …Only thing is that the first thing I did in the morning today was to go and declare to mom that after all “I SUFFER MORE PAIN…”..She laughed seeing the wounds in my tongue…WAS SHE HAPPY??? Grrr….Atleast, I won the competition between us…buttttttt…now…. I haven’t had breakfast today as even a glass of water is hurting me…so forget lunch also…What to do NOW???? I am hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…and I CAN’T EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT…

And now, I am imagining myself eating….Chicken Biriyani, Squid Roast, Spicy Egg Masala, Mutton Chops, Banana Milk Shake, Coconut Soufle, Biscuit Pudding…hey how can I forget my favourites…
Rasagullas and Gulab Jamuns and Caramel Custard and…

I AM HUNGRYYYYYYY.....

Me and my Eyes...!!!

2010-08-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

Ha…the last two weeks can be clearly dedicated to the Health Industry…I have been literally in an out of the hospitals for all the odd reasons…either for my son…or myself…and this time, my son didn’t take much chance and he cured himself by the second day…but myself…haaaaaaaa…especially this week, I have seen three different doctors and Poor Poor, The Insurance Company…I am on of those customers from whom they can never get any profit…haha!!! I am sure, my personal file in their records now might have already crossed thousands of pages..or maybe even Novels or Epic sized…lol!!!

So what happened to me was…My son got a fever from somewhere…from where never actually matters to both of us…Bcoz, if a fever is walking almost 50kms away from us, we would make sure that it gives us a visit without fail…and so naturally, I had to run to the hospital with my son…Eventhough his body temperature showed fever, his spirit was still high and he was as usual naughty and badmash…With medicines, his temperature also was controlled…But then the obvious thing to happen…I fell sick…and the more obvious thing, that medicines usually works on me but….

What was this but??? I can explain…My fever was gone in one day…but…it was the starting point of many other visitors…Oh yes, first of all came in the Viral Conjunctivits…for which I saw a doctor near my office…and once it was confirmed I had a very very mild form of Conjunctivitis, my office mates got scared out of their chairs…They dint tell me GET OUT…but they did really wish they could shout that on my face…feeling insulted I slowly left the office…One day at home…and then back to work…with the medicines, things were under control…

Not for long…after two days, symptoms came back..and this time a new doctor confirmed the Conjunctivitis got Severe…Ofcourse, how can the thing go off from me in a mild form…IT HAD to be severe…so another set of medicines…and again I was in the GET OUT mode at office..and I kept myself away from my office…grrr..Another day off from work…Again, I came to office after the one day break…The ONE LADY at my office dint spare anything to make me feel as if I came in from some UNTOUCHABLE Category…grrrrrrrr…still I hung around the office till afternoon…by which my eye pain suddenly shooted…

My boss was happy to let me go..(naturally he was scared that his whole department might have to close down due Conjunctivitis…but then my Doctor had very clearly said, NO need to fear of any spreading as it was already past that stage…but, then none of them really belived the doctor’s words…) So for the third time, I went to the same doctor…he gave me some pain killers…and asked to observe for two days to confirm that it is not some new infection…I was happily given another day off from work…THEY REALLY DINT WANT ME..uhmmm…??? L

So, I stayed home again….till afternoon, everything was normal…exactly by evening, suddenly my eyes started itching and it got all reddened and wrinkled…MY doctor was off duty…gosh!!! Now what…naturally a new doctor…another routine check up…Finally confirmed… “Conjunctivitis has left me…But…it has instigated the allergies and so some Nodules in the eyes are all protruding and giving me the itching feeling…”

Thanks to my allergy…All bcoz of one fever I got…grrrr…Now the scenario is…I got a fever, which instigated the Viral Conjunctivitis in Mild form which got Sever and slowly instigated the Allergy and has finally ended up in Severe Allergy….Anyways…by night, I called my boss on phone…ASSUREDDDD him that I no longer have any infection and I AM NOT CONTAGIOUS….lol… and I am coming back to office (Was I warning him or threatening him…he might have thought atleast that much…haah)

Soooo…today, I am back in the office…The ONE Lady in my office still stares at me as if I was bitten by the MAD DOG and I might bite her any moment (not that I don't feel like doing so)…I DON’T CARE….atleast I am telling myself…haha!!! I have slight pain in my eyes…but then its fine…atleast I am succeeding wonderfully in irritating that ONE LADY…lol!!!

Long Live Me and my Eyes…!!!

Who is He???

2010-07-21T23:51:00.000-07:00

Imagine, you have seen a movie 3-5 times already…so by the 6th or 7th time, when you are watching you would be able to tell what is going to happen next or what dialogues gonna be said….Same happens with me and my recurring dreams…If I talk about those dreams, that I see not one or two times…you might think I am crazy…Trust me friends…I am not…its just that due some unknown phenomena… some of the dreams I see, keep recurring during many nights… Just read on for one such thrilling experience I had with one of the recurring dream…no longer a recurring one…

I am at my school..The whole school looks deserted and dark… I was running as if was trying to escape from something or somebody…I can see myself running through the wooden balcony of the main block and then through the play ground and so on…I am scared and tensed…what was most scary about the dream was, I myself never knew what was I running from…I was just running as if my life depended on that…

I ran towards the back side of the main block and then hid in one of the classrooms (which was a day care during the days I studied in that school)…there was a window in that room and I was scared and panting for breath…I was peeping through the window on the look out for some danger but all I could see from that window was the Toilets at the far end of the school premise…

And then, I saw a guy…he jumped through the window and hid inside the room with me…we both never spoke…it was as if, he never saw me or rather I was invisible…I always used to feel, I was in the world of some Video Game of a War/Battle Field…He crouched so low below that window as if he was hiding from somebody and then at one moment he jumped out of the window and ran to the left…at this moment, as if from nowhere, a group of 3 people came with guns and shot this guy down to death….

Every time I saw this dream, I will be watching all this from the same class room that I was hiding….Now, this has been happening for quite some years…

Last year, one night, I was again seeing this same dream…from start…In my consciousness, I knew what was going to happen next and I was seeing them as I remembered…and the dream reached to the point when this guy jumped into my hideout…as usual, he was sitting there hiding…In my mind, I knew, next he would jump out and would get killed…and as I knew it, he suddenly rouse and was about to jump out…

But this one time, I spoke…I told him… “Hey, don’t go…I know, there is danger there…When you go out and run, there will be some enemies coming from the right side and would shoot you down…”…For the first time, in all these years of my recurring dream, this guy turned and looked at me…He too seemed surprised to see me in there…as if he had never expected…He had so many questions in his eyes…He never said anything...we just stared at each other…and then I repeated… “Don’t go…you will get killed…” …He still dint talk…nor did he go…we both looked out of the window and waited…

Soon, as I predicted, the 3 people came from the right side…they were shooting with their guns and ran past us as if they were frantically looking for somebody…Once they crossed us…this guy turned to me…he had a Thanks in his eyes…and was just about to say something to me…

And, lo and behold,…I opened my eyes…I was awake….I tried sleeping again to see the rest of that dream… neither could I ever hear what that guy was going to say nor did I ever see that dream again…But the memory of that dream still stays fresh in my mind and always as clear as before…

I could never understand, why I used to have such a dream again and again…and why dint I see it after that day…I don’t know…At times, I feel, maybe I was in that dream again and again just to save that guy…afterall, I was never attacked…nor have I ever seen anybdy chasing me…Maybe, afterall, it was this guy who was being chased and my mission was to SAVE him from the enemies…

Above that question, the more intriguing question that haunts me is…afterall…

WHO IS HE???

NB: Can any of you interpret dreams… Then I might have to hire you as my official dream interpreter… lol!!! I am not joking …That’s how dreams / nightmares haunt me… I am sooo good at seeing them and most of the time I do remember them…As once I told you before, some dreams that hurts me, for some strange reason do become reality not directly but atleast something would happen in my life that have some connection to the dream I saw…

Missing You...

2010-07-18T05:28:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason, today his face has been very constantly fluttering through my thoughts…I haven’t been thinking of him for quite some time now and all of a sudden today he is in my thoughts…all fresh and cute as always…and his thought did instill a pain in my heart…a pain for the love I had for him….the pain of reality that I can never see him again…the pain of missing him…the pain of missing hugging him and loving him…I don’t think anybody else could ever take the place that he had in my mind ever after him…he was irreplaceable in my heart…in my family’s heart…He was our pet…a German Shepherd…a police trained watch dog…

“Gentle” was his name…an apt name for his behavior ONLY towards us…his family…I don’t remember when he came to live with us… but he was always there with us…He was an extremely brilliant dog…and absolutely disciplined and well mannered and knew his job very well…he was tall and well built for his age…I still remember the pace with which he would change his posture from a playful Pet dog to an Alert Watch Dog the moment a stranger enter our boundary wall…and trust me, if the new-comer did the mistake of picking even a piece of paper, he would find Gentle just near him….all alert and with a low volume growl, which would make even the bravest person drop down what ever he was picking up…lol!!!

I have to write a whole book on him, if ever I start talking to you about him…But today, as I remember him…I wish sharing with you about that day…the one day that me or my whole family can never forget…Even today, when I think of that day my eyes fill with tears and I wish…

Now, Gentle had a separate kennel close to our 2 storey house. His kennel was not less than a house or a room… It was as tall as any of our rooms and had a full length door, windows and a Tiled roof…It was like a Out-house…specially built in for the dogs that we had…if I missed telling earlier, we have had times when we had more than 7 dogs at a time…My dad was crazy about dogs and so were we kids…So, Gentle always had a magnificent royal life of his own…with good food and all health concerned medicines and all stuff…

Of all the people in the world, Gentle was scared of just one person…and that was none other than my Mom…hehe!!! My mom was strict not only with us but with the most disciplined Gentle too…lol!!! And the only reason for which Gentle could face mom’s wrath was if he committed the mistake of turning his room into his toilet…He had his own timings and specific areas to do it and if he forgot that Mom was there to teach him his lesson…You should see, his fear filled eyes when Mom scolds him…poor Gentle…

Anyways, one fine day, as a routine, just before going to school I went to his room’s window to say Bye to him…what I saw was there was a lot some waste fluid on the floor and he was busy licking them off…I started laughing and warned him… “Ha, Gentle, you did it in here…Mom is gonna kick you today…” As if he understood what I said…(No, he really understands what we tell him…)…he started frantically trying to lick off every bit of the fluid…Only then I noticed it was not some fluid but blood…I was shocked…Answering my screams for help, dad came running and brought him out of his room…I still remember how scared was he to come out of his room…He never had to fear Mom who was just half his strength…it was his discipline and his respect for his Madam…

I had to leave as I was getting late to school…I remember spending every minute of that day at school weeping and praying…not knowing what actually happened…I rushed home in the evening and came to know that in real Gentle, maybe while trying to bite off some fly or some insect bit his own tail so hard that a nerve broke and the blood was from the wound in his tail…He was given anastasia and a minor surgery was done…

By late night he was brought back home, carried by four people and was laid at our Verandah…he was half unconscious…we were all really upset and was taking turns to be with him…

All of a sudden, in his half unconscious state, Gentle tried standing up and walk out of the Verandah…none f us understood why he was doing that when he couldn’t even get up…even when we were asking him to sit, he was trying hard to walk forward but falling off every inch…he wasn’t giving up either…in his attempt, he fell off the three steps that led to the parking garage from the Verandah…We were trying hard to carry him back to verandah…God, he was indeed heavy and wouldn’t budge even…and then we noticed, why he was trying to move out of the Verandah…he was having dysentery…not a normal one, but all the blood that he drank in the morning was being ejected from his body then…

And poor Gentle didn’t wanted that to happen at the Verandah as he knew his Madam would never like it…I remember my Mom just breaking into tears on seeing this…She knelt down near Gentle and consoled him… “Gentle, don’t worry dear…Mom wont scold you…you come and lie down inside the Verandah…You are sick…Mom will clean it…Its OK…” …He was trying to keep his eyes open and gazing at my mom…As if understood what Mom said, he slowly gave in to our efforts…he tried getting up and finally we succeeded in bringing him back to the Verandah and letting him sleep for the rest of the night comfortably…to wake up the next day as fresh as any other day …

He died after 2 or 3 years of this incident…due old age…he saw the worst days of his health..and had really gone thru lot of pain before he went into final sleep…When he passed away, I was not informed…I was stopped from going near his rooms for days quoting some strange reason…But after a few days, when I really felt that something was fishy, I secretly went into his room and found it empty…Then I realized that he was gone…I know that there would never be another Gentle…

My dear Gentle, I miss you….

NB: I know, not all of you would love to have a pet dog…But trust me, if you had Gentle, you would never wanna leave him…As for us, till date, none of us could forget that night…when Gentle showed his disciplined character even when he was dead sick…Even today, we jokingly make fun of Mom…Afterall Mom was not less than a HITLER even to the most ferocious Gentle…and at the same time Mom makes fun of me and my brother that… “Even a dog behaved properly when I asked him to…but my own children till date hasn’t learnt to listen to their Mother’s advice or disciplines…” I would surely share with you all some other stories of him...some day…

The Hi-Tech Handicap...

2010-07-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

So...hope u read my old story...lol that was a refreshing nostalgic past...atleast for me...

Hey, friends, have u ever tried being handicapped with a laptop...I have or rather I am one now...Thanks to my dear son...I dont think I would be typing anything interesting today...As I am Systematically Computingly handicapped....grrrr...Wants to know,what happened this time right???

B4 starting the story of my present condition ...let me giv u a brief explanation on how I got this Laptop...If I tell you that this laptop costed only something between 80-82US Dollars...would u believe that...Its true... I got this from my Hubby's office...They usually sell off their old Laptops and Desktops for such cheap prizes every 3-5 years...As the number of staffs looking forward for this is so high, that they do a lucky draw...and the lucky winners get the stuff on a cheap prize...and my hubby had his luck the last time and he brought this home...Thus, my plan to buy a new laptop was indefenitely postponed...hehe!!!

My son is still too small to read or write... But, when we get into our apartment's life, I used to teach him three things...To go to Ground level..press "G"...To reach Basement Parking "B" and to reach our floor..press 11...and a few days back, surprisingly, I saw him writing No. 11 on his Magic Board and showing me..."Mamma, Neven...(his Eleven...)"...To my surprise, I asked him how to write G and then B...He managed to draw smthing which looked nothing near B or G...

So, I wrote on the board letters A to J and asked him to show me...B and G...He showed G... But kept on showing other alphabets...instead of B...Stupid ME...I made fun of him...Telling him..."Hey, baby, shame shame,..u know nothing...U dont even know B..."...This was in the afternoon....

In the evening...suddenly I saw my son walking around with a black coin...He was surprisingly saying..."Mamma...B....B...."...I wondered wht was he trying to say..with a shock, I recognised the coin in his hand...It was the letter "B" from my poor little Laptop...He, with utmost hardwork and grace found Letter B from the Laptop...not only did he find it...He pulled it out without spoiling anything else and brought it for me...Maybe he wanted to show me...that he was Smart and knew everything...He knew what is B...and he proved it...BY HANDICAPPING MY POOR LAPTOP....

Now, from last three days, I was typing on this stuff with much difficulty whenever I had to type B...Now,today after work, when I came home...I had some urgent stuff to be taken care of....I switched on the Lappy Dear...and tried typing in a mail for a colleague...and guess what...The SPACE key wouldn't just budge...It was stuck...I literally tried Physical Abuse on the key...and still..it just looked back at me...As if he was saying...JUST SHOO OFF...grrr...I tried to find why it was so...then only I realised...The "Vacant Space of Letter B was no longer alone...He was accompanied by another Vacant Space..."...this time it was Letter N...grrrrrrrrrrr...Now, can imagine...I dont have a proper B, a proper N...instead I have a Stuck SPACE KEY....

Now, I didnt even know where was the N Key...Anyways, I decided to atleast try to rectify the issue of my SPACE key...My son was still having his afternoon nap...So, I couldn't ask for his talent to remove the key gracefully...finally I tried removing off the SPACE KEY myself...Maybe I was not as good as my son in that....I think I broke off the key...Now, what did I discover...My "N"...hehe!!,it was right there below the SPACE KEY,and thats y, the space key was Stuck...Now...I got my N.. but cmpltly destroyed my space...

Anyways...all said and done...Now..I have a keyboard which has no B..but a space where I need to scratch with my nails to type in B...An plastered on top of the space of N which works only if I literally bang on the key...and another vacant space wherein I have plastered the rubber nob of the SPACE key...All these three Keys wouldn't work unless I took all my energy to type thru them...

Literally, now, I am tired...sweating...for typing a post like this...But, still I haven't lost my enthusiasm in waiting for my son to wake up...so that I can teach him some extra points on Discipline and Ethics of using a Laptop...He would better be ready to get a GOOD PIECE OF MY MIND...for tampering this poor thing...grrr....

My poor little Laptop....and a poor ME...Can't I be rightly called

"The Hi-Tech Handicap..."

NB: Now, I really hope, my hubby would ignore the loss of his 82$...lol!!! "Else, my dear son, it's double trouble for u..."

The Prison...

2010-06-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

"Raju, don't pull that cat's tail...Rakhee go and fetch your dad for lunch...Can you please ask him to put that Newspaper down and do something else...This man never knows that his wife and children needs him more than his newspaper...Ohooo...Rakhee, U r still sitting here???Oh, Rakhee, can you please switch off that radio...and also ask you dad to lower the volume of the TV...How can a man read newspaper and at the same time watch the News on TV...Can't he do one thing at a time...Oh god, Raju, u r still behind that poor cat....Why can't you all give me a little peace of mind. Let me sit down atleast for a while..."....Suddenly, there came a voice...Cuckoo...Cuckoo... Ha...what was that???uh!!! That was the clock???What is this?? Where is Rakhee and Raju...Where is Ram??? Was that all a dream???I was dreaming my family???How cruel is the reality...

I am all alone in this big house...Ram's greatest dream...He build this house with his hardwork and love...More than the cement and the bricks, it were our love and happiness that kept this house strong always...But this house was not empty like it is now...Not long back, it was filled with the happy voices of my children and my husband...This was our heaven...But a bitter truth dawned over my heavenly family...and before I could even imagine, I was all alone...How could all that happen to me...The memory lies so clear as a crystal in my heart...

It all started when Raju when he was back from school was erupting us with a Live telecast of the Samudra Beach Resort in Goa...He was just repeating what his friend, Partha has described to him...Both me and Ram knew what was coming..."Pappa, Mamma, can we too go there this Xmas Holidays...I want to tell Partha, that even I went to that place. Pleeeeeeeeeeeassssssseeeeeeee, Pappa...". I was waiting for Ram's usual answer, "Not this time...". But then to my surprise he said, "Oh yes dear, We shall go there this time...and we can have lots of fun there.."

Soon, came the Xmas holidays and we were off in our car for the long journey...I was completely against the Car idea...but Ram wouldn't agree to that, as he felt, if we were in car we could get down at some of the temples on the way too...Uhm...I couldn't go against temples for sure...The journey was long but the mood was great...The kids were singing and jumping at the back seat...Ram for a change was singing...God, how bad a singer he is...uhmm...

We were moving down a slope... Kids were enjoying the jumpy feeling that gave them while the car was going down so fast...But, suddenly I heard Ram shouting..."The brakes...they r not working.."...I couldn't say anything more...Before anything else, I heard a sudden crash and found myself hitting against the door...Soon I fell off the car and hit the road side...The last thing I could see was my daughter's head banging against the window and then it was a complete blackout...

Soon, I opened my eyes and found myself in an unknown place...I couldn't recognise a single person around me...Without much time, I learnt the bitter truth...I was in that hospital bed for almost 8 months in a coma and that the accident has not only took off my left leg from me also my dear family away from me...my Ram, Raju and Rakhee...all that I had in this life..was gone...leaving me all alone...I couldn't believe my ears...I just shut off my eyes not knowing what to do...Did I cry??? No..I dint..Not a tear helped me..I dint know why...but I just stay still for hours...

Now, its been more than 4 months that I have come back to my once heaven...An year back, this day...I this house was really a heaven...but all that I have today is this house and the wheel chair that could take me around...Uhmm...Oh forgot those crutches near my bed also...God, why did u do this to me...Before, I used to plead for a little solitude and peace of mind...But today, when I sit here with just loneliness and lots of PEACE of MIND...I feel like screaming out...The silence in this house was killing me...How, I wish I could cry aloud...How I wish I could hear my kid's voice...How I wish I could see my Ram in that TV room with that remote control...This Loneliness was like a prison and how I wish I could escape this prison...this solitude...

Ahaaa...Who is there at the door???... "Haaa...Rajuuu, Rakheee...Ram....!!!Is that YOUUU???You are ALIVE!!!Oh, god...what am I seeing???Am I dreaming??? No...I am not...I am awake..wide awake...Rakhee, Raju...come here...give your mother a big hug...Ram, where were you all...Why did you leave me alone???Do you know what that people at the hospital told me???I doesn't even wanna talk abt that now...But wait till tomorrow...I am surely going to complaint to the police...Have you had your dinner...Wait, I will prepare something for you all...I am sorry Ram, I might be slow...as u can see what has happened to me... but atleast, you all r safe..."...

Next day, the neighbours were all around the big house peeping through the windows...They were all curiously looking at the Lady roaming around in her house in a wheel chair...They could hear her shouting most of the time... "Raju, come here...Have your dinner...Rakhee, what are you doing...Leave the toys there...Kumar...Come and take your dinner...Oh, Rakheee, Don't nag me...Don't irritate me...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE...Give me some Peace of mind...."...

The neighbours mumbled btw themselves... "The lady got crazy after knowing about the death of her family...Poor lady...she couldnt accept the truth maybe...Such a nice family she had...and she lost everybdy in tht accident...Poor she..think shes gone mad...she has completely lost her MIND, but look at her...she has none with her and still she's pleading to Leave her alone...and all she wants is some PEACE of MIND"

NB: For a competition in college, we were asked to write a story on LONELINESS...The above is a recreation of the story that I had written years back and which won me a 2nd prize...In the above story, the Lady could be described as Mad or Mentally Sick by any of you...But as for me...She has found an escape from the Prison of Solitude...She has found her lost family and love in that state of mind...and that is her LIFE...